Calling StepMom "Mom" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 11-07-2006, 05:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So this isn't your normal post in this forum but it is about a blended family so it fits. I'm 25, married, one kid, another on the way and a beautiful step daughter. My father just recently married his girlfriend of 19 years. She wasn't really in our life until I was in high school, my dad never introduced us until later in their relationship. She didn't really help raise me...that was pretty much all my dad. Their relationship was kinda on and off for a very long time but finally they had a daughter together and ended up getting married then moving in together. So things are finally like a family between them which is what I always wanted for them. BUT I can't get myself to call her "Mom". I think I would like to, I've never had a mom...well I did and do but she passed away when I was 7. My memories of a mom is all I have. I don't ever remember calling anyone "Mom". It's so hard to even say the words to her.

I can call her grandma when my son interacts with her and I call her Mom sometimes when talking to my little sister. But for me to actually call her Mom it just isn't happening yet.

Will it come in time? Will it ever come?

Anyone else have a similar situation?
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#2 of 7 Old 11-07-2006, 06:32 PM
 
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Maybe not, and I don't at all t hink it is weird that you don't call her mom especially since you were an adult when she married your dad. Ds doesn't call me mom (except in the 3rd person "My mom.. .") and we've been married since he was in preschool and now he's 11. He tried to call me mom, but it felt weird to him (and a little bit to me). I like that he calls me mom to my ds (Tell Mommy. . ..) I think that is sweet of him.

My dh has a stepdad who became his stepdad when dh was 25. He doesn't even really feel like a stepdad to him. Just, mom's husband. Even though he likes him just fine and he is grandpa to our kids, he just wasn't a "dad" to dh (who doesn't really know his biodad). I think it's normal. Even if you know her forever, if she didn't do the mothering, she might just be a very nice lady who is married to your dad.
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#3 of 7 Old 11-08-2006, 10:44 AM
 
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If you arent comfortable with it, then you arent comfortable with it. End of story. Even though your bio mom died when you were little, that doesnt mean that you dont have one. And under the circumstances, being that you didnt really know your step mom until later in your life, I think you are completely fine not calling her mom to her face.

I would hope that she understands why you arent calling her mom. Being your dads wife does not make her your mom. It makes her your dads wife. Thats it. If it comes, it will come...calling her mom.
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#4 of 7 Old 11-09-2006, 01:22 AM
 
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Have you talked to your step-mom about how you feel? While this is a little different - it still is similar --- all my sister/brother in laws call my mother-in-law "Mom". I can't bring myself to do it. I explained to her that it isn't that I don't love /respect her ... it is simply that I have a mother that I feel disrepectful to if I call some else mom. Maybe if you discussed it with her, it will make you feel more comfortable with what ever choice you make. And..it is your choice.
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#5 of 7 Old 11-09-2006, 03:03 PM
 
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I think its all about what kind of relationship you have with your "step-mother"
My dad married my stepmom when I was 5.... she was and will always be "Leanne", not mom.
On the other hand my mom married my step dad when I was 14, and I call him Dad.

If you don't feel comfortable calling her "mom", then don't. Maybe you will be able to call her mom in time, as you grew closer, but then again maybe not.
I'm closer to my step-mother now, as an adult, and I know she thinks of me as a daughter, but it just doesn't feel right calling her "mom"
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#6 of 7 Old 11-10-2006, 12:48 PM
 
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It might come in time. I know its not the same, but all the sil's call fil and mil, "mom and dad". It was weird to me at first. So I called them by their names for the longest time. Eventually, as our relationship grew, I started to call them mom and dad too. It feels nice now.

My stepkids go back and forth on calling me mom. They did it more in the beginning (on their own) but sadly, were told to stop. But, they do make it known in other ways that I'm another mom to them. It feels nice. By referring to your smom as "grandma" I'm sure she gets it too.

So, maybe it will happen in time, or not. Either way is okay.
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#7 of 7 Old 11-20-2006, 09:31 PM
 
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My mom married my step dad when I was 16 and he has been more of a dad to me than my bio-father, but I have never been able to call him dad. But, I get him fathers day cards that say "dad" and refer to them as "my parents" (as opposed to my mom and stepdad). He's not offended or anything, and knows that I really appreciate him.

Lisser

Alyssa, wife to one, mama to 2 boys, 5.5 and 4. Living and learning on our little farm.
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