Haha! The tables have turned! BM & CS - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 11-19-2006, 02:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A brief history: my oldest SS (now 18) moved in with us shortly before he turned 17, over a year now. The courts here wouldn't change his residence unless DH spent the $ to go to court AND BM agree in court that SS lived with us, despite the fact we have a signed letter from her saying he could. Subsequently she got CS for quite some time after SS moved in with us, until the law changed in our favor. All we had to do was prove that he lived with us - easy to do, signed letter and documents from his school. Well, DH was given (haha) a "credit" of $1900 that he'd already paid the BM because the court backdated the court order to the day SS moved in here, and the tax refund they garnished was to be returned to us since BM had been paid in full. WELLLLL the court screwed up and sent the tax refund money to the BM instead of to us, and she cashed it, even after having spoken to the case worker who told her it was not BM's money to spend - "I needed the money" she claimed - well so did we, we're feeding 8 kids, one of them being hers! DH never once went after her for CS until she stole our tax refund, then he went after that like a dog after a t-bone steak. The court filed an order that she was to pay DH back $25 per MONTH until the $ was paid up. Fine, great, that was what DH wanted, the money back. Fast forward to today by 3 weeks, we get a letter in the mail from the courts that they ordered (to our complete ignorance!!!) that BM has to pay nearly $50 a week for the money she took, AND $107/month IN SPOUSAL SUPPORT! Isn't that a hoot! They haven't been married in like 17 years and she has to pay DH spousal support! I had a good laugh, because if he was even one month late she called him all sorts of horrid names in front of his son, and DH was only late a few times due to no employment and no UNemployment (self employed basically). Now she has the good ol' FOC eye on her butt and I would love to be a fly on the wall when she got that court order! Tooooo funny. Kind of makes you wonder if that kharma thing really exists, yk?
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#2 of 13 Old 11-19-2006, 09:37 AM
 
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Gee, is spousal support really fair in this situation? If it was ordered incorrectly, might they reverse it at some point and your dh have to pay it back just like she is?

But it's great that they got things straightened out on the tax return (and that must have been very hard for you all financially!) and that you are getting the support you deserve for ss. If he's over 18 now, how long will it continue (for me my ex's will stop at 18 no matter what).
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#3 of 13 Old 11-19-2006, 11:44 AM
 
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Hah! I LOVE karma!

I've written in other threads about biomom trying to get CS for a child that DIDN'T LIVE WITH HER. So I know where your coming from.

DH DS 1996 DS 2000 We are the Mods! We are the Mods! We are, we are, we are the Mods!
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#4 of 13 Old 11-19-2006, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Who knows if they will reverse the spousal support thing. My DH asked me to read the papers too because he was as confused about that part as well. I have no idea why they even filed the papers a second time because they had already established the amount she was to repay. The only thing I can think is maybe this is the court's way to get her to pay child support for SS (who is a senior in high school, so CS could continue until he graduates in June) without having to go through the pain of court process? I have no idea, but it's funny nonetheless. I don't care if they go back to the 25/month order, I just think it's hilarious that she got whacked with this order, just for the simple fact it probably put her in panic mode about how she was going to live and pay it at the same time. She tried to have CS raised back before SS moved in with us, to well over 500 a month....the courts wouldn't take our current kids into consideration, only counted them as costing us 50/month and it was a huge struggle to get even the CS she was getting -just under 400/month- so have it turn on her might (let me repeat...MIGHT) teach her some sort of lesson. But I doubt it. She's a selfish, conniving, manipulative woman and I doubt this has done nothing to change her outlook on the CS situation in general, but at least it made us feel better in a small way.
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#5 of 13 Old 11-19-2006, 05:20 PM
 
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Congratulations to you and your dh!
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#6 of 13 Old 11-19-2006, 09:01 PM
 
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And in the end, is is all about the money.
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#7 of 13 Old 11-20-2006, 01:37 AM
 
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I wonder if they are calling it "sposual support" for some reason but it is just her paying back the money she owes you?

I have this cousin who was raising her son alone and could never get the dad to pay cs. He had several kids with several women and every few years he choses to go to jail for a year to erase his cs debt!!! Well, when her ds was about 17 he moved in with his dad for about 2 weeks, then back home. Within that 2 weeks that guy filed for cs from her! She was ordered to pay him 3 months of child support even though the child only lived with him for 2 weeks!!! She is owed some karma! Maybe the cs karma fairy will visit my cousin next .
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#8 of 13 Old 11-20-2006, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
And in the end, is is all about the money.
On her part perhaps. My DH has yet to take her to court for current child support that technically she should be paying. We just want the tax refund monies that were garnished and wrongly sent to her. That's it. Anything the courts deem appropriate over and above that is all well and good, but we just wanted to tax refund monies.
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#9 of 13 Old 11-20-2006, 09:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mylilsugarbritches View Post
teach her some sort of lesson. But I doubt it. She's a selfish, conniving, manipulative woman and I doubt this has done nothing to change her outlook on the CS situation in general, but at least it made us feel better in a small way.
I know that it feels good when, after much waiting, and wondering, and sometimes even giving up on ever getting paid back, you are paid back money that you've been owed.
That feels good, I know...... believe me i do know, because we're not rich either.

