Who is right? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Who is right?

View Poll Results: Should the dog poop have been cleaned before returning the shoes?
House B should have cleaned the shoes before returning them. 75 84.27%
House A should have cleaned the shoes without complaint when they were returned. 11 12.36%
Obligatory other... 3 3.37%
Voters: 89. You may not vote on this poll
JesseMomme's Avatar JesseMomme
09:30 PM Liked: 12
#31 of 46
05-19-2008 | Posts: 7,901
Joined: Apr 2002
I haven't read the replies, and well, eh....I haven't had this happen to me either way, I picked House A should clean the shoes or at least not be offended at having to, but I'm probably changing my mind right now


My kids have had accidents (wet pants) at other people's houses before. Often the person in charge would take the pants and stick them in a plastic baggie, and would be kind enough to loan something else for my child to wear until they got home. I felt that they had no obligation to try to wash the pants and return them to me clean, or back on my child.

And I've been on the other side of that. I don't feel obligated to wash the wet pants (took care of a potty learning toddler earlier this year for example) but sometimes, if I was going to be doing laundry anyways, I did it as a favor/nice guesture to the mom, without expecting anything in return. I'd put something else on the child, and either have clean pants in the diaper bag or dirty/wet pants in a plastic bag.

That said, I'm not sure what I do w/ a pair of : shoes. I would probably feel bad enough for the kid to hose them off under the bathroom sink tap or my shower sprayer or if I had a garden hose outside, that would work (hopefully that poo wouldn't be all dried out and stuck). I'd hopefully be able to dry out the shoes enough (amazing what hair dryers can do in a pinch), but at least wet shoes are better than crappy shoes.

Good question
kblackstone444's Avatar kblackstone444 (TS)
12:08 AM Liked: 612
#32 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 3,738
Joined: Jun 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teensy View Post
Just so you know - I throw sneakers in the washing machine all the time. It may not be great for sneakers, but it does get them clean. Those light-up shoes even continue to work afterwards.
:
pinksprklybarefoot
12:26 AM Liked: 23
#33 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 4,639
Joined: Jan 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by JesseMomme View Post
My kids have had accidents (wet pants) at other people's houses before. Often the person in charge would take the pants and stick them in a plastic baggie, and would be kind enough to loan something else for my child to wear until they got home. I felt that they had no obligation to try to wash the pants and return them to me clean, or back on my child.

And I've been on the other side of that. I don't feel obligated to wash the wet pants (took care of a potty learning toddler earlier this year for example) but sometimes, if I was going to be doing laundry anyways, I did it as a favor/nice guesture to the mom, without expecting anything in return. I'd put something else on the child, and either have clean pants in the diaper bag or dirty/wet pants in a plastic bag.
In these cases, it wasn't a parent of the child with the pee/poop issue. That's what parents do: Clean pee, poop, and vomit.

They obviously knew the shoes were poopy - they sent them to you in a plastic bag. I would have been annoyed. I don't care how irrational everyone else posting in this thread thinks that is.

But I deal with things of this ilk often. My DSD's mom thinks that I am crazy for not wanting DSD's clothes from our house put in the dryer. For the last year, DF has asked her not to do so. In fact, he has asked her to just not wash them. Most of the time, they come back, baked from the dryer. Last week, DSD's mom returned her clothes unwashed - one of the first times ever. A week after receiving them, despite having three opportunities to give them to DF earlier. And they were, you guessed it, covered in paint. It seemed a little fishy that the one time she doesn't wash something, it allows a stain to set for a week.

They should have washed the shoes. But judging from your other posts, I'm not surprised. Maybe it was a belated Mother's Day gift.
Sharlla's Avatar Sharlla
12:30 AM Liked: 859
#34 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 11,638
Joined: Jul 2005
Well if your child steps in $hit, I might do a quick rub on the grass but that's about it.
avivaelona's Avatar avivaelona
12:42 AM Liked: 0
#35 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 3,214
Joined: Jun 2005
Umm I think that poster said that "Oblivious child should wash them", not that it was obvious child should wash them. You used the word oblivious, they were just repeating.

