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#91 of 116 Old 08-16-2008, 11:29 AM
 
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will they inform him if there is a hearing? we havent heard anything. . If the journals and pictures arent legally acceptable how will they help in the investigation?
Her mom dropped her off tonight while steven was at work she said she was off tomorrow and wanted to go out with her friends so i fed her bathed her we played a little and then tucked her in. Shes beginning to talk more saying milk, bike, snack, and my personal favorite "Krinnen" thats me! lol.
I honestly think when steven does fight for custody there will be no fight. She doesnt seem to want her last week she went to babysitters on wed steven picked her up @ babysitters on fri and took her home wed night now 2 nights later she is asking if we will take her again and then he will get her next weekend and keep her prolly most of the week. but i guess if she doesnt have custody its up to her mom (alissas gma) to fight. and she just may, who knows. Weve notice 1 of alissas eye is a lil draggy sometimes looking cross eyed, he told her mom but she wasnt real urgent bout going to dr. didnt reply for a day or so and he was planning on no one coming to pick her up because of the lack of response. its always back and forth never constant. grr.
The judge may want to know why her father didn't take her to the doctor then.

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#92 of 116 Old 08-16-2008, 01:23 PM
 
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The judge may look at the journals and photos but s/he probably will not put them into evidence. Family court judges are usually quite good and relaxed and will listen to every single side of the story. You will TOTALLY be notified. They can't have a hearing without all involved. Please know, that you may not be 'welcomed' by the judge as readily as the birth father and birth mother, just because of the legalities. That's not to say, that you will not be heard but you may have to speak through the case worker assigned to the case.

A hearing will only take place after a home study, at both homes (if they are thinking of recommending placement with your boyfriend), and a full investigation. If there are criminal charges (which I HIGHLY doubt, given what you've said), that that also needs to take place. Again, that's very unlikely.

DCFS/Child Welfare in any state moves far to slowly (trust me). So, it will take time before there's a hearing. Your boyfriend should be fully prepared to state that he would like custody. He should also be prepared to prove that he is a citizen in good standing (that doesn't mean perfect)---that he has a clean apartment, a room and bed for the daughter (separate from your room and bed), and that he is gainfully employed. He doesn't have to make a lot of money, just enough. Minimum wage is enough in the eyes of the court.

Best of luck again!
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#93 of 116 Old 08-16-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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Also, when I said a room and a bed. Don't be upset if he doesn't have a separate bedroom for DD. DCFS in most states is a-ok with a single bed or even pull out coach in a separate room. I've had plenty of kids entrusted to homes where they have a single bed in the living room. The law is backwards and doesn't even acknowledge that some families co-sleep or share 1 room. This is a stickler-unfortunately.
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#94 of 116 Old 08-16-2008, 05:54 PM
 
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Weve notice 1 of alissas eye is a lil draggy sometimes looking cross eyed, he told her mom but she wasnt real urgent bout going to dr.
She really needs to be seen by someone soon. That sounds like a lazy eye, and my understanding of that is that is it serious if it goes untreated. It can lead to blindness without proper care from a qualified eye doctor. Early treatment is necessary for the best outcome.
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#95 of 116 Old 08-19-2008, 05:04 PM
 
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Kris

I've been thinking of you and hoping all is well. Please update us when you get a chance. If you want to chat feel free to PM me anytime. I'm very involved in the rearing of my partner's 2 kids, have not be in your situation, but can relate in other ways.
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#96 of 116 Old 08-22-2008, 02:28 PM
 
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I dont really come here anymore, but I still think of you and hope all is well.
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#97 of 116 Old 08-25-2008, 10:06 PM
 
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As an adult survivor of child abuse, thank you for calling child services. Between my history and the time I spent working in a nursing home, being a mandated reporter of dependant adult abuse, I firmly believe that everyone should act as though they are a mandated reporter.

One only has to watch the nightly news to know that if anything, child services always errs on the side of leaving a child with biological parents, so you don't have to worry that one complaint will remove the child from the home without investigating any allegations.

I also firmly believe that anyone that young should have extensive support from family therapists and attend parenting classes. It is hard enough to be a parent as a well adjusted adult, when a teenager from a dysfunctional home becomes a parent, abuse or neglect is the most likely outcome, if only due to ignorance.
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#98 of 116 Old 08-25-2008, 10:52 PM
 
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The judge may want to know why her father didn't take her to the doctor then.
That's exactly what I was thinking.
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#99 of 116 Old 08-25-2008, 11:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Alissa is still doing very well. Recently we have been keeping 4-5 nights a week depending if her mom wants her or not. . she has been gaining weight and her hair is beginning to grow more which leaves me to believe it was from lack of nutrients. she is walking and we have a fair in our area which i took her to today she had alot of fun. . steven is working 2 jobs and going to school, 1 of which is 12 hours a day on the weekend.

