Child support . stepmom and mom war. Long. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello everyone. thank you for reading my post. I am new on here so i hope to find some answer or maybe some help. I reside in Illinois and I am having a hard time finding a family law lawyer. Basiclaly this is my story::

My daughter is two years old and lives with me and my boyfriend who has been there for her since she was a baby. I left her bio father when I was pregnant because he told me he wanted me to have an abortion and basically he treated be bad. for two years that I put up with him, I got lied to, cheated on, and his entire family hated me. Why? I have no idea.


Anyway, he has not paid child support and puts no effort into seeing how my daughter is doing. He claims that I dont want him to see her but I have never told him he couldnt. So after 6 months of him never calling for her, I talked to him online. And when I asked him a simple question of why he hasn't changed or helped me out he starts to call me crazy and insulting me.

So i got mad because I can't believe that he can be a loser and not be there for his beautiful little girl, so I wrote about it on my website. I needed to vent in a simple way and his fiance found out what I wrote. I never called him names or disrespected anyone for that matter but she took it the wrong way. She wrote to me like 20 times calling me a psycho bit*** and that my daughter will grow up to be fu*** up and that she is better off with the both of them. That they will raise her 100 times better than I have. She threatened to call DCFS on me because I am a horrible mom. She said that she will do whatever in her power to make sure I lose my rights. lol I had to laugh at her because she has nothing on me. My daughter is a healthy little girl and very smart and she is ALWAYS happy. I wanted to change her last name and I don't think she has any SAY as to what I get to do or not. She didn't push my daughter out and she hasn't been in the picture very long. My boyfriend went through this many years ago for his daughter and he said that I can get a restraining order against her if she keeps threatening me. But now what about the dad. He told me he is never going to give me money, and he owes Mila 400 a mo since the day she was born, and that hes going to get married and do whatever. But he claims he still has rights as a father. I think that is unfair to me and my daughter. She doesnt deserve a dead beat dad and a future stepmom who will talk bad about me, because his fiance already told me that she will make sure my daughters knows I am a horrible horrible person. What proof she has of accusing me with this, She doesnt have anything, but I still feel that she shouldnt have disrespected me if I didnt disrespect her. And I dont want my daughter around her =/ can someone help please.:
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#2 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 04:00 AM
 
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Save a hardcopy of everything she's written to you. you may need it later, she's incriminated herself.

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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#3 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 10:16 AM
 
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I live in Illinois too and having worked for attorneys for many years can offer this advice: As the other reply stated, be sure and print out every e-mail you have from the girlfriend and bio dad. Be sure that you don't say anything that will come back to bite you should you end up in court. As for changing your daughter's last name, that is relatively easy if you were never married to the father. However, if you are very young, and you aren't married now, you may want to consider holding off on that. Later in time, if and when you get married, that would be the time to look into changing your daughter's last name to reflect the love and respect she may have for a step-father that is raising her and so she will have the same last name as you and any future siblings. Is there a child support order in place now? If not, then bio-dad technically doesn't owe any, other than morally. As other people have stated in these forums, child support and visitation are separate issues. If there is a visitation schedule in place, then it should be adhered to under most circumstances even if you aren't getting any child support. If there isn't a visitation schedule in place, wait and let him take you to court to get one. At that time, you can give your attorney all of the evidence you have showing why bio-dad should not have visitation, etc. Keep track of every phone call, e-mail, etc. I do know the name of a family law attorney that is very good, but she costs $$. My DH used her for his divorce and got his kids, his house, his retirement benefits, etc. and they had been married for 19 years. She got visitation every other weekend and one hour a week on Wednesdays for dinners, 2 weeks each summer but not consecutive and she's supposed to pay child support. (Of course she hasn't paid a dime, but we haven't pursued it either).

In the meantime, I would do as much background check on bio-dad and his girlfriend as possible. You'd be surprised how easy it is to do from home. Have they ever been arrested, prior marriages, divorces, children, paying support, living arrangements, employment, lawsuits, etc.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck.
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#4 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 10:43 AM
 
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This man doesn't even care enough to get a visitation order in place. He isn't contributing towards his child's upbringing physically, fiscally or emotionally, and he sends his woman in to fight his battles for him. Really, allow yourself to breathe out, unless you should get a letter from a lawyer.

