non married parental rights - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 12:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just a not so simple question, Without going on too much, does anyone know anything concerning parental rights in a situation where a child was born to an unmarried couple. If the couple has been sharing 50/50 custody (both names on birth cert), does the mother have the right to just move away and take the child because they were never married?
I am the GF of the father, and we are freaked out. Can't talk to lawyer until tomorrow and looking for some input.
Thanks.
phoolove is offline  
#2 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 01:41 AM
 
redebeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: The Slough
Posts: 343
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If there is no custody order, there is nothing illegal about a parent taking a child anywhere.

You need a lawyer to request an ex parte hearing which will make her come back ASAP with the child. If she does not show, then she will be breaking the law and a warrant will be issued.


At least that is how it works in CA. I think it's pretty universal, though.


Do you know the location of the mother/child? If you don't, I don't know really know what happens.

Elizabeth, mama to 4 kids and 5 chickens.
The grateful recipient of 3 home water births, 1 being an accidental UC.:
redebeth is offline  
#3 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 07:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks.
There is not any kind of custody order. I think my BF, the father, truly felt like the mother and him would just be able to work together. The mother had intially left him and the child, and later came back. Since that point they have been doing the 50/50 split.
We are just getting ready for a custody battle, I guess.
Thanks again.
phoolove is offline  
#4 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 08:57 AM
 
betterparent's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 575
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
good luck!
betterparent is offline  
#5 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 09:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Much appreciated.
I went through a custody battle with my kids and their dad, and we have joint custody which works fine for us. However, in this situation there is not any dialogue between the mother and I due to her negative feelings towards me.
I think that she feels threatened by my relationship with her child.
I wish I could talk to her. I wish that we could have talked before everything escalated like this. I completely respect her role as mother, and I know through my own custody agreements that resolving things as peaceful as possible is in everyone's best interest.
Sorry to go on so, but it's really stressful, and I am really thankful for the well wishing.
phoolove is offline  
#6 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 09:23 AM
 
ProtoLawyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,014
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In every state I'm aware of, once paternity is established, an unmarried father has the same rights as a marital father, with some caveats (i.e. custody may need to be formally established as well--however, in establishing custody, the judge isn't allowed to consider the marital status as a factor; it's treated the same way as divorce-related custody is).

Paternity may need to be established by DNA (in some states, signing the birth certificate isn't enough), but it shouldn't be too difficult. (The only problem I can see would be if the mother was married to someone else at the time of the conception/birth, who in many states would be the presumed father.)

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
ProtoLawyer is offline  
#7 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 10:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks that is comforting to know. We looked up some state laws, but we don't have any real knowledge about this situation. She has never been married, but her whole stance is that since there was never a ring on her finger she is simply being kind to let him see their child at all, and that basically the child is hers alone.
We believe this is all an emotional ploy. Maybe she got in a fight with her BF, maybe she wants the father back, maybe she wants to try to get child support...we really don't know why she has decided to try and move the child away.
I'm sorry. I'm got all ranty for a bit.
Thanks again though.
phoolove is offline  
#8 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 01:25 PM
 
cycle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
Thanks that is comforting to know. We looked up some state laws, but we don't have any real knowledge about this situation. She has never been married, but her whole stance is that since there was never a ring on her finger she is simply being kind to let him see their child at all, and that basically the child is hers alone.
We believe this is all an emotional ploy. Maybe she got in a fight with her BF, maybe she wants the father back, maybe she wants to try to get child support...we really don't know why she has decided to try and move the child away.
I'm sorry. I'm got all ranty for a bit.
Thanks again though.
There does need to be a custody order in place and your BF should be paying child support, if he is the father the mother should not have to "try to get child support", it is the child's right and your BF's responsibility.

