Why do people read and not respond.....genuine question - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 09:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I posted two threads last night, and while they have each had a share of views, they haven't really been answered in comparison?

So I'm wondering why? Not being sarcastic. Is it that the viewers of the thread just can't relate to the topic?

I suppose I'm now concerned that most people who read here might just be snooping, which I know goes on ALOT when custody situations are happening.

In my particular situation, it doesn't make a difference. I'm not saying anything here that I wouldn't want to be read in a court of law, but is that why I'm getting no responses? Because people are afraid?

Hoping someone replies to this.....
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#2 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 11:44 AM
 
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Sometimes I'll read a title to a thread and think that I have an answer and then I'll open the thread and it will be about something completely different than I thought. Sometimes the question has already been answered and I have nothing new to add. Sometimes I'll open a thread that has no paragraphs and is just a wall of text and I'll immediately click back out of it.

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#3 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 11:51 AM
 
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While it is possible you have been followed here by someone "after" you, and I think everyone needs to remember this is a public board.

Mostly it is because most people are just lurkers. They rarely post at all. When you get to a community this big - there are 81,985 registered users and who knows how many guests, threads from Mothering often end up on the first page of Google searches. All kinds of traffic flows through here.

Add to that the number of people nursing or with a child in their lap, or that don't have anything to say once they read, a high percentage of views to posts is very normal.
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#4 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 12:04 PM
 
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The veiws also go up when people who have already posted check back to see what else has been said, or even people who haven't posted but are curious.
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#5 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 12:07 PM
 
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My son is only a year old, but I like to read threads that don't really apply to us to kind of start learning for the future. So a lot of the posts I read, I have nothing to add to, kwim?

Momma to DS1 4/5/06 nursed with IGT to self-weaning at 27 months, DS2 1/20/09 still nursing, DS3 due late November - planning to tandem with IGT and SNS
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#6 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 12:09 PM
 
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Because I click "New Posts" most of the time when I am reading on MDC and I do things like accidentally click on sections that I don't really belong in...like this thread. I didn't realize it was in Blended and Step Family Parenting because the title of the thread didn't reflect that. So if it wasn't a question thread, I would have opened it, read it and realized, "Oops, my input is rather uninformed on this topic so I won't comment." I have mistakenly posted on Due Date Clubs when not even being pregnant many, many times...

Even on threads that I do have an opinion, sometimes I think, "well, if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all", or maybe I read something and think...well, I don't really have any helpful advice or all of my advice has been already posted or I get interrupted and leave the computer, then come back when a child wants to get on and I just quickly close all my windows to let them on. Stuff like that.

It's an interesting question though.
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#7 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 12:10 PM
 
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I often read and don't respond. Sometimes I don't have anything to add. Sometimes I feel it's not my place (like this forum and the single forum, since I am dealing with neither)

-Angela
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#8 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 12:11 PM
 
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For me, a common reason is because I just didnt feel that I can contribute in a way the OP is looking for, or simply because I have no idea myself what the answer to her question is and didnt feel like I have anything I want to say.

Another big reason is because I am a little wary of getting 'flamed' : or challenged about my views/post (even though my views are MINE and I will rarely say that it applies to all. Still I've seen plenty of posters who were challenged in a pretty unneccesary way even tho they've stated that those are just their personal views : ) and I simply do not have the energy for that. Just saying what I think. :
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#9 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 12:30 PM
 
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[QUOTE=kkeris;8166182]For me, a common reason is because I just didnt feel that I can contribute.

QUOTE]

same here. I read alot of threads and never respond - I only respond when I feel like I have something different to add or when I feel really strongly about something.
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#10 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 05:31 PM
 
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sometimes I read and have no helpful advice to offer. I'm here to learn more than anything. And as someone mentioned earlier, sometimes the topic isn't what I thought it was.

I know how it feels when nobody responds, or worse, they attack you.

8(

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#11 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 05:34 PM
 
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i read while i'm puttind DS to sleep and if we're nursing on the right side i'm screwed because I'm right-handed and nakking is hard enough with one hand... nakking...
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#12 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 05:54 PM
 
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Honestly, sometimes I read and simply cannot give the support a person seems to be looking for. My views may be directly opposed to those of the OP and I don't like to cause them unnecessary upset or hurt. I have a tendency to be rather abrupt with my responses .

