Anyone Else being Stalked by Hubby's Ex? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 03-11-2007, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Im just looking to find out if Im the only one lucky enough to be followed by their hubby's ex. We are talking to the point of her using her family to pump my husband for information regarding my pregnancy and my child and stuff liek that. EVERY TIME HE IS THERE to see his kids.
Am I the only one or what?
Thanks!:

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#2 of 22 Old 03-11-2007, 07:38 PM
 
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I dunno...Would it help if you all sat down together and talked things over or if you wrote her a letter introducing yourself?
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#3 of 22 Old 03-11-2007, 10:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I dunno...Would it help if you all sat down together and talked things over or if you wrote her a letter introducing yourself?
I've tried that, and tried being friends with her. Basically trying to keep things neutral for the kids sake, but she seems to like to fight and looks for anything she can to start something over. She enjoys and thrives off the drama she creates...its exhaughsting and frustrating.
Thanks for the idea though, wish it would work!

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#4 of 22 Old 03-11-2007, 11:32 PM
 
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Well kind of, I'm being stalked by my ex's new GF. She even leaves me lovely notes on my car letting me know what she thinks of me. I just ignore it and brush her off as childish and immature. They both deserve each other.

I'm just sorry that my DS occasionally has to witness this behavior.

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#5 of 22 Old 03-22-2007, 11:14 AM
 
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hmmm...I don't think I've been physically followed or had DH's ex wife peeping in windows...But she has stalked me in cyber space. We don't talk much now but I tried being nuetral about a year ago. Basically I gave her way too much info. She would ask the most random none of her business type of questions and I'd answer politely because I feared that woman. Not fear as in shaking in my boots because she might physically hurt me but fear because I knew what kind of person she is. She'd email me and ask me what DH was getting me for Xmas, how our sex life was, etc. She actually almost succeeded in getting me to leave DH.

The best thing you can do (in my opinion) is have your DH stand his ground. He needs to show her that there is a line and she is crossing it. What she is doing is not okay. If it bothers you and you feel physically threatened then I would report it to the police. It'd be really great if we could all get along and live peacefully after splitting up and divorce but it is not always likely to happen that way.
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#6 of 22 Old 03-22-2007, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#7 of 22 Old 03-22-2007, 07:42 PM
 
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Wow! That sounds a lot more serious and intense than I originally thought! I feel so bad for you! DH's ex has never just shown up where I'm at. Which is good because I don't have any kind of custody and I've always been worried that she'd take A. (Not like I'd give in, but if police were called, don't know what the rules are, etc.) The furthest his ex has really gone has been calling me (had to change phone numbers) constantly and flipping out on me over the phone. She really enjoys calling me and saying something horrible then hanging up. She hasn't done it in months though. She also use to enjoy sending me fake I.M. conversations to me that she claims she had with DH. She has never physically threatened me but she has tried to start a fight. She is smart enough to not throw the first punch though. The only thing that resolved the mess was my DH cutting off all contact with her. If she wanted to speak to us she spoke to both of us on the speaker phone. Most of the time she would just call me. We've changed email addresses and phone numbers which has helped. I guess all of her stalking was rooted in her feelings for DH. She wanted him back and as she started to realize it was not going to happen she started backing off. Now we rarely ever hear from her at all.
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#8 of 22 Old 03-22-2007, 07:54 PM
 
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Well kind of, I'm being stalked by my ex's new GF. She even leaves me lovely notes on my car letting me know what she thinks of me. I just ignore it and brush her off as childish and immature. They both deserve each other.
I hope you keep those and give them to your lawyer.
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#9 of 22 Old 03-22-2007, 10:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#10 of 22 Old 03-22-2007, 10:48 PM
 
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We met with a lawyer once because DHs ex likes to start fights, she even started yelling at DH while he was holding their son. The lawyer said to keep a journal of everything that happens, date, time, anything you can think of to put in there do it. Also, you need to be aware of the laws about recording people without there knowledge. Here in WA you cannot record somebody without first notifying the person, so for those of you who carry around tape recorders please check because it might get thrown out if you go to court.

