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Old 06-16-2008, 12:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So I have posted on here before about ds stepmom. He lives with his dad mon-fri and with me on weekends. He is here for the summer tho. He has been here for 3 weeks, and went to his dads this weekend for a wedding. He calls me last night and tells me stepmom(SM) cussed him out saying the f word severeal times and yelling and screaming at him, for something or another. Ds said his dad told her to stop and then she did. Today this morning ds calls me crying his head off(hes 14btw) that SM was cussing him out again, yelling, calling me bipolar, told DS I had an abortion, Told Ds I didnt believe in GOD(?) and other just random insane things about me. Ds then left as he was going somewhere with his friend. Ds is back with me in the morning. Ds' dad does nothing to stop this. He will tell her to stop, but it just keeps coming on and on. Ds wants to live with me,but his dad said no(he has full custody at the moment due to the school arrangements) and I do not have the $$ to fight, I have already checked legal aid and we make too much to qualify for that tho. Ds HATES his stepmom. She is always putting him down and me down to him and yelling at him. Its abuse IMO. I dont know what to do for him. She has all the control. HIs dad never talks to me. I have stopped talking to her as she was always yelling at me. She has his insurance card, she had the password to his school grades and wouldnt give it to me, she took him to a couselor without my permission, I could go on. and on. I do not even have his dads work #, so if there was an emergency, I would hav eto call HER. I am sick of it. I am sick of her treating ds like crap. I dont know what to do.Just a vent.

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Old 06-16-2008, 02:25 AM
 
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I am sorry to read that you are having issues with the step-parent in your life
BUT I kind of take it as offensive ,
everyone in this area of the board IS a step-parent ..

You might get a better response to your venting if you move this story over to the Single Parenting Area

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Originally Posted by Transitions View Post
So I have posted on here before about ds stepmom. He lives with his dad mon-fri and with me on weekends. He is here for the summer tho. He has been here for 3 weeks, and went to his dads this weekend for a wedding. He calls me last night and tells me stepmom(SM) cussed him out saying the f word severeal times and yelling and screaming at him, for something or another. Ds said his dad told her to stop and then she did. Today this morning ds calls me crying his head off(hes 14btw) that SM was cussing him out again, yelling, calling me bipolar, told DS I had an abortion, Told Ds I didnt believe in GOD(?) and other just random insane things about me. Ds then left as he was going somewhere with his friend. Ds is back with me in the morning. Ds' dad does nothing to stop this. He will tell her to stop, but it just keeps coming on and on. Ds wants to live with me,but his dad said no(he has full custody at the moment due to the school arrangements) and I do not have the $$ to fight, I have already checked legal aid and we make too much to qualify for that tho. Ds HATES his stepmom. She is always putting him down and me down to him and yelling at him. Its abuse IMO. I dont know what to do for him. She has all the control. HIs dad never talks to me. I have stopped talking to her as she was always yelling at me. She has his insurance card, she had the password to his school grades and wouldnt give it to me, she took him to a couselor without my permission, I could go on. and on. I do not even have his dads work #, so if there was an emergency, I would hav eto call HER. I am sick of it. I am sick of her treating ds like crap. I dont know what to do.Just a vent.
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Old 06-16-2008, 02:37 AM
 
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I think that it is totally reasonable for a parent to vent about a steparent in a blended parenting board. I am a stepmom and I like having this place to vent but do not think it is unreasonable for a biological parent to vent about the stepmom of their child in a blended parent forum. I also am not sure that steparents are the only people on this board and if a steparent is being unreasonable in a blended family situation it seems to me this is an appropriate place to post.

