Kids coming to visit and child support - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 03:01 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi all, I have a question and I know it's a sensitive topic. Please know that I am not "complaining" or devaluing (for lack of better terms right now) child support at all. I just have a Q and wonder if anyone has had any experience with this.
My DP's kids are coming to visit us for 2 weeks. When he goes to visit them (in the UK) he'll stay for a week plus and have them everyday, daytripping, etc. When he does that he and his X agree on a lesser CS amount that month since he's feeding them every day while he has them and is buying them new clothes, etc. (And because she knows he paid to fly over, get a rental car, hotel, etc).
Since they usually agree to this I don't *think* they'll have a problem compromising this time, but I wonder how y'all feel about this. When he (we) have them for 2 weeks do you think it's fair to cut back on the CS? It's not my business and I would never ask what the $ goes to *besides food, rent etc), but a little cut considering we'd be feeding them etc for 2 weeks? (And, vacationing really - they haven't been to the US in years. And we had to buy all the plane tix - *I'm NOT complaining!!*).
Longwinded, sorry. Anyone else ever strike a deal like this with their X?
TIA!
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#2 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
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I hope no one is reading and going away offended. I am new at this Step family way of life and don't know anyone IRL to ask.
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#3 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 06:15 PM
 
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in the us, parenting time is factored into cs.
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#4 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 06:59 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for the reply boobybunny, I'm not sure I fully understand though. Like I said, I've never experienced this myself and know no one IRL to ask. Would you mind explaining a little for me?
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#5 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 08:22 PM
 
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Yes, it's totally fair to cut back on CS in my opinion. My DD goes to her dad for 2 months every summer and I don't get any CS during those two months. Why would I?

: Mom to a wonderful teen girl, a happy little boy and a cute baby girl
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#6 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 08:58 PM
 
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In the US all that is figured into the CS amount, so normally one would not reduce the amount because of visitation. If custody is shared the CS amount will be based on what percentage of time each parent has the children, but doesn't normally change from month to month based on the location of the children. That's just the norm, and the law acts as a default. Agreements can be made according to differeing situations.

Your rent or mortgage doesn't decrease because the children are gone, so many of the biggest expenses go on whether the children are present or not. I suppose with just one child this may not be as significant. I've got three, and it adds up.

Since you are crossing international lines, and there are extra expenses, it does sound like you've worked out something that is fair for your situation. If you are talking US law, it's not required to be that way, but couples can make agreements to do that kind of thing. You'd have to have both parties agreeing to make it work, since that's not what the law dictates. When couples don't agree judges will decide for them according to the law. For instance the law gives me tax rights for all the children. However, my ex asked to be able to use one of the children as a tax deduction each year. We gave him the eldest, but only if all his payments are on time (which they will never be). I could have fought for it, but it wasn't worth it. We gave him that to get things that were far more important.

I hope that helps.

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#7 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 09:45 PM - Thread Starter
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Kiley & Alohamelly, thank you. I am esp grateful for different opinions/experiences. It is an esp unique situation for me because it is international - man does THAT make life interesting! : (And, just to stress, it's unique to ME because I was never in a divorce/Skids situation at all before but knew of friends, etc growing up. International = : : to me).
Again, thank you. They'll be here in 2 1/2 weeks ( ) so I may have some more Q's to come.
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#8 of 31 Old 07-08-2007, 10:02 PM
 
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Our situation is something that was verbally agreed on and not in writing. I have sole legal and physical custody so everyting has really been up to me at this point. I just felt it wouldn't be fair for me to accept CS during the times my ex has our daughter because he's providing her with food/shelter/clothing and all of that while he has her. I could demand he pay it anyway and he probably would, but I wouldn't feel right about it.

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#9 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 01:48 AM
 
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In Canada, the CS is set, based on the kids living more than 60% with one parent. Consequently, we see a bunch of custodial parents fighting tooth and nail to get the kids 61% of the time, so the CS stays fixed. None of the situations I am familiar with have any kind of variation in them to offset a month where there is increased visitation.

If your dh and his ex can agree on a variation, that's amazing.
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#10 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 01:55 AM
 
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Child support should be set and remain the same. Legally that is how it is, so why she is agreeing to less is beyond me.

Rent does not go down because the children are spending time with Dad for two weeks. You asked for opinions, and personally I think it's kind of cheap, and not fair to get a c/s reduction.
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#11 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 03:34 AM
 
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I get (and DH pays) the same amount, regardless of extra visitation. The way it works here, if the child is with one parent the majority ofthe year, the amount of visitation doesn't affect the amount of support.

