What to do with clothing/gifts etc. that DS has outgrown - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 01-12-2008, 05:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For custodial parents: What do you do with the things the other parents send home after summer break/Christmas etc. that your child has outgrown?

For non-custodial parents: What are your expectations for things being returned once they have been outgrown? For instance Capt. Knuckle's other mom takes him school shopping for a few things before he comes home at the end of summer, so clearly I don't think they want them back within the next week or two. She also makes him 5-6 pairs of jammie bottoms to bring home with him. Would you want these kinds of things back after they are outgrown or would you be offended if they were sent back?

I haven't known quite what to do with the clothes and toys he has outgrown that his dad and other mom gave him. His dad hasn't asked for things back but I keep them just in case. I was just wondering what others do and what other people's expectations are.

Dissertating wife of Mr. Amazing Man, mother to Boo Bear ( ) Captain Knuckle (13), and The Professor (5). Expecting Penelope Rose 5/10/2010 via planned c/s.
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#2 of 16 Old 01-12-2008, 05:31 PM
 
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I'd ask Especially with the handmade stuff, especially if she's crafty then she might want to reconstruct them into something.

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#3 of 16 Old 01-12-2008, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
I'd ask Especially with the handmade stuff, especially if she's crafty then she might want to reconstruct them into something.
I asked a few years ago and never got a clear answer one way or the other. I haven't gotten rid of anything for the exact reason you mentioned--maybe it is time to ask again, methinks.

Dissertating wife of Mr. Amazing Man, mother to Boo Bear ( ) Captain Knuckle (13), and The Professor (5). Expecting Penelope Rose 5/10/2010 via planned c/s.
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#4 of 16 Old 01-12-2008, 06:48 PM
 
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My stepchildren's mom has sent stuff back to us that we bought and the kids outgrew. I thought it was very polite.

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#5 of 16 Old 01-12-2008, 08:40 PM
 
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I don't think I would be offended if things got sent back, especially if accompanied by an explanation that she'd outgrown it and she wasn't sure if we'd want it back or not. Like violet, I would think it was polite. We have younger children, as well, so it would be nice to be able to hand them down. Of course, as a general rule, I don't send anything to the other house that I am not prepared to never see again-- not b/c my step-daughter's mom isn't good about sending things back (she generally is) but because it seems safest not to risk losing something that means a lot to me.

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#6 of 16 Old 01-13-2008, 12:10 AM
 
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If the mother has younger children, it would be nice to send them back so they can reuse them again if they choose to. At least that whats I wished my ex would have done.

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#7 of 16 Old 01-13-2008, 03:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all of the great advice--they don't have any younger boys (they do have a daughter who is 4) and I know they aren't planning for any more children so I don't necessarily think they want them back for her. However, they could certainly donate them and get a tax deduction for them if they wanted to. I think I will email DS's dad and find out if he wants them back or not since they are just sitting in storage right now! Might as well let them bless someone else instead of sitting in storage.

Thanks again for the wise advice.

Dissertating wife of Mr. Amazing Man, mother to Boo Bear ( ) Captain Knuckle (13), and The Professor (5). Expecting Penelope Rose 5/10/2010 via planned c/s.
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#8 of 16 Old 01-13-2008, 01:43 PM
 
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We send everything that comes to our home back within a week or two, but if it no longer fits, we have on occasion pointed it out to my stepdaughter's Mother that it's too small. Usually, we won't see it on her again after that.

My Stepdaughter's Mother has a hard enough time sending back any clothes, much less something that doesn't fit anymore. If it's something special (like when my Grandmother made her a few dresses), I make sure it never gets to her Mother's house in the first place.

What I would like to see happen is, whoever bought it ends up with it when it's no longer in use. My Hubby and I are unfortunatley unable to have more children (but my stepdaughter's Mother does not know that!), but we do have several friends who have daughters younger than my stepdaughter that we would like to send her old clothes to, if we could, as well as, my sister has made it clear that she's not done having children. It would be nice to be able to help them out, especially since my stepdaughter's Mother does not believe in hand-me-downs and just throws them away anyways. :

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#9 of 16 Old 01-13-2008, 02:53 PM
 
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As a custodial and non-custodial, I agree that the best policy is always to send items back, regardless of what they do for returning things to you. If you still haven't gotten a clear answer after your email, my advice would be to write a simple and pleasant note to include in a bag of these items, and you can simply hand it over at an exchange explaining that you just weren't sure if they wanted the stuff or not. If you continue to do this and the other mom and dad don't specifically tell you that it's not necessary over time, you can be certain that it's appreciated!

