Stepmoms: Ever have strangers tell you you look like your stepkid? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 12-24-2007, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This happened at the hair place yesterday--my SO and SD got haircuts, and I went along to keep SD company during my SO's haircut...someone cracked a joke, we all laughed, and the stylist commented to my SD, "wow, I can see both your daddy and your mommy in your smile!" (SD, true to form, launched into a long explanation of my non-momness... ) The stylist then said, "well, if it's not nature, it's nurture, because you have the same expression!"

Pretty cool...

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Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
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#2 of 24 Old 12-24-2007, 07:12 PM
 
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Oh, that's so sweet!

My little sweetie SD (3.5) doesn't completely get the whole genetics thing yet, so when I said something about her pretty curly hair she said "like you!" and in the context of what we were saying it was clear she thought it had something to do with me. I'll admit, she and I do have similarly curly hair.

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#3 of 24 Old 12-24-2007, 07:46 PM
 
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DSD and I were called sisters on couple ocasions. (once by a policeman when I was stopped for speeding : ) I love when that happens




.

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Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
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#4 of 24 Old 12-25-2007, 01:01 AM
 
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Oh man it happends all the time! LOL considering my husband is mixed(black and Irish) and his babys mom is mixed(Puerto Rican and White) LOL and my DSS looks like this:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ee16xx/a-1.jpg
Blond hair blue eyes.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...03ec848365.jpg
Hubs and I
I love my DSS... I love him like he is mine!
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#5 of 24 Old 12-25-2007, 01:25 AM
 
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My stepdaughter looks exactly like her Daddy. But every once in a while, when we're out together without my Hubby, someone will comment on how much she looks like me, or, the one that my stepdaughter is the most proud of is, how she has the exact same color hair as I do (minus the grey!). I mean EXACT same color. Apparently, she's picked up on alot of my mannerisms, as well.

My son looks NOTHING like my Husband, but they make the EXACT same facial expressions and have the EXACT same way of phrasing things when they talk and the EXACT same mannerisms.
It's pretty cool, actually.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#6 of 24 Old 12-25-2007, 06:20 AM
 
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LOL, I've had people who don't know that DH is not DD's father say how much they look alike. But they don't!. She looks exactly like her father except the blond hair that she got from one of her grandmothers. So the only thing to go on is her facial characteristics. And she doesn't share a thing with DH in that department. I think it's just a case of strangers trying to keep up the paternity myth by always stating how much kids look like their fathers.

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#7 of 24 Old 12-25-2007, 10:33 AM
 
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I don't think that people would ever mistake my dsd for being a biological child of mine. She looks a lot like her mom and sisters - very tall. She was 4 when she started kindy this year and still towers over her classmates. It would not surprise me if she winds up close to 6 ft. I'm only 5'4", and DSD's 11 yo sister is already taller than I am.

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#8 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 09:42 AM
 
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This has actually happened to me a few times. I have pics of my future DSD hanging in my cube at work and people will comment how cute of a daughter I have. I just smile and yes she is cute, but I'm not actually her Mother.

It happens when we all go to the store and the park too. People just love stopping us and telling us how cute of a family we are.


So any of you ever get mixed feelings on it? Sometimes it breaks my heart a little, you know that sinking kind of feeling in it... when I have to say, No... I'm not her mother... I'm just the partner of her Daddy...

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#9 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 09:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JSMa View Post


This has actually happened to me a few times. I have pics of my future DSD hanging in my cube at work and people will comment how cute of a daughter I have. I just smile and yes she is cute, but I'm not actually her Mother.

It happens when we all go to the store and the park too. People just love stopping us and telling us how cute of a family we are.


So any of you ever get mixed feelings on it? Sometimes it breaks my heart a little, you know that sinking kind of feeling in it... when I have to say, No... I'm not her mother... I'm just the partner of her Daddy...
It bothered me even more so, when I knew that DSD was much jealous of my relationship with her Dad. Today, I don't mind explaining, it feels right.

New endeavor coming soon...
Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
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#10 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 10:12 AM
 
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Even though we don't really look alike, sometimes people just assume that when a child is with an adult female, she is their mother.

I don't mind explaining it now, because we've started using the term stepmom even though DF and I are not married yet. But I used to hate having to explain to people that I was DSD's father's girlfriend. Especially when I was pregnant. It just made me uncomfortable (like people were judging, or something).

DF, DSD and I had family pictures taken once, and the whole time the photographer kept referring to me as "Mom," even after we corrected her. That was a little annoying.

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#11 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 10:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
So any of you ever get mixed feelings on it? Sometimes it breaks my heart a little, you know that sinking kind of feeling in it... when I have to say, No... I'm not her mother... I'm just the partner of her Daddy...
I used to, but, at my stepdaughter's request, she doesn't want anyone being corrected when they refer of me as her Mom or her as my daughter, unlless they straight out ask why she calls me by my first name. She says it's partly because she's the only one she knows who has a Stepmother and it's partly because she wishes I was her Mom. I'm sure if her Mother knew, she'd flip out and I'm not sure I'd blame her, but I'm at the point now where the only cues I'm gonna take are from my stepdaughter. (Long story I'm not getting into, but no, I'm not trying to "steal" her daughter, her daughter is just finally picking up on the animosity towards me and her Dad that she gets from her Mother.)

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#12 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
Even though we don't really look alike, sometimes people just assume that when a child is with an adult female, she is their mother.

