I need help keeping my big mouth shut! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 01-08-2007, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Honestly, I try SO hard not to make negative comments about DSD's mom... but it's really difficult when DSD parrots back all the negative things BM says about US. It's really non-stop, she complains about EVERYTHING we do (or don't do.)

This morning I touched DSD's hair on the way in to school and I said "Wow, your hair is really soft today, you must have done a good job washing it last night." (something she is still learning to do.)

DSD: "My mom says that 2-in-1 shampoo you buy is crap. It doesn't really do anything." (I specifically went and found 2-in-1 no tears shampoo for kids to make it easier for her)

Me: "That's because your mom complains about EVERYTHING we do."

I know I should keep my mouth shut but how do I deal with the constant criticism? My mom says your house is run down, My mom says organic food is a waste of money, my mom says you can afford cable, my mom says my socks should match my shirt, my mom says I should wear *this* Christmas dress today, not the one you bought, my mom says it's okay for me to bring my gameboy to Christmas dinner, my mom says you shouldn't feed your dog leftovers... etc.

It makes me want to scream. And sometimes I do. Is there a constructive way I can respond? This pushes my buttons SO badly.

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#2 of 27 Old 01-08-2007, 05:10 PM
 
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. but it's really difficult when DSD parrots back all the negative things BM says about US. It's really non-stop, she complains about EVERYTHING we do (or don't do.)
I'm sure that's really frustrating! Can you think about how much you DON'T want to be like BM? You can see what a nasty thing she's doing to the kid (and it's her she's hurting, of course, not you or your DH) -- you don't want to be nasty like that.

It sounds like the problem is not so much that BM says this stuff, as that DSD feels free to sneer at the way her father's family does things because her mom does. And you don't have to put up with that. Can her dad have a talk with her? "I don't care how your mom does things when you're there, at our house this is how we do things and I expect you to talk to me and your stepmom respectfully."
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#3 of 27 Old 01-08-2007, 05:51 PM
 
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I haven't BTDT, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt...

Maybe turn the comments back on DSD, and ask her what SHE thinks. So instead of this:

Quote:
DSD: "My mom says that 2-in-1 shampoo you buy is crap. It doesn't really do anything." (I specifically went and found 2-in-1 no tears shampoo for kids to make it easier for her)

Me: "That's because your mom complains about EVERYTHING we do."
You could have this:

Quote:
DSD: "My mom says that 2-in-1 shampoo you buy is crap. It doesn't really do anything." (I specifically went and found 2-in-1 no tears shampoo for kids to make it easier for her)

Me: "Well, it's your hair. How do YOU like the shampoo? You're old enough to decide if you like it or not."
Maybe if you can make your response about DSD, she might learn to stop parroting her mom and do a better job of thinking for herself
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#4 of 27 Old 01-08-2007, 05:52 PM
 
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It's hard! We have the same issue, and in the past we found it harder to just suck it up. You know it's the best thing, and you mostly do, but sometimes it just piles up and gets overwhelming, and the 'wrong' response jumps out, right?

I second the "at this house, we [fill in the blank here]" response. Sometimes, where appropriate, you can also soften it a bit so it's less point-counterpoint. Instead of "my mom says your shampoo sucks" followed by "I don't care, at this house we use this shampoo, and you're going to be respectful, kid!" try "Really? What does she use? I'll keep that in mind. We've been quite happy with this particular 2-in-1 though. It's specially made for kids, and a lot better than 2-in-1's used to be. Lots of people don't know how they've improved."

My particular 'button' that gets pushed is when I get nasty comments their mom has made about their little (half) sibling, e.g. they can't bring things they want to over to our house because she'll probably wreck everything, etc.
What I'm trying to respond with is something general like "Oh, it's too bad your mom doesn't know [little sibling] better. I know you know how gentle she usually is with your stuff. Remember how careful she was with your [insert valued object here]?" It takes some doing though.
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#5 of 27 Old 01-08-2007, 06:05 PM
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Both suggestions are excellent ones.

I have some similar problems with my own big mouth and extremely advanced kids whom I forget are only 10 and 14 sometimes.

Their step-mother is about as maternal as a head of cabbage and their father is a jackass...no really, it's not just my assessment, that's pretty much the general consensus of EVERYONE who knows them.