That's just my .02 cents, for the more serious stuff I would see about getting a temporary protection order to see if that prevents the harrasment. If you get one and you can prove they violated it you can get it turned into a permanent one or something else to help.

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#11 of 22 Old 03-23-2007, 12:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#12 of 22 Old 03-23-2007, 12:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 3babies4me View Post
Im just looking to find out if Im the only one lucky enough to be followed by their hubby's ex.
Not lucky enough to be followed, no, but my bf's ex does creep on my facebook, looks at all the pictures, etc, and occaisionally messages me. It's a little weird but nowhere near as bad as what you describe.

Kate
mama to Owen Jeffrey (Sept. 05/04)
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#13 of 22 Old 04-01-2007, 11:38 AM
 
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What is up with the cyberstalking?! My EX's gf does that too, she follows me all around cyberspace. I'm not sure what she's hoping to find out, but it's getting a bit creepy to say the least.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#14 of 22 Old 04-01-2007, 11:54 AM
 
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Dh's ex gf found him through myspace and since I'm on his friends list and so forth, found me. She sent me a few of the fake IMs and such and also sent him detailed letters apologizing for "whatever I did that might have been miscontstrued or otherwise hurt you. I never meant to hurt you" {direct quote} Yeah, okay. She burned every single picture, piece of clothing, letter, note, etc that he had left from his late wife, and emptied his bank account while he was on active duty. He literally came home the night he got back to find an eviction notice on the door and 90% of his stuff GONE except the kitchen stuff and the ashes of his first marriage in the fireplace. Come to find out she'd moved out and moved back in with her ex dh FOUR MONTHS prior, had had the phone set to forward calls to her cell, the whole deal. [b] but she meant him no harm, pain or ill will. WTF Ever.
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#15 of 22 Old 04-01-2007, 03:20 PM
 
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Dh's ex gf found him through myspace and since I'm on his friends list and so forth, found me. She sent me a few of the fake IMs and such and also sent him detailed letters apologizing for "whatever I did that might have been miscontstrued or otherwise hurt you. I never meant to hurt you" {direct quote} Yeah, okay. She burned every single picture, piece of clothing, letter, note, etc that he had left from his late wife, and emptied his bank account while he was on active duty. He literally came home the night he got back to find an eviction notice on the door and 90% of his stuff GONE except the kitchen stuff and the ashes of his first marriage in the fireplace. Come to find out she'd moved out and moved back in with her ex dh FOUR MONTHS prior, had had the phone set to forward calls to her cell, the whole deal. [b] but she meant him no harm, pain or ill will. WTF Ever.

Holy cow, that's a crazy ex if I've ever heard of one. Did he at least go after her for the money she stole? All I can say is wow.

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#16 of 22 Old 04-01-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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Holy cow, that's a crazy ex if I've ever heard of one. Did he at least go after her for the money she stole? All I can say is wow.
couldn't. he'd made her a co-signer on his accounts when he went on active duty so she could pay the rent and such.
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#17 of 22 Old 04-01-2007, 09:43 PM
 
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couldn't. he'd made her a co-signer on his accounts when he went on active duty so she could pay the rent and such.
DH did the same thing with me when we were dating but I would still think that she could get charged with fraud or something. I swear I saw something like this on Judge Judy once.

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#18 of 22 Old 04-02-2007, 02:01 AM
 
