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#31 of 52 Old 09-19-2007, 02:11 PM
 
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Did the stepmother help your daughter at all with her dancing? (Like watch her practicing while your daughter was at your ex's house?)
ProtoLawyer, no she barely knew her at this point.

I also should mention that I am a stepmom too, to my husband's son. I would never pull the kind of disrespectful nonsense with his mother that my dd's stepmom pulls with me. I am always conscious of how I am acting or treating him. I am his dad's wife, not his mother.

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#32 of 52 Old 09-19-2007, 02:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by myra_mcgray View Post
When my DS was born I was afraid i would love him more than my DSS and that my DSS would know. I don't it was never an issues. Things are different with DSS he is not here all the times. We (my husband and I) don't make all the decisions about him but, they are both my family, my children. When I was explaining to DSS what being married was I said it was when you love someone so much that even though they are not your family you decide to make them your family. He asked if this was what we did and i said yes I married him and his father they are both my family. I guess it may be because I have been involved with my DSS since he was a baby, but I have a hard time understanding the idea of having bio and step kids and not treating/feeling like they are both your own. I hope if me and DH ever split and he remarries whomever he is with treats my kids and loves my kids as much as they do their own. That being said I would not do things that should be with DSS and his mom that relationship is special and I am not his mom, but i am his parent.
I wonder how much the age of the child when you become a main part in his or her life comes into it. I started dating my Hubby when my stepdaughter was 11 months old and married him a few months after she turned four, so I've pretty much helped to raise her most her life. I can't imagine whether or not we'd be this close if I met her when she was ten or so.

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Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
When my partner asked SD if she knew what would happen if he and I married, she said: "ProtoLawyer would become my stepmother." Then she almost started crying. "You're not going to become mean, will you?"

We reminded her that her Nana was actually her father's stepmother, and Nana was nice. That seemed to do the trick, a little: "This is ProtoLawyer. She's my daddy's girlfriend. When they get married, she'll become my stepmother, but not like Cinderella's stepmother because Cinderella's stepmother is mean all the time and ProtoLawyer is mean only sometimes."

(I asked her how I was mean and she told me: "We never have cookies except when we go to the coffee shop." So it's all relative.)
We got the same thing when we told my stepdaughter that her Daddy and I were getting married. She FREAKED OUT crying hysterically. After she calmed down to talk, she said, "I don't want Krissy to be mean to me. I don't want to be like Cinderella." : Now, sometimes when I do something "mean", like for example, the other day I turned around quick and accidently knocked her down, we joke, "Here's Katherine's Evil Stepmother again." Her Mother tried to make that same joke when I told Katherine she had to carry her own backpack. (It was heavy, but my hands were already full.) It just doesn't come off as a joke when other people say it. I'm sorry to say, I was guilty of quite a dirty look, which was probably not warrented.

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Originally Posted by jennlyn View Post
Be aware that it isn't only stepmoms or dads that can steal away special moments that belong to the parent. I've a friend who has lost those moments with her dc to the grandmas, aunties, grandpas and uncles who have to rush to do everything "first" with the children because their financial resources are greater than those of a single mom.
Good point about part of it, but do you mean that Dads have no right to special moments? And is there nothing that can be special just between a Step Parent and their stepchild? Do you mean that every "first" and anything that might possibly be special to the child (or maybe not to the child, but to one of the parents, only the Mother has a right to it? Please clarify.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#33 of 52 Old 09-22-2007, 05:06 PM
 
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Bump.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#34 of 52 Old 09-22-2007, 06:11 PM
 
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I don't like writing things as "Don't do xy and z" so I just wrote things that have impacted me. I also realize some of the things are problems with not only the step mom, but the father as well.

Them forcing my daughter to call her "Mommy" hurt more than they'll ever know. She took her out to buy her a bra for the first time, she took her and got all of her gorgeous hair cut off when she was 4, her first tooth they did the tooth fairy thing with and then threw the tooth out instead of offering it to me.. I would have liked to save it. Her first dance class and recital was orchestrated by her and at the end when I tried to tell my daughter that I was proud of her, she literally pulled her away from me to criticize her for not doing all the moves she should have. They play on my daughters willingness to please people, and know that if someone asks her to choose who her "Mother" is when out in public.. she will choose her step mom so they don't get angry at her.

