DSD has called me Mom twice... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 03-25-2008, 04:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Violet, you have all the points I am thinking perfectly spelled out. I may just print that and leave it somewhere for DP to read. hehe

But yes... I do not care if she calls me Mom or not... my point was some type of title so she can recognize me as a special adult in her life without the fear of stepping on any toes of her Mom or Dad... Violet spelled that out nicely.


Spring Sun, we have been together over 6 months... I was staying over a lot, but permanently moved in over the holidays, pretty much January I was there officially everynight. Currently we are living with his Mom and Step-Dad until we find a place that meets our needs.

We had dated previously for three years and were engaged then... we have a lot of history together, so it may seem fast to the outside world, but not to us. He has told me on numerous occaisons that he should have married me from the begining.


As for TTC, he is VERY on board. To the point of being adorable about it. lol He listens to me go on about temping and the new herb supplements I am trying and asks questions. He said he would even take the Maca if it will help. He is very supportive and totally on board with it.

So yes... that is part of my point... I will be Mommy/Mom/Mama whatever, hopefully within the next year or so if we are lucky and blessed. :

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#32 of 37 Old 03-26-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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I agree that if the child initiates calling you mom it is probably okay for the child to do that if all parents are okay with it.

But I have been a step mom to my step sons for the last four years. Been in their lives for the last eight. They were little guys when I came into the picture. And I would never expect them to call me mom. They have a mom. The kids call me "dawn".

If her father is not okay with his child calling you mom I think you should respect that and not push the issue. I DO NOT think he should be yelling at his child or reprimanding his child for that. Maybe he could explain things instead of "putting his foot down".

Could part of the issue with him allowing his child to call you mom be the fact that you are newly in a relationship? Six months is not anywhere near a long time. No offense meant. I just remember how new things were when I was at that point in my relationship and I can't imagine even considering that type of discussion.
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#33 of 37 Old 03-27-2008, 12:22 PM
 
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I was around 4 when I started to call my mother's husband dad. I knew perfectly well that he wasn't my REAL dad, but it was OK to call him dad. I didn't have to and it was made perfectly clear that whatever I wanted to call him was fine. I started calling my stepmother "mom" around 7 or 8 I think. Sometimes, its easier, especially if there are other kids calling you mom etc. I had half brothers and sisters so they all called their dad, dad.

With my son we have always referred to my dp as Kevin. Byron usually calls him Kevin and his bio dad, daddy. He is just starting to explore the idea of Kevin being a "dad" figure in play. He will tell Kevin "I am the boy turtle and you are the daddy turtle" etc. I have no doubt that after dp and I have our new baby and we start referring to Kevin as the baby's daddy that ds will probably try it. I plan to let him know that if he wants to, its OK and in no way does it make his REAL daddy anything different.

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#34 of 37 Old 03-27-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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I agree with the PPs who have suggested finding a special name she can call you other than your actual first name. We have an interesting family set-up in that DS1 (6yo) and DS2 (8 months old) are mine and my husband's children together, but DD (2yo-middle child) is not biologically my DH's. She sometimes calls DH "Dad" out of the blue, probably just because she hears her older brother call him that, and we don't make a big thing out of it. We do keep referring to him as Papa (her name for him) to her, and she mostly calls him that.

I think it's okay for your DH to *gently* remind DSD that you are her <insert special name here>. He could say, "She's your <special name>, remember?" I can't imagine how rejected she feels when she reaches out to you in that special way and is shut down by her father scolding her.

You sound like a wonderful stepmom, so I'm not surprised that she thinks of you as a mother to her.
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#35 of 37 Old 03-28-2008, 12:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone for yout input on this, and the warming comments. It means a lot.

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#36 of 37 Old 03-31-2008, 11:03 PM
 
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I know I'm in the minority but I do not have DS call DH "dad". But I would not scold him if he did call DH "dad" either. One day he announced that DH was his "lower case dad" DH liked it. DS1 has his own father, and I do feel it would be disrespectful to ask him to call another man dad - it does feel like it takes away from the title a little bit. When my ex husband started dating a new girl and I found out she was telling DS1 to call her "mom" I was upset and offended. I had words with my ex about it. I would not mind if he came up with a special name for her, but I was upset to hear she was asking him to call her mom. I felt like she was disrespecting me and trying to take over my job (again, she was his new GF at the time, they have since married).

So I can *kind of* see where your ex is coming from but I think he is handling it in the wrong way, especially since your dsd is the one choosing to call you mom. Maybe you could say something like "silly, I'm not your mom, I'm your Jen".

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#37 of 37 Old 04-01-2008, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have done that before Jilian, in those same exact words actually. lol

*shrugs*

I'm just gonna hang tight til the other kids come, and take it from there. Right now she isn't seperated from anything... but when I do get pregnant I want to impress she is a part of this family, and that I love her as a daughter too, and hopefully she won't feel left out from the other kids.

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