I did read your post about calling sm "mom". I didn't add a response because I just didn't feel I had anything constructive to contribute. Just personal feelings that would not sound very supportive or be helpful to you
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#13 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I often read and don't respond. Sometimes I don't have anything to add. Sometimes I feel it's not my place (like this forum and the single forum, since I am dealing with neither)
Same here. Or, I'll find that the topic touches me too personally or too emotionally, and I can't handle it enough to respond (though if that's the case I usually post a hug smilie).
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#14 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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I don't post a lot because I'm kind of shy! But I like reading all the questions, stories, and ideas here. Lots of times, I might have something to say, but if it's only a variation of what everyone else has said, I won't take the time to compose my response.

When I've posted a thread, even if not many people have responded, I still think it's cool when lots of people have looked. To me it says that someone found the topic interesting even if they didn't respond!

Oh, and I couldn't read this thread and NOT respond! Too much guilt!
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#15 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 06:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilian View Post
Sometimes I'll read a title to a thread and think that I have an answer and then I'll open the thread and it will be about something completely different than I thought. Sometimes the question has already been answered and I have nothing new to add. Sometimes I'll open a thread that has no paragraphs and is just a wall of text and I'll immediately click back out of it.
Exactly, especially the "wall of text" point -- I won't read a post that consists of all caps, no paragraph breaks, no spaces after punctuation, text messaging-style abbreviations, etc. -- it's not worth my time to expend that much energy reading a post.

I don't really pay more than just passing attention to the "views" column in threads I start. Some message boards don't have that column -- I don't really understand why some boards feel it's an important enough statistic to list for every thread, but since it's not that meaningful to me I just pretty much ignore it.

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#16 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 07:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonprysm View Post
My son is only a year old, but I like to read threads that don't really apply to us to kind of start learning for the future. So a lot of the posts I read, I have nothing to add to, kwim?
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#17 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 08:51 PM
 
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Well, often I read the title but when I actually see the whole story either 1. have no experience or 2. it has already been said so I don't feel I have anything useful to add.

Specifically in the case of your two post, in the one about drinking I was actually confused about who drank what and rather than sift back through it, I just didn't respond. I thought, maybe later I'll read it again.

In the second one, I really didn't have any advice. It seemed like a difficult situation. You said you don't want to be a hypocrite, so , I didn't have anything to add, just seemed like something you'd have to figure out. Plus, my stepson calls me by my first name, and my bio child doesn't have a stepparent, so what can I say? When I read the title, though, I thought I might have somethign to add.
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#18 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 09:34 PM
 
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I just wanted to add that, many times if a post has lots of reads and no answers, it can be because it wasn't worded in a way that lends to having responses.

Sometimes people will post without a clear purpose, or without a clear question, or with such a complex situation that others feel intimated.

I see this a lot and I feel bad when I don't have anything useful to add, since I don't really understand what they're looking for, but I think that's a problem some of the time.
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#19 of 42 Old 05-19-2007, 09:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by sunflowers View Post
Honestly, sometimes I read and simply cannot give the support a person seems to be looking for. My views may be directly opposed to those of the OP and I don't like to cause them unnecessary upset or hurt. I have a tendency to be rather abrupt with my responses .

I did read your post about calling sm "mom". I didn't add a response because I just didn't feel I had anything constructive to contribute. Just personal feelings that would not sound very supportive or be helpful to you
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWine View Post
Same here. Or, I'll find that the topic touches me too personally or too emotionally, and I can't handle it enough to respond (though if that's the case I usually post a hug smilie).
Well I totally understand that, but I guess I should point out that it often helps me to hear others POV, even when they are heavily laden with emotion, b/c I think it helpds me gain perspective, which is often easy to loose in these types of situations, yk?

If what you are saying is that my posts make you angry and you would respond in anger, then no, that probably wouldn't be constructive. However, if any can add thoughts that will keep me thinking and hopefully help me resolve this issue in my own mind.
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#20 of 42 Old 05-20-2007, 11:48 AM
 
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sometimes Im just too lazy:

Loving Mother to our adoption miracle, Riana :, and our angel baby, Xavier. Trying for baby. Wife to my Hero! BLOG LINK IN PROFILE
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#21 of 42 Old 05-22-2007, 10:42 AM
 
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[QUOTE=Flor;8168798]Well, often I read the title but when I actually see the whole story either 1. have no experience or 2. it has already been said so I don't feel I have anything useful to add.
QUOTE]

that's usually why I don't respond.
also, I am pretty new to the blended family, so mostly I read looking for advice and to see what issues other blended families have, because we haven't had much happen yet and I am just gearing up for the future, because I know there's no way this whole thing will always go so smoothly.
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#22 of 42 Old 05-25-2007, 01:03 AM
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I read a LOT here on the MDC, but don't post responses all that often.

