Friend needs help... (custody battle) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 31 Old 07-23-2008, 02:35 PM
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I really don't understand the harshness against JSM's friend. I think he has legitimate concerns and she is coming here for help. I also think that just because people raise concerns (especially potential father's of unborn children who live out of state.) My DH who was trying to stay with his son's biomom after they found out that she was pregnant told her that he was unsure if he would love the baby. He does he loves his son very much, but while the baby was some abstract being in the uterus of a woman he did not like very much anymore it was hard to fell really positive of how he would feel about the baby. I think this is normal. I think it is normal for first time father's to feel ambivalent towards their unborn children even when things are going well with their mothers. I don't think it is cold and unfeeling I think it is a major life change without the hormones and the person moving in your uterus to help you adjust to the reality of it.

To OP I think your friend does not need to make any decisions right now. I would talk to a lawyer, get all the information possible and wait to make any kind of decisions. In my experience babies are still part of their mom's until they are at least 10 months old and there is not much for a father to do except for support the mom during that time. If the mom doesn't want his support, he should get a paternity test, pay child support if the test says he is the father and see what he decides. DH was living out of town from his son's mom when she found out she was pregnant and he moved back because he realized he could not stay away. So have your friend get as much info as possible, it is possible she will not be able to move or she will have to come back. I know this was court ordered in a friend of mine's case and she moved while she was still pregnant. She was told if she did not come back, submit to the paternity test and not leave without permission she could get picked up for a speeding ticket in her new state, find out there was a warrant for kidnapping in her old state and she would lose custody of her son.

Good luck

Baby Mama, Law Student, Milk Maker:
Mom-type to DSS 10/12/03, Mom to DS 10/05/06 and DD 11/03/08.
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