OP: I would start by asking your son if he really wants to live with you and if he would be willing to say so in court. If he is 14 it seems like in most jurisdictions this is past the age where courts will allow there kids to choose with whom they want to stay. If he is willing to do this I would suggest filing by yourself and just doing it pro se. I know that in our area the people at the juvenile court desk are pretty helpful about telling people what forms they need to fill out to file for what. You could also try to file and then if it seems like it is getting ugly you could get an attorney at that time and spend the money then if needed. Good luck

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Old 06-16-2008, 02:57 AM
 
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I am not a step-parent, and I spend time on this board. Being a part of a blended family does not necessarily mean you are a step-parent, but it could be that your child has step-parents. :twocents:

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time w/ your son's step-mom. (((hugs)))
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the advice. First of all, I did not mean offense to a step parent at all. And I am not single, so it does not need to go into the single parenting board.

anyway, I have tried the whole hes 14 hes old enough to live with me, my laywer told me I still would have to pay like $3000 to have the custody issue changed, since my sons father wants to disagree with the arangement. For some strange reason. But my son told me that his father did tell the SM * I might as well let him live with his mother, because this is not getting any better(the way the sm treats him)*. This has been going on for a few years. SM and my sons dad have been together for 12 years, since ds was 2. She was pretty good to him for a long time, but it has been the last 2-3 years she has started getting nasty. I dont know why, I suspect it is their marriage, going on what ds tells me. When my child hurts, I hurt.

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Old 06-16-2008, 09:31 AM
 
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I think this is a perfect spot for it.

IMO, I would try to get my son a tape/mp3 recorder so he can tape her tirads and call DFS. You might not get him but it puts her on notice and makes DFS aware of the situation. I would not tell him to do it but maybe give strong hints about recording the conversation. Different states have different laws on recording conversations. It might also help her to her herself.

As for the school stuff.......go up to the school yourself with the divorce/child custody degree. She/they can't keep that from you.

Can you have your son get his dad's work number for you?

I would also consider carring a recorder and letting her know when you walked in that you are recording all interactions. The first thing out of your mouth while the recorder is running it I am taping all conversations. Do double check your laws in your area on recording conversations to protect yourself.

I know why the last 2-3 years things are getting nasty. It is call puberty. I bet he is getting closer to man sized so she needs to control. I also would bet his mouth is getting more arguementive/smart (been there and doing that). Breaking him down is her way of trying to control him. Depending on his size he could physically intemidate her. She could be one of these people that have pejudist against teens at not know it.
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Old 06-16-2008, 10:38 AM
 
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Like azfiresmbm, I was a little offended too when I initially read your post. As a step-mom myself, I feel like a lot of times when Bio's post about Step's people are inclined to sympathize, while if the shoe is on the other foot and the Step parent is complaining about the Bio parent they often get called out for overstepping boundaries or not having empathy or any number of other sundry reasons. After reading through the other responses, I can agree that the discussion belongs in this forum.

I agree 100% that the SM in your situation is out of line in the things she is saying to your DS. However, I feel like the bigger problem is that your ex allows her behavior toward his son. I would never be able to tell my DSS something as personal as his mom having had an abortion without my DH hitting the roof. He needs to tell her flat out that he will not stand by for that kind of inappropriate behavior.

I'm assuming that you and your ex aren't on the best of terms, so you can't talk to him about some of these issues. Or maybe you have talked to him and he still backs his wife. Even if you can't afford to sue for residential custody at the moment, I would consider asking my attorney to draft a letter to your ex formally requesting the school password, a copy of the insurance card and thay he not seek medical treatment for your son without your permission. Those things are pretty standard, no matter where the child lives
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Old 06-16-2008, 12:58 PM
 
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I wasn't offended by your post and I'm glad you reached out for help. I'm a bio mom and a step mom so I could have very well been put in the same position with either child! The key word here is Mom and we're here to help each other. If she was the bio mom, she would be wrong. There is no reason to verbally abuse any child like that. I don't know if I agree with the tape recording because you don't want to put your child in that position. You on the other hand could try using the tape recorder. I bet as soon as you tell her she's being recorded her tune would change. I do agree that puberty might have something to do with it but nevertheless his dad should not allow this type of behavior (on her part) to continue. It's in your child's best interest to figure out how to get in touch with his dad and also contact the school about getting the password for his grades. Also, if her behavior is relatively new, maybe there is something specific going on in her life (menopause, marital troubles, etc.) that is sparking these outbursts and your son is bearing the brunt of her bad moods. While isn't your concern, it is affecting your child and knowing what the issue is might be helpful with the authorities and your ex should you try to get custody of you son. Good luck.
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Old 06-16-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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I'm not a step parent, but we are still a blended family and I read here. I think this is the perfect place to vent, and receive suggestions.

