Ugh, issues with my X, just venting!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-08-2006, 06:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First off, the boys are from my 1st marriage. The X gets them every other weekend during the school year, and then for the whole summer where we get them every other weekend. I could STRANGLE that damn judge who decided on this stupid arrangement. The X lives 3 hours away, and we meet him half-way every other Friday night to drop the boys off, and Sunday afternoon to pick them up.

Anyway, he calls last night to see what time to pick them up tonight. And then he wants to know how it's going to work for Chirstmas. This is where I get mad. I'm due to have another baby any day now (my EDD is the 16th, but I always go past). So their Christmas vacation is right when I'm probably going to have the baby. And he needs to know NOW when he can have them so HIS relatives can arrange THEIR schedules for when the boys are there. I told him I DON'T KNOW, as I'll be having a baby around that time. I'd REALLY, REALLY want the boys here for the birth. The X thinks every time the boys have a day off from school, they need to go down there. It's ridiculous all the driving we do, and I'm SICK & TIRED of fitting into HIS freakin' schedule!!!! My DH says that he should only get them for the time it says he can have them, and no extra days, which would be the weekend of the 23rd & 24th. I agree, but I KNOW the X would just not show up with them at the exchange time on the 24th, which he has done before.

So now I don't know what to do. There's a family party for my family on the 30th that I don't want the boys to miss, which is our weekend to have them. But the X wants them from the 27th for the rest of their vacation, which is the 1st of January. Then they would miss my family's party. I HATE HATE HATE that the boys have to go down there at all, as the X is the "let's party & have no rules-I'll be your best friend" type parent. I wish we could afford to get the visitation schedule changed to him seeing them once a month, then for 2 weeks in the summer. It's crazy the money we spend on gas, the time it takes for driving, and the way it disrupts everyone's schedules.

Wow, that got long! I feel better now that I got it out!!

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#2 of 6 Old 12-08-2006, 07:42 PM
 
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I checked out your picture, how old are your boys? It looks like they might have some thoughts...how do they feel about it?

Maybe you could try to prioritize which things you'd like to have them at? Such as #1 birth, #2 generally home for the holidays, #3 family party on the 30th, then try and talk to your ex about this is the most important for me, what is the most important for you, etc.? Perhaps if you could get him to clarify/specify/narrow his interests, it might be easier for you all to work things out.

FWIW, I really feel for you about the costs of travel. I moved away when my ex abandonned me and our 2yo when I was 7mos pregnant, but I'm responsible for half the travel costs, which eats up half the child support I get in a year (1400 miles, 5x a year). Ouch! But my kids really love their dad, and even though its inconvenient, I know its best for them to be able to go. It ends up putting me in the red each travel month, though, but then again I was always in the red WITH my ex, so I'm overall much better off now,
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#3 of 6 Old 12-08-2006, 11:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They are 13, 11, & 7. Well, they would rather visit down there, since they've told us we're too strict. It's all fun & games down there, so of course they want to be down there! It hurts sometimes to hear that .

I can try talking to him, but I doubt it would do any good. He's pretty unreasonable most of the time. I just have a hard time standing up to him sometimes. We'll have to talk on Sunday when we pick the boys up.

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#4 of 6 Old 12-09-2006, 04:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyofmany View Post
They are 13, 11, & 7. Well, they would rather visit down there, since they've told us we're too strict. It's all fun & games down there, so of course they want to be down there! It hurts sometimes to hear that .

Key word... visit.

You are home.
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#5 of 6 Old 12-09-2006, 05:27 PM
 
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Ok, I get you are venting, but how is it unreasonable to talk about schedules? You can't expect his whole family to wait around and have no plans because of your birth. Can't they go and come back for the birth? I know it sucks to drive and the money on travel, but your schedule doesn't sound unreasonable TO ME (of course). Dss's mom moved 300 miles away and we had to take him there for one weekend a month! It involved hotels, too. I think that is just part of having a blended family. They are lucky to get to see both parents so often.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-11-2006, 01:53 PM
 
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Our agreement is generally EOWE with Wed evenings and 4 weeks of vacation. But Christmas one parent has the 20-xmas at noon, the othe rparent has xmas at noon to Jan 1st at noon. It alternates each year. I think this would be a better solution to your problem.
I understand that you want the kids there for the birth. I also think it's reasonable for your X to want to plan HIS time with the kids. Perhaps you can stick with the regular schedule until you go into labor and, if the kids are with X at that time, he can drive them up to be there with you?

I think it would be a mistake to change the custody schedule to once a month. That's just not enough. I think that every other weekend is crappy enough.

I don't know who moved where, but I hope you are sharing the driving. That's the most fair thing to do. In general, I think you're just going to have to deal with that part of the arrangement.

As for the pp who referred to being with the father a "visit" and the mother as "home," I wish you would not perpetuate that line of thought. It's disrespectful and hurtful to all non-custodial parents.
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