That said, something in your post really caused me to recoil. And I wanted to remind you of something, not to lessen your joy and not to be a party pooper.... but just to remind you because i can tell from your writing and from your words that you are a loving and sincere mother.
I want to remind you that the woman you call selfish conniving manipulative and whose comeuppance you bear witness to, and from which you take some measure of satisfaction.......
that woman is a mother to children you love.

if she is not a good mother
if they hate her and love you
if she just as soon boiled em in a pot and et em for supper...

she is a mother to a child, or to children, that you love .

and thats what i wanted to say about that.

respectfully,
-anj119
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#10 of 13 Old 11-20-2006, 10:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That said, something in your post really caused me to recoil. And I wanted to remind you of something, not to lessen your joy and not to be a party pooper.... but just to remind you because i can tell from your writing and from your words that you are a loving and sincere mother.
I want to remind you that the woman you call selfish conniving manipulative and whose comeuppance you bear witness to, and from which you take some measure of satisfaction.......
that woman is a mother to children you love.

if she is not a good mother
if they hate her and love you
if she just as soon boiled em in a pot and et em for supper...

she is a mother to a child, or to children, that you love .

and thats what i wanted to say about that.

respectfully,
-anj119[/QUOTE]


I agree...to a point. Without going into long sordid detail, this mother chose her physically abusive boyfriend over her son. She bribed him into lying to the Child Protective Service worker on a complaint of the abuse going on in the home. That was the only reason why she wrote a letter saying SS could live with us (this he did without our knowledge - we disapproved but of course there was nothing we could do at that point, the deed had been done & the CPS worker closed the case without further investigation). I do not disrespect her in front of her child, but the woman does not deserve any respect from me, so in that I disagree with you. She is a mother, but not much of one IMO. She lies so much her own mother does not know if what comes out of her mouth is truth or fact....this her mother told me directly. I cannot respect that. Many mother's make the comment that just because a man was present at conception doesn't make him a father, or father material, the same saying can apply to a mother. Just because someone incubated a child, does not necessarily mean she deserves the title mother or is mother material. There are crappy fathers and there are crappy mothers. 'Nuff said.
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#11 of 13 Old 11-21-2006, 12:42 AM
 
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sure, sure... let me hasten to say that i do agree with you. There are, certainly, nasty mothers and crappy fathers. Fo sho.

Only, in my experience, it has been a far better thing for my dd if i not only refrain from pointing these things out (you've already said you never speak ill of the child's mother in front of dc), but also refrain from allowing myself in my own heart to describe or view her father or sm as only the crappy things they do.

I am sure that you have your reasons, and plenty of them if you are like me, for disagreement with the 'other' part of your family. I do not mean to be wagging a finger at you, I really don't.

My voice in this thread was intended to speak to how easily we can be carried away by our negative feelings and how we can, ourselves, become toxic as a result. This is not said namby pamby, goody goody............ this comes from direct real life experience and hard work and disciplined effort to redirect my own angry feelings. For my dds sake.
My own dd is 11, a far cry from 17 to be sure. I have alot of time ahead of me in which i need to deal with these issues. It sounds like you are just finishing up your 'tour of duty' ...... haha

I was not trying to be nasty to you, I hope my explanation has helped you to see that.

warm regards,
-anj119
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#12 of 13 Old 11-21-2006, 03:13 AM
 
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sure, sure... let me hasten to say that i do agree with you. There are, certainly, nasty mothers and crappy fathers. Fo sho.

Only, in my experience, it has been a far better thing for my dd if i not only refrain from pointing these things out (you've already said you never speak ill of the child's mother in front of dc), but also refrain from allowing myself in my own heart to describe or view her father or sm as only the crappy things they do.
This was the advice my mother (a stepmother to my sibs) gave me when I became a stepmother. She said, "Do not even allow yourself to feel those feelings because they will come out accidently when you least expect it." It's hard, but I think she was right.
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#13 of 13 Old 11-21-2006, 05:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This was the advice my mother (a stepmother to my sibs) gave me when I became a stepmother. She said, "Do not even allow yourself to feel those feelings because they will come out accidently when you least expect it." It's hard, but I think she was right.
So very true on both sayings. My younger DSC are 12 (nearly 13) and 10 and they learned the hard way about their mother. I didn't say a word, tried my best to keep my personal feelings locked up, but she showed them her true self when she overdosed on cocaine and died in 2005. The BM's own parents let the cat out of the bag on how she actually died (the DH told them her heart stopped - which it did) and they then learned how she stole from her own DC to pay for her habit. They are very angry about how she died, her behaviour, etc. It all comes out in the end, children will figure it out, it is just sometimes necessary for we adults to vent in forum of adults rather than letting it stew on the homefront, yk? Luckily I haven't had to personally deal with my oldest SS's BM as he deals with her directly and I haven't spoken with her in over a year to my great relief. She's really truly not a very nice person - the whole step-mother/bio-mother thing aside.
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