If the visitation is more along the lines of a joint custody situation, they calculate support based on percentage of time with each parent, but it's averaged out for the year, so each month stays the same amount, not some months pay more, some months less (or none).

As the PPs noted, the big expenses don't change when the kids are gone. And I often take advantage of time to myself to buy things for ds, so I'm still spending nearly the same on him.

If CS varied depending on visitation time, it could get very difficult, for both parties. What if Dad is sick and misses a vist? Should he then pay extra b/c mom had to feed them that extra weekend? Or three-day weekend is worth more or less than a regular one? Leap Year? :

So I think it's best to keep the amount consistent. If it's something like the kids come all summer, then I could see adjusting the amount, but again, it would make more sense to average that out.
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#12 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 07:55 AM
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Since they already have an agreement when he visits there, it only stands to reason they could come up with an agreement when they come here. How does you "other" feel about asking his x. Does he agree? Does he think she would be reasonable?
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#13 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 11:57 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you all for your replies. I guess one of the big factors in this decision is that nothing went through the courts (except the actual divorce papers). They agreed on everything kid wise with some basic parameters set out in their decree (he can visit whenever he wants, they are to be here twice a year <ha>, every other xmas). But, $ wise they worked out themselves and the kids have never wanted for anything.
I do agree that rent, etc does not go down when they are away, and again I have never and would never ask if the CS goes towards that. But, since she does agree when he/we go there for a bit less I think it will work out this way this time as well. Also, both DS & DD are already compiling "shopping" lists for when they are here. One thing in particular Mummy can't afford so she wants Daddy to buy it. So, I think they have a nice give and take.
When I asked here I guess I was curious if this happened at times/at all with other X's. (For some reason) I didn't consider the legalities of it. But, thank you all again for your perspectives.
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#14 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 12:01 PM - Thread Starter
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Rmcarons, yes I believe he intends to discuss this with her. This is going to be a VERY expensive trip for us and she understands. In fact, she knows that because of some hiccups she wouldn't help us iron out, the plane tix alone are costing over $2000 more than we hoped. We had to buy 4 roundtrip tix from Heathrow for this - in the summer. Not cheap. At all.
Anyway, yes he is going to talk to her. And, yes we hope to catch her on one of her reasonable days. It's worked out ok in the past. Here's hoping!
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#15 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 12:50 PM - Thread Starter
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this mama, you're right, I did ask for opinions. Thank you for yours. I'm not offended by your view of it as cheap, but I'd like to clarify some in his defense. They live 5 time zones and 8 hours away by plane. What difference is that to say, the next town, state, time zone away? Extended heartache. Very high phone bills to call them 3-4 times a week. Higher postage bills to send packages monthly (as opposed to inter-USA mailings). Heartache to try to time his 2 (just recently 3) weeks vacay a year to match when he can take off in sync with their school breaks (a lot different than our breaks, including summer). Then also matching when he can take off, their break and when mummy wants to take them on holiday. Plane tix, rental cars, hotels...
I'm not complaining, I'm not AT ALL trying to say his situation is really any different than any other person making sacrifices to see their children. We just have some extra hurdles to jump through. Rather expensive ones.
Long defense short, when he sees them (up until now, 2 weeks a year - trying to split that over 3-4 visits a year) he tries to work with his X on $ (for that week only - other weeks are always $ as agreed upon). I don't think he's being cheap. Cheap would be conceding that a normal blue collar salary man can not afford 4 trips to London every year. Can you imagine taking 4 "vacations" to London 4 times a year, every year? He's not being cheap, he's trying to make it work.
Thank you for your perspective though. It made me think - in the end I'll only defend his choices and decisions more, but it did make me think.
Happy Monday!
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#16 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 01:51 PM
 
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I love when parents can figure things out and are willing to compromise to what makes sense vs. what the paper says. I am not talking about changing CS depending on each weekend because the kids slept over one extra night, or because they stayed at their mom's house. At the same time, as some call it cheap to rearrange CS for the month that someone is taking in their kid, I could also call it greedy not to revisit CS payments when things come up. :

In general, it all depends on YOUR situation.

Sometimes it is more fair to leave CS payments as they are, in other cases it might be fair to reduce it for the month you are spending with the kids.

I'd say go with what you feel is fair, if both parents have learned to work things out without calling each other names, and not involving laywers - the better it is.