Until there is a custody order in most states where the couple is unmarried the mother by default has full custody. Typically though its not recognized unless there is an order, but she is not, at this point, doing anything illegal.
cycle is offline  
#9 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 01:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't mean to be close minded, but I am not sure why he would need to pay her child support if there is a 50/50 split. The child is carried on the father's insurance, and the father pays all of the medical bills, daycare bills, and even bought a car for her so that she would have reliable transportation.
Yesterday she told us that she was moving and if we tried to go to court, we would lose and the judge would make us pay her a ton of child support.
That was why I wrote that maybe she is after the money. I don't think that he is in anyway shirking any level of responsibility, in fact when she handed him their newborn and walked out of their lives it was him who held it together.
Also, actually in our state, luckily, we have found out that the mother of an unmarried couple does not have full custody by default.
phoolove is offline  
#10 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 01:59 PM
 
cycle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
I don't mean to be close minded, but I am not sure why he would need to pay her child support if there is a 50/50 split. The child is carried on the father's insurance, and the father pays all of the medical bills, daycare bills, and even bought a car for her so that she would have reliable transportation.
Yesterday she told us that she was moving and if we tried to go to court, we would lose and the judge would make us pay her a ton of child support.
That was why I wrote that maybe she is after the money. I don't think that he is in anyway shirking any level of responsibility, in fact when she handed him their newborn and walked out of their lives it was him who held it together.
Also, actually in our state, luckily, we have found out that the mother of an unmarried couple does not have full custody by default.
If he is helping support the child then he is paying support. Only a court can determine the amount he should be paying.

He needs to get an attorney immediately, they will force the mother to bring the child back. Plus since the mom is proving to be less than reliable he should file for custody so that his rights are established by the court and he never has to go through this again.
cycle is offline  
#11 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry if I was a bit raw about the child support thing. I looked up some stats about divorced couples and what not and I was really bummed to see that in many splits, the mother carries the burden of raising the kids. In this situation, that is not the case.
She has backed down, but I absolutely agree that this is an excellent time to begin a parenting agreement.
Thanks for the input. And again, I'm sorry for coming off harsh, we have been a lil edgy since this happened last night.
phoolove is offline  
#12 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 06:33 PM
 
azfiresmbm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 255
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
Just a not so simple question, Without going on too much, does anyone know anything concerning parental rights in a situation where a child was born to an unmarried couple. If the couple has been sharing 50/50 custody (both names on birth cert), does the mother have the right to just move away and take the child because they were never married?
I am the GF of the father, and we are freaked out. Can't talk to lawyer until tomorrow and looking for some input.
Thanks.
The father of the child needs to get a parenting agreement set up with the courts laying out custody and visitation and child support .
Any custody set up verbal or written down does not mean a thing unless it has gone through the courts and signed by a judge ..

If she moved the child out of state and the father tried to call the police they would say "sorry, you have no custody order set up with the courts there is nothing we can do , have a nice day !"

If the father is not going to get a parenting agreement set up , he needs to
document everything to show the courts that he has set visitation because unless he has proof it's his word against hers ...

Even if the father has verbal 50/50 that does not mean he does not have to pay child support .. Child support is based on income and financial obligation of both parents .. If your state has a support website I would strongly suggest the father fill out the form and get a calculation of what (if any) his support should be .. Be in mind that if he finds out that he does owe support he will be required to pay all back support ..

There are a few legal online websites that can give the father free advice on the steps he needs to take .. (keep in mind it's free advice)

Honestly it is NOT very smart to have nothing established through the courts if the mother is the jealous type ..
azfiresmbm is offline  
#13 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 07:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks!
We spoke with a lawyer today. I really don't understand the child support laws, and I was taking the idea as an insinuation that the father had not been supporting the child all along. I am wondering if they are both employed and he already pays for all of the childs insurance, medical bills, daycare, clothing etc...why wouldn't she owe him any money on insurance or whatever? Honestly, since this has happened, she has said that she has no intention of seeking child support and he has has never felt that she owes him anything.
When I got divorced my ex and I were told that since we had 50/50 that we could both sek payments from each other, but we both thought that was sensless.
We are definitely getting a parenting agreement though.
And I am going to check out those web sites.
Thanks for the info!
phoolove is offline  
#14 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 08:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
and I left this out...
but if we owe her child support, we would much rather know now while the child is still a toddler and start taking care of it then years from now and owe a ton of payments.
I don't want to sound like we won't pay, I was just confused by the rules.
Thanks again.
phoolove is offline  
#15 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 08:26 PM
 
ProtoLawyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,014
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
Thanks!
We spoke with a lawyer today. I really don't understand the child support laws, and I was taking the idea as an insinuation that the father had not been supporting the child all along. I am wondering if they are both employed and he already pays for all of the childs insurance, medical bills, daycare, clothing etc...why wouldn't she owe him any money on insurance or whatever? Honestly, since this has happened, she has said that she has no intention of seeking child support and he has has never felt that she owes him anything.
When I got divorced my ex and I were told that since we had 50/50 that we could both sek payments from each other, but we both thought that was sensless.
We are definitely getting a parenting agreement though.
And I am going to check out those web sites.
Thanks for the info!
It depends on your state's laws, but in my state--if you have 50/50 placement, the parent making more ends up paying the parent making less, but significantly less than what they'd be paying in an EOW situation. That means your partner could end up paying CS if he makes more than his ex, or he could end up getting paid CS, if he made less. If the incomes are close, there usually won't be any CS at all (though the state will "hold open" the issue in case circumstances change). Also, things like health insurance, day care, etc., are usually considered separately from CS in WI, and paid by both parents in some fashion. There is a possibility your partner (if he was in WI) would end up paying, say, $200 in CS through the CS agency, but he'd end up getting a $400 reimbursement check for insurance right from the ex.

Glad you're going through the steps to formalize everything...even in the best of circumstances, it's good to have a legally enforceable plan in place.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
ProtoLawyer is offline  
#16 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 08:32 PM
 
azfiresmbm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 255
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
and I left this out...
but if we owe her child support, we would much rather know now while the child is still a toddler and start taking care of it then years from now and owe a ton of payments.
I don't want to sound like we won't pay, I was just confused by the rules.
Thanks again.
I have used the website www.freeadvice.com ,
Just an FYI When you go on the above website or any free law advice website
and use the term "we" when talking about your situation the lawyers and judges on the sites will crucify you !!!
I know it's hard but use the term "the child's father" .
If you say "we" they will have a fit and tell you , that you are not the mother and you have no legal rights yada yada yada !!!
azfiresmbm is offline  
#17 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's a lot to take in.
At this point, she has softened, and we are perceiving this hint that this may be all just a bunch of emotional blackmail and insecurity and what not on the mother's part.
In any case, we are more than fine with paying child support, but that's not the real issue for us. We just want the agreement.
Thanks again.
phoolove is offline  
#18 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, you are right about the we thing. It's just that we (the father and I plus 4 kiddos between us) have been together long enough to feel like a "we."
But if this whole thing erupts in court, I understand that the father will have to physically stand alone.
Thanks for the input!
phoolove is offline  
#19 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 08:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also want to add that one lawyer that was spoken to suggested that the child's father go for full custody, and even used the phrase "tear her to pieces."
What?
That's crazy. No one wants that! We want her to keep parenting.
What a horrible attitude for a family lawyer.
phoolove is offline  
#20 of 34 Old 07-18-2008, 10:39 PM
 
azfiresmbm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 255
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Most lawyers will tell you to ask for more than what you actually want and then you can go from there ..

