How do you folks handle shared expenses (clothes, college)? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Blended and Step Family Parenting > How do you folks handle shared expenses (clothes, college)?
mama41's Avatar mama41 05:28 PM 06-05-2008
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Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
Mama41...I suppose I can see *why* someone would ask for food expenses, but I can't imagine keeping up with the accounting (as you mention). And how would you do it? Would the payer have to/get to approve or veto the food provided by the payee? Or would he have to directly reimburse for Froot Loops or veal or (insert food for which s/he has a personal or moral objection)?
In practice I don't think the accounting would happen. How are you going to separate these things on the receipts, anyway? At least with clothing, it's clear what's children's and what's adult. (Personally I have no problem with keeping receipts; I do it routinely for business and taxes, so for me this would just be one more folder. But I imagine most people would drop it within the first month.)

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CS can be ordered to deviate from the formula if one party's expenses, related directly or indirectly to the children involved, are legitimately higher than expected or suck up a greater proportion of income than would be fair.
That sounds reasonable. The woman's lawyer may just know from experience that the court will expect her to take the kids to live wherever, and that the only expenses a judge will take into consideration are things SN-related expenses, not children's-lifestyle expenses. Frankly, if she has to ask the guy, she's probably out of luck. A guy who's interested in preserving the kids' lifestyle, neighborhood, school choice, etc. will step up without a request via a lawyer, and will be telling his own lawyer to save her support advice for somebody else.

mama41's Avatar mama41 05:35 PM 06-05-2008
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Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
So I'll just stop while I'm ahead.. beacause honestly I feel the entire college funding in the country needs to be reviewed.. the costs is ridiculous, and there isn't enough aide... seems silly for something that is becoming as standard as high school and it costs that much and it's screwing everyone.
I completely agree, and I think the problems lie in K12. If K12 did its job, instead of trying to be social workers, people wouldn't have to go to college to prove they're housebroken and can read. As it is, college is increasingly remedial HS. (I know in part because I'm asked to write remedial textbooks for the college market. It's a very large market, and growing.)

In the meantime, though, unless they're pretty spectacular, the kids will have to go to college. That's just the reality. So you have a choice of saving for them or letting them go off and acquire tremendous debt, and having them start life that way. It's a particularly bad situation if you're not also saving in a serious way for your own retirement, because a few years after they've paid off their own humongoid loans they're going to be trying to help take care of you. Eldercare is remarkably expensive. I don't know how these people are going to buy houses or do much for their own kids, or deal with their own old age.
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar Phoenix~Mama 05:43 PM 06-05-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama41 View Post
In the meantime, though, unless they're pretty spectacular, the kids will have to go to college. That's just the reality. So you have a choice of saving for them or letting them go off and acquire tremendous debt, and having them start life that way. It's a particularly bad situation if you're not also saving in a serious way for your own retirement, because a few years after they've paid off their own humongoid loans they're going to be trying to help take care of you. Eldercare is remarkably expensive. I don't know how these people are going to buy houses or do much for their own kids, or deal with their own old age.

Yes I know... sadly it's what my generation is already living through... We were told throughout school that we won't ever see social security, yet more than $100 a pay gets taken from me for it... quite ridiculous as I could use that money now.

Oh well...
VisionaryMom's Avatar VisionaryMom 06:08 PM 06-05-2008
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Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
As for college. I have to be honest, and I may come across as a bitch, but I am not inclined to pay for ss's college. Our income is too high, so using it on his FAFSA will disqualify him for aid.
See, this is where I have a problem, and it's what happened to me (so yes, I have a lot of bitterness). Your household income will disqualify him for aid, but you're not willing to help out. So yes you're being bitchy to do that, especially when one of the reasons is that you're paying for Montessori and thinking of college for 2 other kids (presumably your biological children).

I wish the federal government would just exclude some incomes from consideration. My stepdad's income made me disqualified, but my mom and stepdad weren't contributing financially to my education. Neither was my father, but I had to track him down to find out his income. There's an abandonment waiver, but I couldn't get it because I'd lived with them until I graduated high school. (Plus there's the whole issue of lying on a federal form to say that I didn't have contact with them...). So yes, it does seem horrible of you to do that to him.
Selesai's Avatar Selesai 12:10 AM 06-06-2008
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Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
See, this is where I have a problem, and it's what happened to me (so yes, I have a lot of bitterness). Your household income will disqualify him for aid, but you're not willing to help out. So yes you're being bitchy to do that, especially when one of the reasons is that you're paying for Montessori and thinking of college for 2 other kids (presumably your biological children).

