Would you let your children out of the country? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 14 Old 10-13-2006, 05:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
fuzzycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 116
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have 2 DSC under the age of 10. Their mother would like to take them on a vacation out of the country. BM has remarried and her DH has dual citizenship and relatives in Europe. Their BM would like to take them there to visit with their new relatives (whom they have never met). Would you let them go?
FC
fuzzycat is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 14 Old 10-13-2006, 05:08 PM
 
Nature's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In Aspieville
Posts: 5,964
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, considering she is their bio mother... yes. Assuming there is contact and some sort of relationship there to begin with. Why wouldn't you want your step children to go?

treehugger.gifAutistic pagan mama with five kiddos on the spectrum, learning through living life. autismribbon.gif  computergeek2.gif

Nature is offline  
#3 of 14 Old 10-13-2006, 07:07 PM
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
well, I hope everyone answers yes because we hope to take the kids to Mexico soon and we know we would have to get notorized permission from biomom. I hope she doesn't have a problem with it. Of course, I know we have to get her permission because parents go on vacation and never come back. If I had fears that they wouldn't come back, I wouldn't want them to go, but if there was no fear, I'd say sure, enjoy the trip, expand your horizons.
Flor is offline  
#4 of 14 Old 10-14-2006, 09:45 AM
 
Zilla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I say yes. My dsd and her bm have dual citizenship in Brazil. They travel there together about once a year. It was really hard on me and dh at first (we had that nagging fear in the back of our heads she wouldn't bring her back). But they've done it many times now and no worries. If we didn't let her take dsd out of the country, dh and I could never travel with her out of the country either. Like you were saying about Mexico, if you don't let her go to Europe, she'll never let you take your dsc to mexico.
Zilla is offline  
#5 of 14 Old 10-14-2006, 10:27 AM
 
flapjack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: England, easily locatable by Google
Posts: 13,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes. But then, for me "out of the country" is only a couple of hundred miles or so...

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
flapjack is offline  
#6 of 14 Old 10-16-2006, 02:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
fuzzycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 116
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
WitchyMama, DSC have never met their step-father's relatives so no there is no relationship that would be interfered with. As to why not...because as Zilla said, that nagging fear that she wouldn't bring them back.
The concern is that my DH's ex's DH has dual citizenship. If they had wanted to go someplace (like Mexico) just for the fun of it where there were no ties then I don't think we would question it, but they want to go someplace where her DH is a citizen, has financial resources, and relatives so if they didn't want to come back they wouldn't have to (their mom doesn't have much to keep her here). Added to this, my DH and his ex do not have the greatest relationship. There are serious trust issues there. FTR, DH consulted his lawyer on this and the lawyer said absolutely not, but I would think a lawyer would err on the side of caution just to protect their own butt. We do not want DSC to miss out on a great oppurtunity because we are overly paranoid, but we are just not sure we can get over the fear of her taking off with them.
FC
fuzzycat is offline  
#7 of 14 Old 10-16-2006, 03:33 PM
 
becoming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,592
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't let my DD go out of the country with her father, but that's because I have primary domiciliary custody, and he only sees her about once a week. I honestly don't think he would know how to take care of her for an extended period of time.

Also, even if I was okay with him having her for a long period of time, if I had *any* notion that he might not bring her back, there's no way I'd let her go.
becoming is offline  
#8 of 14 Old 10-16-2006, 04:58 PM
 
kwren23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: down the rabbit hole
Posts: 316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
if youre really worried that she wouldnt come back and the lawyer says no i probably would err on the side of caution. trust your gut. i would NOT want my ex taking my guy out of the country because i dont trust him. on the other hand he wouldnt let ME take ds out of the country either because he likes to be as difficult as possible.
kwren23 is offline  
#9 of 14 Old 10-16-2006, 06:56 PM
 