Crossing off my name from emergency contact lists.. leaving me off them altogether.

She finds every extra curricular activity that takes place during the time she's usually with me, and signs her up for it without even asking her if she wants to participate. For instance, instead of seeing my daughter on weekends right now.. I won't see her for 2 months because she signed her up for soccer and it takes place on Saturdays. No use driving back and forth so many times they say.. we'll just keep her.

She runs the show, and my ex husband likes it that way. Anything I ask him regarding our daughter, he has to get back to me after he talks with her or call her because he doesn't know the answer. I feel like she's my ex and not him. Yet she won't give me the chance to speak with her about anything either.

Theres been a lot of talk in these forums about vilifying step parents and things like that.. and I really want people to know that in my case, it couldn't be further from the truth. I WANTED my daughter to have many people to love her. I was happy when my ex got remarried. I try so hard to maintain open communication and be involved, but his wife won't even speak to me. If she comes to pick up my dd, instead of calling me from her cell phone to say she's here (we can't see the driveway) she will call my ex, and then he'll call me to say she's there. She goes out of her way to avoid me, and I don't know why. I really have done nothing but bend over backwards to not offend her, while getting stepped on.

For instance, just the other day.. she came to pick up dd and I had my other two children outside with me. My 4 yo usually is inside for the pickup/drop off because she gets emotional. So she really hasn't seen my ex's wife much. She knows her dad comes to pick her up, and when she saw a woman this time she put 2 and 2 together and said loudly, "Ohhh! Sissy DOES have a mom! Look!" And though my heart fell through the floor... I didn't want to correct her. It felt rude and dismissive. "No honey, thats her step mother." If it were me, I wouldn't want to hear that. So I said nothing. And she didn't correct her either. I'm quite sure she was on cloud 9 about it she was beaming so brightly, and I literally felt invisible.

Again, in case there is any doubt.. I don't believe all step mothers are like that at all. My situation just happens to be kinda yucky.

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#35 of 52 Old 09-22-2007, 06:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't like writing things as "Don't do xy and z" so I just wrote things that have impacted me. I also realize some of the things are problems with not only the step mom, but the father as well.

Them forcing my daughter to call her "Mommy" hurt more than they'll ever know. She took her out to buy her a bra for the first time, she took her and got all of her gorgeous hair cut off when she was 4, her first tooth they did the tooth fairy thing with and then threw the tooth out instead of offering it to me.. I would have liked to save it. Her first dance class and recital was orchestrated by her and at the end when I tried to tell my daughter that I was proud of her, she literally pulled her away from me to criticize her for not doing all the moves she should have. They play on my daughters willingness to please people, and know that if someone asks her to choose who her "Mother" is when out in public.. she will choose her step mom so they don't get angry at her.

Crossing off my name from emergency contact lists.. leaving me off them altogether.

She finds every extra curricular activity that takes place during the time she's usually with me, and signs her up for it without even asking her if she wants to participate. For instance, instead of seeing my daughter on weekends right now.. I won't see her for 2 months because she signed her up for soccer and it takes place on Saturdays. No use driving back and forth so many times they say.. we'll just keep her.

She runs the show, and my ex husband likes it that way. Anything I ask him regarding our daughter, he has to get back to me after he talks with her or call her because he doesn't know the answer. I feel like she's my ex and not him. Yet she won't give me the chance to speak with her about anything either.

Theres been a lot of talk in these forums about vilifying step parents and things like that.. and I really want people to know that in my case, it couldn't be further from the truth. I WANTED my daughter to have many people to love her. I was happy when my ex got remarried. I try so hard to maintain open communication and be involved, but his wife won't even speak to me. If she comes to pick up my dd, instead of calling me from her cell phone to say she's here (we can't see the driveway) she will call my ex, and then he'll call me to say she's there. She goes out of her way to avoid me, and I don't know why. I really have done nothing but bend over backwards to not offend her, while getting stepped on.

For instance, just the other day.. she came to pick up dd and I had my other two children outside with me. My 4 yo usually is inside for the pickup/drop off because she gets emotional. So she really hasn't seen my ex's wife much. She knows her dad comes to pick her up, and when she saw a woman this time she put 2 and 2 together and said loudly, "Ohhh! Sissy DOES have a mom! Look!" And though my heart fell through the floor... I didn't want to correct her. It felt rude and dismissive. "No honey, thats her step mother." If it were me, I wouldn't want to hear that. So I said nothing. And she didn't correct her either. I'm quite sure she was on cloud 9 about it she was beaming so brightly, and I literally felt invisible.

