child abuse suspected. . what to do. . - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-26-2008, 09:17 PM
 
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Just wanted to bring it back to the original question, what to do if you suspect abuse...

*hugs* you sound like you are in a tough situation, and I don't know if one can pass a judgement on what's going on in there, and there seems to be A LOT going on in your life surrounding this family situation, and it's hard to know what advice to give from behind the screen. To put simply, all I can say on the matter: if you suspect abuse, you certainly should report.

Best of luck to you.

New endeavor coming soon...
Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
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Old 07-28-2008, 10:12 AM
 
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I am so glad communication is opening!

but please call!
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Old 07-29-2008, 03:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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He took dd home lastnight and she seemed to be doing better. me fear is that she is now so scared to walk on it that we wont know when it feels better. . He was holding her and pressed his hand to bottom of her foot wiggled her foot and ankle and she didnt say anything just went about what she was doing b4, but when we placed her down and tried to make her walk not only will she not touch the hurt foot to the ground but she wont the foot thats been fine all along. she cries and says ow ow ow but its not even touching just the thought of standing sends her into panic. I told him we dont know if its still hurt because even tho its visably fine no more bruising or swelling she cant tell us what exactly hurts how much pressure is to much etc. . When he took her home he told her mom the story and today called to check up on her. He had been told she was taken to the dr. but today he said hed like it if she did not show improvement in the next couple days if shed take dd to new dr. or get 2nd opinion, something ( the hospital in our town is horrible and known by many to misdiagnose) . And the mother replied well id like to take her to the dr. but i cant her med. card has been cancled. . her med card wouldve been cancled when her mother quit her job, but her mother has had time to go ask for a new one, and if she cant take her to the dr. now cause the card had been cancled weeks ago did she take her to the dr. this time or was it a lie? also i talked to a friend of mine and she said when dd's gma (her mothers mom) brought her in store and told them what happened it was a complete different story from what her dad was told. . .I'm frustrated we cant even get strait story what happened or if she had been taken to the dr. we went the week believing she had been only to now find out she quite possibly couldnt have been.

Also does it sound like she may just be scared to stand on her foot? more of a mind over matter thing?
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Old 07-29-2008, 04:37 AM
 
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Take her to the ER if she's not walking on it when you see her next. They will know what to check for. It could be sprained (which takes up to 6 weeks to heal, and should be protected during that time), strained/stretched ligament (less serious than sprain), broken, or it could be something even more serious.

My son was that age when Ii thought he had twisted his ankle. It turned out to be a bone infection called osteomyelitis, and he needed several weeks of IV antibiotics. Untreated, it can lead to permanent bone damage.
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Old 07-29-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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Also does it sound like she may just be scared to stand on her foot? more of a mind over matter thing?
Yes, it's quite possible. Very young kids don't know how to test an injury the way an adult would - put a little weight on it, then a little more, etc. She can only stand on it or not, and she's not gonna risk it yet! Eventually, if healing is going well, the pain memory will fade and she'll get up and run off w/o a thought.

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Old 07-29-2008, 04:03 PM
 
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there is more then one story about how the injury happened? CALL CPS PLEASE! I BEG YOU! PM your location and I will call!


and she could be favoring her foot, but she is young, memory for it should not be long. if it is, go to a doctor.
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Old 07-29-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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there is more then one story about how the injury happened? CALL CPS PLEASE! I BEG YOU!
Again I say, as a social worker, CALL TODAY.

You can even call the police and ask how to make an anonymous report.


Again YOU should not be determining if she is abused. Let professionals do that.

I can't stand this thread anymore. Stop hemming and hawing and asking for explanations. Obviously you think the injury is suspicious. REPORT IT.

And FWIW, a single call does not mean she will be put into foster care.
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Old 07-30-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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there is more then one story about how the injury happened? CALL CPS PLEASE! I BEG YOU! PM your location and I will call!


and she could be favoring her foot, but she is young, memory for it should not be long. if it is, go to a doctor.
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Again I say, as a social worker, CALL TODAY.

You can even call the police and ask how to make an anonymous report.


Again YOU should not be determining if she is abused. Let professionals do that.

I can't stand this thread anymore. Stop hemming and hawing and asking for explanations. Obviously you think the injury is suspicious. REPORT IT.