Plus why would you assume she's single? :

Anyway, OP, this sounds so very hard. In your shoes, I would figure out how to fight for custody. I know you don't qualify for legal aid, but you may be able to work out a payment plan with an attorney, or something similar. IMO, your son is being abused and you need to step in and protect him.

I hope you can figure out how to do that.

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Old 06-16-2008, 03:21 PM
 
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if you feel your child is being abused i would contact CPS in your area and see if they have any suggestions about what to do. you dont neccessarily have to file a complaint to get help from them. however if you are that determined to get him back in your custody it might not be a bad idea.

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Old 06-16-2008, 04:52 PM
 
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I wasn't offended by your post and I'm glad you reached out for help. I'm a bio mom and a step mom so I could have very well been put in the same position with either child! The key word here is Mom and we're here to help each other. If she was the bio mom, she would be wrong. There is no reason to verbally abuse any child like that. I don't know if I agree with the tape recording because you don't want to put your child in that position. You on the other hand could try using the tape recorder. I bet as soon as you tell her she's being recorded her tune would change. I do agree that puberty might have something to do with it but nevertheless his dad should not allow this type of behavior (on her part) to continue. It's in your child's best interest to figure out how to get in touch with his dad and also contact the school about getting the password for his grades. Also, if her behavior is relatively new, maybe there is something specific going on in her life (menopause, marital troubles, etc.) that is sparking these outbursts and your son is bearing the brunt of her bad moods. While isn't your concern, it is affecting your child and knowing what the issue is might be helpful with the authorities and your ex should you try to get custody of you son. Good luck.
I agree.

As a Mom and a Stepmom, I can't imagine treating either of my children like that.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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I think there needs to be a separation between Blended Family and Step Parenting as far as the forums are concerned - where a blended family area includes all forms of blended family situations and where step parenting area (similar to the single parenting forums) can allow for support that is as unique to step parents as their parenting lives are in the grand scheme.
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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I am a step-mom and not offended.

Anyway, I agree with a lot of the advise already given. Also, I don't think it would be that big of a fight considering the age of your DS. I believe that once a child is 12+ yrs, the court takes their opinion heavily into account when it comes to who he would prefer to live with.

I just can not believe she is treating him that way. I feel terrible for your DS. Your ex should not allow any of that behavior.

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Old 06-16-2008, 08:39 PM
 
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As a step mom and a mom who deals with another stepmom (oh yes!), my heart just breaks for your son! It sounds just miserable where he is. If he would be comfortable recording or even writing down some of what she says it would be helpful. There is no reason for the situation to stay the way it is. If your ex agrees that he should live with you, maybe he could shoulder the cost. I sure hope a resolution is found soon.

Btw, your kiddo's are beautiful!
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Old 06-16-2008, 09:47 PM
 
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Not to steal the thread, but I believe blended family parenting applies to all parties of a blended family. I am not single or a step-mom or dealing with a step-mom but I am parenting with a man who is a step-dad to our daughter. I also don't think a non-stepmom will automatically dismiss a step-parent as selfish or not understanding enough. I've really empathized with a lot of the stepmoms who've posted here. At other times, I think I've been able to point out the other side of a situation. I think that if we are all respectful and really try to listen to where others are coming from then we have a lot to gain from the different perspectives on this board. I know it's helped me to gain insight into the issues my partner faces as a step-parent and allowed me to gain an even deeper appreciation for what he does for me and our child. I think I will have even more need for this board as we have our first child together and are really in a more "blended" situation.

Anyways, for OP, I don't have a lot to say except maybe to see if there are free mediation services offered by your county or state. I think a lot of them have them. At this point the only communication is going between houses via your son which is a terrible position for him to be in - in addition to the abuse he's suffering from his step-mom. Seems like one first step is re-establishing communication in a non-confrontational mediated situation. Your ex has to step up here and if he doesn't I think you have grounds for court. But given that the stepmom was a good mom for 12 years to your son, I think it's worth exploring the issues and seeing if all of you can move forward together. If not, I'd def look at doing things yourself. I did it for divorce and it's tortuous and time-consuming but can be done.