But I digress...The step-mother says the most wildly inappropriate things to my kids, especially my 10 yr old daughter (who is me made over, and thus not well liked by her step-mom or her dad)...and I have a really hard time being diplomatic when Sara Claire repeats things back to me that her SM has said.

For instance:

"I don't think your mother should be homeschooling you. It's just such a bad idea. I mean, she doesn't even have a college degree."

What I wanted to do when my daughter told me this? Pick up the phone and say: Uh, ok. I've spent 12 of the last 14 years raising two children all by myself, *I'M* the one who got YOUR husband through college (because I thought by doing all of his school work--especially reports, english papers, etc--that he'd realize what a catch I was and want to be with me), and my son was failing school when he was living in YOUR house, but he's excelling under my tutelage now...So, how dare you disparage ME and MY ABILITY to teach my kids.


Of course, I didn't. I did explain to my daughter, in far less harsh tones, the reasons I hadn't finished college and why it was still ok for me to be their teacher.

Another royally unacceptable thing this woman said to my daughter was in response to my daughter referring to her "cousins and Aunt Maggie"....Maggie has been my best friend for almost 15 years, and she is the closest thing I've ever had to a sister or that the kids will ever have to an aunt. Our families are just as inextricably tied together as any blood relatives...but the SM said to my daughter when she called them her cousins and Aunt:

"That's stupid. Maggie and Cole are NOT your family. You need to quit saying that."

What I wanted to do when my daughter told me this? Call up the SM and say: "Hey, lady. Maggie and her kids are more family to my kids than you have ever been or ever will be, despite how hard they (my kids) try to make you love them. Don't you dare disparage ANYONE who has the heart and courage enough to love ANY child as if it were their own."

Of course, I didnt' do that. And I was careful when I explained to my daughter that often times our family is not bound to us by law or by blood and that it was entirely possible to have a whole wide family made up of any number of people who loved you and who you loved in return...

Arrrggghhh!! Why do people--any people--say such thoughtless and damaging things to their kids?

Oh, that's right--because they think it makes them better somehow...

I don't have any advice...I just had to tell you you're not alone.
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#6 of 27 Old 01-08-2007, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think that making it about DSD is a good idea, although it doesn't always work... but yes, I can say "Well do *you* think those socks are okay with that outfit" etc.

At this age (8) she's pretty much convinced that BM knows everything... but I'm sure that as she gets older that will change. I hope that her mom's constant negative comments don't drive them apart. I know DSD is starting to question some of it already. On the other hand, she also makes negative and insulting comments to everyone (just like mom), which we are struggling with.

Sometimes I'm tempted to phone her mom up and ask her what the heck she is thinking? Like, how is it helpful for her to make insulting comments about every piece of clothing we buy? Doesn't she realize most moms would be thrilled that their ex-husbands even thought about buying clothes, on top of paying child support on time every month? (clothes now go back and forth between our two houses, because otherwise we would never see the things we bought ever again - she actually put brand new stuff into a bag for goodwill! Our clothes come back dirty, and it's DSD's responsibility to put them in the bag at her house, meaning that things often get lost. At our house I wash and separate everything.)

Last time I went to pick DSD up to go to a family dinner with my family, BM sent her in a shirt that was covered in paint from school (I picked her up at 4 pm and she KNEW we were driving straight there.) Then she has the nerve to call us and tell us we need to make sure DSD is dressed 'nicely' when they pick her up the next day because they are going out.

I know it's so petty but it just floors me. My parents were divorced when I was four and my dad was totally unreliable when I was growing up but do you think my mom would have EVER said anything bad about him in front of me? Not a chance! I just can't understand what she hopes to gain by being so nasty.

Anyway, that's just my little vent for today... I feel better now!

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#7 of 27 Old 01-08-2007, 08:15 PM
 
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I feel for you, I really do. It's a battle that you can never really win. I like the suggestions other people have mentioned. We really make respecting one another a big issue here. The whole, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." We also stress the importance of thinking before you speak - does the comment you are about to make help or hurt? Are you going to gain anything/fix the situation by making the comment (or repeating a comment you've heard) you are about to make? Trust me, by NOT making rude comments back about the BM, you are doing yourself a huge favor, because your stepchild DOES see that difference (and will remember it). Hold your head high, and hang in there, momma!
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#8 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 12:52 AM
 
