Why can't she give us just one day? Why does she have to take over everything? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 39 Old 10-31-2007, 12:13 PM
 
momoftworedheads's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,230
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am sorry that you have to go through this. It sounds like you are very reasonable and that her Mother is not.

I would go back to court or to whomever sets up the decisions for Holidays and get Halloween added. You not getting her again until 2011 is insane! I am really sorry.

It sounds like her mother is a control freak-IMO. I think if it is your holiday, you should get to help choose the costume, not her Mother. Hanna Montana is kinda old for a 6 year old. She is cute but wouldn't Katherine like to choose her own costume?

Also, as far as poisoning your future grankids against you, she is nuts. Those kind of things always backfire and kids understand how people really are! I hope that your stepdaughter knows how wonderful you are for putting up with all of this.

Best wishes for tonight.

Huge hugs to you mama, you certainly put up with a lot!

Take care!

Jen, mama to  (M-13, N- 10, C- 8 rainbow1284.gif J- 3.5, and rainbow1284.gifJ -2, angel3.gifA (10/4/07) and 3 early losses)
We are expecting baby #7 in November 2013

momoftworedheads is offline  
#32 of 39 Old 10-31-2007, 12:33 PM
 
veg n mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
well, she CAN because she's the mum.
veg n mama is offline  
#33 of 39 Old 10-31-2007, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,839
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
That is a lot of emotional responsibility to put on a little girl. Yeesh.
Yeah. That's what worries me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post
I think you are assuming a lot about their relationship and you sound extremely jealous about it.
With all due respect, that sounds very assuming of YOU. Don't you think if she was that worried, she'd be asking to call her Mother all the time or fighting coming here all the time? She's never fought going to or from either house and she's only asked to call her Mother on her own, without the "my Mom said I have to call her" only once or twice, to call her to tell her if something special happened at school or if her tooth finally fell out. Why would you automatically assume that because I'm worried about my stepdaughter always looking to see "what would my Mom want" first or about us getting several phone calls a day, that her Mother is wonderful person and the only one Katherine wants to be with? Don't you think it's possible, with ME being the one in the situation, not YOU, that I might know a thing or two about the situation and what's going on? Would YOU want your life to always be dicated by "well, what would so-and-so say about this" and "I wish I could do this, but so-and-so will get mad/sad/upset/whatever", before you thought of what you wanted to do or even to say what you wanted to do but agree to do something else because you know how so-and-so will react?

Quote:
Originally Posted by momoftworedheads View Post
Also, as far as poisoning your future grankids against you, she is nuts. Those kind of things always backfire and kids understand how people really are! I hope that your stepdaughter knows how wonderful you are for putting up with all of this.
Me, too.

I guess I'll give an update on tonight later. As it stands, my Hubby's picking Katherine up right after school and driving her to her Mother's work. Then he's leaving for coffee or whatever he does until he picks her up at 5:30. (Note, Trick-or-Treat starts here at 5:30 and it's a 25 minute drive without traffic). They'll be back around 6 and we'll all go. It's our regular "sleepover" Wednsday, and since Trick-or-Treating ends so late (7:00, then dinner, then bath- Katherine wouldn't get back to her Mother's until probably 9), her Mother's actually gonna let us keep her tonight and drop her off tomorrow. : I don't know what I'm going to do with my son while we wait to Trick-or-Treat. It starts at 5:30, but people start ringing the doorbell anytime after 4:30. It's gonna drive him nuts. (He's 12, but he's got Asperger's Syndrome so he has some major impatience issues, especially lately, so I don't think it's gonna be a pleasant wait.) Any suggestions?

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
#34 of 39 Old 11-01-2007, 09:15 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, how did it go?

