Some in response to post and all bechand post here. This is ridiculous. The NCP should not have to make sure the child is living financially as if the parents were still together. If that was the case they would still see their children all the time and so forth. That is an impossible and even unfair idea. A bonus that a NCP or whatever should have absolutely nothing to do with your child support order. You are no longer that family or supporting that spouse when it comes to work any more therefore should have nothing to do with their bonus. A good parent is going to use that money and all the rest of normal money for their child as they see best. Just because you do not know where the money is going doesn’t mean he isn’t using it for the kids. Don’t get me wrong hopefully he is not bragging and throwing all this money in your face and blowing it on bs. If he is than disregard some of this post but not all. I am sure there is more to this story than you are aware of or maybe just not saying. Hawaii is an expensive place. But either way I am sure he also didn’t mean by get yourself something to blow that money on a bunch of crap all the time instead of making your own college fund for your children. It is obvious you did not need that bonus if you have so much over every month. It is just really sad that he as well as other NCP cannot be completely open with their ex’s due to these type of situations. I have a friend you just had his whole college fund for his children taken away by the ex spouse. How is that possible and fair I do not know. This was something he had been doing all on his own for years on top of his child support and everything else. This legal system if nothing else has made sure you have to hide certain financial things from the ex’s so their own children do not get screwed. If you are the type to take away from another family a bonus than you are the type to take away much more maybe a college fund as well. So what is the better life anyways? For us it is definitely not material things. I would much rather have good college funds, a great retirement savings, and investments with money in the bank than pretty furniture or a new car. Just remember the more you screw each other over now will come back to haunt you later where the children are concerned.
Am I suppose to know what that means?
There is not much that can be done with this comparison of financial situations in the two different households.
I have just had to learn to let it go and when the "feelings" pop up again, which they do sometimes, I just let it go again.
My husband's ex wife had always wanted to be a stay at home mom that has babies and bakes cookies...that is her own testimonial.
One of the reasons why she called off their marriage was due to the fact that he did not make enough money to make it possible for her to stay at home with their two kids.
It was kind of shocking to me, when my husband and I started living together, that she stayed at home while her boyfriend, my husband and I all worked full time.
At this point, I have had eleven years to get used to it.
It's not just the child support that we pay, but the health care premiums and any/all the extras that we have contributed to over the years...I call it "the activity of the month"...martial arts classes, music classes, school trips to Disneyland...all of that stuff too.
I have had to learn how to not make comparisons between the lifestyle that she lives and the lifestyle that I live.
I had a major resentment come up last year, when my husband and I had our son together and his ex wife forewarned us that she might be asking us for more child support come the new school year.
I was on leave from my job after giving birth to our son and was only receiving 80% if my normal pay. I was entertaining the idea of staying home with our son for awhile, because we thought we could swing a few months on a single income.
It took my breath away that she was, in my eyes, so callously looking at requesting more money from our household at that time.
I have heard people say that, well you shouldn't have had kids with this person if you didn't plan on taking care of them.
There is a big difference between taking care of a child's basic needs and giving your children everything that the custodial parent and the kids think that they "need" in life.
I totally get that we all chose to be in the relationships that we chose to be in and that included all of the kids. There is a point where, for me, I say, "come on, give me a break"...I have helped take care of the kids for eleven years with little complaint, but there is a big difference between taking care of a child's basic needs and taking care of a child's "wants".
If it's something that we just can't afford, then we make it very clear to my husband's kids - hit your mom up for that one because it's just not in our budget.
Originally Posted by boobybunny
laurelavenue I have a totally different point of view on this one.
I think it is time to take another look at child support. There is no reason why there should be such a difference in the two homes.
I assumed it was a new partners income which isn't part of the calculation. I can't say that the custodial parent is always on the short end. Dh has custody and (even though we have to pay child support to the the NCP), I don't feel we are getting the short end of anything. It's all ok. We are doing fine.
We live in the nicer house and have more matierial things, so dss has his jealousy with other people's houses. Why can't we have a two story house? Why can't we get a new car? Why can't we get a flat screen TV? I think it happens with most kids, it just might hurt a little more when it is an ex.