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This type of thing happens more often than people realize. (the stalking AND active duty military being left). My DH had the same story...He was out to sea and he'd only been gone a month when he was sent an email from a concerned neighbor reporting his ex's actions. He confronted her over the phone and he came home to new locks on his apartment and his wife and daughter gone, as well as his money. The whole thing really sucks. It sucks that there are women out there who are taking advantage of good people. It sucks that they have a chance to mess with our lives the way they do. DH's ex wife actually attempts every so often to weasel her way in and she has a bunch of excuses. "I was so young...I was lonely...I did not know what I really had until I lost it...I always thought you'd love me forever..blah blah blah". She really turns my stomach. Her eldest daughter spent the weekend with us and she always always always calls my phone. She has made it clear that she does not want to speak to DH and he does not want to speak to her. She picked her daughter up this morning knowing that I was going to work all afternoon and evening. While, I'm gone she calls HIS phone saying she wanted to talk to me (she knows my cell number and she knows I was at work)...I'm sorry if I'm paranoid but it makes me nervous. And of course I happened to pick up DH's cell phone before he went to bed to check the time to set our alarm clock and I decide to hit send to see all the recent calls. Her number is not in there. Soooo I asked him why he deleted it and he says he did not want me to accidentally stumble upon the number in case he forgot to tell me she called. Whatever.
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#19 of 22 Old 04-04-2007, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, its gotten to the point over the last 3 months that hubby cannot even discuss his children's half-sister with them (the baby hubby and I have together) because they will just go tell their mother about it and she will use the information to twist and make sound bad: , or to further her stalking capabilities. So know when the steps ask about our little girl, hubby has to respond that she is fine, and that is it. He cannot share anymore information about me or our little one with them. :
It sucks that they arent able to have a loving relaitonship with their sister because an adult involved in the situtation is choosing to behave like a child :

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#20 of 22 Old 04-05-2007, 12:48 AM
 
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For the original poster, I suggest you read The Gift Of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. I was stalked by an ex and once I read this book I had a clear understanding of what I needed to do to stop unconsciously encouraging him to continue. It's a tall order, but don't respond to her or even let on that you are aware of what she's doing. By reacting you are giving her what she wants. It's crazy, but if it takes 20 different acts to get a response or reaction from you, she knows it will take 20 acts to get the next response. It's so hard to do, but if you stop responding or reacting, she will have to do something more overt, and people will see how nuts she is.

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#21 of 22 Old 04-05-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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I went through that w dh exgf!! OH GOD!!!

They were together for 2 years and broke up then got back together(he did to be close to the kid she had with another man) and she got pregnant...there were questions of it was his! Then at 5 months she decided to end it(there was a chance baby was sick and she blamed dh since she had had a healthy son already)(poor dh went off the deep end!! Wasnt something he was ok with(still isn't))
They broke up shortly after. About a year later we got together and I guess she heard through mutual friends(we got together on a set up) and started calling at all times saying that she'd never date again it was to hard on her son and that he'd never be happy without her!

This kept on happining all through our relationship until our son was born and I forbid her to be around(shed show up to his gigs claiming to be there to hang out with there mutual friends)

Im so glad she's out of our lives! It was such a sore spot!! He always felt bad if anyone wanted to talk about me being preggers around her! And she use to say our child was going to be sick and such. I think we would be through if she was still in the picture.

Im so sorry you have to go through this! I wouldnt wish it on anyone!! It's stressful and hurts and makes you want to pull your hair out!!

Good Luck and your really brave!!

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#22 of 22 Old 04-05-2007, 01:13 AM
 
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Wow... I thought that it was just me... Before DH and I got together, he and his ex were together for 3 years... apparently they broke up, bc she cheated on him, then told him about it (which he says he appreciated, but it was still awful feeling). He and I met about a year or so later... She began showing up at his job (he owned a shoe store) when she found out that he and I were dating. First she showed up with her new boyfriend, then she started showing up alone. DH used to hire teens to work there, and all of the teens would tell me about her being there, fortunately after DH was telling me. Interestingly, since our relationship was really new, I was annoyed, but not toooo angry. In the end, the contact got more intense... he confronted her and cut the contact off. We left the state about 2 years later, and she called me trying to reach him... my cell phone was in his name, and she looked it up (I don't know where). The interesting thing is that I tried to be nice about asking her to stop calling, but she was awfully rude... so finally, I cursed her out something serious , then told her that I would pray for her safety if she kept calling ... okay, so yes, it was an idol threat, and NO, it didnt work...

DH and I called her father, and she finally stopped calling, claiming she was humiliated. I hope that she never calls again, it was crazy... Now, DH is no longer my boyfriend, so if she called now, I might just be a little angrier, but I wont make any threats, I am just going to call the police and say that she is harrassing us or something... I hope that she never calls again... I heard that her new boyfriend looks just like DH : . Creepy.

-L

PS: I am sorry that that is happening... it is horribloe

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