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Wow! I'm new here and spent some time writing an intro the other night only to lose it all somehow, but this type of disruption has been a major problem for us for almost 10 years. At first we were so good about responding in the ways suggested, which worked with DD, but not DS for some reason (probably because of issues related to DH and I having 3 younger children together and DS wanting his BD to love him like DH has for 9 of his 11 years)
When my ex stepped up the criticism and harassment a few years ago, DS played right into it, refused to respect our family and started causing problems like false allegations of abuse, extreme defiance and such hostility toward his younger siblings that I fear for their safety. My ex has called the CAS twice, initiating an invasive and unfounded investigation involving even my 3 kids with DH. He also called the school board to investigate us for homeschooling and degrades us all the time. After years of 'playing nice' despite the harassment and disrespectful comments I lost it. This man has never paid CS because he lies about his income, and tells the kids to lie to me. (I left him because he's a pathologic liar), and now my DS is totally following his footsteps despite our best efforts. It got to the point DS was spending all his time in bed with no privileges and being disrespectful and abusive to everyone that I basically told him if he wants to treat people like his father does he could go live with him...my4 other children were being neglected because of all the intervention with this 1 messed up child. So he did. He's happier now because life is a party over there, and we are all much less stressed now that ex doesn't have his foot in our door all the time, only EOW now. I still miss him and cry sometimes, but not as often because I believe it was the best solution over the long term for all concerned. I just feel bad for all my kids that there is such hostility and disrespect between the parents after 10 YEARS. My DH won't even let my ex drive up our long driveway now when picking up or dropping off the kids.
Anyway, not trying to hijack the thread, just want to add that even if you handle it "the right way" it still may not work out. I had to finally let my kids know just how I feel about all the interfering crap their deadbeat father pulls all the time because I don't want it in my home affecting my younger ones all the time. Unfortunately in some situations, it's impossible not to badmouth the ex when they are teaching your kids horrible ethics and encouraging them to come home and be disrespectful. At least it became impossible for me with what was going on in my home.
Obviously, i don't have any good advice, I just understand how disruptive and hurtful it is, as a devoted BM or SM to be trashed to the extreme by hostile, manipulative ex's. My DH had a great relationship with my son from 1yo to 9yo, and it went really bad over a 2year period after my ex started his campaign of harassment. I don't think their relationship will ever recover.
I hope your family is able to resolve it better than ours. Hugs
Mel
ps Nice to meet others with similar dilemmas. wish i'd found y'all years ago.
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#9 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 02:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mammastar2 View Post
It's hard! We have the same issue, and in the past we found it harder to just suck it up. You know it's the best thing, and you mostly do, but sometimes it just piles up and gets overwhelming, and the 'wrong' response jumps out, right?

I second the "at this house, we [fill in the blank here]" response. Sometimes, where appropriate, you can also soften it a bit so it's less point-counterpoint. Instead of "my mom says your shampoo sucks" followed by "I don't care, at this house we use this shampoo, and you're going to be respectful, kid!" try "Really? What does she use? I'll keep that in mind. We've been quite happy with this particular 2-in-1 though. It's specially made for kids, and a lot better than 2-in-1's used to be. Lots of people don't know how they've improved."

My particular 'button' that gets pushed is when I get nasty comments their mom has made about their little (half) sibling, e.g. they can't bring things they want to over to our house because she'll probably wreck everything, etc.
What I'm trying to respond with is something general like "Oh, it's too bad your mom doesn't know [little sibling] better. I know you know how gentle she usually is with your stuff. Remember how careful she was with your [insert valued object here]?" It takes some doing though.
Those are great. I also thought if you just followed up each of her comments with a compliment of her mom, she might just STOP doing that. Like,
when she said that about the shampoo, "Well, your mom must buy nice shampoo because your hair looks great."

When dealing with kids and even adults, I try to look at the messge they are sending rather than the words they are using. What is she trying to tell you? Her mom is smarter? She loves her mom more? If you figure that out, you will probably know how to respond to her. She is obviously tryint to poke you, but why?

Dss never said things like that, but he would say, "I love my mom, my REAL mom," totally out of the blue. I'd say, "Of course you do, everyone loves their mom." He stopped saying it. Either I fed his need, or he wasn't getting the response he wanted.
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#10 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 02:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Laggie View Post
I think that making it about DSD is a good idea, although it doesn't always work... but yes, I can say "Well do *you* think those socks are okay with that outfit" etc.

