Step-daughter lying and abusing DC, what should I do? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 12-10-2007, 11:52 AM
 
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Physical abuse is NOT a symptom of ADHD!!!!!!!!!
It's a symptom of ABUSE...
She needs counseling, maybe even inpatient care! Any time a child is a risk to her self or others they need serious help. Please seek help from a doctor or the department of mental health in your state or... DSS has a voluntary department that does NOT take custody they just help. I used them when my son set a fire and was messing with electricity. Please, for more info email me or go right into your local social services office.
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#32 of 37 Old 12-10-2007, 12:09 PM
 
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Although school resources are great, they have limitations. There moto is "We have to provide for a child what the child needs to maintain education, no more than that." So only if it effects her at school and interferes with school work or peers will they help. They're usually too worried about the budget. Social services is free and they are willing to spend as much money as they have to to make the children safe. There new moto is "Do everything we can to keep this child in the home AND keep everyone safe."
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#33 of 37 Old 12-11-2007, 11:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DSD is getting a bit better. Now if she hurts them she will immediately apologize and then tell me the truth. We just have to work past the impulsive hurting in the first place.
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Originally Posted by meowee View Post
You have to realize that this kind of constant togetherness is not necessarily healthy. Especially if it is draining you and making you bitter and exhausted, and exposing your other children to violence and gaslighting (screwing with their heads about what is true and what isn't).
Oh gaslighting! I swear, I can handle most obstacles in life besides that one! My husband is a recovering alcoholic and he would constantly gaslight me about drinking or anything related to it. I get very angry when the kids do it to me or their siblings. Unfortunately, my biological children started to learn this from my DSD (thankfully they never were a part of their dad doing it). I have had many, many heart-to-hearts with all of them about this and typical lying. Now if I say something about trust they will usually stop and come clean!
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Originally Posted by Oh the Irony View Post
you mention working on changing her and fixing her. i wonder if she senses that energy and is fighting it?

play therapy. attachment therapy. asap.
What is involved in play therapy and attachment therapy?

We are very open about changing bad habits to her and she often apologizes for whatever behavior she does she knows she is supposed to learn not to do. We are constantly reminding her it is not her, somethings have to be learned and she is just learning them later. It's actually good that she has so many younger siblings naturally learning age-apropriate behavior so it's not just her that we are correcting all day.
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Physical abuse is NOT a symptom of ADHD!!!!!!!!!
It's a symptom of ABUSE...
I PM'ed you about DSS. I'll update you on what I find out. Thanks.

We welcomed our 3rd , 7th September 23, 2010!
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#34 of 37 Old 12-12-2007, 08:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubyandwillsmom View Post
Physical abuse is NOT a symptom of ADHD!!!!!!!!!
It's a symptom of ABUSE...
She needs counseling, maybe even inpatient care! Any time a child is a risk to her self or others they need serious help. Please seek help from a doctor or the department of mental health in your state or... DSS has a voluntary department that does NOT take custody they just help. I used them when my son set a fire and was messing with electricity. Please, for more info email me or go right into your local social services office.
i just want to support you in seeking the advice suggested here. I have a family friend who was adopted from an eastern europeon country at age 4, she had been in an orphanage and had been farthest from the door so the nurses rarely picked her up, all sorts of horrors happened there. if this girl cried they gave her a tranquilizer so she would sleep instead of learning to deal with emotions. she has been violent and actually been arrested at age 12. i dont think the orphanage folks physically abused her in the traditional sense but she was definitly severely neglected and has diagnosed Attachment Disorder. this can happen from abuse and or neglect and your DSD sounds like she may have symptoms of this. it is a disorder that needs to be treated by a professional. i hate to say it but i dont think simply loving her and correcting her behavior will cure this.
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#35 of 37 Old 12-13-2007, 03:14 AM
 
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I also want to add my voice to those saying that you need to seek outside support, even if it means enrolling her in public school or going to DSS in order to afford it.

Also, are you ensuring that your younger five are safe while you are sleeping?

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
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#36 of 37 Old 12-19-2007, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We're going to put her in school next year so they can work on everything she is behind in. We're keeping her home the rest of this year to work on her behavior and keep instilling our morals and values into her. We know she will revert and want to give her a good foundation first to lessen that as much as possible.

Talking to DSS gave us a starting point. We can request her school info from FL and in it should be her birth certificate to get her medical insurance. They weren't too helpful about any free programs for children needing help though.

She has only hurt one child since my last post and that was by slapping him in the face for being goofy in her face. She instantly apologized and told him she realized afterwards that he was being playful.

We welcomed our 3rd , 7th September 23, 2010!
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#37 of 37 Old 12-19-2007, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Also, we just found out we're expecting in Aug '08 which is the big decider for putting her in school next year. By then DH will be working from home full-time and she will be his responsibility to get to and from school, so less stress on me!

We welcomed our 3rd , 7th September 23, 2010!
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