Good luck!
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Old 06-16-2008, 10:44 PM
 
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Thanks for the advice. First of all, I did not mean offense to a step parent at all. And I am not single, so it does not need to go into the single parenting board.

anyway, I have tried the whole hes 14 hes old enough to live with me, my laywer told me I still would have to pay like $3000 to have the custody issue changed, since my sons father wants to disagree with the arangement. For some strange reason. But my son told me that his father did tell the SM * I might as well let him live with his mother, because this is not getting any better(the way the sm treats him)*. This has been going on for a few years. SM and my sons dad have been together for 12 years, since ds was 2. She was pretty good to him for a long time, but it has been the last 2-3 years she has started getting nasty. I dont know why, I suspect it is their marriage, going on what ds tells me. When my child hurts, I hurt.
I believe that your lawyer would charge you $3,000 to address and have the custody issues changed. My advice was to not use a lawyer and just do it yourself. If you lose you have lost very little, $250 filing fee although maybe making relationship more antagonistic with EX and stepmom. But there are resources that will help you to file and try to change custody without using a lawyer.

I would suggest looking here:
http://www.nolopress.com/resource.cf...8/118/246/236/
Nolo press have lots of resources for do it yourself legal stuff. I am not knocking lawyers. I am in law school. I am just saying that if what you are trying to do - change contested custody for your son who wants to live with you and would be willing to state that in court - may not be too difficult to do on your own without a lawyer. Also if you file and do this you are dealing with your EX not with the the stepmom who may be able to be called as a witness but would probably not be able to be in the courtroom. Good luck

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Old 06-17-2008, 12:29 AM
 
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I think that it is totally reasonable for a parent to vent about a steparent in a blended parenting board. I am a stepmom and I like having this place to vent but do not think it is unreasonable for a biological parent to vent about the stepmom of their child in a blended parent forum. I also am not sure that steparents are the only people on this board and if a steparent is being unreasonable in a blended family situation it seems to me this is an appropriate place to post.

OP: I would start by asking your son if he really wants to live with you and if he would be willing to say so in court. If he is 14 it seems like in most jurisdictions this is past the age where courts will allow there kids to choose with whom they want to stay. If he is willing to do this I would suggest filing by yourself and just doing it pro se. I know that in our area the people at the juvenile court desk are pretty helpful about telling people what forms they need to fill out to file for what. You could also try to file and then if it seems like it is getting ugly you could get an attorney at that time and spend the money then if needed. Good luck
I agree with all of this. I think this is a fine place to vent about a stepmom especially if you want the point of view of a stepparent or advice on family court.
I also agree that if you son is willing to tell a judge that he wants to live with you this doesn't have to cost much money. Dh's exwife takes us to mediation and court and she doesn't use a lawyer and she usually gets her way. Is mediation mandatory in your state? You could start there. If your son is willing to express his wishes, there might not be much more to say.

Furthermore, I think you should have it in your custody agreement that you get an emergency contact number for dad and if it changes he has X number of days to give it to you. You should not have to ask the stepmom for his school password, you should go to his school and make a fuss. If you have shared legal custody and parental rights you get equal access to school records.
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Old 06-17-2008, 08:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you again, for all the advice. Well..yesterday morning my son was dropped off at my house at 7am and he came in the house crying his eyes out. He said that as he dad was leaving for work, his SM was screaming at him(his dad) saying *you need to do something about that f'in monster of a child you have* and calling me a schizophrenic bitch(which really makes me mad as I used to work with mentally ill adults)and various other names. I have tried to call his dad four times so far and left messages and he has not called me at all. Actually my son tried to call his dad last night and the phone was switched off(or the answering machine was) and his dad did not pick up and even talk to my son. I do not have a work number, his dad has a cell phone but my son is not allowed to have it in case I got the number somehow. I really do not know what to do. We were going to call CPS, but my brother actually works for CPS and he says that all they will do is go out there, question her(shes a great liar) and then warn her. This could make things worse for ds when he does go back over there. Oh, and she took his cell phone away and told him he could get it back when he goes back over there. My sons cell phone means a lot to him, but he said it is not worth even going back over there for. I have cried and cried about this and feel so bad for him. I had friends over yesterday for him to swim and grilled out for them all to try to cheer him up.

