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#1 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH and I got married earlier this year and we are still trying to work out what the skids call my parents/step-parents. If you feel comfortable, could you please share what your kids/skids call their step-grandparents? Right now, we are halfheartedly calling them Grandma "first name", etc. but it doesn't feel right to me. Suggestions?? Oh and these are the first grandkids on my side of the family so there isn't a precedent for what the other grandkids call them.

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#2 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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My kids all call their step-grandparents the same thing all their bio-grandkids call them. So my in-laws are known as Nana and Papa by all kids, and my folks are known as Grandma and Grandpa by all the kids.

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#3 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:06 PM
 
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Same here.

Since you dont have an established name, what would your choice be?
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#4 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:07 PM
 
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Right now, my future SD (yes, I omit the "future" here most of the time) just calls my parents by their first names. No biological grandchildren for my parents yet, either.

Once we're married, I know my mom would like some sort of grandparental title -- complicating things is that she'd want to be Grandma Firstname (that's what she called herself with regard to my cabbage patch kids), but my SO's late mother had the same first name, and SD might be confused (and my SO has legitimately expressed some concerns). So we're feeling things out, too.

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#5 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:21 PM
 
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Protolawyer, would it be possible to change the g-parent title a little? As in Grammy First Name and Grandma First Name? Even though the names are the same, the title is slightly different.
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#6 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:22 PM
 
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Grandma and Pop, same as the bio-grandkids
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#7 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:24 PM
 
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we do the Grandma first name thing.
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#8 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 08:28 PM
 
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Since DH and I started dating DSS has called my Mom Grandma Name....he did it at first to be cute but it just stuck. He calls my Dad Grandpa_ Name, but that took a bit longer since my Dad was always working lol.

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#9 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 09:53 PM
 
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When I was little we called all the grandparents Grandma and Grandpa, and if we needed to distiguish we would say "grandpa keegan" and so on. I agree that all the kids should call them all the same thing.
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#10 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 10:01 PM
 
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As far as I know, he calls them the same as whatever the rest of the grandkids do. My dh's parents are grammy and pa, and he refers to his SMama's Mom (to me atleast) as Grandma S---. We have more Grandma's in our family... if he just said "Mom, can I call Grandma?" It'd be "well, honey, sure. Did you mean Grandma A, Grandma G, Grandma F, Grandma S, or Grandma R?"
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#11 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 10:07 PM
 
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Mine don't have any bio grandkids yet, but it makes no difference. They get the regular grandparent names here. No first names at all. I might do it differently if they were older, but at 7 and 3 I figure they will know them as grandparents.

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#12 of 38 Old 11-29-2007, 11:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Shenjall View Post
Protolawyer, would it be possible to change the g-parent title a little? As in Grammy First Name and Grandma First Name? Even though the names are the same, the title is slightly different.
I'm thinking it would actually be easier to change what comes after "Grandma" (as my paternal grandmother is "Grammy" to us, and my maternal grandmother was "Nana," and my mom wants neither of those and she thinks "Granny" and "Bubbeh" (Yiddish) sound too old). Maybe append a middle name (although, if you can believe it -- my SO's mother had the same MIDDLE name, too!) or come up with a neat nickname. (Knowing my SD, who is VERY precise with titles, she might call my mom Step-Grandma Firstname. .)

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#13 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 12:27 AM
 
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We use Grandma and Grandpa First Name around here, too. Even for my stepparents. It is a little weird to use the Grandma title with my stepmom, though. She is about the same age as DSD's mom and my brother is a year younger than DSD. She just doesn't look like a grandma.

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#14 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 08:03 AM
 
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My step-daughter calls them by their "grandparent" names, just like my bio-kids do. My step-daughter was also the first grandchild, so there was no precedent. We knew we were going to have more kids, so we wanted to choose names that everyone would use. Besides, as members of a blended family, my whole family considers my step-daughter no different than any of our other kids, so we didn't think twice about having her use grandparent names. We have Oma & Opa, Pop & Omi, Meme & Pepe.

She calls her step-dad's parents by their first names. I always thought it was kind of odd, personally... Now that her mom and step-dad have another child, I am curious if her little brother will call his grandparents on his dad's side by their first names, too... or if they will try to switch my step-daughter to new names for them.... or if the two kids will call them two different things?

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#15 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 11:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the responses so far!

I guess there are two issues that are coming in to play here. The first is that calling my mom "Grandma D**" just doesn't sound right to me so I don't consistently refer to her as that when I speak to the kids about her. I always thought that when I had kids, she would have a different name, not sure what it would have been but not "Grandma". And since it doesn't look like bio children are in my future, there won't be the option to have them call her what my bio kids would call her.

