Anyone else who has adopted/plans to adopt their stepchild? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 09-29-2006, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
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I have been the primary maternal figure in my dss life since he was 3&1/2 yo. His biomom's participation has always been intermittent at best, and she has not seen him in nearly two years.
DH and I discussed the possibility of my adopting dss once we were married, which finally happened this past July. Early discussions with dss about it were not good, initially he did not want it at all. But for him, a "Mommy" was someone who leaves, so we understood his reluctance. He warmed up to the idea somewhat when our daughter was born; I always said that her birth was to be my big test to see if I was the type to leave my babies too. It was back and forth with him as to whether or not he wanted it.
Shortly after our wedding, we approached the subject again. We discussed the practicalities of the adoption (for example, if something were to happen to Daddy I may have to go to court to be able to keep dss with me) and the heart matters (I love him just as much as if he came from my body, and I as far as I am concerned, he is my son. I just want it to be official). And he said that he wanted me to do it. I cried a little. Happy tears!
There is a part of me that is worried that we'll go through most of the process and he'll be having a bad day (it happens) and decide to stop the proceedings. I remember when my Dad adopted me (I was 8) the case worker talking to me alone and asking me if this is what I really want. If we talk about this shortly after he has gotten into trouble, or he is overtired and cranky (crankiness is almost always directed at me)he says he doesn't want it. I am sure that won't happen, but that little niggle is there in the back of my head.
Now that we are married, it will be easier to process the adoption, providing biomom doesn't totally freak out on us. She hasn't been in touch with us since January, just before the birth of her 3rd child. Apparently she is still raising this one and we are hoping that she has matured enough to realize we are not doing this to hurt her, but it's in dss's best interests. We would never ever deny dss his right to know his mother, and anytime she wants to see him she is welcome to visit us. That is the policy we have always had, it will not change with the adoption (dh got full custody three years ago, visits are to take place at our discretion and supervised by us. She is not allowed to take him on her own until she has put in the time to establish trust and a relationship with him....pretty obvious that it hasn't happened).
I guess my question is has anyone else gone through this or going through this process? And where? (I'm in Nova Scotia, I am sure our family court laws are different from some of those in the states). Most importantly, how has it impacted your family life?
Thanks in advance for any stories and advice!
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#2 of 2 Old 09-29-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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Haven't gone through it, but it's an inevitability for us should (God forbid!) something ever happen to biomom. Our eldest as me about a year ago "if D Mommy dies will you be the real mommy for me and sissy, please? We want you to be our forever mama." So yeah, if something were to ever happen to DH's X, then I would adopt the girls without hesitation. And the X and I have talked about it as well.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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