Are you a Bio Mom or a Step Mom? - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-10-2007, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a poll of sorts. I was wondering how many of us are step moms and how many are bio moms that have children who have step moms. Is it about half and half?? Just curious!

- Elizabeth :

Me - Stepmom to Angelica (6) with no bio kids.
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:46 PM
 
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stepmom

Here's the breakdown in order of age:

Stepson - 26
Stepdaughter - 26
Stepdaughter - 19 (with step grandson - 10 months)
Stepdaughter - 18
Stepdaughter - 17
Bio son - 10
Bio son - 6

DH DS 1996 DS 2000 We are the Mods! We are the Mods! We are, we are, we are the Mods!
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Old 01-10-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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I'm both, I suppose. We've got

18 y/o dd from dh's first marriage
6 y/o ds and 4 y/o dd from my first marriage
1 week old ds

My xh is getting married this summer. His fiance is really great and I'm thrilled that she's going to be E and C's stepmother!

Cami, wife to a guy and mom to some kids. Expecting someone new in Februrary!â¢â¢â¢â¢5â¢â¢â¢â¢10â¢â¢â¢â¢15â¢â¢â¢â¢20â¢â¢â¢25â¢â¢â¢â¢30â¢â¢â¢â¢35â¢â¢â¢â¢40
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Old 01-10-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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all the above! here's our breakdown...

ds 16 also has stepmom
dss 10 theoretically has a stepdad
dss 9 theoretically has a stepdad
dd 6
and hopefully at least one more to come!

we have the mixed bag here... my middle boys have been with us since they were 23 months and 9 months respectively, so they know no difference. their biomom has bounced in and out for years, so i'm the only consistent mom that they've ever really known. we don't use the "step" moniker as it has never really taken with us. the kids are the kids... the parents are the parents. i wish i could say it was always this smooth, but this is where we are.
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Old 01-10-2007, 02:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BunnyMcFluff View Post
I'm both, I suppose. We've got

18 y/o dd from dh's first marriage
6 y/o ds and 4 y/o dd from my first marriage
1 week old ds

My xh is getting married this summer. His fiance is really great and I'm thrilled that she's going to be E and C's stepmother!
It is awesome that you guys get along. I wish I had that kind of relationship with DH ex and Angelica's BM. I wonder if maybe it's different because the situation is somewhat reversed for us. I'm Angelica's full time mom and have been for as long as she can remember and she has almost no memory of her BM. So maybe BM feels threatened? But anyway, Congrats for you!

Kosheng, I don't really like the "step" part of it either. I would never treat Angelica differently than any other child I might have and I would hope she would not treat me differently in a negative way because I am not her BM. When I asked about the differences here on the board I asked because at first I thought it was more women who are in my situation i.e. a stepmom. I've seen more and more posts though about women who have bio kids that have stepmoms. It is awesome that you can all blend together. I've often wondered if Angelica would feel different or left out if her dad and I had children. To be honest, that has more to do with the age difference than her not being biologically mine. She is already 6 and we don't see any new additions in the next couple of years. Sigh. I had really hoped she would have siblings she could be close with.
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Old 01-10-2007, 03:31 PM
 
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I think I've got all of the abbreviations straight. I'm new to all of this. So, I've got one dss (age 12, lives in England with his bm which is a bummer), one dd (age 9, lives with us), and one on the way, due in March. I always wanted to have a baby closer in age to my dd, but I think it turned out this way because this is what I can handle.

My ex has not remarried and doesn't have a girlfriend at this point. I've not been crazy about his girlfriends in the past-- just because they're a bit froo froo-- but I do get along with him really well these days.

Trish: Mama to Buckaroo , Sweet P :, and Obo Difficult wife of Rick :
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Old 01-10-2007, 03:47 PM
 
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I am a stepmom. There is SD 17, SS 15, DS 4, DS 2, DD 10mos. We have some issues with the kids/family stuff. Since the kids are older, it's a bit better now but we have very little contact w/ them out of scheduled visitation times. DH sometimes gets an im or email from them but their mom has pretty successfully limited their relationship so it's still being rebuilt.
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Old 01-10-2007, 03:54 PM
 
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I have five children. Three of them are from my own body. The older two are my former spouse's former wife's children. (not bio to my former spouse)

I am their "other mother."

