Former spouse mucking up meds - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 08-01-2008, 09:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My former spouse has not filled my son's add meds. I gave him the three month script for him to process through his insurance. Which is "cheaper" but puts the control of this in his hands. This was given to him on june 9th. Like most people who have ADD meds in bulk, we fill the script on schedule, even if my son missed a couple of days here and there. So we had a cushion of about three/four weeks leftover from the last year.


No now my 11 year old has been without meds for three weeks. I am going nuts with him. Water is being left on, he is spitting in his siblings faces, fighting, and at times suicidal speaking. He will not sit still, is wandering aimlessly and constantly bugging his siblings, regardless of activities I have planned or what we are doing.


Any ideas on what to do?

My former spouse says he has sent it in over two weeks ago. Which is total BS. He has played it pretty close to the bone before, keeping the script for a week or two...

I have to give it to him per court order as I was "abusing" the medical payments part of child support enforcement because his insurance does not pay for monthly meds that are not mail order. This was before I had insurance and his meds were 125 a month.

So now I am stuck raising an ADD child without the help of either is father or the meds that really do help him.

All because his father has power and control issues.
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#2 of 23 Old 08-01-2008, 09:27 PM
 
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file for a hearing, in my state they are called "show cause" hearings asking why he's not given you the medication yet. keep documentation of the dates you give him the prescriptions, and the dates he gets it back to you. At this time there is NO reason why your son should be without medication and the courts need to know that he's playing these games.
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#3 of 23 Old 08-01-2008, 09:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaChel View Post
file for a hearing, in my state they are called "show cause" hearings asking why he's not given you the medication yet. keep documentation of the dates you give him the prescriptions, and the dates he gets it back to you. At this time there is NO reason why your son should be without medication and the courts need to know that he's playing these games.
ditto this advise.

And from dealing with my DSD who is BP/ADHD...

Have you tried giving him a Mt. Dew in the morning to see if the caffeine has any effect in the meantime?

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
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#4 of 23 Old 08-01-2008, 10:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No to mt dew but a yes to mexican coke (no HFCS)

We let him have a coke with lunch and a chai tea with breakfast.


As for taking him to court again.. the last time I called him on his bs it cost me over 5 grand.(he is a sgt with a local sheriff's office, and fights back pretty hard. I usually win, but it is a balance of costs and just how far do I push before he loses his job.

I have a call into my ped to see if I can get another script.
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#5 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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Wow. What a tough situation!

I know from your previous posts that your ex is somewhat of a sociopath, so I am not surprised.

The problem with most drugs for ADD, is that they are Schedule II (pharmacy term/DEA classification - highly controlled; cocaine and methamphetamine are also Schedule II meds. Ritalin is also in this class). These aren't the types of things that doctors want to hand out multiple RXs for (due to abuse/sale on the street).

In the past, I have worked for PBMs (pharmacy benefits manager) that ran mail-order pharmacies. Most of them do not care who orders the drugs, as long as their is a valid plan and RX in place. There should be some way that you can circumvent your ex as long as you have the proper information. But, considering your ex, it might take a court order to do so.

Good luck. It sucks that your son (and you!) has to deal with this.

ETA: Given your potential legal costs, I would consider working with your dr to get something in a generic that will have the best effect. Then pay cash. It might be cheaper. ALthough still infuriating.

Also, obviously I don't know where you are or what your financial situation is, but sometimes applying for medical assistance has a way of forcing the ex's insurance company's hand (it does in my state).

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#6 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow. What a tough situation!

I know from your previous posts that your ex is somewhat of a sociopath, so I am not surprised.

The problem with most drugs for ADD, is that they are Schedule II (pharmacy term/DEA classification - highly controlled; cocaine and methamphetamine are also Schedule II meds. Ritalin is also in this class). These aren't the types of things that doctors want to hand out multiple RXs for (due to abuse/sale on the street).

In the past, I have worked for PBMs (pharmacy benefits manager) that ran mail-order pharmacies. Most of them do not care who orders the drugs, as long as their is a valid plan and RX in place. There should be some way that you can circumvent your ex as long as you have the proper information. But, considering your ex, it might take a court order to do so.

I would order his meds... if my ex shared their insurance information with me. Everytime we go to the hospital or a specialist or ANYONE who does not already have their primary insurance information, he will fax their insurance info in.... because I do not need to know it.


It is all about power and control.
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#7 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 12:00 PM
 
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In DH's custody agreement, the ex is required to share the insurance info with us. We have our own card for her.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
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#8 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 07:00 PM
 
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This is not the place to complain about your ex.
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#9 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 08:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In DH's custody agreement, the ex is required to share the insurance info with us. We have our own card for her.

He has given it to us in years past. I am not too sure what has changed.

