Uh oh... DSD moving out of town - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 35 Old 02-22-2007, 07:36 PM - Thread Starter
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Yes, we can only hope that they hate small town life and move back here... Biomom is very tattooed and freaky so I don't know what people will think of her in a town of 5000. Of course, for court she was covered head to toe and even had removed the purple or red streaks she normally has in her hair and her visible piercings. Mind you, even if she does move back, we would have to go to court again for a new order, wouldn't we? Can people agree to change an order, or does a judge have to do it?

The judge definitely viewed DH's role in DSD's life as minimal. Unfortunately, he agreed with us on a lot of things, such as the fact that the suggested visitation schedule was unrealistic, and the fact that Biomom would not be able to afford to do what she was saying. Worse, his solution for that was that DSD should see us less, and that DH should pay.

Plus, he believed everything that Biomom said about her reasons for moving, all of which were stretching the truth and some of which were outright lies. DH wasn't willing to stand up in court and call her a liar. As my mom said, that's why you hire a lawyer - it's their job to look like an a-hole instead of you. But, in the end, it might not have made any difference. And really, no matter what, DSD is the loser in this situation as far as I'm concerned. Because we had no legal agreement, we were not able to try to prevent the move, only to ask for custody. We asked for custody until the end of the school year so that DSD could finish school here and so that biomom and her boyfriend would have time to find employment before DSD went there.

One thing that did surprise me - the fact that biomom and her boyfriend have another child was weighed heavily in their favour. I don't really get that... if I had a bunch of kids, that would somehow make us better people? I guess I'm asking that on the wrong board...

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#32 of 35 Old 02-22-2007, 07:51 PM
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If the two of them agree to a different arrangement later, they could probably write it up and get it registered as an agreement with the court.

I hadn't realized you guys had gone without a lawyer? Yikes. Although as you said, it's hard to say what would make a difference.
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#33 of 35 Old 02-22-2007, 10:00 PM
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I think having another child can make you seem more like a stable family for the child (thought we know that's not necessarily true!). I wonder if some of those fathers' rights groups could help?

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#34 of 35 Old 03-12-2007, 02:10 PM
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i think keeping siblings together is high priority, and that may be what the judge was favoring about biomama?
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#35 of 35 Old 03-16-2007, 10:11 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear your story. It's a crime how little importance some judges give to fathers.

I just wanted to post to clarify some misinformation posted here about US state laws concerning custody and the relocation of children.

Many states do NOT have laws preventing the custodial parent from moving out of the area with the kids.

Stopping the relocation usually require legal actions resulting in a court case. In most cases, the burden of proof lies with the non-custodial parent to prove that moving will be harmful. And in many states, the relocation is allowed to happen while the case is being review.

This is currently a very hotly contest area of family law and it laws are changing constantly. If you are a non-custodial parent in the US facing your children being moved, do NOT assume that it is illegal. Call your lawyer right away.

If you want to check the status of your states laws on relocation, sites like www.DivorceNet.com that list related laws by state.
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