Ages, 19, female and pregnant; 17 female; 10 male; 8 female; and the baby... 26 months and a boy. :


Crap., how did I get so many kids?
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Old 01-10-2007, 04:32 PM
 
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I'm not a mom, but I play one on TV?

Just a stepmom. And, seeing as DH has had a vasectomy, it's pretty likely to stay that way.

Sometimes I feel like an imposter on this board but... it's the only forum I've found where people are understanding of non-mainstream ideas. I'm so happy it has this section!

Finally pregnant with #1 and #2! Due September 9th, 2014 
   
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Old 01-10-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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All of the above.

Stepmom to 3
Biomom to 3 (but 1 is from previous marriage)
My ds has a stepmom too.
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Old 01-10-2007, 11:15 PM
 
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I'm both. I have 3 stepchildren and 4 biochildren. 2 of my biochildren have a stepmom. Confused yet? :

Nicole ~ mama to 3 energetic boys and one crazy girl
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Old 01-10-2007, 11:52 PM
 
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Bio of 2 but different fathers. 1 stepmom in the picture (married to dd's dad) and we get along just fine. Not kissy/huggy, but no hate or animosity either and I'd like to keep it that way. Keeping the peace is why I visit this board...
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Old 01-11-2007, 03:35 AM
 
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I'm a bio mom, marrying again (so my children will soon have a stepfather) and they have a step mom as well.

Interesting thread, thanks for posting!
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Old 01-11-2007, 12:46 PM
 
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Bio mom to 4 girls.
3 of my girls have a stepmother (Grrrrrrrrrr...........: )
Step mom to 2 boys and a girl.
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Old 01-11-2007, 01:41 PM
 
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bio mom to:
ds -7
dd-3mo.

stepmom to:
dss -11

No stepmom's for my kiddos, thankfully (not that I think there is anything wrong with stepmoms, I am a pretty good one, but I am glad I am my kiddos only momma )
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Old 01-11-2007, 02:24 PM
 
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I am a bio mom (3 boys), I don't have any stepkids and my kids don't have a step mom (they never see their dad). But the oldest do have a step dad (my current husband and dad to the baby). Not that we ever use that term, but there are problems just blending in one person.
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Old 01-11-2007, 10:27 PM
 
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I'm both.

SS18 - Ex-husband's from a relationship before he met me

DS13 and DD11 - mine from my first marriage, 50/50 custody w/ biodad; they have a stepmom

SS9 - DH's from his first marriage, 50/50 custody w/ biomom; he has a stepdad

DS4 - the "ours" in "yours, mine, and ours"

I get along fabulously with my eldest kids' stepmom, am great friends with SS18's mom, and try never, ever to see or talk to SS9's mom. : I wish that relationship was better, but after all these years, I've accepted (somewhat) that it's just not ever going to be what I'd hoped it would be.

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Old 01-12-2007, 12:46 AM
 
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I've got 3 (almost 4) kids.

DDs1&2 are my DH's from his first marriage. They call me "mommy" and I've been in their lives since they were 2 1/2 and 18 months, respectively. They are now 7 and almost 5. They live with their biomom most of the time, although we're hoping that will change. Their biomom refers to me as their "second mom" and no one has ever questioned it since they look just like me anyway, at least DD2 does. Not sure how that happened.

DD3 is almost 9 months, and is my first biological child.
DS is due in about 6 weeks.

So, I'm a stepmom. My biological kid(s) live with me and DH (their father). Although my girls had no idea what a stepmom was, and had to ask me to define it for them because another little kid at school asked what stepmom meant. DD1 decided that it wounded mean, and that she never wanted to call me that. Their choice. We do what works for our family.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 01-12-2007, 12:47 AM
 
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Stepmom to dss 11, married dh when dss was almost 5, and biomom to ds who is 3. When we first married, dss was with us full time. Now he is with us about 70%.
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Old 01-12-2007, 01:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow this is getting really confusing! : There are a lot more bm and step mom combos than I thought! Thanks for answering!

