There is not much that can be done with this comparison of financial situations in the two different households.
I have just had to learn to let it go and when the "feelings" pop up again, which they do sometimes, I just let it go again.
My husband's ex wife had always wanted to be a stay at home mom that has babies and bakes cookies...that is her own testimonial.
One of the reasons why she called off their marriage was due to the fact that he did not make enough money to make it possible for her to stay at home with their two kids.
It was kind of shocking to me, when my husband and I started living together, that she stayed at home while her boyfriend, my husband and I all worked full time.
At this point, I have had eleven years to get used to it.
It's not just the child support that we pay, but the health care premiums and any/all the extras that we have contributed to over the years...I call it "the activity of the month"...martial arts classes, music classes, school trips to Disneyland...all of that stuff too.
I have had to learn how to not make comparisons between the lifestyle that she lives and the lifestyle that I live.
I had a major resentment come up last year, when my husband and I had our son together and his ex wife forewarned us that she might be asking us for more child support come the new school year.
I was on leave from my job after giving birth to our son and was only receiving 80% if my normal pay. I was entertaining the idea of staying home with our son for awhile, because we thought we could swing a few months on a single income.
It took my breath away that she was, in my eyes, so callously looking at requesting more money from our household at that time.
I have heard people say that, well you shouldn't have had kids with this person if you didn't plan on taking care of them.
There is a big difference between taking care of a child's basic needs and giving your children everything that the custodial parent and the kids think that they "need" in life.
I totally get that we all chose to be in the relationships that we chose to be in and that included all of the kids. There is a point where, for me, I say, "come on, give me a break"...I have helped take care of the kids for eleven years with little complaint, but there is a big difference between taking care of a child's basic needs and taking care of a child's "wants".
If it's something that we just can't afford, then we make it very clear to my husband's kids - hit your mom up for that one because it's just not in our budget.