Tonight he was suppose to take her home but after a text and numerous calls where he was either hung up on or ignored all together he gave up. then about 20 min later she "wanted her daughter back" He is a little upset over it but he will get over just something to push him going to court a little more.

All in all im so happy she is gaining weight and her hair is growing she is happy and clean and that is wonderful.
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#100 of 116 Old 08-25-2008, 11:33 PM
 
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She really needs to be seen by someone soon. That sounds like a lazy eye, and my understanding of that is that is it serious if it goes untreated. It can lead to blindness without proper care from a qualified eye doctor. Early treatment is necessary for the best outcome.
Absolutely. That needs to be addressed ASAP.
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#101 of 116 Old 08-26-2008, 08:13 PM
 
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PLEASE take her to an eye doctor! My oldest DD has a terrible time with a "lazy" eye. She's been wearing glasses since she was 10 months old and wears a patch several hours a day. The eye doctor says if we don't get the eye to work/get stronger the body will eventually stop depending on the eye and she will lose the use of her eye. She will become blind in that eye.

It's great that you have her so much of the time. It means taking her to the eye doctor will be easier. It's great that she's gaining weight and she's happy. Now you need to take an additional step and get her eye checked.
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#102 of 116 Old 08-26-2008, 08:25 PM
 
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Just chiming in to add +1 on the eye exam! My DP DID get to a doctor, was patched and THEN surgically corrected but he still has terrible vision in his left eye. If he lost his right (good) eye for any reason he'd be registered blind, it's that bad. Quickly quickly!
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#103 of 116 Old 08-26-2008, 08:47 PM
 
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Just a clarification, a "lazy eye" (amblyopia) is different from a deviating eye (strabismus). A lazy eye cannot be seen by visual inspection, but can only be determined by an eye doctor. A deviating eye CAN lead to lazy eye. So, when you see the eye wander, this is not due to it being a "lazy" eye, it is another condition (strabismus).

Regardless of the technical definitions, I agree that this little girl should be seen by an optometrist and/or ophthalmologist. I am glad to hear that she is otherwise doing much better!

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#104 of 116 Old 09-03-2008, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so irate at this point ita unreal. alissas mom got kicked out but she wont let him keep her till she gets a place and worse today when he called she wouldnt tell him where she was or how she was doing. NOTHING. Im mad at her for being so immature and im mad at him for not taking this more seriously. i dont know what to do. he was suppose to get her tomorrow and i really dont know what will go over then. i dont know where she is but my guess is she got dropped off at the babysitters again. i saw her mom walking today with her boyfriend and no alissa. . im so mad i dont understand how he or she could be this way
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#105 of 116 Old 09-03-2008, 11:54 PM
 
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She really needs to be seen by someone soon. That sounds like a lazy eye, and my understanding of that is that is it serious if it goes untreated. It can lead to blindness without proper care from a qualified eye doctor. Early treatment is necessary for the best outcome.
I'm sorry, I have to chime in here. I was reading the whole thread..wow talk about stressful! Anyway, Kris you are a totally wonderful person for wanting to help this little girl and all persons involved. But this thing about the lazy eye, I had 2 eye operations when I was 3 and 4 for the same thing. My one eye would 'drift'. I still have a 'lazy eye', the operations did nothing for it except traumatize me about going to the doctors. I still remember them 'putting me under', it was one of my earliest memories.

I got the book by Dr. Mendelsohn "How to raise a healthy child in spite of your doctor". In it, he said that lazy eye for the most part will correct itself, usually by age 5 or so. IF it's not corrected by then, then he says surgery is recommended. Many times eye exercises are used for correction. He also said it's a very common over used surgery. It's just something to think about.

I hope that everything goes well for your BF and his DD, and you too of course! You are a very mature person to want to go to bat for her and him..and the mother. It seems like she was raised in an abusive situation herself and has a lot of issues to move through. Having an abusive mother as a role model is a big problem, I'm sure! But the concern here is for DD as you already know. You are a special person.

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#106 of 116 Old 09-04-2008, 11:21 AM
 
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I'm sorry, I have to chime in here. I was reading the whole thread..wow talk about stressful! Anyway, Kris you are a totally wonderful person for wanting to help this little girl and all persons involved. But this thing about the lazy eye, I had 2 eye operations when I was 3 and 4 for the same thing. My one eye would 'drift'. I still have a 'lazy eye', the operations did nothing for it except traumatize me about going to the doctors. I still remember them 'putting me under', it was one of my earliest memories.