Elizabeth
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Old 01-12-2007, 02:03 PM
 
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My ex and i share custody of our oldest daughter who is eleven. He and his wife have one child together, one child from her previous marriage and one child from his.
My husband and I have three children -one from my previous marriage and two together.

So, i am not a step mom
I am a mom whose dear daughter has a step mom
and that is what brings me to this forum.
i feel that it is important for me to include dd's step mom as a part of my immediate family and to take the right approach in my view of her
it is hard for me because she has very different views about parenting than i do
and, she is not going anywhere
and, she is not interested in adapting herself to parent my daughter in the way that i would
so, the best thing i can think to do is figure out how to support her relationship with my dd
i try to think about her positively and send her gentle good healing vibes and i try to understand her anger toward me and her jealousy
she is young still and insecure and feels the need to be 'better' than me.
its not a competition in fact we are so on the same team.....
i cant wait until she figures that out.

-anj119
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Old 01-13-2007, 03:45 PM
 
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I am stepmom to one wonderful Dss (11) who lives with us and visits BM occasionally on weekends. BM to two great boys, Ds (4) and Ds (2), who have no stepmoms (me and their daddy are happily married). : We all have lots of fun!
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Old 01-13-2007, 10:54 PM
 
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I am both, too. My DSS is 8.5, and he has a stepdad.

Stepdad has one child that he has never met and has no rights to. Dane doesn't even know about her. So DSS has a stepsister by only the most technical of technicalities.

Dane's mom had her tubes tied when I got pregnant. (It tickled me how excited she was. She wanted Dane to have siblings, but didn't want any more kids herself.)

DH and I got married when Dane had just turned 5. DH and Dane's mom were never married. Once we had been married for about a year, he told MIL that having a mom and stepmom was like having 2 moms, which made me feel proud.

Dane has never, ever referred to Cass as his half-sister. He calls her his sister, which makes me very happy. As far as I know, no one has ever called Cass his half-sister.

I was a little concerned about the 7+ year age difference, but Dane is a fantastic big brother.

Stepparenting gets easier with time. I'm lucky, because everyone has always gotten along well. I understand now that Dane is my son, even though I'm not his mom.

Trying to turn hearts and minds toward universal healthcare, one post at a time.
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Old 01-14-2007, 12:45 AM
 
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I am both in a way...I have my son, Max who is 10. Then I have Brenton who is 6.5 and Maddie who is 4. They are my DH's kids from his first marriage. Technically they are my step kids BUT I have raised them since they were 3 and 9 months. A month after we got married, Steve's ex asked me to adopt them so I did and she hasn't been around since. None of our kids have a relationship with "the other parent" but technically we are a blended family.
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Old 01-14-2007, 01:42 AM
 
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I'm a step mom and a bio mom.

Bio mom to DS 23 months old

Step mom to DSS 11, and DSD 10
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Old 01-15-2007, 03:52 PM
 
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I am both....
step to 10 y/o girl
mom to 2 y/o son

going insane with dsd bm
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Old 01-15-2007, 08:09 PM
 
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step mom to two
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Old 01-15-2007, 09:23 PM
 
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I am a Bio Mom and a Step Mom. But I do not like to look at it as being a Step Mom or having a Step Daughter. My dh had a child from previous relations and I am now in this little girls life. I would like to be a motherly figure for her. Although, I will never be her Bio Mom, I would like to be more than a Step Mom. Step Moms are known to be Evil. LOL! I have had my ups and downs with this situation and I am bettering it everyday. I love Olivia and I will treat her just as my very own!
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Old 01-17-2007, 02:30 PM
 
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I'm both and so Is my husband and all the kids have other step-parents too.
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Old 01-18-2007, 12:17 AM
 
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I'm a stepmom to one with no biokiddos of my own.
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