When one parent doesn't have transportation - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 34 Old 01-14-2008, 03:33 PM
 
violet_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,166
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
I'm a little jealous of everyone's replies... : It seems that everyone's expectations that both parties will do their part for driving. Ugh... Not!

We do 100% of transportation, to and from. Always. 45 mins to pick up, 45 mins back. 45 mins to drop off, and then 45 mins back. Almost 40 miles on Friday just for pick up drive. Almost 40 miles on Sunday, for the drop off drive...

Financially we are in a worse spot than dp's ex, so it's not a "pick up the the slack when needed" drive. It's our choice as a way to see DSD without facing arguing, and dragging DSD through confrontations that can be avoided.

I like our talks on the way though, I wonder if DSD will think back on these rides with fond memories. Over 200 miles a month with gas and wear and tear on our cars is worth it... right?
Yeah, us too. DH (or I) flies 2000 miles to go pick them up, but then must rent a car (and either rent a carseat or be sure to have brought one along on the flight) and drive to pick them up. Problem is, the flights are such that there's no time to do this and fly back home with them the same day, so usually we have to get a hotel and stay overnight too. Recently, we were able to book it all for one day (no hotel) but there was less than an hour between flights so we asked her to actually drive all the way to the airport (about ten minutes). She flipped out at first (gee, what an imposition!) but then mellowed and actually did it and it all worked out.

violet_ is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#32 of 34 Old 01-14-2008, 08:15 PM
 
aricha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,131
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I guess I think if one party is going to end up being responsible for all the driving, they should just BE responsible for the driving and KNOW they are responsible for the driving... that's where my second suggestion came from. If you are going to have to do it, it ought to be predictible for all of you, not something you just end up doing. It's not that I think the transportation has to be split equally, it's that I think it should feel fair.

So, flor, if you are driving him, I would just set a new schedule that is more convenient for everyone. And even if she has no CS obligation, I believe the cost of transportation for visitation can be figured into YOUR obligation... I remember, though, that you have an unusual situation, and I'm guessing you know more about it than I do!

Parenting four little monkeys (11, 8, 6, and 4) with the love of my life. Making it up as I go.
aricha is offline  
#33 of 34 Old 01-15-2008, 02:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by aricha View Post
I guess I think if one party is going to end up being responsible for all the driving, they should just BE responsible for the driving and KNOW they are responsible for the driving... that's where my second suggestion came from. If you are going to have to do it, it ought to be predictible for all of you, not something you just end up doing. It's not that I think the transportation has to be split equally, it's that I think it should feel fair.

So, flor, if you are driving him, I would just set a new schedule that is more convenient for everyone. And even if she has no CS obligation, I believe the cost of transportation for visitation can be figured into YOUR obligation... I remember, though, that you have an unusual situation, and I'm guessing you know more about it than I do!
That's true. If I knew I was going to do it and it was scheduled for a time when I could do it, it would be fine. I think you may be right about it being subtracted from our obligation; I hadn't thought about it that way. That might get her on the ball. . . but it's really not a money thing, it's a time/respect thing.
Flor is offline  
#34 of 34 Old 01-15-2008, 02:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by courtenay_e View Post
I guess, with your last post, that perhaps you should consider it this way: maybe you're just making life easier for your STEP-CHILD. Forget about how you are enabling the parent (because you may very well be!), and think about how it makes your step child's life just a little easier in a quite difficult situation. That MAY make it a little easier to swallow!?
You're right. When dss walks in the door and says, "My mom didn't come, can you take me. . ." my brain immediatly goes, "No, because x, y, z," but none of that is his fault. He just wants to hang out with his mom and brothers.
Flor is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off