My 2 cents, hope it helps!
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#10 of 16 Old 01-13-2008, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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An email to Capt. Knuckle's other mom: is it appropriate? Any suggestions?


Quote:
K.-

I want to thank you for dropping those gifts by on your way out of town--we all appreciated having our Christmas extend a little bit further. I know that [Capt. Knuckle] also had an enjoyable time seeing you and [Li'l Sis] over the holiday break as well.

A few years ago, I asked M. what he would like done with the clothes and toys that [Capt. Knuckle] brings home with him from your place and never got a clear answer. We have been storing them (most of them I think!) but I am wondering if you guys would like them back. I have never known quite what to do with them once he has outgrown them--please let me know if you would like for me to send them back. If you do want them back, [Capt. Knuckle] and I will make every effort to remember which items are ones that you and M. purchased for him and get them back to you.

Also, I would really like to help [Capt. Knuckle] remember birthday's in his extended family but he isn't sure when your birthday is or anyone else's for that matter. If you wouldn't mind sharing a list of those with us, I will help him make sure that he gets cards/gifts sent at the right times.

Thanks again for the gifts--I know that [Prof. Poopy Pants] has especially enjoyed the little car that he got and we are all enjoying the Willow Tree figurine.

M.

Dissertating wife of Mr. Amazing Man, mother to Boo Bear ( ) Captain Knuckle (13), and The Professor (5). Expecting Penelope Rose 5/10/2010 via planned c/s.
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#11 of 16 Old 01-13-2008, 05:35 PM
 
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Looks great! You might want to add the words "outgrown" also in the first sentence of the para. about it; at first glance it might be taken as anything from their house gets stored away somewhere!
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#12 of 16 Old 01-14-2008, 06:51 PM
 
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I am storing everything he outgrows since I do want more kids. I also give a lot of it away. But ex wouldn't care, he is not attached to anything he buys for ds. I am dating a man with a five year old, and am hoping he will pass on his clothes to ds. But either way, I have found that, at least around here, people pass around kids toys/clothes freely, so I am not worried. But, I WOULD want anything I knitted or sewed back, for sure.
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#13 of 16 Old 01-14-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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Good letter, however, I would take out this part:
"A few years ago, I asked M. what he would like done with the clothes and toys that [Capt. Knuckle] brings home with him from your place and never got a clear answer."
I know you dont mean it, but it does come off a little as accusatory. I would start with, "I've been storing all of the things thats been sent over and was wondering if you'd like them back...blah blah rest of letter.

My ex wouldnt send back clothes (which I couldve used) but did send all the JUNK my ds accumulated over the years and he didnt want in his house anymore. Um...thnx.
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#14 of 16 Old 01-18-2008, 01:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I sent K. an email and she responded a few days later and said that she appreciated me asking what to do with the things and that I could donate them to charity if I wanted or hang on to them for our other little boy. I thought that was incredibly kind of her. She did say that if we could send some of the toys back to their place over the summer, that would be really helpful. I emailed her back and told her that wasn't a problem at all.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but maybe we have turned a corner in our relationship?

Dissertating wife of Mr. Amazing Man, mother to Boo Bear ( ) Captain Knuckle (13), and The Professor (5). Expecting Penelope Rose 5/10/2010 via planned c/s.
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#15 of 16 Old 01-18-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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Maybe!
Baby steps, right?
I'm glad it worked out well.
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#16 of 16 Old 01-18-2008, 10:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sostinkinhappy View Post
I sent K. an email and she responded a few days later and said that she appreciated me asking what to do with the things and that I could donate them to charity if I wanted or hang on to them for our other little boy. I thought that was incredibly kind of her. She did say that if we could send some of the toys back to their place over the summer, that would be really helpful. I emailed her back and told her that wasn't a problem at all.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but maybe we have turned a corner in our relationship?
Sounds great! It's always better when the parents cooperate!

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