The other thing is that I guess I am feeling a little put out that the skids don't feel the need to call my parents by grandparent names but they do call their step-dad's mom by her grandmother name. They also refer to his siblings as Aunt and Uncle whereas they don't do that with my siblings. I guess it is just something that I need to let go because I definately don't want the skids to feel pressure to call them something that they don't feel comfortable calling them. I sort of had the idea that if I could find a better name to call my mom, then I would use it all the time and it would "stick", you know?

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#16 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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Currently they are grandma and grandpa like the other kids call them, but DS and grandma have issues already and those names may change. However DH's dad will always be grandpa...no issues there.
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#17 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 01:55 PM
 
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Thanks for all the responses so far!

The other thing is that I guess I am feeling a little put out that the skids don't feel the need to call my parents by grandparent names but they do call their step-dad's mom by her grandmother name. They also refer to his siblings as Aunt and Uncle whereas they don't do that with my siblings. I guess it is just something that I need to let go because I definately don't want the skids to feel pressure to call them something that they don't feel comfortable calling them. I sort of had the idea that if I could find a better name to call my mom, then I would use it all the time and it would "stick", you know?
Have you tried to reinforce the titles by using them yourself when referring to family members? I know it's a thin line to walk, wanting to let them have some say in the matter as well, but they might *want* to be encouraged to use titles, like they are family. It might feel more welcoming to them to be encouraged to use grandparent/aunt/uncle names. Not sure to what extent you may have already tried this, but it's just a thought.

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#18 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 02:08 PM
 
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Well have they had the step-father and therefore his familiar ties longer than you and your family have been in the picture? I mean that might make a difference especially if they were still pretty little when he joined the family and are older now and more like to not feel your parents are their grandparents at all.

My stepmom was my stepmom before I had kids and already had grandkids so she's MeMe to my kids as well. My stepdad raised me from a very young age and he is Grandpa. STBX's stepfather was likewise already in the family before kids and he is Paw-Paw. I think it's far more likely that step-grandparents get typical grandparent names when they are there at the time of the birth kwim? Meaning basically when the grandparent is the step-parent of the bio-parent vs the bioparent of a step-parent kwim?
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#19 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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grampa bill, and linda for the other step-gradparent.
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#20 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 02:14 PM
 
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Is there a reason you aren't just letting the kids and the grandparents find their own answers to this? Especically seeing as they are older?

One of the trickiest things about blended families is letting everyone handle the relationships they with the others. Eventually everyone tends to work out for themelves how they can relate to each other.

(obviously I do not meant that anyone should ignore a child in a harmful relationship)
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#21 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 03:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well have they had the step-father and therefore his familiar ties longer than you and your family have been in the picture? I mean that might make a difference especially if they were still pretty little when he joined the family and are older now and more like to not feel your parents are their grandparents at all.

My stepmom was my stepmom before I had kids and already had grandkids so she's MeMe to my kids as well. My stepdad raised me from a very young age and he is Grandpa. STBX's stepfather was likewise already in the family before kids and he is Paw-Paw. I think it's far more likely that step-grandparents get typical grandparent names when they are there at the time of the birth kwim? Meaning basically when the grandparent is the step-parent of the bio-parent vs the bioparent of a step-parent kwim?
Actually, my family has been in their lives longer but we didn't get married until this year. So I guess that is why it is bothering me so much because my mom truely acts as a grandmother to them but she doesn't seem to get the title. They have only seen their step-dad's family a handful of times but my family lives around us and they see them at least once a month and at all the holidays and birthdays.

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#22 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is there a reason you aren't just letting the kids and the grandparents find their own answers to this? Especically seeing as they are older?

One of the trickiest things about blended families is letting everyone handle the relationships they with the others. Eventually everyone tends to work out for themelves how they can relate to each other.

(obviously I do not meant that anyone should ignore a child in a harmful relationship)
We (DH and I) have had some conversations with the kids about what they would like to call the people in my family. They were open to calling them by titles (Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, etc.) but it hasn't stuck. I haven't pushed it and truthfully I feel like referring to them as "Grandma D***", etc. is kind of pushing to hard with them. I don't want them to feel as though they have to call them by these names if they don't view them as their grandmother or grandfather, KWIM?

I do want them to work it out on their own but I guess I am getting a little impatient because it has been over six months since we were married and I thought they would have switched over by now.

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#23 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 03:48 PM
 
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Grandma and pop-pop, because that's what the sd's were calling them.