P.S. Kudos to moms like Allohamelly!

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Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
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#17 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 01:58 PM
 
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this mama, you're right, I did ask for opinions. Thank you for yours. I'm not offended by your view of it as cheap, but I'd like to clarify some in his defense. They live 5 time zones and 8 hours away by plane. What difference is that to say, the next town, state, time zone away? Extended heartache. Very high phone bills to call them 3-4 times a week. Higher postage bills to send packages monthly (as opposed to inter-USA mailings). Heartache to try to time his 2 (just recently 3) weeks vacay a year to match when he can take off in sync with their school breaks (a lot different than our breaks, including summer). Then also matching when he can take off, their break and when mummy wants to take them on holiday. Plane tix, rental cars, hotels...
Yes, but heartache and difficulty scheduling is part of having children and not being partnered. Kwim?

It doesn't change the bills for mama to support those children. If my daughter's father started seeing her in lumps at a specific time of year, and asked to not pay child support that month, it would affect whether I could pay the rent. I can't very well move to a one bedroom apartment for a month and then head back to the expensive place when the children return, kwim?

That is my concern with it.

Quote:
Cheap would be conceding that a normal blue collar salary man can not afford 4 trips to London every year. Can you imagine taking 4 "vacations" to London 4 times a year, every year? He's not being cheap, he's trying to make it work.
Yes I can also really see that.

Who moved away? Did she? Or did he?

I really get that 4 trips to London/year is a hardship. I also get that c/s is a hardship. Not getting it is a hardship too, so that is why I advocate that it needs to be paid consistently.

What I think reading this thread is that it is too bad it is so hard to get by these days, for all of us.
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#18 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 02:50 PM - Thread Starter
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Oriole, I appreciate your post. I guess that's what I came here looking for - that even though both DP and his X have agreed (in the past and hopefully now) that I still wondered if it was... right ? Fair? I mean, if they agree and the kids do not go without then that's what really matters. But, I was still curious of all of your advice since I'm new to wrapping my head around so much of this. And, boy, there is a lot.
Thismama, you're right, heartache is part of it for everyone. Esp the kids. And, in case I mistyped, DP does not NOT pay CS at all when he has them, he just factors some things in (food, etc) and they've come to an agreed $ amount for those individual weeks. Not no $, just some reduction.
Who moved away? Well... they lived, married and bore their kids here (US - she's British). After a few years (for more reasons than I'm sure I know without talking directly to her about it) she said she had to be around her family. She took both kids and moved home to the UK. They weren't divorcing or even necessarily seperating - she knew DP would follow. It took him 2 months to close up his life here and pack and he moved. They lived there for 3+ years. Then, as happens (after a mutually personal loss) they were no longer compatible. He decided to move home for many reasons - family (after a tough loss and now a seperation), cheaper to live etc. Still trying to make it work she came back a few months later, with kids, and moved into his house trying to make it work. That lasted 2 weeks, she left for home again.
So, it's sort of tough to say who left whom and on what soil the kids "belong". Though, she eventually made it clear that she wanted them on UK soil only - she threw out their US passports. Honestly she thought that by doing so they were no longer "Americans". (In a post 9/11 world he really doesn't want to travel with them w/o US passports). He would never take them away from their mother (though she took them away from him). So, this is now our reality and we're just trying to make it work. He wants to see his kids, at least 3 - 4 times a year, unfortunately to do that means lots and lots of logistical and financial hopscotch.
Wow, sorry so long. This is getting tougher and more stressful everyday. $ and CS is never an issue and he provides for his children. It's just in times of travel to actually see them that it becomes something that hopefully both of them can discuss as adults. Luckily so far they've both been able to.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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#19 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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Actuslly, it is a standard part of my state's CS policy, and written into the visitation/support court documents from the divorce that during the summer when we have the kids for entire weeks , that during those weeks, the child support is one-half the usual amount. this is because the mom still needs to upkeep certain expenses for the children (like she still has to pay rent, utilities that month, etc, even though the kids are not there) but certain other expenses (like food) will be significantly less for her during those time periods. I guess I assumed that was standard everywhere, but I guess not.

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#20 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 05:36 PM
 
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We will have DSD for the entire month of August and there is no stipulation for a lower amount of child support for that month. OTOH, we didn't ask the judge for it.