I wish the federal government would just exclude some incomes from consideration. My stepdad's income made me disqualified, but my mom and stepdad weren't contributing financially to my education. Neither was my father, but I had to track him down to find out his income. There's an abandonment waiver, but I couldn't get it because I'd lived with them until I graduated high school. (Plus there's the whole issue of lying on a federal form to say that I didn't have contact with them...). So yes, it does seem horrible of you to do that to him.
I think what you're saying is fair, and I will accept the criticism. I agree that your situation was not fair to you. I suppose I should clarify that I misspoke-- my ss would be disqualified if he used our income, but since we aren't custodial, my understanding is that he will use his mother's (stepfather's) income and he will qualify under that amount.
Now my kids, they won't qualify for anything.
Maybe that makes me less of a bitch?
mama41's Avatar mama41 12:14 AM 06-06-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
As for college. I have to be honest, and I may come across as a bitch, but I am not inclined to pay for ss's college. Our income is too high, so using it on his FAFSA will disqualify him for aid. I'm sure his mother has no plans (she never does). At the most I guess I can see contributing 1/3 of in state costs and offering him a roof. I think a PP's suggestion of the 1/3 split is great because it doesn't give the kid a free ride.
Like I said, maybe I"m a bitch, but the college thing chafes. I have retirement, a huge student loan debt of my own, DH's loans, possible montessori for our kids, and two other colleges to think about. :
Sounds fine to me, so long as a) you don't cause him Brandi's problem; b) you're not discouraging your DH from helping his son pay for college out of his own earnings.
Selesai's Avatar Selesai 12:20 AM 06-06-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama41 View Post
Sounds fine to me, so long as a) you don't cause him Brandi's problem; b) you're not discouraging your DH from helping his son pay for college out of his own earnings.
I agree re: a. I would not discourage, as to b, but this is the rub, I am the WOHP and DH is a SAHD. So I feel that it is unfair to DENY him the ability to pay for any of SS's post-age-18 care since it is "our" money, not mine. Maybe things will change in the next 4 years and he will choose to work part time, but I don't know. I guess this is all a bridge we'll cross when we come to it.

Sorry for the threadjacking, OP!
txdancer's Avatar txdancer 01:17 AM 06-07-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
I think what you're saying is fair, and I will accept the criticism. I agree that your situation was not fair to you. I suppose I should clarify that I misspoke-- my ss would be disqualified if he used our income, but since we aren't custodial, my understanding is that he will use his mother's (stepfather's) income and he will qualify under that amount.
Now my kids, they won't qualify for anything.
Maybe that makes me less of a bitch?

I just want to point out that it is very likely that depending on where your son decides to go to college, your information will be included in the financial aid picture. Most colleges now require the PROFILE, a collegeboard financial info form to be filled out, in addition to the ubiquitous FAFSA. This form includes a section for non-custodial parent information and tax return, in addition to taking into account a lot of other details that FAFSA leaves out.

This form is also becoming more and more common, and in four years it will probably be everywhere. I don't know if this will change your mind, but your info will almost certainly be included when your ss looks into college.
mama41's Avatar mama41 01:48 AM 06-07-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by txdancer View Post
I just want to point out that it is very likely that depending on where your son decides to go to college, your information will be included in the financial aid picture. Most colleges now require the PROFILE, a collegeboard financial info form to be filled out, in addition to the ubiquitous FAFSA. This form includes a section for non-custodial parent information and tax return, in addition to taking into account a lot of other details that FAFSA leaves out.

This form is also becoming more and more common, and in four years it will probably be everywhere. I don't know if this will change your mind, but your info will almost certainly be included when your ss looks into college.
Yuck. If that's the case, and if selasai's income is likely to disqualify her ss for aid, then it seems to me there are two ethical courses: One, her dh goes to work part-time and earns enough to cover childcare plus 1/3 in-state college expenses for his son (room/board, tuition/fees, books, incidentals); or two, selasai makes up the diff.

It's one thing to say "married people aren't required; divorced people shouldn't be required either"; it's another thing to stick a foot out and trip the kid. Intentionally or not.
ProtoLawyer's Avatar ProtoLawyer 11:44 AM 06-07-2008
Yeah...college funding really is a minefield.

FAFSA and other forms require students to list parental income and assets. Even if they parents have said repeatedly that not one red cent will be provided for school, their income counts. Financial aid is then calculated based on the parental contribution that the parents are not making available, and students are either forced to take out increasingly scarce private loans, work more while in school, or not go.

Heck, Yale Law School counts parental income for unmarried students up to age 28 or so (although they don't use parental income for calculating loan eligibility, just scholarships and grants). I can't imagine asking my parents for law school $.
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