Zilla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Both my dsd and her mother have dual citizenship for the US (where we all live) and Brazil. The place bm wanted to take dsd was Brazil to see relatives. So I completely understand your fear. Its different than a touristy trip somewhere. I agree that a lawyer would say no to save his butt. Its really a tough one. My DH trusted his ex well enough I guess, he did sign the papers to let her out of the country. I didn't trust her at all though. i hated the idea so much. It stressed my DH out so bad the first time bm took dsd to Brazil that he had to leave town and stay at a hunting lodge. He couldn't be around anything that would remind him of his little girl. But, Like I said, they came back. Had they not, I would have been on the next plane down there bring her back myself. If you let them leave, make sure you know exactly where they are planning to be, get all the addresses and contact info for the relatives and any hotels they will be staying at. Check up on them if you can before they leave,m so you know the people actually exist and you would have a starting point to find them if you needed to. Thats the worst case scenario mind you, but it never hurts ot be prepared. It also helped us I think that my DH had met these relatives that his ex and dd were staying with. You can always say you are not comfortable with it now, but perhaps when she is older it would be better. It may make things really bad between the ex and you and your spouse, but its better to be safe than sorry and if you are that uncomfortable, you shouldn't let the kiddo go.
Zilla is offline  
#10 of 14 Old 10-17-2006, 11:52 PM
 
momz3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: TX
Posts: 2,624
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
I wouldn't let my DD go out of the country with her father, but that's because I have primary domiciliary custody, and he only sees her about once a week. I honestly don't think he would know how to take care of her for an extended period of time.

Also, even if I was okay with him having her for a long period of time, if I had *any* notion that he might not bring her back, there's no way I'd let her go.

I agree. I have primary custody of my son and I'm the ONLY one who can get a passport for him. His dad only sees him every other weekend and holidays...if he wanted to take him out of country, we'd DEFINATELY go to court first.

Kylin 10/14/2002

Aja 8/13/2004

Evie 3/11/2010

2 angels in Heaven (Alexis & Bryson)

Currently NTNP for baby #4 dust.gif

momz3 is offline  
#11 of 14 Old 10-17-2006, 11:55 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I can tell you from my own personal experience, your X will have to get written consent from the BF before being allowed to leave the country. That notarized note will be with the childrens' passports.

In such a letter, you must put the EXACT dates of travel...when they depart and when they will RETURN. Additionally, where they will be staying and all contact numbers. (Also, make copies of their plane tickets) This note is a BIG deal, so please make sure it has everything written in it and has been notarized.

International kidnapping is a HUGE deal and the officials, especially European officials (which is where my experience has been based), take it very seriously.
Holland73 is offline  
#12 of 14 Old 10-18-2006, 12:40 AM
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by momz3 View Post
I agree. I have primary custody of my son and I'm the ONLY one who can get a passport for him. His dad only sees him every other weekend and holidays...if he wanted to take him out of country, we'd DEFINATELY go to court first.
Wouldn't you each need each other's permission to get a passport and leave the country?
Flor is offline  
#13 of 14 Old 10-18-2006, 12:09 PM
 
bechand0128's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 224
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just a thought... you might check into which countries participate with the U.S in returning/locating "kidnapped" children (the Hague convention, I think it's called). My dh and I have 3 children - my ds, who was born in the U.K. while his father was in the military there, his dd, who presently lives in the U.K. with her British mum, and our ds.

Being a military family, I *know* there will come a point in time that we travel internationally with the kids. I have less worry, knowing that my ex can't exactly run off w/ my ds without going AWOL, but knowing that the government has programs to help return children is helpful as well.

Going overseas is a fantastic opportunity - I *hope* that my ds has the opportunity to visit his grandma in Korea, or his uncle in Japan, his birthplace, etc, whether it's with me & dh, or his Daddy & (step)Mama.

Oh, and I hold his passport. I like that too, LOL.

Melissa
bechand0128 is offline  
#14 of 14 Old 10-18-2006, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
fuzzycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 116
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Flor,
Yes, BM would need DSC's father's signature to get a passport. Unless the court has terminated the rights of one parent then both signatures are required. DH has joint legal custody therefore she cannot get one without his permission.
Bechand,
We looked into that. Most European nations are part of the Hague Convention. We asked the lawyer about this and the lawyer pretty much said that if she decided to stay then, yes, the law was on DH's side, but that in reality it could be years to locate, return, and cut through all the red tape to get the children back.

So far DH is leaning toward not letting them go. Me, I am a little more ambivalent because I think it would be such a nice opportunity for them. OTOH, I haven't had the bad expereiences that he has had with her. Maybe when they are older.
FC
fuzzycat is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off