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Old 06-17-2008, 08:51 AM
 
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I say document everything and then find a way to come up with the money to get custody. Get a second job, sell something, etc - if there is a will, there is a way. Some lawyers will put you on a payment plan. Your son is worth going into debt for. Don't let this continue - get a lawyer now.
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Old 06-17-2008, 09:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have tried to phone his dad again this morning. No answer.
Quote:
I believe that your lawyer would charge you $3,000 to address and have the custody issues changed. My advice was to not use a lawyer and just do it yourself. If you lose you have lost very little, $250 filing fee although maybe making relationship more antagonistic with EX and stepmom. But there are resources that will help you to file and try to change custody without using a lawyer.
O can you PLEASE tell me how to go to court on my own? What do I do first? Who do I contact? I have no idea, but it would be great if I could do this.

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Old 06-17-2008, 11:00 AM
 
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Another stepmom here, and I APPRECIATE posts like this. I often lurk on single parent threads just to get a new perspective.

Back to your situation. I would respectfully recommend that you stop looking at this as a stepmother problem and acknowledge it for what it is: a problem with your ex. Focusing on the stepmom's behaviour isn't helpful for you. While she sounds like a piece of work, you don't really know how accurate of a picture you are getting from her interactions with your son. Instead of getting into a battle over what is or is not happening, I'd focus on the fact that your ex refuses to co-parent with you in any reasonable manner. It is unacceptable that he refuses to give you contact information or take your calls.

If and when you go to court, you should focus on the fact that you have tried to solve this very volitile situation as a team but he refuses. Otherwise you may run the risk of just sounding like a bitter ex who hates the new wife.

As for a how to, go down to the court house and be REALLY sweet and nice to the clerk and he or she should be able to help you get started.
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Old 06-17-2008, 11:07 AM
 
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I have tried to phone his dad again this morning. No answer.


O can you PLEASE tell me how to go to court on my own? What do I do first? Who do I contact? I have no idea, but it would be great if I could do this.
Take a look at your court Web site. Often, there are self-help forms there. (Hint: Even if your county doesn't have the forms available, a nearby county might; forms are usually statewide, so you could probably still use them, although you might need to change an already-filled-in county.)

Otherwise, call the clerk of family courts. S/he can't give legal advice, but can direct you to the proper forms and processes.

You'd fill out a "request for change in custody" or similar form, serve it upon your ex and file it with the court. Your ex will probably need to serve a response to you. If he agrees to your changes, everything'll probably be taken care of in a quick hearing. If he doesn't, the judge will probably appoint a guardian ad litem to look after your son's best interest (and that, unfortunately, can cost you each a few hundred dollars), and a short trial will ensue. Depending on your state's laws, your child's wishes may be followed absolutely (in which case the GAL and trial may not be necessary), or they may be considered as one of many factors.

Good luck.

If there is a law school in your area, check to see if they run a clinic or self-help assistance center. The students, again, can't give legal advice, but they can help you fill out the forms (and they may be supervised by lawyers who can give you some advice).

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Old 06-17-2008, 11:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Back to your situation. I would respectfully recommend that you stop looking at this as a stepmother problem and acknowledge it for what it is: a problem with your ex. Focusing on the stepmom's behaviour isn't helpful for you. While she sounds like a piece of work, you don't really know how accurate of a picture you are getting from her interactions with your son. Instead of getting into a battle over what is or is not happening, I'd focus on the fact that your ex refuses to co-parent with you in any reasonable manner. It is unacceptable that he refuses to give you contact information or take your calls.
You are absolutely right! It is my ex, the whole problem is him not even communicating with me. She has been the communicator for 12 years, I think I have only spoken to him three times in 12 years, thats when my son was in the hospital with pneumonia when he was 7.
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Take a look at your court Web site. Often, there are self-help forms there. (Hint: Even if your county doesn't have the forms available, a nearby county might; forms are usually statewide, so you could probably still use them, although you might need to change an already-filled-in county.)