Again, in case there is any doubt.. I don't believe all step mothers are like that at all. My situation just happens to be kinda yucky.

New endeavor coming soon...
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#36 of 52 Old 09-22-2007, 06:29 PM
 
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Thanks.

I think I'm a bit hormonal today because it seems to be a never ending type fest of things so close to the surface. I'm sorry for spamming my messed up situation. Honest.

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#37 of 52 Old 09-22-2007, 06:37 PM
 
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Again, in case there is any doubt.. I don't believe all step mothers are like that at all. My situation just happens to be kinda yucky.
You're situation happens to be a lot of yucky! There's NO EXCUSE for what your daughter's Father and Stepmother are doing to you or to the child. :

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#38 of 52 Old 09-22-2007, 06:40 PM
 
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Oh, Nature, that's awful.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
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#39 of 52 Old 09-23-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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I usually don't do this...... I am replying without having read carefully all of the posts previous to mine.
I am crunched for time and have this overwhelming need to get in here real quick and say
Thank you to these step moms!
For asking the question, firstly
and then, and this one is killing me right now,
thank you so much for really listening to these replies
I feel strongly
deeply
honored.

I have read some words which felt harsh to me and inside I felt myself reacting to some of the things which have been said as if I were a step mom reading them. I felt myself responding to some of the things I've read here defensively. And, every single one of the stepmothers participating in this thread have maintained a noble course despite the rife opportunity to take issue along the way.

Thanks to you moms ..... all of you moms
I think I may actually be able to do this thing, which has been so difficult for me....... to find a way to see the right things my daughters step mom is doing and to clear the fog of my own emotional responses and to turn the poison into medicine which will help our family be well.

Carry on my good fellows, carry on.
-anj119
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#40 of 52 Old 10-01-2007, 01:29 AM
 
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It is intolerable, in my situation, that my son's step mom poses like she's the Mom. The latest example of this was last week. We have a family picture wall at my son's school. I am the art teacher at this school, and my son is in Kindergarten. My son's Dad signed up to take a picture of his wife, himself, and my son without letting me know. In other words, they act like she's the mom, and I am completely out of the picture. (But I teach at the school and my son is with me most of the time) Grrrrrr. Keep in mind, this picture is for the wall in the school representing the families of the school. If it was just a family picture for their own purposes, I wouldn't care. The really frustrating part is, I make a huge effort to include my son's Dad (and even the stepmom, when appropriate) in everything I think my son would want them at. To make it even more frustrating, when I talked to my son's Dad about it, he said "You're the birth mom, she's the step mom" as if we are on the same level. Or as if I had put him up for adoption, rather than doing everything I can to make a great life for us. This is all about respecting roles and boundaries. And then my son asked "Why aren't you in my family picture, you're my Mom?" :
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#41 of 52 Old 10-01-2007, 09:44 AM
 
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Artmom

I'd suggest that you also hand the school a photo of you and your son together and say "look, he has three parents. One divided family. This is the reality for 50% of schoolaged children today." There is no need for them to cause this kind of conflict.

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#42 of 52 Old 10-01-2007, 03:47 PM
 
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I like this. I feel this way about my DSD.

I think that there could be cases where a stepparent would love a stepchild as their own, but I'm not sure that you could make that statement unless you had children of your own. You wouldn't know what to compare it to, kwim?

My expectations on how I should feel about my DSD have changed since having DS. I have realized that I will probably never love her like my own child, but do love her like the very important member of my family that she is.
Thanks for saying this. It's put into words how I've felt since my son was born (looks like around the same time as yours!). Before my son was born I always said I loved DSD like she was my own, but then my son was born and I realized it *is* a different kind of love.
For a while, I felt guilty for not being able to love her like a mother loves a child, but as time has gone on I have come more to terms with that and the fact that DSD doesn't need me to be her mother- she needs me to be her "Ima" (what she calls me, yes, Hebrew for Mommy, but it was her decision, and it does have a different meaning for both of us) while her mother does the mothering stuff.
Does that make sense? I'm still trying to work that all out in my head! Blended family issues are not easy!
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#43 of 52 Old 10-02-2007, 09:06 AM
 
