first, lots of hugs, because you are in tough place.
second, the custody thing will be determined on HER best interest only, so im not sure if they will take your prior abuse into account, unless it has affected dd. having her call grandma - mom may be an intimidation/abuse tactic in a sense. but if he is not abusive to her, then he may get custody. he may try to show abandonment if you don't maintain contact regularly.
I would document EVERYTHING FROM NOW ON! keep a log of everything and in order, this will be your defense. You are entitled to daily phone contact, so i would *if possible* work out a daily time with him to call or inform him of a time to call every day. what time would she be home most consistenly, 7:00am or perhaps 7:00pm. then call everyday at that time, if he doesnt answer, leave a message and leave it at that. if he wont let you talk to her, just kindly say goodbye and try again tomarrow. but do it everyday, at about the same time and LOG EVERYTHING, including what happened.
also emails are good 'evidence' and any letters or gifts you send should be sent with a signature return card. if possible scan or take pictures of anything you send as well. i know this sounds very tedious, but one things is it is ABSOLUTELY the most inexpensive way to prepare your case, and your lawyer will not be doing this footwork.
my ds mom called the police on my dh and filed a "harrasing and obscene phone" charge against him. she didnt even answere the phone and he was calling at 7 every night (like he had done for the year previous), but her new hubby got annoyed by it. we had to go to court to order daily phone contact. in addition she was ordered to take parenting classes for other reasons and they were ordered to do joint counseling.
i think the joint counseling might be a good idea for you both, it is more documented proof and it may be beneficial.
you will have to bide the time until you go to court, but just do your job the best you can as mommy and always be polite and mature, dont take it personally, especially since this sounds like a way he has controlled you before.
also you can request a guardian at letium (sp) which is a state issued "lawyer" for your dd, who will represent the best interest of child.
we also file police reports (incident report) for everything when there is an exchange that is not according to court order or is not kosher. also if you need to, you can have an officer do a 'welfare check' on dd.
does mother in law give you any problems, or is she being cordial to you?