On the flip side, the SD's don't really call my parents anything, however, they don't see them nearly as much. My mother lives in KY and my dad only comes around sporadically when the skids are at my house (we also end up going to the IL's house alot when we have the skids too).
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#24 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 04:10 PM
 
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I would say let the grandparents decide what they want to be called, then you just call them that. If you feel like it is appropriate, let the kids know that they can make a choice about what to call them. The kids will either make the switch or not. If it's an issue of respect or values (for example, in our family, kids pretty much don't call adults by their first name unless they are "Aunt" or "Uncle" so-and-so, even if it is just an honorary title) then that's one thing. But it sounds like you don't want to force them to call them family names, you just want the kids to WANT to call them that... in which case, you just have to wait for them to want to... if those names are what they hear (from you, hubby, and the relatives in question), they will be more likely to switch if they are inclined to. While they are getting mixed messages about it, they are going to be less likely to make a switch.

If you are stuck for a name that seems to fit, there are tons of suggestions on the internet for what to call grandparents!

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#25 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 05:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
Actually, my family has been in their lives longer but we didn't get married until this year. So I guess that is why it is bothering me so much because my mom truely acts as a grandmother to them but she doesn't seem to get the title. They have only seen their step-dad's family a handful of times but my family lives around us and they see them at least once a month and at all the holidays and birthdays.
I see. From my pov as someone who as a child have a step-father and his entire family foisted on me a substitue father/father's family from the second my mom married him I would say you need to continue being careful not to push this. They will call them familial names when they're ready to. Whether your mom acts that way or not they may not feel that way about her. So just sit back and see what happens. Honestly six months doesn't seem very long to me.
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#26 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 05:29 PM
 
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I called my step grandparents Grandma Mary and Grampa John - after my stepdad started calling them that to me.

I know that my parents would like to be called Grandma and Grandpa ___ - but I haven't been able to bring myself to call them that to DSD, I don't know why. I think if I had biokids it would be easier.

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#27 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 07:55 PM
 
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My Grandparents are Gramma and Grampa B (just "B", because their last name starts with "B"). My Mother is Gramma Anne her fiance is Grampa Chris. My Father-in-Law is Grampa (because we see him more often) or, when we need to clarify, he's Grampa Frank. My Hubby's Mother, who passed away almost 20 years ago, is refered to as Gramma Katherine when we talk about her. All the Granparents are considered both my son and my stepdaughter's Grandparents. It just kinda became natural for everyone, once my Hubby and I got seriously involved.

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#28 of 38 Old 11-30-2007, 08:10 PM
 
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My kids all call their step-grandparents the same thing all their bio-grandkids call them. So my in-laws are known as Nana and Papa by all kids, and my folks are known as Grandma and Grandpa by all the kids.
-- cept dh has grammy & grampy.

I'd just ask everybody what they want to be called.

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#29 of 38 Old 12-01-2007, 12:33 AM
 
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We're having this issue around here also. DS and I moved down here to be with DP this summer. DP's parents live here too so we see them often. Before we moved ds wasn't too verbal so didn't call DP's parents anything. Now ds is verbal. DP and I had a conversation about what to call his parents. His parents would like to be called "Grandpa George and Grandma Sue". I agreed to that. But it just hasn't stuck. I call them George and Sue. Sometimes I add in the Grandma/Grandpa but not too often. DS knows who I'm referring to since it's the only George/Sue he knows. But I'm horrible with titles. I don't refer to my siblings as "Aunt X" or "Uncle Y". They are first name only. Occaisionally I add in the "aunt" or "uncle" part, but not often. But it was hard because when ds was born my little sister was just a year old and I was her nanny (5 days a week). So I was calling her by her first name all the time and never got in the habit of calling her "Aunt A". It felt weird to call a 1 year old his aunt! Now ds (at 4 years old) has a 1 year old uncle : My mom and dad are Grandma and Grandpa. DS's paternal grandma, on the rare time she's mentioned, is Grandma D. DS hasn't seen his paternal Grandpa in probably close to 2 years and never talks to him so.... he's just not named. Same with ds's dad. DS has no name for him, but he very rarely sees him. I have no idea what to call him if/when he does see him again But that's an issue for another thread

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#30 of 38 Old 12-01-2007, 12:39 AM
 
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But it was hard because when ds was born my little sister was just a year old and I was her nanny (5 days a week). So I was calling her by her first name all the time and never got in the habit of calling her "Aunt A". It felt weird to call a 1 year old his aunt! Now ds (at 4 years old) has a 1 year old uncle :
Yeah I wouldn't call kids that close in age aunt and uncle. I would call them by their first names. I mean that's just odd to me. I see it as a honorific that is used for someone older than a child but recognizes the relationship. If I had an aunt who was younger than me I'd just call them by my first name like I would a cousin. I wouldn't call them Aunt Blah.
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