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This type of stuff really bothers me. The more I think about it the more it starts to look like it's some type of war. Moms on one side and Step-moms on the other side. I know there has been some talk of this in other threads BUT I think stepmothers are just as an important part of your kid's life as the mom is. Just because we did not give birth to them does not mean we don't do a great deal of loving, parenting, and providing for them. In my case I'm the only mother my DSD has ever known. Of course I love DSD as my own. In my opinion she IS my own. That does not mean that I don't recognize her mother or support their relationship. I really wish that her mom (I am completely uncomfortable calling her this but I feel the extreme need to be politically correct for some reason) and I could get along. I've tried and tried but I cannot force someone to like me or have good intentions. It's just getting old. I'm not a horrible person. I love this kid! I'm a full time stay at home mom for HER. It sucks that people think we should not be allowed to experience certain parts of these kid's lives just because we're not the original parent. I want to share it with her just as much as you do. Make love not war?? Maybe? Please?

I don't have children of my own. To even come close to suggesting that I may not love DSD as my own because I don't know what that feels like is incredibly hurtful! How dare you? The bond between a mother and a child may be different when you spend 9 months "growing" them. But I can guarantee that you don't have to birth the child OR birth any children in order to love a child as if they are your own. You don't speak for me OR for any other mother of any kind. IF you're a stepmother and you felt differently after birthing your children then fine. Please don't encourage others to believe that this is common practice. Adoptive mothers and a lot of stepmoms would most likely disagree. I know I do.

Why is it always like this?? "Oh you're JUST the stepmother." "You don't have kids of your own so you don't know what that kind of love is." "You're not her blood." I'm not saying everyone is this way but why are Bio moms, original moms, ex wives or whatever the heck you want to call yourself ALWAYS trying to knock me down one step?? I get it. I didn't give birth to her. I have not given birth to any kids at all. I GET IT! So that must make me less? I must love her less. I must not truly be her parent. Ouch.

It's almost as if you're insecure! You can't handle the fact that your children are around someone else..someone who might just be good for them? Someone who has good intentions and CAN love them regardless of genetics and other children. I am not a threat. I'm not here to tear you apart. I don't want to push you out of her life. Nothing about me is evil. Instead of being angry and put off by the stepmom maybe we could all just rejoice a little bit that now your child is going to be even MORE loved. ARGH!
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#44 of 52 Old 10-02-2007, 08:56 PM
 
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It's almost as if you're insecure! You can't handle the fact that your children are around someone else..someone who might just be good for them? Someone who has good intentions and CAN love them regardless of genetics and other children. I am not a threat. I'm not here to tear you apart. I don't want to push you out of her life. Nothing about me is evil. Instead of being angry and put off by the stepmom maybe we could all just rejoice a little bit that now your child is going to be even MORE loved. ARGH!
Except..... it would seem quite a few of us aren't dealing with stepmoms like you. My two really are treated as second-class citizens. Actually, #1 is more like third class. They are not allowed to have anything personal in their rooms (which USED to be THEIR rooms) at their Dad's unless it matches the decor. Photos of me are not allowed. They are not to mention me at all. They are not to call me when there (and I'm not talking a weekend - try the whole summer). My youngest actually snuck to a neighbor's to call me so her Dad & stepmom wouldn't know and she wouldn't be punished. I'm sorry, but to me, this doesn't make my child MORE loved.

So I hope you can understand that many of us aren't jealous of you. We aren't insecure. We can't not handle another woman parenting our child. What we can't handle is someone - anyone - mistreating our child. What my two get isn't love. Sorry.
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#45 of 52 Old 10-02-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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This type of stuff really bothers me. The more I think about it the more it starts to look like it's some type of war. Moms on one side and Step-moms on the other side. I know there has been some talk of this in other threads BUT I think stepmothers are just as an important part of your kid's life as the mom is. Just because we did not give birth to them does not mean we don't do a great deal of loving, parenting, and providing for them. In my case I'm the only mother my DSD has ever known. Of course I love DSD as my own. In my opinion she IS my own. That does not mean that I don't recognize her mother or support their relationship. I really wish that her mom (I am completely uncomfortable calling her this but I feel the extreme need to be politically correct for some reason) and I could get along. I've tried and tried but I cannot force someone to like me or have good intentions. It's just getting old. I'm not a horrible person. I love this kid! I'm a full time stay at home mom for HER. It sucks that people think we should not be allowed to experience certain parts of these kid's lives just because we're not the original parent. I want to share it with her just as much as you do. Make love not war?? Maybe? Please?