I think that paying half would be fair, but paying the whole amount is not - we will have to pay travel expenses and pay for day care while DSD is here, plus the child support. And we will need to essentially buy her a complete wardrobe which she will use for a month and outgrow by next year. Travel expenses + daycare + extra food + clothing = Goodbye, vacation money. Well, we can afford a camping trip.

anyway. We know that DSD's biomom would have a hard time without that money, as she has no income, so we will pay it. It's over half of her rent.
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't feel it's "fair" but that's just the way it is, so we suck it up.

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#21 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 06:37 PM - Thread Starter
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Laggie, that's kind of what I was meaning w/o wanting to say outright (because I know CS is a sensitive subject and I wanted to tread lightly to make sure I got my thoughts out correctly). Besides travel (like I said, 4 roundtrip plane tix, in the summer - BIG $, then saving to hope to do it again at Xmas...), they haven't been here in YEARS and then they were kind of too little to appreciate anything, "sight seeing" wise. They want to go to the beach. They asked, they'll get. They don't have "mountains" per say, so I'd like them to see them. Then there's an amusement park, museums... not too make it all about $, I know it's about the kids, but... it can get expensive. And, did I mention I'm unemployed right now. Fun. Not to mention the $ it takes away from us maybe having a little weekend away closeby this year (like you said about vacay $ Laggie). (I hope that doesn't sound horrible - I didn't mean it to).
Bobandjess99, that's interesting. That's something else I was coming here looking for, someone who maybe had it set that way legally. Not that we would go that route (I don't think) but it's still interesting.
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#22 of 31 Old 07-09-2007, 09:36 PM
 
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Bobandjess99, that's interesting. That's something else I was coming here looking for, someone who maybe had it set that way legally. Not that we would go that route (I don't think) but it's still interesting.

We didn't really have a choice. Like I said, it is a standard part of our state custody/CS rules. Of course, you *can* deviate from the state guidelines, but they REALLY don't like that, and you have to show cause/reason for doing so. So, although I suppose we could have changed it, we didn't. however - we pay full CS every week of the year anyway. Technically, we could get away with paying only half for 2 weeks in the summer, but we don't.

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#23 of 31 Old 07-18-2007, 01:50 PM
 
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He would never take them away from their mother (though she took them away from him). So, this is now our reality and we're just trying to make it work. He wants to see his kids, at least 3 - 4 times a year, unfortunately to do that means lots and lots of logistical and financial hopscotch.
I love your attitude about everything, really. As a SM these things are super tricky, and i totally appreciate that. However i would just like to try and change your view a tiny bit on this one thing. You layed out a bit of the history for us, showing that both your H and his X tried to 'make it work'. I just wish you didn't look at her living in the UK (where her family is, and where she was born and raised) as taking his children away from him. I can almost guaruntee it had nothing to do with literally wanting to take them away from him. In fact it seems she really tried to *not* do that. (Also, i'm not clear on her residency status, so she may have had no other options but to return home after divorcing in order to live and work and support the kids).

I know it makes things tough, that they are both from different countries. But i am in this situation as well, and it frustrates me to hear someone say "She took his child away from him." Because i really did not! He chose to marry me and bring me to his country. When he decided i was no longer what he wanted, i was basically forced to return to my home country, and i brought my infant son with me. It seems that your H's marriage dissolved under fairly amiable circumstances, which is really nice to hear. I just hope that perhaps you might see her side, and not look at it as though she took the children away from him, "even though he'd never do that to her".

