Originally Posted by azfiresmbm
Most lawyers will tell you to ask for more than what you actually want and then you can go from there ..
Yeah, I hate that so much! It turns child custody into a bargaining thing, like buying a car.
Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot
In MN, the mother of a child who never married the father is automatically granted custody unless challenged.
Uggh. That makes me nuts, too. Here in NM, joint custody (legal and physical) is the default. You have to prove the other parent unfit to gain sole custody. It's outrageous to me that those aren't the laws everywhere!
To the OP, definitely play as nice as possible and get a custody agreement in place. To protect yourself, your DP needs joint legal custody (joint physical, too, but joint legal is more important), a time-sharing plan (You don't have to be religious about it, but you want it in place if the need should arise. I won't bore you with my stories, but this is essential, esp. since she has expressed a desire to move.), and a right of first refusal
Good luck! It sounds like the crisis has passed, so now is the perfect time to put some protections in place. I'd suggest that, for now, you fade into the wallpaper. Some moms are insecure and find a SM threatening, and in those cases things often go smoother if the mom only deals directly with the child's father. That's certainly true of my SS's mother and things in our world are much calmer when I keep my contact with her completely benign. If we happen to be near each other, I might chat about the weather or local news, but nothing having to do with our family. Course, it took me maybe 3 or 4 years of blended family life to tumble to that realization, but it really has helped.