At this age (8) she's pretty much convinced that BM knows everything... but I'm sure that as she gets older that will change. I hope that her mom's constant negative comments don't drive them apart. I know DSD is starting to question some of it already. On the other hand, she also makes negative and insulting comments to everyone (just like mom), which we are struggling with.

Sometimes I'm tempted to phone her mom up and ask her what the heck she is thinking? Like, how is it helpful for her to make insulting comments about every piece of clothing we buy? Doesn't she realize most moms would be thrilled that their ex-husbands even thought about buying clothes, on top of paying child support on time every month? (clothes now go back and forth between our two houses, because otherwise we would never see the things we bought ever again - she actually put brand new stuff into a bag for goodwill! Our clothes come back dirty, and it's DSD's responsibility to put them in the bag at her house, meaning that things often get lost. At our house I wash and separate everything.)

Last time I went to pick DSD up to go to a family dinner with my family, BM sent her in a shirt that was covered in paint from school (I picked her up at 4 pm and she KNEW we were driving straight there.) Then she has the nerve to call us and tell us we need to make sure DSD is dressed 'nicely' when they pick her up the next day because they are going out.

I know it's so petty but it just floors me. My parents were divorced when I was four and my dad was totally unreliable when I was growing up but do you think my mom would have EVER said anything bad about him in front of me? Not a chance! I just can't understand what she hopes to gain by being so nasty.

Anyway, that's just my little vent for today... I feel better now!
You know, it is seriously fascinating how many custody issues involve clothes! I know we had a ton. Lawyers should consider writing up something in the custody arrangements: child shall be brought home in clothing as clean as those she was dropped off in, socks will be returned in pairs, . . . .
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#11 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 02:08 PM
 
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Flor, you're a genius! That was a great post.
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#12 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 06:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've actually heard of people having a court agreement that the kids had to be returned in the same clothes they came in!

Which seems a little bit ridiculous to me, and would be especially bizarre with our schedule, as we tend to only have DSD for a couple days at a time.

Too bad they can't write out an agreement saying that all the parents will grow up and act like adults! Too vague I guess.

Um, I think I'm guilty of the one sock sendoff though : Our dog steals socks and hides them! But we buy DSD zillions of socks, so it's not like she's ever lacking... it's just that she can't possibly wear the socks WE bought when she's at her mom's :

Oh well. I'm sure that as she gets older DSD will take control of which clothes she wears...

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#13 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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PS. I love the compliments idea. Although I may have to work on saying nice things about biomom without sounding sarcastic :

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#14 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 08:54 PM
 
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Gosh, what an annoying thing.

My daughters stepmom is CONSTANTLY doing this crap.

My daughter is 11 and one day she asked why does she always say bad things about you and I sat her down and said Honey sometimes people are very unhappy with themselves and their own lives and to feel better and bigger they feel they need to tear down other people. It took a bit but she understood and I told her we have to let these things go and try to understand that she's hurting inside.

My daughter came home saying her SM had told her when she's 12 she can choose who she wants to live with... my daughter says "I sure don't want to live THERE!" SM hates that I'm a SAHM and get child support.

I really feel for all of you in this situation... it's so frustrating to have your children and step-children hear this crap and be affected by this crap and have NO control over it.

Mom to DD 14 and DS 12
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#15 of 27 Old 01-09-2007, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been thinking of that same conversation myself... but I need to find a way to bring it up in a neutral way, so that I don't sound like I'm talking about anyone in particular. At this point I've only gotten to talking about whether it's more fun to be around people who compliment you, or people who insult you.

DSD is a pretty smart kid, she usually figures out the subtext herself... which is partly why it bothers me so much to hear these comments from her - she knows full well that she's being insulting (or that her mom is.)

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#16 of 27 Old 01-10-2007, 02:13 PM
 
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The "what do you think?" idea sounds awesome. I'm just curious if you've had a chance to try it out yet! DSD never hears her BM's nasty comments because we pretty much control every conversation she has with her at this time. I'm sure at some point that BM will find a way to express what she thinks of us to DSD.

I hope the suggestions the other ladies have given you help! Sorry that I do not have any to contribute! Good luck!

- Elizabeth :
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#17 of 27 Old 01-10-2007, 02:36 PM
 
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Great suggestions!

