Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Golden State
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I think at 13 years old your daughter needs some stability. If she has been bounced back and forth she may feel like a nomad. I would try to get the schedule you proposed. I think it would be great if he could see his daughter on his days off. She is at an age where she should not lose contact with her father but she should have a life. Teenagers just want a place to hang, but they need roots. I would try to follow the schedule or document when she he says it is ok for her to stay with you. In my opinion, children should have a primary home. Adults would not like it if they were being tossed around so much. Also, the stepmother may be doing all the caretaking because your ex is working. Your daughter deserves to be happy. Kudos to you for being a mama bear. I will pray for your situation.
|But he said at our house we live on the lake and there can be a lot of people around we do not know and I just don't feel confortible with you dressed that way, he said especially if we were at work and you were by yourself.|
Oh gosh. I am not a parent, but I was your daughter.
I was verbally/emotionally abused by my father for as long as I can remember. I never wanted to visit my dad, but never told my mom the full story as to why. I was put down, humiliated, belittled. If this is truly what is going on with your daughter, she may not care to have her relationship with her father come through this intact.
My mom was like you. She really bent over backward to make things good
I finally put my foot down at 16 and refused to visit my father again. My mom and stepdad did everything in their power to get me to see him again, because they wanted me to have a relationship with him. I finally told her all the things he would do and she just cried and cried that she should have known and she couldn't believe she hadn't protected me. It broke my heart to see her blaming herself.
I decided to give him another chance at 20 years old, but it was the same story, so at 22 I said goodbye forever. That much negativity is so detrimintal to my mental well-being. My blood pressure was through the roof, I gained weight, I couldn't sleep, I was always crying (and I am not a crier.)
Having to put up with my father's treatment left me with no self esteem and an eating disorder, and I would have given anything to have been able to stop seeing him completely at 13 when I begged to. It took me so many years to overcome the effects of that treatment. I still get questions from family members about "Don't I miss having a relationship with my father?" No, I don't. My life is so much better now. I couldn't imagine having to put up with his condesention on my wedding day. I can't imagine having children and having to try to protect them from his words.
Just last year my mom told me how he had treated her in their marriage. She had kept it from me all these years so as not to influence my opinion of him. He was so horrible to her. That's why she freaked out so much when I told her. It was just like what he did to her and she remembers how damaging it was.
Some relationships are not worth preserving.
I just wanted to say good luck, and don't let peer or family pressure keep you from doing what is right for your daughter. I know my mom was influenced by everyone saying I had to have a relationship with my father, and she regrets that so much. Life is hard enough at 13 without one of your parents putting you down all the time.