The lawyers attitude is kind of disturbing .
You do want a lawyer that knows what they are doing and is very proactive
We found a "family law specialist" great lawyer , looked sweet and innocent but kicked a** !!!
azfiresmbm is offline  
#21 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 12:11 AM
 
MamaChel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My state uses a combination of standard formula and custody sharing for computing C/S. There is a *reduction* in C/S ordered for the # of overnights exceeding "X" amount. Generally, for 50/50 custody there is no C/S ordered b/c theoretically, BOTH parents would be providing half the care. If the father has been sharing 50/50 custody and also has *documentation* that the mother has left the child 100% in his custody in the past, then that may be considered in any hearing. Also, have the documentation of what has been paid by dad for the care of the child.

I can see the lawyers point in this case, the mother has stated to the father her intent to remove the child from the current arrangement and has *threatened retribution* if the father pursues his *legal rights* WRT the child. In this case, it may be best *for the child* that the father act pre-emptively and get an order FORBIDDING the mother from removing the child from the current arrangement w/o consent of the court. This is for the stability of the child. THEN mom and dad could hash out the custody arrangement in court/mediation. In my experience, the court does not like to move a minor child away from a parent for very many reasons.

I hope you can find an attorney that works with your values. Appropriate representation is very important in family court cases. Good luck.
MamaChel is offline  
#22 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 12:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the info.
The father actually does have documentation of everything and all the receipts and what not.
However, he really just wants to reach a fair agreement. I know that the mother loves the child, and we believe that she is just confused right now.
Maybe we are being naive to think that she will come around and be cooperative.
Thanks again. Oh and he def didn't go with that lawyer.
phoolove is offline  
#23 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 03:20 AM
 
MamaChel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
some times custody can be handled in mediation, then entered into a court order after its hashed out. i hope you can get a stable custody/support agreement soon. i would be wary abt the mom's belief that she doesn't "have to" let dad see the child. i'm not going into details right now but i have 1st hand experiece of how damaging that is for the family. get a court order asap. good luck.
MamaChel is offline  
#24 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for your input. We have found a lawyer, and know that when I write "we" I know that it's really not a "legal" we.
I hope it gets worked out in mediation. I have this feeling that the mother is going to be hashing out her emotions through it all.
Like if one thing doesn't go her way, she will threaten ww3, then she will take a moment, think, and calm down. It's almost like she knows she will have to be reasonable, but doesn't want to make getting to that point easy on anyone.
She also told the father just last night that she doesn't want to cause him any upset because she cares about him too much.
Red flags??
Thanks!
phoolove is offline  
#25 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 02:15 PM
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cycle View Post
There does need to be a custody order in place and your BF should be paying child support, if he is the father the mother should not have to "try to get child support", it is the child's right and your BF's responsibility.

Until there is a custody order in most states where the couple is unmarried the mother by default has full custody. Typically though its not recognized unless there is an order, but she is not, at this point, doing anything illegal.
That's not necessarily true, if they have 50/50 custody, whoever makes more money is the obligator. Often the father, but not necessarily.

As far as I know, if paternity is established, the father has full legal rights to the child, married or not.

However, depending on what state you are in, she may or may not be able to move away with the child. My state is very pro-shared-custody. Others are not. You need to act now. We borrowed money to get a good lawyer and it was the best debt we ever went into. Dh has always had at least 50% custody and he has 80% now.
Flor is offline  
#26 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 02:18 PM
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
I don't mean to be close minded, but I am not sure why he would need to pay her child support if there is a 50/50 split. The child is carried on the father's insurance, and the father pays all of the medical bills, daycare bills, and even bought a car for her so that she would have reliable transportation.
Yesterday she told us that she was moving and if we tried to go to court, we would lose and the judge would make us pay her a ton of child support.
That was why I wrote that maybe she is after the money. I don't think that he is in anyway shirking any level of responsibility, in fact when she handed him their newborn and walked out of their lives it was him who held it together.
Also, actually in our state, luckily, we have found out that the mother of an unmarried couple does not have full custody by default.
It is based more on money and time with child. 50/50 custody doesn't mean no child support unless you both have the same income. If one parent has a higher income, they will likely pay the other. Our case is crazy where dh has full physical custody and mom has 20% vistiation but we pay her because she doesn't have an income. It 's just a computer formula and it took us a while to understand the "logic." Most states have a generic calculator on their childsupport websites. It isn't 100% accurate, but you can plug in your numbers to get an idea. Your income doesn't count, just the biological parents.
Flor is offline  
#27 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for sharing.
I was really confused about the "logic" behind cs. It seems like one parent can choose not to work and rely on the other parent's cs payment to make ends meet, and that doesn't seem right. In my divorce we have a 50/50 split with no cs. We think that cs won't be an issue unless it's like her saying "give me what I want to I am going to ask for cs."
(in that case, fine, so be it, ultimatley cs is not the issue)
but she generally seems to get really worked up, say crazy things (not that asking for cs is crazy, but in this one specific situation I wonder how much the would be awarded unless she purposley quit her job), and then clam down (I am trying to be understanding of this though, because situations like sharing a child can be difficult to handle)
phoolove is offline  
#28 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 03:14 PM
 
