I have a 7 year old step daughter who is a really great kid. Unfortunately our relationship with biomom is not that great, as she and my husband have never managed to stop speaking to each other like people in the midst of a breakup (even though it's been 5 years). Every conversation is accusatory in nature.
Anyway, we would really like to have more time with DSD. We currently have around 8 to 10 nights per month. BM flipped out in the summertime when we asked for a very minor schedule change that would result in us having DSD for an extra day or two each month. We had wanted to ask for 2 extra weeks in the summer, but didn't end up doing it because BM said we were trying to "steal her child" over an extra day! We've actually had DSD LESS since that conversation, as BM has become very difficult.
My husband has NO custody agreement, nothing on paper at all, but does pay child support (more than the amount legally required.) I think it's high time that they file paperwork with the courts. We would love to get 40% time with DSD, but i'm wondering about child care.
Right now we have DSD on one weekday, and we don't generally need child care that day due to our work schedules, but if we had her more weekdays we would need it from 3 pm to 5:30 pm. BM does not have a job, so is available after school each day. Would we be required to let BM care for her during these hours? I just don't feel it's fair to DSD to send her to her mom's house for a couple of hours and then be dragged over to our house. Of course, BM is the type that would make this harder, saying things like "oh, it's too bad you have to go to your dad's house and miss your favorite dinner/new video/play date etc... we're really going to miss you" - this is something she does already. It's brutal. At least I have managed not to use these kinds of tactics, but it's really hard.
Sorry this is so long - I'm just wondering, would child care on "our" days be our responsibility, or would we have to give BM "first dibs." This is a hard question for me, as I really feel kids belong with their parents as much as possible, but I also feel like her dad has a right to spend more time with her.
Twin Boys born August 16, 2014