One more: I think sitting your dsd down and apologising for your comment would be a great idea. Let her know what you told us - you felt offended and hurt and said something out of anger. You didnt mean it, and it wasnt right. But be sure to let her know you know she didnt say those things to hurt you. (b/c I really dont think that was her plan)

I admit to letting dh ex bait me into a screaming match one time. She was being just...... horrible...... and dh and I did what we usually did - smile and took it (the kids were there) but I lost it! Sadly though, in front of the kids.
My dsd was very upset, her mom took her aside and said some things that made her even more upset then left. I took dsd and sat her down and apologised for acting like an idiot. For saying mean things to someone she cared about. (fyi, apparently all her mother could tell her was I was a b!tch)

My point is, it really helped my relationship with my dsd. And I feel it taught her a lesson in humility? Would that be the right word here?

Another thought, could it be that she really likes you, but feels guilty so she trys to bait you into an argument to get mad at you? Almost to make her mom happy?
just a thought....

Hang in there!
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#18 of 27 Old 01-17-2007, 01:42 PM
 
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This is so frustrating...we deal with it a little too. My husband is so much better about it than me.
When his kids start in with the "my mom says this" or " that's not how my mom does it" I tend to get offended and he just says that some day they will figure out what she is all about for themselves and us saying bad things about her just upsets them.
Lets just say he's a better person than me.
Last night at dinner we were talking about summer camp...my kids have gone the last 3 years and LOVE it. His boy says "my mom says, why would people send their kids away from home with a bunch of strangers?" Isn't that missing the entire idea of camp? UGH!! In one sentence, she's made her kids afraid of camp and told them that I'm not a good mother for sending mine!
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#19 of 27 Old 01-17-2007, 04:20 PM
 
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It is hard to handle things like that. Especially little comments like that. I have BTDT and I know how you feel. But I just learned to overlook it, hold my head up and do things the way I want to do them. And the bio mom can do things the way she would like. Let her criticize, talk, make comments, etc. It may make you want scream but just hold it in the best you can. DSD doesn't need to be in the middle of things like that. Girl, it is hard but I ignored it and just dealt with it like it was NOTHING to me and now we all get along great. Hope everything works out for you!
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#20 of 27 Old 01-17-2007, 06:43 PM
 
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I think everyone has clothes issues also - kind of funny, really.

As for the remarks back and forth to the child, the only one who really loses here is the child. It will temporarily cause distress for the adults involved but that child will carry issues from this for years to come. Every new girl my ex gets feels the need to "bond" with my child by sitting her down asking the 20 questions and then drilling her own everything (like interrogation), giving their 2 cents worth about things they weren't even around for, etc. etc. After 2 ex wives of his, and 2 live in GF's in the past 10 years, I have really gotten tired of it, so I may not be SM but I do understand your frustration.

* note: You may also want to consider, the BM may not be directly saying all these things to the child. You have to respect that for whatever reason, she will not always agree with everything you guys do and she may have some ligitimate reason that isn't obvious because she hasn't discussed it with you and may have felt it was too petty to do so - BUT carrying things around sucks and everyone needs to vent. I know there have been times I have been discussing things with my husband and my child would be sneaking around somewhere trying to listen and only catch bits and pieces and go repeat what she thought she heard - BELIEVE ME, her version was rarely exact, but she didn't say "Mom told (so and so)", she just said "my mom said".

This whole situation isn't really easy for anyone but sometimes, you have to be the bigger person and hope it either stops or just learn to deal with it. After 10 years, I've realized there's really nothing you can do, and even in court it would be hearsay. You could try and ask your DH to speak with the ex to get to the bottom of things but if she doesn't stop, you are just in for much stress, I hate to say.
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#21 of 27 Old 01-20-2007, 02:01 AM
 
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I don't want to upset you, because it sounds like you have a really frustrating situation on your hands. I come from a very blended family with several stepsiblings/parents-and one of the first things that popped into my mind, after thinking, " Gee BM must be really cranky" is that a little bit of it may be your step-daughter testing you. It was said above that she thinks her BM can do no wrong, therefor she might be baiting you a little by using her mother. Mom may not have even said some of these things. I'm sure she is a great kid, but it can be very difficult, awkward and emotionally trying to have steps. I think gentle explanation of your methods and trying to involve her opinion would help in that situation. It would have for me.