Otherwise, call the clerk of family courts. S/he can't give legal advice, but can direct you to the proper forms and processes.

You'd fill out a "request for change in custody" or similar form, serve it upon your ex and file it with the court. Your ex will probably need to serve a response to you. If he agrees to your changes, everything'll probably be taken care of in a quick hearing. If he doesn't, the judge will probably appoint a guardian ad litem to look after your son's best interest (and that, unfortunately, can cost you each a few hundred dollars), and a short trial will ensue. Depending on your state's laws, your child's wishes may be followed absolutely (in which case the GAL and trial may not be necessary), or they may be considered as one of many factors.

Good luck.

If there is a law school in your area, check to see if they run a clinic or self-help assistance center. The students, again, can't give legal advice, but they can help you fill out the forms (and they may be supervised by lawyers who can give you some
Thank you SO much for this help!

I might add that, about 4 weeks ago DS stepmom cussed ME out on the phone..its happened before but I always start talking back to her as she is the only communication line, but I drew a line and decided to stop being bullied by her as well. Ex and I were together for about a year and a half, we were kids. I was 18, he was 19. We have loooooooong since moved on. It was a mutual breakup. There should be no animonsity at all, but there is for some reason. They have been married for 11 years. This is just really sad to me.

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Old 06-17-2008, 04:03 PM
 
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I believe that your lawyer would charge you $3,000 to address and have the custody issues changed. My advice was to not use a lawyer and just do it yourself. If you lose you have lost very little, $250 filing fee although maybe making relationship more antagonistic with EX and stepmom. But there are resources that will help you to file and try to change custody without using a lawyer.
I strongly disagree!!!


If you lose you set a precedent that he can later use against you in further court actions. You tried, you went forward on your own, you lost, you set a precedent to the court that you lost and they will not let you file again for a period of time due to a judgement that came down.

This is where you need to:

a) hire a private investigator to get a third party video evidence file for the Judge.

AND

b) talk to the school and arrange for the school councilor to be talking to your son TODAY!! the councilor is a manditory reporter to CPS and anything that the councilor hears that sounds like abuse will warrant a phone call to CPS. A call from a parent is way less effective than a third party call. Get the teacher involved as well.

AND

c) if you have joint custody book your child appts on your timeto see a councilor who specialises in divorced children. Your evidence is going to be there w/ the councilors and that is what the Judge is going to look at when it is he says she says.

Remember the law of a child's feet. Children of age 14 and up, the USA has an unofficial law of the children's feet. If the teenager keeps leaving the other parents home and returning to mom's house due to upset, etc... the Judge will look to move the child to where a child wants to be. But there has to be a precedent of the child doing this on his own, with his own feet as opposed to mom picking the child up and taking him home.

Also, if you believe that the child is being abused you have the right to hold the child in your care while awaiting CPS investigation. This is a good time to speak to the police as well about what is going on.

Video speaks a thousand words mama... I have seen it work in so many of the cases that I work on and in my own case the Judge stopped listening to the ex and his abusive wife and said the video was convincing enough.
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Old 06-17-2008, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I strongly disagree!!!


If you lose you set a precedent that he can later use against you in further court actions. You tried, you went forward on your own, you lost, you set a precedent to the court that you lost and they will not let you file again for a period of time due to a judgement that came down.

This is where you need to:

a) hire a private investigator to get a third party video evidence file for the Judge.

AND

b) talk to the school and arrange for the school councilor to be talking to your son TODAY!! the councilor is a manditory reporter to CPS and anything that the councilor hears that sounds like abuse will warrant a phone call to CPS. A call from a parent is way less effective than a third party call. Get the teacher involved as well.

AND

c) if you have joint custody book your child appts on your timeto see a councilor who specialises in divorced children. Your evidence is going to be there w/ the councilors and that is what the Judge is going to look at when it is he says she says.