I don't mind explaining it now, because we've started using the term stepmom even though DF and I are not married yet. But I used to hate having to explain to people that I was DSD's father's girlfriend. Especially when I was pregnant. It just made me uncomfortable (like people were judging, or something).

DF, DSD and I had family pictures taken once, and the whole time the photographer kept referring to me as "Mom," even after we corrected her. That was a little annoying.
Yeah, I hate that regardless. I can't imagine I'll suddenly start appreciating strangers calling me "mom" when I have biological children.

As for people assuming children with you are your kids...I was 25 or so and at a restaurant with my 8yo, 5yo and infant cousins, getting a seat while my uncle parked the car. The hostess at the restaurant assumed they were my kids...and I realized that, had I got pregnant my first time, I would have had an 8-year-old child then, which was scary.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
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#13 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 12:20 PM
 
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I sometimes find it a bit strange that strangers just automatically assume adults with children must be the parents in this day and age of Soooo many different family situations.

Kind of funny really... My DBF and I were at the card store the other day whining that Hallmark doesn't have enough options for cards... so many were for Mom and Dad... but I didn't see any for Mom and Step-Dad, or any combination/variation thereof...

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#14 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 12:27 PM
 
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DS actually tells people that he got his eyes from DP. Since DP, DS1 and DS2 all have these huge blue eyes it works. He actually enjoys that people tell him he looks like his dad (DP).

Mom to '97, '07, '09 and birth mom '00 and wife to my BFF
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#15 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 12:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
I sometimes find it a bit strange that strangers just automatically assume adults with children must be the parents in this day and age of Soooo many different family situations.

Kind of funny really... My DBF and I were at the card store the other day whining that Hallmark doesn't have enough options for cards... so many were for Mom and Dad... but I didn't see any for Mom and Step-Dad, or any combination/variation thereof...
I found some grown-up "To My Mother and Her Husband" (yes, "her husband") and some generic "To Both of You" but nothing suitable for a child to give.

I also noticed they don't sell "To My Stepkid's Mother"/"To My Partner's Ex-Wife" or "To My Ex-Husband's New Wife" cards either. There has to be a niche market for those somewhere....

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
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#16 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 12:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
I found some grown-up "To My Mother and Her Husband" (yes, "her husband") and some generic "To Both of You" but nothing suitable for a child to give.

I also noticed they don't sell "To My Stepkid's Mother"/"To My Partner's Ex-Wife" or "To My Ex-Husband's New Wife" cards either. There has to be a niche market for those somewhere....
lol -- yes, those cards would be great!

"To my boyfriend's ex-one-nighter with whom he had a child"

"To my child's biological father who shows up every few years or so"

"To my daughter's stepmom's stepdad"

...

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#17 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 01:00 PM
 
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lol -- yes, those cards would be great!

"To my boyfriend's ex-one-nighter with whom he had a child"

"To my child's biological father who shows up every few years or so"

"To my daughter's stepmom's stepdad"

...

Exactly why I dont think they print those cards! Though I think it would be a lot of fun trying to read the positive messages...

Mom to '97, '07, '09 and birth mom '00 and wife to my BFF
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#18 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 01:08 PM
 
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*laughs*

Those would be great!

We eventually did find a really nice one to simply "Parents" that covered it all. But boy Hallmark needs to work on it. *giggles*

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#19 of 24 Old 12-26-2007, 05:51 PM
 
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No, that's never happened to me.
We don't look anything like each other.

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#20 of 24 Old 12-27-2007, 08:40 AM
 
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yes, the other day me and all the girls went out and someone said how much all of us look alike. I was so happy. But mostly My SDD and my 4yo look just alike...guess dh has good genes!
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#21 of 24 Old 12-27-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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Yes, this happens to me almost every time we go anywhere. Mine do not correct anyone though. Not sure if that is a good thing or bad. They just say yes thank you and I have my daddy's so and so also.:nana:
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#22 of 24 Old 12-27-2007, 08:54 PM
 
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I am not a step mom, but SO's son (5 years old) looks a lot like my son (2 1/2 years old). And so, he is easily mistaken for mine when we are out and about. I just looked at all of his baby pictures this week, and he looked EXACTLY like my ds when he was 2 1/2. In fact, in a lot of the pictures I had to look hard to be able to see that is was his son and not mine. I like that though. I like that people assume he is mine. I just spent two days with him with out my own ds and I loved it.

Here are the pics (scroll down to see them all). Tell me they do not look like brothers and that they both don't look at least a little like me. It is mostly the blond hair and complexion. He really looks just like his dad.
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#23 of 24 Old 12-29-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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People tell us that a lot. I think it is funny that he uses my expressions and gestures.
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#24 of 24 Old 12-29-2007, 02:14 AM
 
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Just today in fact! It was actually from someone who knows she is not my biological child... she said "I don't care, I still think she looks just like you!" All three kids look a lot alike, especially with similar mannerisms, expressions, and phrases they use, so I think that contributes.

I always athought it was a trip when people told me how much I look like my step-mom. One of my favorite memories was being out with my step-mom and a little girl we were babysitting, and someone telling her "oh, your girls are the spitting image of their mother!" I alwasy thought it was a funny little private joke for the two of us.

I tend to say something like "Well, she's a lot cuter than me!" or "I'm surprised you can tell us apart!" (she's 5, so it's funny). She's still young and doesn't know why she wouldn't look like me, so I don't make a big deal out of it. I'll follow her lead when she gets older, but I suspect she will see it the same way I did... since everything is funny in our family!

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