Growing up in a divorced family, we always spent Christmas eve with our mom and Christmas day with our dad. this made holiday planning very easy over the years because we always followed the same routine. We still follow this routine as adults.
Now, as the mother of a step child, I find it would be so much easier if we could follow the same routine, have sds with us C-mas eve and let him go home C-mas day. However, his mother doesn't always agree with this, and so each year we wait on egg shells to find out how she wants to organize. It isn't that she is unfair about it, but only I cannot tell anyone else what our plans are until she tells us what she wants to do. Also, often this means that sds cannot go with us to my father's house. My parents spend a lot of money on my kids for C-mas - all three of them equally, and while I understand that sds needs to spend time with his mom and her family, I feel it's rude when she doesn't allot time for him to go with us to my dad's house in order to say hello and receive the gifts that they bought him. In the past they have set his gifts aside and given them to him the next time they see him, but in a way I feel this is sort of awkward as there is no hioliday festivity when it's done this way, just a kid getting to open up a bunch of gifts. Though he correlates the fact that they are C-mas gifts and is in no way ungrateful, it just seems to make him sorta in a weird position.
I would like to say something to her about this, as it sometimes annoys me that my family is so good to her son and she seems so ungrateful of it...but I try to keep the drama at bay as everyone's life is easier if there is no friction between her and I - which there usually is not.
So how do you all organize family time when one child has to be somewhere else on the holidays? And do you think I should say something about him being allowed to at least make an appearance at my dad's house C-mas day?