My Stepson.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 04-10-2007, 02:08 AM - Thread Starter
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Ok, this is going to be a long post so you're warned.

So, I have 2 stepchildren, Henry, he's 17 years old and Chrissy she's 14, well Chrissy have lived with DH since she was 3 years old, since BM and DH divorced in 1995, and Henry lives with his mom.
When all the process began(I wasn't in the picture yet, I was 11 years old at the time), and SS was 5, he said "I want to live with my mom", so DH and BM made a choice, she will have full custody of Henry and DH will have whole custody of Chrissy, that was the arangement, whenever Chrissy wants to see her mom, she goes and whenever Henry wants to see his dad he will come.
Well, time passed, DH meet me in 2001, everything was nice and you know, and then I found out I was pregnant months later, DH took me with him to Denmark, so I could give birth there, so, I meet everyone and the kids where there. The connection with Chrissy was immediate, she was 8(about to turn 9) while Henry(that was 11 at the time) was rude, with me, like if it was my fault that his parents divorced, and he told DH "Why are you with her anyways, she's just 6 years older than me, she can be your daughter", First I thought ,it's normal, he felt that I'm in his mom's place now(they have divorced 6 years ago) and, time went by, I had DD1 then I came with DH here, the kids came as well.
Chrissy will be nice and sweet with the baby, like every big sister would she says "She's not my half sister, she's my sister" that's when Henry made the referance about that they just had the same father, but Chrissy calls me "Mom" like since we meet, and she calls her BM by her first name(in what she's ok with).

Henry will pick on the baby, bothering DD1 as if he where a toddler, he made ugly remarks about me, about where I'm from(Spain) he said to me once "You know Bett(how everyone calls me) I was watching this Spanish film yesterday" and me all nice said "Really, what was it about?"
"Oh, I don't remember, but the only thing I know is that you and all Spanish people have the most disturbing and ugly voices, I've ever heard, what's with your accent anyway?" I tried not to be so rude but I said "Well you have to get use to my ugly and disturbing and awful accent don't you think?"
"I don't have another option"

That's once, but that's not important anyway, he had told me some pretty rude things like " It's obvious that my dad only marry you for sex, after all, you're young, and my dad is that type of person, don't get surprised if he cheated on you once, he will get tired of you one day, becuase I know I will"
DH doesn't know about that and DH didn't divorced BM becuase he cheated on him, it was the other way around, and lots of differences and fights, it just didn't worked.

Another thing, she makes DD1 and DD2 angry, DH and hm have had talks but they havne't worked, he pulls DD1 hair(very hard he knocked her to the floor), he was so out of the house for 3 weeks after that, poor Eva, she cried all day after that, he tried to give her peanut butter cookies once, and he has been told a 1000 times she's allergic to peanuts, I wouldn't have known, if DD haven't come up to me telling me "Mommy, can you open this cookies for me".(this was last year)

We have this know, becuase we have many problems that I'm not typing here, whenever he wants to see DH, they will go out somewhere, we have to come out with that, he haven't talk to DH in weeks know, I don't have any contact with BM.

So, I've tried to talk calmly with him, he doesn't listen
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#2 of 2 Old 04-10-2007, 04:31 AM
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THe teen years are really really hard, even without all of the issues that come with blended families.

Is there any way you can get some family counseling? I don't know what the resources are in your country for that type of thing. He may have some issues that he needs t owork on, but doesn't have the abiliyt on his own.

Sorry I don't have better advice. I would be careful to not let him alone with the little ones, and to make sure he knows how wrong it is to pick on them. Does he listen better to his dad about that?

Hugs to you. Wish I oculd be more help.
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