As for your question about CS, i wonder why this wasn't taken into consideration when they agreed on everything? I would suggest that it was, and therefore the CS should not change even while you have the kids for 2 weeks. However, if your H and his X can come up with a reduced sum (because of the fewer groceries she'll be buying) then i guess that's great that they can agree like that. But if she were to not agree to a reduction, i would hope you would be understanding, because perhaps she's hoping to use that money on new clothing for growing children, or something special for them, like newly decorated rooms for their return from their visit with their Dad, or something like that. Just a thought. I hope you'll be understanding if she doesn't accept a reduced amount. I totally respect that you are having to pay extra in travel costs and etc to visit with the children. I know it's rough. But it is for his X as well.
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#24 of 31 Old 07-18-2007, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
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ButterflyStarburst, thanks for your reply and insight. I want to preface this reply with an explanation into my psyche right now after something(s) I found out last night - I am halfway between shaking with anger and nauseous over being lied to. And really ticked by the games that his X is seemingly playing.
DP's SIL accidentally let it slip (last night) that it's a shame my DP now has to pay for "the hotel room". : : Long story short (I hope) his X said leaving for the airport at 4am is too early. Her dad can't take her and her new DP can't because he has to work. She wanted a hotel room near the airport - her DP would drop them off and pick her up the next day. (This correspondence was via email so he claims he never "lied" when I asked and he said he hasn't TALKED to her lately.) So, my DP said he'd pay - the flip side being that he lands and she would simply not be there with the kids.
Well, now he "only" has to pay for half of the room because her new DP is staying in the hotel with them. But... I thought he had to work, that's why he couldn't drive them. : : : Why does he have to pay at all, esp now when obviously her DP has the time to take off of work. Now he's just paying for their night away! (I swear, coming soon is a question for the gas money to and from the airport).
As it stands I am being lied to, my DP has asked his SIL to lie to me, his X is playing games and constantly winning since he can't risk not seeing his kids. I do not think I can handle this anymore. They will be here in 8 days and I'm ready to leave now.
ButterflyStarburst, I can respect what you're saying, and as your situation is quite similar I do not mean to offend in any way. But, for clarity, when she left with the kids the first time they were still married. She decided on her own and he was either to stay here and make a life without his wife and kids or he was forced to follow. She quite literally woke up one day and announced she was leaving. And left. It wasn't that she just wanted them away from him, but this country and his family. And, again, since they were still married she didn't have a conflict with residency status. (Though, I respect that you tried to fill in blanks I left in my explanation and explain the flip side as that may have been the case.)
So, while I started this thread wondering if people had opinions on reduced CS while vacationing with one parent it has now culminated in him paying for 4 roundtrip tix (because she won't allow them to fly with "minders" (babysitters, so he has to go get them and turn right around and come home - same on trip back) that British Air provides), a hotel room for them, travel insurance and her ever growing list of things "Daddy can buy you when you visit him".
I may be too upset to be posting this right now, but I'm going to anyway because I need to vent. I am not trying to offend anyone in a similar situation or not. I'm just so upset at what seems to be this game his X is playing and him having to lie to me because he doesn't want me upset. Though, of course I now am. Multiplied by his lying. :
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#25 of 31 Old 07-18-2007, 09:02 PM
 
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I think that typically travel costs are split between the two parents. I'm surprised that your husband is expected to pay 100% of it.

I also think it is unreasonable for your DH to have to fly to Britain twice - the kids' mom should make one of those trips. I'm not sure how old the kids are but I imagine they can't fly alone on a transatlantic flight. For DSD it costs an extra $150 for her to fly unaccompanied, and that's only for a 1 hour flight!

As for the lying... Your husband sounds a lot like how mine used to be - always tiptoeing around the ex's feelings but ignoring mine. He did get a lot better over time. It took a long time for him to see that the more he went along with her unreasonable requests, the more unreasonable she became. Once he started sticking up for himself, things got a lot better.

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#26 of 31 Old 07-18-2007, 09:18 PM
 
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Hmm, I can see your frustration, but I did want to give a little perspective on the idea of her taking the kids away from him.

I've lived in the US for 8 years now, and have no intention of going home. However, the UK is and always will be home to me - I've never felt 'at home' here, no matter how wonderful my dh is and what good friends I've made. I can fully understand how someone can get so overwhelmed by the differences and the frustrations of living here that they'd want to get on the first London-bound plane.

I am in a great situation as I know 100% that if at any point I said that I needed to go home, dh would pack up his job, sell everything and go with me. He'd stomach the cost of living, put up with living in a tiny house, and not even moan (much) about the weather. It's just what he'd do for me if I was unhappy enough to want him to do it. Period.

I'm not criticising your dh, but honestly, having done the parenting thing thousands of miles from friends and family, I'd feel pretty bad if I didnt know that dh would do the same for me. I don't think it would be the same for him - at least, in a 'traditional' SAHM family. He'd go to work, make new friends, bulid a life. It would be very much easier for him that it is for me.

For example, this week I'm moving house and my two year old has fractured his leg. I have nobody to call on for help. If I lived in the UK, I could call on my mum, my sisters, my close friends, and they'd be here in a shot. Gosh, it can feel lonely sometimes. Instead, I'm having to pack the house, organise trucks, talk to builders, cook meals and lug a sad and immobile 2 yo around as I do it. What I'd give to be able to pick up the phone and call my family for help!!