And FWIW, a single call does not mean she will be put into foster care.
please call. there have been so many mamas on here telling you this. these are not mamas who suggest calling every and any time someone asks a question. these are mamas who would only call if there was a legitimate reason to do so. and these mamas are telling you to call!
the fact that there is more than one story is a big red abuse flag. so is the lying to you about taking her to the doc and the whole med card thing. it sounds like she is trying to cover something up. also the fact that she is living with a person with FOUNDED abuse on her record.
PLEASE CALL TODAY!

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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Old 07-30-2008, 01:54 PM
 
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If abuse if found from another source (not you or your boyfriend) Then it could hurt the visitation with boyfriend. They (CPS) will not hesitate to question boyfriend and ask him "why didn't you do anything to stop it or report it??" and he could loose visitation.
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Old 07-30-2008, 03:08 PM
 
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I am so sorry to be harsh but you are letting a bad situation continue for a very very young child until you call for help.
I am glad you feel committed to your mate regardless of what the hardships are. I have had great success in hanging in there when the going got tough.
My intuitive sense is that maybe mom is ok, but Grandma should not be with this little girl. I would hazard a guess that she is the abuser. If mom is protecting her there is a scary situation in place.
I personally removed a child from a home at one point, which I am not recommending, but I refused to return the child until mom voluntarily enrolled herself in a cps program called something like helping parents. This mother also offered to GIVE her child to me. We went through a lot together where I was consistently the advocate for the child, and eventually for mom too. They made it together and have a good life now. Many people told me to pull out and it was too complicated and could only end badly. But after a 2 year therapy program where mom and daughter lived in a section 8 apartment with DAILY groups for mom and daughter they recovered, are still recovering.
You really have to get help. Really your boyfriend needs to get help. Really mom needs help. And most importantly the baby you all are tending to needs to be protected, loved and cared for ALL THE TIME.
I think you are doing a great job so far. Please PM me and I will call you if you need or want to talk about what to do next. Saving a child is no small thing in the world. It's important and beautiful. Remember to take care of yourself or you cannot take care of anyone else.
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Old 07-31-2008, 09:53 AM
 
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If abuse if found from another source (not you or your boyfriend) Then it could hurt the visitation with boyfriend. They (CPS) will not hesitate to question boyfriend and ask him "why didn't you do anything to stop it or report it??" and he could loose visitation.

this is very unlikely! they will probably ask him what he has seen, they might ask him why he didn't call, but they will not take his visitation away!
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Old 07-31-2008, 10:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My bf still truly believes these have all been accidents, however due to my constant nagging he has agreed to keep her longer. he got her lastnight and she is doing much better. could we call and they check the home out while she is not there? Or would it be best for her to be there so they can look at her as well? would they call first or would it be unannounced?

she still will not walk but i think it is more of a fear . . she will crawl and holds the hurt foot in the air but occasionally we will catch her holding wrong foot in the air. she can now wear shoes and things. We think she is liking the being carried averywhere and the catering we are giving her.

For now I feel content that she is with her daddy and is recovering. And her mom has allowed this with no argument.
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Old 07-31-2008, 10:47 PM
 
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could we call and they check the home out while she is not there? Or would it be best for her to be there so they can look at her as well? would they call first or would it be unannounced?
It depends on what they believe needs to be investigated. Call Now.
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Old 07-31-2008, 10:55 PM
 
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I have been watching this thread for awhile and I am begging you to call CPS NOW.

As a pre-teen my family was the victim of a malicious CPS call, so I know how it feels.

CALL NOW!

:~*Barbara*~ 25, DGF to an awesome man (25) and always a step-mom to A (8)
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Old 08-02-2008, 08:08 PM
 
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they will probably ask him what he has seen, they might ask him why he didn't call, but they will not take his visitation away!
What if the mom says that the dad was the one that hurt the child - that could definitely affect visitation.

I would think that since you know that she was not injured while in your care and are worried that someone may have injured her while she was with her mom it would be best to report what you/your boyfriend saw so that there is a record of the incident and that he was the one to report it. That way if, god forbid, something happens in the future there is a record off him being concerned about his daughter's welfare while in her mom's care.
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Old 08-04-2008, 12:48 PM
 
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ita. if you dont say anything and they do an investigation it looks bad for you.