Good Luck!
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#22 of 27 Old 01-27-2007, 02:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by FairlightMuse View Post
I don't want to upset you, because it sounds like you have a really frustrating situation on your hands. I come from a very blended family with several stepsiblings/parents-and one of the first things that popped into my mind, after thinking, " Gee BM must be really cranky" is that a little bit of it may be your step-daughter testing you. It was said above that she thinks her BM can do no wrong, therefor she might be baiting you a little by using her mother. Mom may not have even said some of these things. I'm sure she is a great kid, but it can be very difficult, awkward and emotionally trying to have steps. I think gentle explanation of your methods and trying to involve her opinion would help in that situation. It would have for me.

Good Luck!
I think there could be some baiting/testing going on. My DD had this habit of telling us little things about her dad and gf that I really didn't need to know, like what kind-of soap they use, what lotion the gf uses, and so-on. In my case, it's hurtful, because I struggle with $$ more than they do, so I don't really care to hear about how the gf has two shelves full of perfume, KWIM? Sometimes I react with things like, "I don't like that kind-of perfume, I think it smells bad" or "getting weekly manicures is kind-of wasteful." I finally told DD that I really don't need to hear every last detail of what they do, because honestly, it riles me up. I also don't bite anymore when DD complains about stuff. Now, my DD will not go back and tell the gf what I said, so that's ok, but I think she is playing it both ways a bit.

(PS- I am the B-Mom that makes my DD responsible for bringing stuff back to her Dad's. It does come back clean, though. )
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#23 of 27 Old 01-27-2007, 02:11 AM
 
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Another PS- XH is very critical of my parenting, and never has a nice thing to say about a thing I do (everything I do is wrong.) The kids don't really say that to me, though. It comes right from him.
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#24 of 27 Old 01-29-2007, 06:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, in my quieter moments I imagine that DSD's mom probably hears a lot about what I say and do and it probably makes her just as crazy.

I do think DSD is baiting me somewhat - no matter what I do, she feels a need to tell me that her mom does it differently, or doesn't think such-and-such is a good idea, etc. She KNOWS this makes me mad, but she does it anyway.

I'm hoping she will outgrow it, but I suspect it will only get worse.

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#25 of 27 Old 01-29-2007, 08:24 PM
 
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I think you've gotten some great responses. I think, too, that baiting is a possibility. My SS did it to an extreme during the first 2 years of DH's and my marriage and it almost got very ugly when BM threatened to call CPS, but fortunately we got around that when we repeated all the horrific stories he was telling us about her! But at any rate, your SD may just be trying to express her frustration about having you in her life but she doesn't feel able to do it directly, so she does it "through" her mother.

But even if BM is in fact speaking that way about you, breathe deep and take the high road! I would try total non-responses like "Hmmm," or "Oh?" Whether she's baiting or repeating what she really heard, it will get boring for her if you never react. I have a girlfriend from childhood whose parents divorced when we were in high school. Her dad never, ever once said an unpleasant word about her mom. Her mom talked critically about her dad constantly. This did not turn the kids against their dad! They got incredibly angry and frustrated with their mom and are closer to their dad to this day. I know it's not exactly the same situation since there were no stepparents, but even young kids know petty insecurity when they see and hear it.

And, FWIW, if BM is in fact speaking this way about you, just smile a little inner smile with smug satisfaction that she is so insecure that she has to stoop to this. Alternatively, feel a little sorry for her, but I'm not that emotionally healthy myself. It's easier for me to take the high road if I can gloat just a little while I ride!

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#26 of 27 Old 01-29-2007, 08:26 PM
 
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BTW, how long since you blended? IME, this is very common in the first 2-3 years. Kids have to sort out their loyalties and that's big work!

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#27 of 27 Old 04-05-2007, 01:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarGlider View Post
Gosh, what an annoying thing.

My daughters stepmom is CONSTANTLY doing this crap.

My daughter is 11 and one day she asked why does she always say bad things about you and I sat her down and said Honey sometimes people are very unhappy with themselves and their own lives and to feel better and bigger they feel they need to tear down other people. It took a bit but she understood and I told her we have to let these things go and try to understand that she's hurting inside.

My daughter came home saying her SM had told her when she's 12 she can choose who she wants to live with... my daughter says "I sure don't want to live THERE!" SM hates that I'm a SAHM and get child support.

I really feel for all of you in this situation... it's so frustrating to have your children and step-children hear this crap and be affected by this crap and have NO control over it.

I know I can't be the only one who wishes they had responded that way! Good for you!

8)

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