I'll start with the history.
I got pregnant by suprise two months in to an unhealthy "relationship." The guy dumped me right away, told me to never call him again, he was going back to his ex-girlfriend, the baby didn't mean anything to him, his first son was the most important to him ( he has three son's by three moms..) He was basically very horrible to me and told me to F-off. Soon after this I ran in to him and his girlfriend at the mall..and they just smirked at me and walked on.
I had a very hard pregnancy. I was in the hospital for most of my pregnancy for extream vomiting, and not once did the SD come to see me, or even phone to ask how I was. I had to go on Social Assistance and only got $185 a month to live on, and so I had to move back home..The SD knew that I was sick and poor ( because I was in touch with his dad and step-mom), but still he didn't offer any support in anyway..
However, in the very last month of my pregnancy he wanted to become involved all of a sudden. He started calling me once a week, calling me honey, trying to hug and kiss me when I saw him, touching my belly, telling me names he liked..talking about the birth. This was very confusing and I thought that although I didn't want to get back together with him, at least he was going to be a father to my baby.
So on Jan 19th I gave birth to my son, and the SD was NOT there..The next day the SD came to the hospital to see my son ( I ask him to sign the birth certificate, because at the time I think it's the right thing to do.) The strange thing is..is that the SD was not interested in holding my son when he came to the hospital! I didn't hear from the SD again until my son was two weeks old..The SD came over to my moms house and spent the whole visit watching TV! After this the SD saw my son ( with me) about every two weeks. However, on our visit's the SD really didn't seem to be interested in interacting with my son much at all..Maybe he'd hold him for 20 mins out of a two hour visit?! He also NEVER offered me a cent towards my son's care..
I haven't seen or heard from the SD for five months..absolutly NOTHING. It seems that he just disapeard compleatly with out a word or a reason. Right after SD dropped out of the picture I met a really wonderful, loving, safe, kind, and responsible man who treats my son and I very well..He's very playful and affectionate to my son, and my son really enjoys being around him, as do I of course. I recently become engaged to this man and we plan on getting married in Feb, and my boyfriend wants to adopt my son as well after we're settled in to our marriage.
Today for the first time in five months I called the SD..I didn't call him to get angry, or to ask for him to become involved with my son again, or to ask for money...I'm actually really happy the SD is not involved, because he is extreamly racist, sexist, and homophobic and of course I don't want my son around that. So I called this guy today, because he needs to give permission for my future husband to adopt my son..I thought he would do it no problem..I thought he would be indifferent or even happy that another man has stepped in as a father. SD lives about 10. mins from my moms house, and I have never prevented him from seeing my son..It WAS compleatly his choice for what ever reason to stop visit's.
I was totally shocked when SD blasted me today..He yelled at me, called me all sorts of nasty names, asked me why I hadn't called him!!!! He told me there was NO way he's giving up his rights, that he wants to be able to see my son, and he'll give $100 a month...and when I told him that my son knows my b-friend as Da-Da he really got upset and told me to "correct that" because he's not his father!! When I mentioned that my son doesn't know any other man as Da-Da, he told me it was MY fault!
After I called talked to SD I called a family justice worker. I was told that I need to come to some sort of agreement with the SD about my son, and then we have to submitt it to the courts. We will also be moving to Seattle from Vancouver B.C. to live with my boyfriend/almost husband, so that's why we have to come to a legal agreement regarding my son..
It's funny you know, because SD never did say why he hasn't called for five months..AND after this conversation where he told me he wants to start seeing my son again..He DIDN'T mention making arrangments to see him any time soon!! I feel confused, angry, and scared..I hate the idea of the SD becoming involved with my son..teaching him to hate women, to hate any one who's not white, and the SD is black...yes you read that right..And my boyfriend is also black. I don't want this guy making our lives hard..not letting us travel freely..always having to get his permission regarding my son..
Can anyone give me some ideas of how to deal with this? Has any one here been through a simular situation?