We have CPS involved right now b/c my DSDs mom lost custody (we have them).

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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Old 08-09-2008, 03:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Steven had her this weekend after a talk with her mom he was told she would call him when he could pick her up in the morning. . whenever Alissa woke up. Seein she usually wakes up by 8 at 9am he called her mom who then told him alissa had stayed the night at her babysitters. Steven went to pick her up and found out her mom had dropped her off on wed and never came and picked her up. Steven was angry and told the babysitter he wasnt mad at her but that he should know if she needs somewhere to stay he should be the first person to be called and that it was rediculous that the babysitter had her that long anyways. Then the babysitters younger sister (she is best friends with alissas mom) called steven and told him that alissa is always at their house that her mom never has her or food in their house. So after all this he called several attorneys contacted 1 after a while and is going to take all info to try and gain custody.
After all this and talking with him. I find out alissas mom isnt even legal guardian of alissa her gma is (same gma that has had a few kids taken away) because her mom was so young at the time she signed over all rights to her mom.

After calling cps i found out that they had been called same week a few days b4 by another annonymous caller, it gave me relief because i have not been to blame for these previous calls so i felt much better. All in All we have her at the moment and he is now fighting for his daughter. it just took some1 else, some one who is suppose to be on her mothers side, noticing and saying something to him. Hes ready and Im ready and we are going to try and do all we can.
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Old 08-09-2008, 03:00 PM
 
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Thank god. I am so glad this little girl will be taken care of. I wish you all well. Take care of yourselves.
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Old 08-10-2008, 10:39 AM
 
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this is very unlikely! they will probably ask him what he has seen, they might ask him why he didn't call, but they will not take his visitation away!
Legally, Dad has no visitation. So there's nothing to take away - but that doesn't mean he'll continue getting the child, either. Either from DFCS or from Mom - 'cause she's likely to figure out who called. W/o court orders, she has absolutely no obligation to send the child to Dad.

Additionally, depending on the state and Dad's age at conception, he may find himself in hot water for being sexually involved with a 14/15yo.

(edit) responded to the earlier post before reading to the end. But I'm going to leave it anyway.
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Old 08-10-2008, 01:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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question: I have her mom on my myspace on which she has pictures of drinking and partying etc. . also some of the pictures are dated the night we took alissa home from one of his weekends. . can these be used against her in court?
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Old 08-10-2008, 03:25 PM
 
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My intuitive sense is that maybe mom is ok, but Grandma should not be with this little girl. I would hazard a guess that she is the abuser.
This is the feeling I am getting as well. Poor girl. I would venture to guess that given the grandmother's past history, I doubt the mother would speak out against her. I think that the relationship they have is one where the little girl's mother thinks that her mother has her over a barrel. I would bet that woman isn't too happy with anyone in this situation and who knows what kind of things she might do. Heck, for all anyone knows that child support money is going to her for who knows what.

I hope things turn out well in the end, but for now I guess you should hold on be prepared for a bumpy ride.
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Old 08-11-2008, 01:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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yea, the child support will go to alissas grandmother since she is legal guardian. . I dont know how alissas mother feels she seems to be very close to her mother but maybe her telling steven she doesnt want her anymore is an attempt to get aliss away from her gma. i dont know. If this is her intent its very hard to tell. since alissas gma is guardian i think it may increase stevens chance of gaining custody. . i can only hope.
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Old 08-11-2008, 08:29 AM
 
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how did she sign over rights to grandma without his permission??

btw...so glad you called!
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Old 08-11-2008, 09:12 AM
 
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question: I have her mom on my myspace on which she has pictures of drinking and partying etc. . also some of the pictures are dated the night we took alissa home from one of his weekends. . can these be used against her in court?

I would make copies of these. They look bad because she is still underage but they might not hold much because you had the baby or a responcible person did.
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Old 08-11-2008, 09:22 AM
 
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how did she sign over rights to grandma without his permission??

btw...so glad you called!

This is farely easy to do. At time of birth (in hospital) she claimed she didnt' know who father was and/or the father was there or allowed to sign he is daddy.