Do NOT allow DCFS in without a warrant. There's a good link over in parenting about it, but basically, know your rights. There is very little that this guy can do without going through the system, and pretty much anything else he tries will be illegal and land him with a criminal record.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#5 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 10:55 AM
 
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If the girlfriend of bio-donor calls DCFS and they come out to check out the allegations, IMHO it is a huge mistake to tell them they cannot come in without a warrant if you know there is nothing to this other than a false allegation. It could actually be to your benefit if this ever makes it to court. DCFS would have records stating that they found the allegations to be unfounded and any future calls, while possibly investigated, having the same unfounded outcome, would certainly show that the bio-idiot and his witch are liars and will stoop at nothing to get what they want.
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#6 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 12:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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.Well I am defenitely taking the advice of printing out the emails. Now I searched about slander and i found out that she wasn't "insulting" me which is just an opinion. She was using LIBEL and slander to corrupt my public image amongst the friends and people I have that look at my profile on a daily basis. I am not sure if it really does any justice but I am sure that if she is really in the wrong then maybe I can make a report of it at least. I read in another thread that I cannot chose who my ex decides to bring my daughter around people. But what about my situation. If when she said she will make sure my daughters thinks im ahorrible mom, isn't that against the law. She wants to bring my child against me and I don't want her near her. As far as the name changing goes. I guess I understand what you mean about waiting. And as far as DCFS, My daughter had an incident at the daycare where they came to my home unexpectedly and it was unfounded then. My daughter came home with a fractured arm from the daycare, and THE FIANCE told people that I said it was me. Which is completely false. I mean she is really trying to ruin my image as a loving mother. =/ I wish there were better laws to protect my life. Anyway, could someone help me by getting some of the links. I have seriously typed every possible combination of the words::

lawyers, child support, family law, and I can't get any decent websites =/. Plus I also do not have a phone so it's difficult for me to call anyone. Well thank you once again!!!
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#7 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 12:38 PM
 
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Relax. He can say what ever he wants and it doesn't make it so. He can say he's going to get full custody, he can say he's not going to pay child support, whatever, he is NOT A JUDGE and it doesn't make it so. You do need a lawyer. Blender MOm's advice is good. Do not let them scare you. Do they even have a lawyer? I assume they are all talk. Do becareful what you post on websites. Talking to our lawyer always made me feel 100% better. We'd be worried about this and that and she'd laugh and say, "That's not going to happen,"just nice to be brought back down to earth.
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#8 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 12:55 PM
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#9 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 01:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you so much!!! =)
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#10 of 14 Old 10-06-2006, 08:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmm. What can be done with Slander/Libel? If the stepmom is portraying me and depicting me in a horrible way, can't I use that in court. She wrote on another page speeking very negatively about me, to PROVE to everyone that I am a bad mother. But yet non of her accusations are true, and now people are asking me questions whether or not thats true. I reaserached slander and libel, and basically if someone "purposely" make's a false accusation with the intent to give that person a bad reputation, then that is against the law.


Or should I just wait and see if she goes to court and mention it or should I bring charges on that seperately. She took the effort to try and ruin my reputation to friends we both share and it's on the public view on a message board so anyone can see it. =/ She is driving me crazy. She'snot even woman enough to ruin my reputation in front of me. I have a great history online and I know a lot of people who do business with me on it from a seperate website. UGHZZZz. This is going to effect me so much.

=/
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#11 of 14 Old 10-07-2006, 05:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LJGirL View Post
UGHZZZz. This is going to effect me so much.

=/

well then, there you have it.

Sweetie, please do not let this hateful woman poison you with her anger. Its understandable that you would be upset, her behavior is extreme and it is aimed at hurting you. I wonder if you might be able to give yourself a bit of space.... if you might be able to view your reactions to her as a part of her attack. Because if you view your reactions to her as having come from inside of yourself, she has found her way in.

What she is doing, is laying down for you a history which you are right to be recording. She seems to be doing an amazing job of discrediting herself, by getting carried away with her insecurities, and allowing her anger to fuel bizarre behaviors. It is certainly a natural reaction you are having to such wildly inappropriate displays..... I would like for you to know that anyone in such a situation would be feeling upset and would be poised instinctively for a counter attack. You are not at the mercy of your instincts in this case, however, and there is your greatest strength.