I don't ask dh to make the sacrifice of moving because his career is here, and I can handle the loneliness. But I can't blame anyone who can't handle it. I think that the knowledge that without question dh would go with me and stay with me forever makes it possible for me to not ask him to do that.

Hope this helps give some perspective.
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#27 of 31 Old 08-03-2007, 08:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom3b1? View Post
Your rent or mortgage doesn't decrease because the children are gone.
I suppose with just one child this may not be as significant.
I've got three, and it adds up.
I never understand that argument.
Is it being implied that if a person doesn't have a child, they wouldn't have to pay rent/mortgage or would be homeless?
Don't all adults still have to pay for housing, whether they are parents or not?

No, rent doesn't decrease when kids are gone.
But why should child support pay THE PARENTS rent/mortgage.
The parent lives there, too, and they'd live somewhere and pay rent/mortgage, even if they didn't have any kids.

Now, with multiple children, the parents may want more bedrooms (not necessary with young children who cosleep, though).
With older children, boys may want their rooms separate from the girls in the family.
But does every child at any age NEED their own room?
I don't think so.

However, in the circumstances that would require extra rooms for extra kids, the increase in rent/mortgage is not usually a whole lot.
Maybe $100 to go from a one bedroom to a two bedroom apartment.
That was my experience during my apartment renting years.
Am I wrong?


ETA: In my case, all four of us share one bedroom.
I don't see the need for more bedrroms unless we wanted to make one a family room for all the toys, tv, computer, etc.
But that is what our living room is for.

(It would be nice to have a room for my pets to sleep in, for my bird cages, to keep the mess down.
But I don't like my pets being separated from what goes on in the house.
I'd hate to tuck my birds cages away in another room solely to keep the house cleaner.
They need to be around us.)

Yes, my daughters are young, and I suppose someday they'll move out of our family bed. When that day comes they will share a bedroom with each other. They won't each need their own room. My sister and I shared a bedroom and we saw nothing wrong with it. In fact, we shared a bed until I was 12 years old.

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#28 of 31 Old 08-03-2007, 11:20 PM
 
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In my state the CS can be prorated based on how many nights the child spends with the NCP per month. It is not unusual for the CS to be reduced for extended visits. I know people who have successfully gotten the support reduced for having the children for a certain amount of time per month.
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#29 of 31 Old 08-04-2007, 03:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Abi's Mom View Post
I never understand that argument.
Is it being implied that if a person doesn't have a child, they wouldn't have to pay rent/mortgage or would be homeless?
Don't all adults still have to pay for housing, whether they are parents or not?

No, rent doesn't decrease when kids are gone.
But why should child support pay THE PARENTS rent/mortgage.
The parent lives there, too, and they'd live somewhere and pay rent/mortgage, even if they didn't have any kids.
NO!if I did not have custody of my two older children, my husband and I could get away with a much smaller house. As it is now, we are looking to move from our three bedroom, 3 bath to a 4 bedroom 3 bath because our youngest is now of an age that he will be in a bed other than ours. His ten year old brother does not want to share with a three year old, and our daughter would be be happy to share.. but my former spouse declared that "unsafe." So if my older kiddos were only here as often as they are at their father's, I could be living in my two bedroom duplex, where one side pays the mortgage. (The kids see their bio father for all of 30 overnights a year....30/365)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi's Mom View Post
Am I wrong?
YES! to go from my duplex, where we would live mortgage or rent free to my husband's home (3/3) home was an added expense of 1500 a month.(210,000.00 home) to a 4/3 we are looking at a MINIMUM of a 400K home, and a 2200 mortgage. So no it is not just as simple as a hundred bucks a month.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi's Mom View Post
ETA: In my case, all four of us share one bedroom.
I don't see the need for more bedrroms unless we wanted to make one a family room for all the toys, tv, computer, etc.
But that is what our living room is for.



Yes, my daughters are young, and I suppose someday they'll move out of our family bed. When that day comes they will share a bedroom with each other. They won't each need their own room. My sister and I shared a bedroom and we saw nothing wrong with it. In fact, we shared a bed until I was 12 years old.
My former spouse threw a huge arse fit about our children co sleeping with my new spouse and I. (as I would have as well if it were reversed)
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#30 of 31 Old 08-04-2007, 03:53 AM
 
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I'll gently remind you that as she and the children are in the UK, child support is determined and set by the CSA, who refuse to get involved in international cases and so there's no statutory amounts involved. I do think that in cases like this, it's reasonable to offer a lesser amount though.

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