Yes Sir, No Sir! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 11-23-2006, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my ds (dss) came home from his moms (he visits 6 nights a month) and with every request or comment he is saying "yes sir" or "no sir". apparently step-dad is teaching/making him say this. he is 4 years old with ASD and SID and refers to his step-dad as "jovie". i am really appalled at this, i will not mention it because he is with us mostly anyways, but i was curious about what other moms think, i thought this was a bit dated.
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#2 of 13 Old 11-23-2006, 12:46 PM
 
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are you sure he's actually "teaching" him to say it? maybe he's just mimicking. I know we call everyone "sir" here. Its more in fun- mom can you read me this book? Yes sir I can!
We always use "sir" when out in public too- thanking "sir" for holding a door, etc.

It could very well be lighthearted. It wouldnt hurt to ask to put your mind at ease. But asking in a "hey, have you noticed ds saying "sir"? where did he get that from?" in a non-threatening way.

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#3 of 13 Old 11-23-2006, 11:15 PM
 
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I thought that was the norm in most of the South. I have friends and family in Southern states (TX, NC, GA, AK and FL) and all of their kids answer with "sir" and "ma'am". I wouldnt consider it dated as much as kids showing respect to their elders, which is what I have been told it was all about.

Maybe step dad is a traditionalist who was brought up being taught to say sir and ma'am?
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#4 of 13 Old 11-23-2006, 11:21 PM
 
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It is common practice in the south. My whole DH's family was raised this way and they are all very respectful but still playful loving people...I think its kind of nice seeing them respect their elders so much in an age where I see alot of kids screaming at their parents. At the same time, there is a happy middle ground too, hopefully you guys can reach a compromise that makes everybody happy.
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#5 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 02:08 AM
 
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XH makes the kids say it at his house. It's not a behavior that's important to me, but it doesn't bother me, either. I don't make them say it, and I don't comment on it if they do.

Cami, wife to a guy and mom to some kids. Expecting someone new in Februrary!â¢â¢â¢â¢5â¢â¢â¢â¢10â¢â¢â¢â¢15â¢â¢â¢â¢20â¢â¢â¢25â¢â¢â¢â¢30â¢â¢â¢â¢35â¢â¢â¢â¢40
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#6 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 02:16 AM
 
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I was raised in the south and it was for respect. Granted... now a days people in the northand even the south take it as an insult some how... It's how I got a huge gouge in my knee....


But if I were you, don't take it personal. Ask the Step Parent why DS is saying it and if there is any family traditions to it so you can better understand. Be totally calm and openminded when asking. I'm sure it'll be something like it was a family background of showing respect thing. If is sounds sketchier than that- then I'd be worried, but right now. No biggie. If you don't feel comfy with DS saying it, can you possibly explain to him that he doesn't need to say it at your house?

GREAT MOM to dd (5) and )ds( [sept 26 2006]
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#7 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 09:46 AM
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I was brought up in the north, parents are from the north and I was brought up to address my elders in this way. I have also brought my children up this way. x in-laws hate it though. They are so ignorant that they told my children that only black people address people this way, and to never speak this way to them. : I continued to teach my children, but warned them about the ignorance of thier grandparents.
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#8 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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we are all in the early 30's. My parents MADE us address them in this manner, however it was a horrible childhood and my dad was post neo-nazi in his parenting styles. Perhaps i just don't like to hear it for personal reasons. while we are in the south, I don't consider florida (at least my 3 yr experience here) to be that courteous, let alone have southern hospitality.

the father is jewish cuban, ds mother is venezuelan and the stepdad was raised in the new england states. stepdad is a firefighter, so i am sure that it is a respect thing, however he shows a lot of resentment toward him and has said some pretty horrible things to him in the recent past.

my ds is speech delayed and speaks very little. I know they are having so much difficulty with him and his special needs, we are not on speaking terms, unfortunetly. your comments did make me feel better, so thank you again. i'm just trying to ride out the rough times.
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#9 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 03:07 PM
 
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Just jumping in to agree with the other posters about the respect thing. My inlaws/husband are all from the south and all the other children are taught to say "yes sir/ma'am" in place of yeah and nope. My children? They yeah and nope it up all over the place because that's what I say. I don't like the sirs and ma'ams myself, but that's just me.
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#10 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 06:17 PM
 
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Personally, I don't have a problem with it. I think it shows respect and sounds nice too.

But, if you have a problem, perhaps you ought to discuss it with the step dad and mom and come to some sort of solution.
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#11 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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Dh's ex once made a comment to us about making sure Dh's 2dd "mind their manners" and say the "sir, ma'am" stuff. I didn't care if the girls said it or not. I don't talk like that and just couldn't "catch" the girls not saying it. Many people in the south feel it's just common manners. Even though I lived in the south, my parents were from the north and never tried to instill that in us.

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#12 of 13 Old 11-24-2006, 10:53 PM
 
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I don't expect my kids to bark it out but we use it around here. It is a modeled behavior.

I say yes or no sir/ma'am to my own kids. I didn't realize how much it could be valued until I worked with a bunch of teens. They had never had someone show them respect and when I would talk to them with a ma'am or sir that were polite and helpful. They showed me respect becuase with one word I showed them respect. One of the teen girls I worked with had a troubled life. She heard me saying Ma'am to my girls. She told me that I was a wonderful mother to show my child so much respect.
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#13 of 13 Old 11-25-2006, 11:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turnipmama View Post
It is common practice in the south. My whole DH's family was raised this way and they are all very respectful but still playful loving people.
I have to agree with turnipmama. I was raised in TN, husband was raised in KY. We both call strangers, people who phone us, waitstaff at restaurants, etc, "sir and "ma'am". It was just what we always did. We even answer questions to eachother with a sir or ma'am on the end occasionally. Just because it is habit. I would asssume that our future kids will probably do this as well just because they'll hear it so often.

For us, it is not about forcing kids to respect their elders...it is an issue of showing respect for everyone. I won't expect my kids to answer me with a ma'am, but I would hope they might answer a nice lady who does helps them with a "thank you, ma'am."

We do get weird looks when my husband holds doors open for anyone he sees coming and answers their thank you with a "you're welcome, ma'am". We live in NY now and I guess that is just not as common here. Women here often tell dh that calling them ma'am makes them feel old.

Me , 36 year old RN and future AP mom in training . I am wife to one wonderful husband and "mom" to one great rescue pup :.
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