I got the book by Dr. Mendelsohn "How to raise a healthy child in spite of your doctor". In it, he said that lazy eye for the most part will correct itself, usually by age 5 or so. IF it's not corrected by then, then he says surgery is recommended. Many times eye exercises are used for correction. He also said it's a very common over used surgery. It's just something to think about.

I hope that everything goes well for your BF and his DD, and you too of course! You are a very mature person to want to go to bat for her and him..and the mother. It seems like she was raised in an abusive situation herself and has a lot of issues to move through. Having an abusive mother as a role model is a big problem, I'm sure! But the concern here is for DD as you already know. You are a special person.
Honestly, I didn't even know they did surgery for something like that. A few kids in the neighborhood I grew up with had it and they saw a doc who did some sort of vision training or something like that. I don't really know the specifics because it was a long time ago. I do recall this going on during elementary school though, so they must not have applied to the under five rule in correcting itself.
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#107 of 116 Old 09-04-2008, 11:40 AM
 
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Surgery usually depends on severity. My DP's left pupil was pointed at his nose whatever his other eye was doing. It barely moved. The muscle was so short on the inside corner surgery was the only option and even after surgery he has a slight strabismus when he's tired (and the outer muscle slackens a touch) and his vision is very compromised on that side. Without surgery he'd have been effectively blind in that eye by now (if the brain can't rely on what it sees it ignores it and relies on the reliable eye for its information). His however was not the sort of squint one might only see when a child is looking directly at you or off to one side - you could have seen it at 50 yards.
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#108 of 116 Old 09-04-2008, 01:30 PM
 
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But this thing about the lazy eye, I had 2 eye operations when I was 3 and 4 for the same thing. My one eye would 'drift'. I still have a 'lazy eye', the operations did nothing for it except traumatize me about going to the doctors. I still remember them 'putting me under', it was one of my earliest memories.
Surgery could be used to correct a drift, but as far as I know it can't be used to correct a lazy eye, which has to do with the brain and not a physical eye issue. So, that might explain why you're still left with a lazy eye. Did they at least correct the drift?

Sorry, you had to go through that trauma. I had to have stitches in my eye cavity when I was 3 and they couldn't do freezing in that area, so they had to strap me down and do the stitches without any freezing and I screamed and screamed. I have a nightmare about it occasionally. So I can relate!

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Honestly, I didn't even know they did surgery for something like that. A few kids in the neighborhood I grew up with had it and they saw a doc who did some sort of vision training or something like that. I don't really know the specifics because it was a long time ago. I do recall this going on during elementary school though, so they must not have applied to the under five rule in correcting itself.
Surgery is an option for "strabismus" (misaligned or deviating eye), to correct the eye's alignment. As far as I know, surgery is not an option for "lazy eye", which as I said before, is NOT the same as a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. Misaligned/deviating/drifiting eyes can lead to lazy eye, but having lazy eye on its own does NOT mean you have a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. A lazy eye has to do with the brain, not a physical issue with the eye.

For anyone interested in further reading, the Wikipedia page isn't too bad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amblyopia

Tofie ~ mama to DD1, DD2 and Pookie v3 debuting December 2011
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#109 of 116 Old 09-04-2008, 09:29 PM
 
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I am so irate at this point ita unreal. alissas mom got kicked out but she wont let him keep her till she gets a place and worse today when he called she wouldnt tell him where she was or how she was doing. NOTHING. Im mad at her for being so immature and im mad at him for not taking this more seriously. i dont know what to do. he was suppose to get her tomorrow and i really dont know what will go over then. i dont know where she is but my guess is she got dropped off at the babysitters again. i saw her mom walking today with her boyfriend and no alissa. . im so mad i dont understand how he or she could be this way
It really sounds like he doesn't care. You're the push behind any interest he has towards his daughter. It's sad for her. Maybe you can call the sitter and ask that cps be called the next time the child is left there for days. That's just not normal at all.

I'd take this as a sign with your boyfriend. Sorry, but he's showing you who he is. He's not standing up for the one person who needs him the most.

Lisa

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#110 of 116 Old 09-05-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Surgery could be used to correct a drift, but as far as I know it can't be used to correct a lazy eye, which has to do with the brain and not a physical eye issue. So, that might explain why you're still left with a lazy eye. Did they at least correct the drift?

Sorry, you had to go through that trauma. I had to have stitches in my eye cavity when I was 3 and they couldn't do freezing in that area, so they had to strap me down and do the stitches without any freezing and I screamed and screamed. I have a nightmare about it occasionally. So I can relate!

