Mad at Margo, Really Really Mad!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 11-03-2006, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
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Ok, so I just finished reading the Dear MArgo Column "Off With the Old, In With the New" and I am a little ticked. The basic jist of the column was a college aged girl upset becasue her divorced father had a new girlfriend of a few years and a new son and the college girl felt excluded and forgotten as his daughter. While I understand why the girl is upset, I do not understand the response of Margo:

"Your feelings are perfectly understandable, and I'm sure "first families" everywhere will empathize with you. What is at work here is quite common. When grown kids have a new half-sibling, the "new" father, in this case your "old father," often behaves more like the grandfather, in the sense of doting on the kid. He also wants to please the new younger wife . . . who, in many cases, would just as soon the "old" kids would disappear. If you understand the dynamic here, you might feel a little less wounded."
Excuse me? "First families" "Old Fathers"????? What the heck does that make my family as I am my husbands third wife? And he is the only father in my dsd's life and always will be, he will never be an "old Father" becasue no one will ever replace him. And what is all that about pleasing the new younger wife, can she be any more ridiculous? And then comes the real kicker: about how stepmoms most often want their step kids to dissapear!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know whether to scream or cry. I love my stepdaughter, and if she was to "dissapear" my DH would be so incredibly devastated just as I would if anything happened to her and I would NEVER EVER want anything to happen to her.

Stepmoms have enough social stigma to overcome and now we have a well known and repsectee advice columnist painting us in this horrible way. I am working on a response to send her, but I want to cool down and vent a bit. I hope others will respond to her as well demanding an apology as I will be.

Here is the link to the full column from Thrusday Nov 2nd, 2006:
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#2 of 3 Old 11-03-2006, 12:56 PM
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Hear, Hear!
It's so funny that you posted this; I just read this this morning (right after Dear Abby) and I was like WTF. She clearly does not have step-kids.
As the "new, younger wife" I am deeply offended by this so-called advice (which seems to be "get over it, you're yesteday's news") and resent the implication that I want my step-children to "disappear." Like you I adore my step-kids and yes, I too refer to them as family! Margo is so far out of touch with reality I don't even know what to make of it. :
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#3 of 3 Old 11-10-2006, 12:56 PM
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I'm with you on the anger. Wanting to disappear? Blech. How many times do you find threads on people wanting but not getting more visitation?!

And lets, for agruments sake, say that the "dynamic" was true. Understanding it would make her feel better? Understanding, "youre no longer important, feel better now?"

Not only is she misinformed, she gives bad advice. wow.

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