I think House A should have done it, or at least scraped them and returned them for further washing. I'd be annoyed too, but its one of those, be annoyed, rant about it here, but then just let it go because its not worth fighting over for DC's sake.
pinksprklybarefoot
12:48 AM Liked: 23
#36 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 4,639
Joined: Jan 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla View Post
Well if your child steps in $hit, I might do a quick rub on the grass but that's about it.
It's not just their child, but her child as well.

I'm guessing you didn't notice what forum you are in.
violet_'s Avatar violet_
02:04 AM Liked: 13
#37 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 1,166
Joined: Nov 2007
We've never had this exact occurrence, but when both kids were at our house and got their shoes (from the other house) very muddy, we threw them in the washing machine and made sure they were clean before returning them. I can't imagine returning a bag of dog crap and shoes. Of course, maybe that's because we fly back and forth and TSA might notice foul-smelling luggage..
mtiger's Avatar mtiger
10:22 AM Liked: 438
#38 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 2,309
Joined: Sep 2006
Again - no one apparently knows how this all transpired. Maybe oblivious child (and yes, I am using OP's own description of said 7yo) stepped in defecations moments before they were getting into the car to return to House A. Choice - late returning the kid, or tossing the icky shoes in a bag? (Why do I suspect there would be a stink if the child was returned late?)

Perhaps oblivious child become unoblivious to the fact her shoes stank and tossed them in a bag herself - w/o telling the other parent - figuring that it would be assumed other parent was responsible for not cleaning the shoes? (I know, NO child would ever be so underhanded or manipulatory.)

Or, perhaps, other parent meant to clean them and simply forgot. Guess what - it happens.

Did oblivious child come home barefoot? Seems not. So why the big deal? Okay, it's a pain and no one likes to clean defecations off of anything. But it happens. Have a grumble and move on.
Ruthla's Avatar Ruthla
10:32 AM Liked: 392
#39 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 43,652
Joined: Jun 2004
If I were living in House B, I'd make an effort to clean the shoes without returning them- but I might still have put them in a plastic bag rather than on the child's feet if I wasn't sure my cleaning was good enough for House A's standards.

If I was living in House A, I might grumble a bit about the dirty shoes but I wouldn't make a huge deal about it or let it bother me too much.
the_lissa's Avatar the_lissa
10:39 AM Liked: 12
#40 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 11,838
Joined: Oct 2004
I agre.

Do people really get worked up over the word shit?
mtiger's Avatar mtiger
10:48 AM Liked: 438
#41 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 2,309
Joined: Sep 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
I agre.

Do people really get worked up over the word shit?
*Gasp* You used it! I think we must use only the scientific "defecations" or infantile "poopies". /jk

But seriously - when you step in it by accident, do you say "oh dingleberries, I stepped in dog poopies" at any time except when you have very small children with you? I don't. But I'm willing to accede to sensibilities.
the_lissa's Avatar the_lissa
10:49 AM Liked: 12
#42 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 11,838
Joined: Oct 2004
Shit is so not bad word around here. It is something that I can say in front of my gramma (and she says it too), in front of teachers, etc.
kblackstone444's Avatar kblackstone444 (TS)
11:18 AM Liked: 612
#43 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 3,738
Joined: Jun 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
Again - no one apparently knows how this all transpired. Maybe oblivious child (and yes, I am using OP's own description of said 7yo) stepped in defecations moments before they were getting into the car to return to House A. Choice - late returning the kid, or tossing the icky shoes in a bag? (Why do I suspect there would be a stink if the child was returned late?)

Perhaps oblivious child become unoblivious to the fact her shoes stank and tossed them in a bag herself - w/o telling the other parent - figuring that it would be assumed other parent was responsible for not cleaning the shoes? (I know, NO child would ever be so underhanded or manipulatory.)