I don't have children of my own. To even come close to suggesting that I may not love DSD as my own because I don't know what that feels like is incredibly hurtful! How dare you? The bond between a mother and a child may be different when you spend 9 months "growing" them. But I can guarantee that you don't have to birth the child OR birth any children in order to love a child as if they are your own. You don't speak for me OR for any other mother of any kind. IF you're a stepmother and you felt differently after birthing your children then fine. Please don't encourage others to believe that this is common practice. Adoptive mothers and a lot of stepmoms would most likely disagree. I know I do.

Why is it always like this?? "Oh you're JUST the stepmother." "You don't have kids of your own so you don't know what that kind of love is." "You're not her blood." I'm not saying everyone is this way but why are Bio moms, original moms, ex wives or whatever the heck you want to call yourself ALWAYS trying to knock me down one step?? I get it. I didn't give birth to her. I have not given birth to any kids at all. I GET IT! So that must make me less? I must love her less. I must not truly be her parent. Ouch.

It's almost as if you're insecure! You can't handle the fact that your children are around someone else..someone who might just be good for them? Someone who has good intentions and CAN love them regardless of genetics and other children. I am not a threat. I'm not here to tear you apart. I don't want to push you out of her life. Nothing about me is evil. Instead of being angry and put off by the stepmom maybe we could all just rejoice a little bit that now your child is going to be even MORE loved. ARGH!
I know exactly how you feel.

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Except..... it would seem quite a few of us aren't dealing with stepmoms like you. My two really are treated as second-class citizens. Actually, #1 is more like third class. They are not allowed to have anything personal in their rooms (which USED to be THEIR rooms) at their Dad's unless it matches the decor. Photos of me are not allowed. They are not to mention me at all. They are not to call me when there (and I'm not talking a weekend - try the whole summer). My youngest actually snuck to a neighbor's to call me so her Dad & stepmom wouldn't know and she wouldn't be punished. I'm sorry, but to me, this doesn't make my child MORE loved.

So I hope you can understand that many of us aren't jealous of you. We aren't insecure. We can't not handle another woman parenting our child. What we can't handle is someone - anyone - mistreating our child. What my two get isn't love. Sorry.
Your children's Stepmother has no right to call herself their Stepmother and your children's Father has no right to call himself their Dad. That's not love they're showing, that's just control they're after. I feel bad for your children and for you. But not all Stepmother's are like that and I, as a Stepmother resent Stepmothers like that because they make the rest of us look like crap.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#46 of 52 Old 10-03-2007, 09:08 AM
 
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Exactly, Harley. It sucks that there are women out there who are encouraging the wicked step mother stereotype. I know FARRRR more stepmothers who are like me than not. In fact, now that I think about it...I don't know any stepmothers who treat their stepchildren horribly or put them below their biological kids. None. And I easily know 10+ women in real life who are stepmoms.

As far as my husband's ex wife goes...she never even tried to like me. She took an immature, insecure, negative approach to me being around the very minute she found out. She'd even been gone for 2 years when I met DH and she'd had NO relationship with either him or DSD for those 2 years. I probably should have been more specific in my rant...it's not all moms that I'm speaking to..I was speaking to the moms that just don't like to "share" their kids. The moms that somehow always find a problem with the stepmom. I.E. She's too young...She has no kids of her own so she can't love my kids...she can't take care of my kids...She's not better than me...etc. Those are the moms that frustrate me.

mtiger - I apologize. You have every right to be concerned and up in arms about the situation your children are living in. I'm pretty sure that no judge would support your children not being able to talk to you ALL summer. That is ridiculous. You need to contact a lawyer and pursue getting some of the fine details set in place so you can maintain your place in your children's lives. It is incredibly unfair of BOTH the stepmom and the dad to force that on you and your children. I hope your situation improves quickly!