In hospital a well intended social worker let her sign over custodial rights--they don't know who or were dad is

A few weeks later paternity is established and the nightmare begins. Because one hand of the system doesn't know what the other one is doing it causes problems. He could legally have paid this child support to her not knowing it should have gone to grandma because mom failed to mention who had legal custody. ****I know someone that got foodstamps and financial aid because she failed mention she didn't have custody.

This young lady could very well have given the child up for adoption and dad never know.

There can be a lot of issues and unfair situations when it comes to paternity. Men don't automaticly know if they are the dad. Now days it isn't horrible for a guy to say before I take responciblity I want DNA proof. Even though majority of women are honest--there are some less than honorable ones out there. These less than honorable ones will abuse the guys that take responciblity.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yea. during the pregnancy she had maintain that he was the father and a few months before she told that she wasnt his and when alissa was born she never told him he heard froma mutual friend of theres and went there and saw her in the nursery but even then had no rights to hold or anything.
A few months later he signed the papers and then established he was the father. . he has been paying child support to alissa gma this whole time.
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:52 PM
 
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I would make copies of these. They look bad because she is still underage but they might not hold much because you had the baby or a responcible person did.
Hi. I'm a CSW (Clinical Social Worker). I'm a child therapist who has worked with ACS (DCFS in New York State).

I'm so glad you decided to call. If your BF wishes to have custody, and is shown to be in good character, he will probably be given 100% custody by family court at the time of the DCFS/Family Court hearing. There will be a DCFS hearing if there is a finding of abuse or neglect. Given the information you've passed along, I'd say there will be a court hearing. Family Court Judges, Social Workers, and DCFC case managers know how terrible it is to put a child in the "system" and will do EVERYTHING to avoid it. I'd cross my fingers that your BF retains custody.

My heart goes out to you. Stay strong but please realize that this ultimately is not your responsibility and that you deserve happiness in your life. I am saddened that some people suggested you simply leave your BF---That's difficult and I can tell how attached you are. Even if that is the "right" thing to do, or the "healthy" thing to do, it doesn't mean it's easy or that you're ready.

Oh, and btw, the journals and myspace pictures are not admissible in family court. I've never seen such things allowed. They can be used during the INVESTIGATION. You can show them to the DCFS workers and anyone else who is assigned to the case (clinical social worker, psychologist, law enforcement). However, the judge will not allow them in court for a variety of legal reasons.
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Old 08-16-2008, 02:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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will they inform him if there is a hearing? we havent heard anything. . If the journals and pictures arent legally acceptable how will they help in the investigation?
Her mom dropped her off tonight while steven was at work she said she was off tomorrow and wanted to go out with her friends so i fed her bathed her we played a little and then tucked her in. Shes beginning to talk more saying milk, bike, snack, and my personal favorite "Krinnen" thats me! lol.
I honestly think when steven does fight for custody there will be no fight. She doesnt seem to want her last week she went to babysitters on wed steven picked her up @ babysitters on fri and took her home wed night now 2 nights later she is asking if we will take her again and then he will get her next weekend and keep her prolly most of the week. but i guess if she doesnt have custody its up to her mom (alissas gma) to fight. and she just may, who knows. Weve notice 1 of alissas eye is a lil draggy sometimes looking cross eyed, he told her mom but she wasnt real urgent bout going to dr. didnt reply for a day or so and he was planning on no one coming to pick her up because of the lack of response. its always back and forth never constant. grr.
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Old 08-16-2008, 12:24 PM
 
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also about 4 days b4 the sprained ankle the mother had called him and said she did not want the lil girl anymore. He said ok but once its final i dont want you seeing her again and she changed her mind said she was just mad at the time. . Blisters have shown on feet from wrong shoe sizes being worn
He handled that very badly. His daughter living with him should not mean she never sees her mother again. Mom was crying out for help and he shut her down. She probably knows her little girl would be better off with her dad but isn't willing to stop seeing her.

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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Old 08-16-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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Oh, and btw, the journals and myspace pictures are not admissible in family court. I've never seen such things allowed. They can be used during the INVESTIGATION. You can show them to the DCFS workers and anyone else who is assigned to the case (clinical social worker, psychologist, law enforcement). However, the judge will not allow them in court for a variety of legal reasons.
This depends on the state you are in. We kept a calander/journal of events and took photos. It was all admissable. We're in california.

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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