Most of the time, I choose not to respond because I don't have anything to contribute.

Other times, I begin to respond and then stop because I know how my brand of advice will be received and I don't feel like listening to people complain about my response or getting into a "battle" over why I feel my response was justified or whatever.

Other times, I am simply overcome by what I've read and I have no words.

This is typical in all of the message board forums I've ever frequented. I even own a message board and while I read almost everything, I don't always respond...Just the nature of the forums, I think.
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#23 of 42 Old 05-25-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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i usually hit new posts and titles are not alway indicative of the actually thread content. so i click thinking i can contribute and find that i can't. sometime my internal response has been posted enough by previous posters. sometimes i get confused when the thread veers off topic. i'm sure there are other reasons too...
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#24 of 42 Old 05-25-2007, 01:33 AM
 
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Sometimes I don't have time- I want to think on an answer and come back to it so I can contribute something worthwhile.

Sometimes I can't tell from the title if there is something I can add. SOmetimes someone has already said what I need to say.

I've been having lots of posts not being replied to lately- it's frustrating, but I try to not take it personally. If I DO post somewhere that I *techincally* don't belong (like here or single parenting or queer parenting) I post a disclaimer somewhere that indicates I'm NOT part of the group and to take what I have to say with a grain of salt. I don't know the whole situation and don't want to insult anyone by seeming to simplify a problem.

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#25 of 42 Old 05-25-2007, 05:39 PM
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I didn't read any responses but I'm guessing it's for a number of reasons.

~can't relate to situation
~someone already said what they wanted to and : gets old
~only clicked due to curiousity (ei, multiples board)
~no time to say what you want and you don't want to flub it up
~can't figure out what the poster is looking for in a response
~too long to read (pargraphs are a good thing )
~don't want to be snarky
~know the thread is heading for lockdown <in before lock- hee hee>
~don't care
~I'm using my phone to view mdc and it's a pia to do much more than just read

(omg- how did I get here. I was in tao and then ???? Sorry to crash your forum!)
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#26 of 42 Old 05-25-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone View Post
I didn't read any responses but I'm guessing it's for a number of reasons.

~can't relate to situation
~someone already said what they wanted to and : gets old
~only clicked due to curiousity (ei, multiples board)
~no time to say what you want and you don't want to flub it up
~can't figure out what the poster is looking for in a response
~too long to read (pargraphs are a good thing )
~don't want to be snarky
~know the thread is heading for lockdown <in before lock- hee hee>
~don't care
~I'm using my phone to view mdc and it's a pia to do much more than just read

(omg- how did I get here. I was in tao and then ???? Sorry to crash your forum!)
:

& as a pp said, wanting to avoid being flamed! If I suspect that my opinion isn't going to be well-received, I need to be pretty committed to it to post here. Not meaning yours in particular, but sometimes threads here can get ugly.:
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#27 of 42 Old 05-26-2007, 01:15 PM
 
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I agree with what everyone else has said and also add that I am wary of responding to certain threads just because of privacy reasons. I do not give out a lot of information on my family, and there are specific reasons for that. So, if it's one where I can be pretty general in my response, great! I wish I had a bit more freedom to blog more of my mind! But that will come in time. Another huge thing is time - I never have time to really post a thoughtful response like some of the mamas here are so talented at doing.
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#28 of 42 Old 05-30-2007, 02:47 PM
 
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well i dont really belong in this forum, but i like to read it. so i read, but dont answer because im not a step parent, so i would have nothing to contribute to the conversation

*~*Ashley*~* newly single mama to Tristan 10/01/2007
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#29 of 42 Old 05-30-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by izandleo View Post
I agree with what everyone else has said and also add that I am wary of responding to certain threads just because of privacy reasons. I do not give out a lot of information on my family, and there are specific reasons for that. So, if it's one where I can be pretty general in my response, great! I wish I had a bit more freedom to blog more of my mind! But that will come in time. Another huge thing is time - I never have time to really post a thoughtful response like some of the mamas here are so talented at doing.
Sorry for the OT, but my blog has a private feature where I can type whatever and only I can see it, so it's like getting to vent whatever in a handwritten journal (only I can type faster than I can write which is probably sad ) My blog also has a protected feature, only allowing people I trust to view the blog.
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#30 of 42 Old 06-02-2007, 05:33 PM
 
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Sometimes I have nothing helpful to add...or there has been so much good advice that it's already been said....and sometimes I have nada nice to say, so I say nada at all j/k

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