Surgery is an option for "strabismus" (misaligned or deviating eye), to correct the eye's alignment. As far as I know, surgery is not an option for "lazy eye", which as I said before, is NOT the same as a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. Misaligned/deviating/drifiting eyes can lead to lazy eye, but having lazy eye on its own does NOT mean you have a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. A lazy eye has to do with the brain, not a physical issue with the eye.

For anyone interested in further reading, the Wikipedia page isn't too bad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amblyopia
Okay..thanks for the wiki article! I checked it out and I did/still do have strabismus.

I can't believe they didn't give you any anesthesia when they did that to your eye!!!

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#111 of 116 Old 09-05-2008, 01:36 PM
 
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how can you say it sounds like he does not care?

have you been in that situation? sometimes it is best not to anger the other person. I am sure he does care and is doing what he thinks is best.
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#112 of 116 Old 09-07-2008, 12:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think that he does care, but I also think he is lost. He doesn't want to fight so he doesn't show her to much emotion. He is still saving all messages that she sends to him. hopefully he will find a good attorney. She dropped alissa off on thurs he is suppose to take her home tonight but we may keep her longer if she lets him. He took her camping with his grandparents and she seems to be having a good time. For the first time since her sprain she is running and jumping around. so I think her ankle is MUCH better! Still if you ask her what hurts she points to her ankle. I think its just the memory, but i dont really know. We are lookin to get our own place with in the next month, so it will be 2 bedroom so she has her own room and hopefully it will increase his chance of custody. He said alissas mom is now living with her mother again so i guess that is good, alissa has a home, i believe she still spends to much time at her babysitters that is 8 months pregnant. The babysitter would call cps because she is friends with the mother, good friends and doesnt like steven at all, which is kind of rediculous to me, he hasn't done anything to her at all except pick up his daughter. All n all i'm hoping in time things will start to improve. Alissa has shown great improvement in the past month so that gives us a push.
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#113 of 116 Old 09-09-2008, 01:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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alissas mom never showed lastnight, after a few calls she told steven she didnt feel like getting her. and we said we could keep her til 3 oclock today, i had to work at 330 and steven had school til 7 tonight. she didnt show til 4. i had to leave alissa with stevens gma that just had back surgery and even tho she said she could take care of her i was a nervous wreck at work.

she picked her up at 4 stevens gma said she cried at the sight of her mom. her mom asked her if she wanted to go to park she cried and said no. she said it was hard for her she wanted to say she could just stay but she couldnt take care of her that long. but at 445 alissas mom came into my work with her boyfriend and di not have alissa. so my guess is she picked her up and then dropped her off somewhere else. she hadnt seen her since thurs. i dont know how you can go that long without seeing your child and then drop them off as soon as you get them.
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#114 of 116 Old 10-26-2008, 12:33 AM
 
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I have not read everything.

If you are concerned for the child's safety call the appropriate authorities.

Personally if I were with a man who was concerned about his daughters safety and didn't do something because he wants to avoid conflict I would leave him and report it myself.

: feminist mama to DD 04/08
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#115 of 116 Old 10-26-2008, 11:01 AM
 
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I have not read everything.

If you are concerned for the child's safety call the appropriate authorities.

Personally if I were with a man who was concerned about his daughters safety and didn't do something because he wants to avoid conflict I would leave him and report it myself.

There has to be a balance here. Avoiding confilict could mean he is afraid of loosing his child. How many woman don't report, do something for the same reason. Doesn't make it right but it makes us human.

Think about how many women that have been in the same situation....it is the same emotions situation. Same fears. et
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#116 of 116 Old 10-30-2008, 11:53 PM
 
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I have not read everything.

If you are concerned for the child's safety call the appropriate authorities.

Personally if I were with a man who was concerned about his daughters safety and didn't do something because he wants to avoid conflict I would leave him and report it myself.
Hi! I agree. I wouldn't want to have children with a man like this or stay in a relationship with him period. Just from the sound of it, it seems like he may be putting his own comfort ahead of his child. So where would that leave future children/spouse in even day to day situations? I don't know how he feels or what he is thinking, but this VERY much sounds like this little girl is being neglected and isn't being nurtured by her mother at all.. why else would she cry at the sight of her? A child should never cry sad tears at the sight of their parent. That breaks my heart. I feel bad for Dad because he will have this little girls suffering on his heart the rest of his life as well if he doesn't act. We can be concerned all we want, but it's in our ACTION that tells the tale. (IMO)

Best of luck. Such a sad situation
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