MamaChel Thank you for reminding me to document. I am going to use this instance to "prove" to CSE that he can not be trusted to handle this and since it directly affects our household and not his... I should be entrusted to do what is best. ie..handle the scripts, use my insurance and he gets to pay the difference.

As it usually takes him three weeks to handle this our Ped has been really good about being flexible. He is the same Ped my 16 year old brother goes to and knows my family pretty well. Back when the separation was still pretty fresh and I moved back home, he saw the kids and did not care about the insurance information..


nikag I first read you comment as complaining about my sex.....
I guess I was complaining......but mostly I was looking for support. I am the CUSTODIAL parent to two, we have three children. My husband (AMERICAN DAD) is an every day daddy and I have former, adult DSD who still call me their "other mother." I have every right to be in this forum and I resent the implication that it is somehow inappropriate for me to seek support and maybe even rant a bit about my former spouse.

Also... you might want to think why I am seeking support... and how NCPs choices affect the children. So that if your situation ever mirrors this, you can more easily see the other side. That is the true purpose of the blended family forum... not just a place where step moms can come complain about the mother of their step children.
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#10 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 09:10 PM
 
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FWIW, I did not find this to be just a complaining thread. I think you have legitimate concerns and wanted suggestions on how to deal with it.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
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#11 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ma_vie_en_rose Thank you, that was worth more than you know. :
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#12 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 09:23 PM
 
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Don't the rx boxes/bottles have the pharmacy info on them? Can't you just call in a refill or does it have to be a new rx each time? Tell him you lost some and need it filled a month before you really do?

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#13 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 09:25 PM
 
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They are controlled substances typically with no refills. So, a new Rx is needed each time.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
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#14 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 09:29 PM
 
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Ok, but could the new script be sent directly to the mail order pharmacy? Doesn't paperwork come with the order- where to send new rx's, etc? I've only had to submit insurance info only the first time I've filled an rx at any pharmacy. Once I've had one filled, I can drop off any number more without giving new insurance info. Of course, I think I've only used mail order once- so I'm not certain about that.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#15 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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IDK, I have never used a mail order service for meds. I know that if you order it online, you would have to know the account name and password, though.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
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#16 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 09:50 PM
 
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No advice here, but I'm hoping you get things figured out. Meds can be so important, and it takes significant time for the dose to build up in a body's system.

I would do whatever you can to get the meds on your own. It doesn't seem like your ex is doing what he needs to to get the meds refilled on time.
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#17 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 10:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, but could the new script be sent directly to the mail order pharmacy? Doesn't paperwork come with the order- where to send new rx's, etc? I've only had to submit insurance info only the first time I've filled an rx at any pharmacy. Once I've had one filled, I can drop off any number more without giving new insurance info. Of course, I think I've only used mail order once- so I'm not certain about that.

It does... but with all the information blacked out. But you have a great idea. I can call the RX mail order pharmacy with the script number and maybe...just maybe they will give me the insurance information so I can just side step his controlling arse.


BTW.. I just talked to him about this and got his typical lying response.. and called him on it. His voice breaks when he tells a lie.
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#18 of 23 Old 08-02-2008, 11:34 PM
 
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My dd is covered on her father's insurance. I have never had an issue calling them about an issue. I simply state that I am the child's mother and they discuss whatever I need. Maybe they are lax?

Is there any way you can contact the insurance company directly?
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#19 of 23 Old 08-03-2008, 12:04 AM
 
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Could you call the rx company, get the fax number and fax it to them?

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#20 of 23 Old 08-03-2008, 10:44 AM
 
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Usually I cover my DSS on my group insurance, because my DH's plan is high deductible and really bad. I was told that legally it was better to have the meds shipped to our address, because the insurance company could get picky that DSS doesn't live with us FT, thus shouldn't be on the plan. I don't know if that is a gospel truth. We are required to provide a medical card, but if his mom wants to follow up on something I have to call. I know this bothers her, but it is literally saving thousands of dollars on medical costs.

When DSS was on ADD meds, he usually needed a new prescription pretty often. Buying the 3 month supply was often a waste, because the doctor would change his dosage and we'd end up throwing stuff out. I would just get a script from your doctor and fill it. Give your ex the receipt and ask for 1/2. I can't imagine a court would find you in contempt on this after going 3 weeks without medication. If he has ordered the meds it should be here before you would need another month's supply.

Your ex is being controlling and it's not appropriate, but your top priority is getting the medication that your son needs.
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#21 of 23 Old 08-04-2008, 04:35 AM
 
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I am so sorry that he's doing this. Again. I like the court idea.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#22 of 23 Old 08-04-2008, 04:50 AM
 
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Call the Dr and see if you can get samples to hold him over.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#23 of 23 Old 08-04-2008, 12:09 PM
 
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Call the Dr and see if you can get samples to hold him over.
I'm pretty certain doctor's aren't supposed to hand out freebies of a controlled substance.
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