love.gif

pinksprklybarefoot is offline  
#35 of 39 Old 11-02-2007, 08:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,839
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
It went much the same as I expected. They got back at 5:30 and both kids were a bit grumpy... Gary because Trick-or-Treating was already starting and we weren't and Katherine because she'd spent the last 2 hours sitting in her costume at her Mother's work watching her Mother work and show her off and then the half hour trip home. Besides that, it went okay, with only one phone call from her Mother during Trick-or-Treating. Katherine was a bit snotty towards her Mother (why would she want to stop Trick-or-Treating to talk to her Mother on the phone when she saw her Mother an hour ago?), so I think that kinda put her Mother off a bit. During the whole Trick-or-Treating, all we heard was, "I hope this house has Three Musketeers. My Mom said I have to give her my Three Musketeers because she's not here an those are her favorite." I mean, come on, let the kid get candy she likes. It's not like her Mother can't go out to buy a Three Musketeers bar if she wanted one that bad. Just because she's Trick-or-Treating with us doesn't mean she's gonna forget you're her Mother. You don't need to tell her to make sure she thinks of you 24/7- she won't forget about you just because she's with us. Anyways, sorry, sore spot there... We walked all over town (actually, it's a two mile villiage and we're all still very sore) and got tons of candy. My Husband grew up with most the people here, so most people recognised him and then gave out kids extra attention and candy. The kids loved it. The we went to Grampa's house- he gave them candy and MONEY. That was their favorite. And then we went to one of my sister-in-law's work places (awesome resteraunt/bar) and got lots of candy and attention and then we went to my other sister-in-law's house where she spoiled them rotten- no one had come to her house Trick-or-Treating, so she dumped all her candy in the kids' bags. : We got home, and both kids went straight into the tub. I guess Katherine's Mother called while she was in the tub, because when we (me and Katherine) came out of the bathroom, Kenny said we had to call Katherine's Mother back, so we did. I blowdried Katherine's hair (it was already almost 9pm) and Katherine was exhausted. When we called her Mother back, she was cranky and disinterested. She told her Mother she didn't want to talk, she just wanted to go to bed. I kinda felt sorry for her Mother- I know how much her Mother NEEDS to think that Katherine just cannot function without her, but at the same time, I was kinda glad Katherine was actually doing what she wanted to do (Trick-or-Treat and then go to sleep) instead of humoring her Mother, even if it was by doing something she didn't want to do.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
#36 of 39 Old 11-02-2007, 10:09 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow. It sounds like your dsd's mom has some issues. I'm assuming she would never go to therapy, but your dsd might benefit from a few sessions with someone to help her not feel so responsible for her mom.

I guess I should consider myself lucky. DSD's mom really mainly calls our house to tell DF about her love life.

love.gif

pinksprklybarefoot is offline  
#37 of 39 Old 11-03-2007, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,839
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
I guess I should consider myself lucky. DSD's mom really mainly calls our house to tell DF about her love life.
You know, I wish my stepdaughter's Mother would! Twice in the last 6 yerars, she's had a boyfriend (neither lasting more than six months), but when she did, it was beautiful- she would rarely call when Katherine was here and then, maybe only once. She was always asking us to keep Katherine late or an extra day because she had somewhere to go with her boyfriend.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
#38 of 39 Old 11-03-2007, 02:11 PM
 
Nature's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In Aspieville
Posts: 6,492
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
During the whole Trick-or-Treating, all we heard was, "I hope this house has Three Musketeers. My Mom said I have to give her my Three Musketeers because she's not here an those are her favorite." I mean, come on, let the kid get candy she likes. It's not like her Mother can't go out to buy a Three Musketeers bar if she wanted one that bad. Just because she's Trick-or-Treating with us doesn't mean she's gonna forget you're her Mother. You don't need to tell her to make sure she thinks of you 24/7- she won't forget about you just because she's with us. Anyways, sorry, sore spot there...
I just wanted to comment on this because its easily something I could have seen my dd saying to her (ex) step mother. Its hard to really know how your step dd's mother meant it when she said that about the candy. I know when I wasn't around for something that was important to me, I've always made sure to say things that remind my dd I am thinking of her. In fact, I have said to her "Don't forget, all the special darks are for me!" because every year she's given them to me, so its kinda one of our little things. It makes her laugh, roll her eyes and say "yeeeessss mom."

In no way have I ever said it to be intruding on her time with her father in any way. Its something between my dd and I and nothing more. Just our way of connecting when we aren't together.

I realize your situation is different in some ways because your step dd's mom is the custodial parent. (correct?) And in my case my dd was with her dad more. I just wanted to throw that out there though.. that sometimes its not a manipulative, controlling, "don't forget meeeee!" kinda thing and possibly more just a secret "I love you." moment. And kids often come out and say things that doesn't always translate the way they were meant. Trust me! My dd has told her father things that were true.. however, not meant in the way she said them. MUCH clarification is needed! And you really, really, really need to talk to the mother about things that upset you and not rely on information from your step daughter. As much as you want to believe what she says, sometimes things get mixed up easily at that age.

treehugger.gifAutistic pagan mama with five kiddos on the spectrum, learning through living life. autismribbon.gif  computergeek2.gif

Nature is offline  
#39 of 39 Old 11-06-2007, 01:19 AM
 
mikaela's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Souderton, PA
Posts: 400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ugh.

Ugh, ugh, ugh.

What a crappy situation. Sounds like she's not in a very good place :/ You have a grat attitude, though

If it were me (on either side - momma or stepmomma), I would want dad to open up some honest communication and make sure we all came to a resolution. Sometimes you just have to put it out there, yk? It is what it is, and "it" is just not working.

Good luck! <3
mikaela is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off