Remember the law of a child's feet. Children of age 14 and up, the USA has an unofficial law of the children's feet. If the teenager keeps leaving the other parents home and returning to mom's house due to upset, etc... the Judge will look to move the child to where a child wants to be. But there has to be a precedent of the child doing this on his own, with his own feet as opposed to mom picking the child up and taking him home.

Also, if you believe that the child is being abused you have the right to hold the child in your care while awaiting CPS investigation. This is a good time to speak to the police as well about what is going on.

Video speaks a thousand words mama... I have seen it work in so many of the cases that I work on and in my own case the Judge stopped listening to the ex and his abusive wife and said the video was convincing enough

Whoa thats a lot to take in. Whew!
First of all, I cannot hire/pay anything hardly. I am a SAHM, with a special needs 4 year old, my hubby works and we make it, but not for anything extra.
I cannot go to a counsellor with my son as I do not have his insurance card.
I cannot video myself as I am not around SM ever. I just want my son here with me. He wants to be here with me. I am not an unfit parent. I SAH, I GD, I am always here for all the neighbourhood kids, my whole family lives in the town and the judge, well, he is my cousin.
I dont see a reason why I would even lose. We might not even have to bring up the abuse in the case, my son just might say: i wanna live with my mom and my brother instead of my dad. Then the judge might say OK.

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Old 06-17-2008, 04:16 PM
 
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You go for it in any way you can. Has your son outright asked his father to come to live with you? Go to the places suggested and get some papers filed in any way you can. Good luck!

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Old 06-17-2008, 04:20 PM
 
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I have tried to phone his dad again this morning. No answer.


O can you PLEASE tell me how to go to court on my own? What do I do first? Who do I contact? I have no idea, but it would be great if I could do this.
I don't know what state you are in but in our courts, in the family law division, there are a bunch of packets and handouts that you can pick up that give you some information. Again, dss's mother took us to court without a lawyer last time and well, she isn't the brightest bulb, so I really think that anyone can do it. Is mediation required in your state? Here, the first step is to make an appointment for mediation.
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Old 06-17-2008, 04:27 PM
 
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Whoa thats a lot to take in. Whew!
First of all, I cannot hire/pay anything hardly. I am a SAHM, with a special needs 4 year old, my hubby works and we make it, but not for anything extra.
I cannot go to a counsellor with my son as I do not have his insurance card.
I cannot video myself as I am not around SM ever. I just want my son here with me. He wants to be here with me. I am not an unfit parent. I SAH, I GD, I am always here for all the neighbourhood kids, my whole family lives in the town and the judge, well, he is my cousin.
I dont see a reason why I would even lose. We might not even have to bring up the abuse in the case, my son just might say: i wanna live with my mom and my brother instead of my dad. Then the judge might say OK.
I also think you need to just go for it. Our custody agreement says that either party may return to court for any reason so unless you fill changes every month, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I think your childs word is what you need. Just double and triple check that he is willing to tell a judge everything. Keep it simple. I think a previous poster was referring to a school counselor, not a psychologist. That might be a good idea. You could call and say you are concerned about your son and ask for the counselor to talk to him, or you could schedule an appointment for the son and the counselor and yourself to talk about concerns. Surely this is affecting his schoolwork, right?
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Old 06-18-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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and the judge, well, he is my cousin.
That's a conflict of interest and should lead your ex to request that the judge recuse himself. If he refuses to do so, that is grounds for appeal and I don't see you winning the appeal.
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Old 06-18-2008, 12:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I just called our court and she said they dont do that there. They have no forms, and they dont do that, Id have to have an attorney. I talked to the clerk of court and he said the same thing. He said there have been questions about that before, but they just dont do that anymore. This is so bad. Back to square one.

She called yesterday. She told ds she was sorry and to forgive and forget. She said she was going to take a lie detector test to prove she didnt do that stuff.??? She also called MY FATHER and talked to him about me. My dad is a pastor so he is very laid back and just listened to her and then he told her not to treat ds like that. She told my dad she was going to take a lie detector test to prove she didnt say those things. Whatever. I have heard her say them before, heck shes said t hem to ME before so whatever.
Ds dad has not called DS at all, or called me. Ds thinks his dad does not care about him, and he is down in the dumps today. I am lost for what to do, at this point.

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