Minxie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Cape Cod, MA
Posts: 563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
Thanks for sharing.
I was really confused about the "logic" behind cs. It seems like one parent can choose not to work and rely on the other parent's cs payment to make ends meet, and that doesn't seem right. In my divorce we have a 50/50 split with no cs. We think that cs won't be an issue unless it's like her saying "give me what I want to I am going to ask for cs."
(in that case, fine, so be it, ultimatley cs is not the issue)
but she generally seems to get really worked up, say crazy things (not that asking for cs is crazy, but in this one specific situation I wonder how much the would be awarded unless she purposley quit her job), and then clam down (I am trying to be understanding of this though, because situations like sharing a child can be difficult to handle)


Even if she quits her job, she will have to supply tax returns. If she refuses to find a job, the state will calculate an income for her based on either her past income or her ability to get a job making "so much". Oftentimes, this turns out to be nothing more than minimum wage but still...it will be included.
Minxie is offline  
#29 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
phoolove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the input.
At first I was taking the whole cs issue personal, that the father wasn't taking any financial responsibility, but still wanted equal parenting rights etc..I realize now that it just depends on the way our state calculates it.
It's not personal.
I also realize that I haven't given many details about all that has gone on between the mother and father, but I didn't want to demonize the mother. She has made some pretty big errors in judgement, and if I wrote it all down, I could make her out to be pretty bad, but I know that we all (myself included) make mistakes and what not, and that's not the point. It's just that this father is a good one, and he bends over backwards to cater to the mother and attempt to keep her happy. Her choice to just come out the day before yesterday and tell the father that she was moving away with their child was quite a blow to him (us).
Thanks again
phoolove is offline  
#30 of 34 Old 07-19-2008, 11:04 PM
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoolove View Post
Thanks for the input.
At first I was taking the whole cs issue personal, that the father wasn't taking any financial responsibility, but still wanted equal parenting rights etc..I realize now that it just depends on the way our state calculates it.
It's not personal.
I also realize that I haven't given many details about all that has gone on between the mother and father, but I didn't want to demonize the mother. She has made some pretty big errors in judgement, and if I wrote it all down, I could make her out to be pretty bad, but I know that we all (myself included) make mistakes and what not, and that's not the point. It's just that this father is a good one, and he bends over backwards to cater to the mother and attempt to keep her happy. Her choice to just come out the day before yesterday and tell the father that she was moving away with their child was quite a blow to him (us).
Thanks again
What you've said is true, and furthermore, none of it really matters when it comes to child support. The judges don't really care who did what to whom (unless it is illegal and affects the child). When talking about child support it is really easy for dh to get into "but she walked out, she chose to do X, she left me with this bill, etc." but with child support it really comes down to time with child and income (or potential income)-- that's it. It's hard to separate that, but once we did if really became less personal for us and just "the way it is."
Flor is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off