I know it sounds silly, but just for a moment right now try to adopt a mindset like an actor in a movie. Just role play for a minute that you are not a bit inclined to participate with this woman in her destructive bent. Pretend, if you have to, that you are an observer to the situation..... able to view the events without those events triggering powerful emotions which could cloud your clear vision. Just let this awareness sit within you for a moment or two, you don't have to react until you are able to do so mindfully.

respectfully,
anj119
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#12 of 14 Old 10-07-2006, 10:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LJGirL View Post
Hmm. What can be done with Slander/Libel? If the stepmom is portraying me and depicting me in a horrible way, can't I use that in court. She wrote on another page speeking very negatively about me, to PROVE to everyone that I am a bad mother. But yet non of her accusations are true, and now people are asking me questions whether or not thats true. I reaserached slander and libel, and basically if someone "purposely" make's a false accusation with the intent to give that person a bad reputation, then that is against the law.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LJGirL View Post
She was using LIBEL and slander to corrupt my public image amongst the friends and people I have that look at my profile on a daily basis.

De Lurking for just a second...

Coming from a fellow Illinoian that went through the courts. DO NOT make that claim. Judges will seriously just laugh at you because you're the one who made that entry public- thus somewhat starting the drama. I know the intention wasn't to create it, rather it was to vent, but i'm 99.9999% positive a judge won't see it that way because they really don't care that much. Not trying to be mean about it, nor am i saying it in a scarcastic tone, but really, they don't care about stuff like that unless she came to your house and was beating you up while saying that, KWIM? I know it stinks and I know you feel betrayed that you're being judged by someone who has absolutely no idea what kind of parent you are, but please just calm down and rationally think this thing through...

She calls DCFS... they come... they find nothing wrong... it's in your file that she's making totally false alligations. I see a silver lining in that one! You have solid unbiased evidence that your ex and ex's SO have no basis of saying things like that and that will be brought up in court and i'm sure a judge would take that into consideration.

If you file that claim, they might think you're still emotionally attached and creating even more drama. I don't mean to sound like a meanie again, but sometimes you just need to learn how to deal with the ex and the ex's new SO and their lovely emails. (i.e. ignore them because their actions speak way louder than that slander ever will) It just makes them look even worse IMO because they can comment on your parenting and how bad of a mom you are, but can't take an hour out of their busy day to actually check on your daughter and make sure that she's okay.

I'm not saying this to be rude and please don't take offense to this, it's just your situation is soooo similar to what "got the ball rolling" on my custody case with my ex. It wasn't his g/f that was doing the slandering rather one of his friends who thought he was the best dad ever (but hadn't seen his child in a while) and felt like I needed to be told that i'm a bad mom for "taking her away" (anyone seeing the similarity?) It takes a lot of self control to just walk away and i'm so glad I did because he looked like a total immature person when the judge found out that his friends were trying to fight his battles for him.

Just please rethink about taking the libel any further, imagine the fact that you might have to deal with her for the next 18 years. Just imagine that she might take her anger and rage out on the wrong person if they ever chose to utilize visitation. It stinks all around, but honestly, things could be so much worse than writing bad stuff on a website that you probablly have the option of removing ya know? GL with everything!
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#13 of 14 Old 10-07-2006, 07:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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^^^^^

My boyfriend told me the same thing. And I am so glad you found this and told me. It's the EXACT situation that you went through.

=) I will seriously disregard thinking of getting a lawyer for that but I will still print the things if they decide to show up to court.

YES!!! They are all blaming me for taking her away or not letting them see her but that's not true at all. Any time he said he would come over or meet with me I would make the plans but the biodad ALWAYS cancelled on me.

Really, thank you for giving me a clue as to what can and cant happen. I have never been in this situation so it's HARD trying to find things and how should I behave. Should I defend myself or let the judge defend me. =)



Everyone on hre is so helpful. I will start to listen to everyone lol.
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#14 of 14 Old 10-09-2006, 02:09 PM
 
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If DCHS comes to visit - talk to them and tell them this is a custody/child support issue. They dont like to be involved in those issues unless there is real abuse involved.
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