- Elizabeth
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#47 of 52 Old 10-03-2007, 11:32 AM
 
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mtiger - I apologize. You have every right to be concerned and up in arms about the situation your children are living in. I'm pretty sure that no judge would support your children not being able to talk to you ALL summer. That is ridiculous. You need to contact a lawyer and pursue getting some of the fine details set in place so you can maintain your place in your children's lives. It is incredibly unfair of BOTH the stepmom and the dad to force that on you and your children. I hope your situation improves quickly!

- Elizabeth
Actually, it's not that bad at the moment. Dad pretty well lets them choose when/if they go to see him. The older one has spent.... hmmm.... 10 days since the start of the year there. The younger has been up a bit more. I do find it sad for all three of them, but at the end of the day..... it is what it is.

The summer phone thing was a couple of years ago, when they spent more time there. But honestly? The stage was set from the first day we met. They came together to get the kids, and I went out to say hello, introduce myself, etc. First thing she says to me is (and this is having spent 2 days w/the kids in total) "You know #1 is a very disturbed child. What are you doing about it?" (Uuuuuh, excuse me? You barely know this child.) But I got a half hour discourse on what was wrong with the kiddo.

Still and all, both of mine are old enough to have formed their own opinions. I've made a point to keep my mouth shut and allow them to do that - no one can accuse me of standing between them and their Dad/stepmom. Well.... I'm sure they could come up with something.

And I know not all stepmoms aren't like this. Just as all moms aren't terrible and evil, either.
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#48 of 52 Old 10-03-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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Apropos of nothing, but after shopping for a dress for myself for a formal future-job-related function, I've come to the conclusion that not only can SD's mom do the prom/wedding dress shopping with SD herself, she can take any future biological children of mine for those same things, too.

Oh, and if she could find something for a 5'2" 32-year-old that's not $300 or overly revealing or like something my grandmother would wear, that would be great.

Carry on.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
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#49 of 52 Old 10-03-2007, 01:48 PM
 
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Apropos of nothing, but after shopping for a dress for myself for a formal future-job-related function, I've come to the conclusion that not only can SD's mom do the prom/wedding dress shopping with SD herself, she can take any future biological children of mine for those same things, too.

Oh, and if she could find something for a 5'2" 32-year-old that's not $300 or overly revealing or like something my grandmother would wear, that would be great.

Carry on.
Any mom, step, biological, what have you can feel free to shop for my wedding dress for me as well.

love.gif

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#50 of 52 Old 10-03-2007, 03:17 PM
 
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About a week after my dd was born, I called my dh crying.

I was always the stepmom who said I loved my dss as much my own, until I had my own. As I gazed at my dear newborn daughter, I felt a type of love I never had experienced before.

I was crying because it felt so unfair to my stepsons to feel something different in my heart for my daughter than I did for them. I'm not saying this is everyone's experience, but it was mine.

I've come to accept that while I may love my dss as much as possible, it is a different type of love than I have for my daughter. I didn't know this until she was born. I didn't know a lot of things until she was born
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#51 of 52 Old 10-03-2007, 05:05 PM
 
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I'm not saying that it isn't different. I've never given birth so I can't say for sure what it is. I cannot imagine loving DSD less, ever. Different, maybe. But not less. I don't think you should feel badly or ashamed..it is what it is BUT I really dislike others who say it WILL be this way for all step moms.

I'm adopted and I've talked with my adoptive mother about love and bonding. She has two children that are younger than me and are hers biologically. She said it was much harder to bond with me and that aspect of it was different. She says she loves each of us equally and not differently at all. She does feel that a lot of the differences and strain that she and I had came from the different sort of bonding.
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#52 of 52 Old 10-03-2007, 09:27 PM
 
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I'm not saying that it isn't different. I've never given birth so I can't say for sure what it is. I cannot imagine loving DSD less, ever. Different, maybe. But not less. I don't think you should feel badly or ashamed..it is what it is BUT I really dislike others who say it WILL be this way for all step moms.

I'm adopted and I've talked with my adoptive mother about love and bonding. She has two children that are younger than me and are hers biologically. She said it was much harder to bond with me and that aspect of it was different. She says she loves each of us equally and not differently at all. She does feel that a lot of the differences and strain that she and I had came from the different sort of bonding.
I understand, and it's great that you love your stepdaughter so much. That really shows.
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