Or, perhaps, other parent meant to clean them and simply forgot. Guess what - it happens.
I have a pretty good idea how it all transpired. To asnwer your suggestions... House A is noncustodial Dad. House B is custodial Mother. Dad sends girl to school in "our" sneakers because girl has gym at school, slept the previous night at our house and Mother only sent her in dress shoes. Several days go by and two visits (two weeks) with no mention of shoes, no shoes sent back. Third visit when Dad brings child back to Mother, Mother says nothing, just hands Dad stinky bag of shoes. As for child bagging them herself, it's obvious the child's Mother knew about the shoes and the bag- she handed them to Dad holding bag with two fingers and after she hadn't seen child all weekend and child was coming back to her house, but even if this weren't the case, this poor child isn't allowed to make a move at her Mother's house without permission. (Seriously, we see if overflow at our house- "Daddy, can I go potty?", "Krissy, can I take my socks off?", "Daddy, I'm cold, can I go get a sweatshirt?" ) This child really wouldn't dream of bagging something and sneaking it back to Dad's house. My guess is, since she's not allowed to go barefoot or sockfoot at home (yes, they're a family that wears slippers at night and puts shoes on as they dress in the morning, even if they're home all day), she probably arrived at her Mother's house with poop on her shoes and got it on the floor and so her Mother refused to wash them. As for late returning the kid? My Hubby does all the transportation and even if it had happened at pickup instead of dropoff, the child has no less than 8 pairs of shoes at her Mother's (two total at her Dad's.) Changing the child's shoes without her going barefoot would have been no problem. Her Mother meaning to clean them and forgetting? Maybe, but then why keep them for two weeks and then send them back dirty without a word? Would your reaction have been the same if the child had had an accident and crapped her pants and her Mother send those back dirty? Seriously, 'cause in all honesty, I can't fathom sending back clothes to anyone, in that condition? Do people really do that and think nothing of it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
Did oblivious child come home barefoot? Seems not. So why the big deal? Okay, it's a pain and no one likes to clean defecations off of anything. But it happens. Have a grumble and move on.
I thought that was what my original post was for. Who'd have thought it would turn into this.
70toes's Avatar 70toes
05:17 PM Liked: 0
#44 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 176
Joined: May 2008
They should have just cleaned off the shoes, it's not like parent in House A intentionally sent over poopy shoes, the CHILD stepped in poo. It happens!
Ruthla's Avatar Ruthla
05:23 PM Liked: 392
#45 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 43,652
Joined: Jun 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
why keep them for two weeks and then send them back dirty without a word?
Whoa! That changes things!

From the OP, I'd visualized that the child dirtied the shoes on, say, a Friday afternoon and the dirty shoes were returned the following Sunday- at the end of the very same visit. Keeping them for 2 weeks, unwashed, is just plain gross and rude. Had the dirty shoes been returned promptly, there's much more room for error, being too busy to wash them, etc.
BigMama2008's Avatar BigMama2008
05:27 PM Liked: 0
#46 of 46
05-20-2008 | Posts: 68
Joined: Dec 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
I've been thinking of a question to post about for several days now and I'd like an unbiased opinion, so I'll try to write this as neutrally as I can...

Child is at House A. Child puts on new sneakers from House A and goes to school. Somewhere between going to school, going to afterschool program and going to House B, child steps in big clumps of dog poop with both shoes. Child arrives at House B with dog poop shoes. House B sends dog poop shoes back to House A in plastic bag with dog poop still on the bottoms. House A is upset that shoes are sent back with dog poop on the bottoms and thinks they should have been cleaned off before being sent back. Who is right? (Side note- both houses use their own clothes at their own houses and both houses clean any clothes from the other house before sending it back.)
No disrespect to the poster but is this really a question? My frustration is not with the question but the situation. Do things really have to come to this? Sigh. I think House A should have cleaned them up.

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