DSD not coming for a visit now... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 09-05-2008, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our court agreement is for every other long weekend plus a month in the summer and a week at Christmas. So, we were supposed to have DSD for Labour Day weekend but her mom said that "Labour Day doesn't count because it's part of summer." :

DH let that slide because she said they were coming into town later in the month and we'd get her for a few days. Well, surprise! They "can't make it!"

Poor DH, he's really losing his relationship with his daughter and it's breaking his heart. Before they moved away a year and a half ago we had her 10 overnights a month... now he's going 2 months at a time without seeing her.

I really don't think this is what the judge had in mind when he set a minimum of every second long weekend... biomom stood in court and said that she would send DSD here at LEAST once a month, if not twice. And told the judge that DSD had a long weekend every month, with school holidays etc, so it would be easy. The judge set the current schedule as a MINIMUM and said that he fully expected, since biomom was SO committed to maintaining her dad's relationship with her, that we would see her more than that.

Now, we're not even getting that minimum. We had DSD for July and we won't see her again until October now. Maybe not even then, because on the agreement we don't get Thanksgiving this year. (Canadian Thanksgiving)

I'm trying to convince DH to take this back to court (with a lawyer this time) but he's just sad and doesn't believe that it will change anything.

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#2 of 11 Old 09-05-2008, 04:55 PM
 
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I don't know what the laws are where you are, but here in CA obstructing parental visitation is grounds for losing custody. The custody order can be enforced by law, but it really doesn't sound like that's something you are looking to get into.

If nothing else, your dh should remind his ex of the custody order, and her promises made in court and let her know that should she continue to obstruct visitation he is more than willing to take her back to court. It is unfair to deprive your dsd of her father.
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#3 of 11 Old 09-05-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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In our school district classes don't start until after Labor Day, so I would think it was part of summer as well.

And unfortunately, holidays (like Thanksgiving) supercede regular visitation so I get why she would miss October.

It is very unfortunate that mom won't send her dd even for a short weekend in September and October. Have you explored that possibility? Is travelling a money issue for either your husband or mom?
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#4 of 11 Old 09-05-2008, 05:13 PM
 
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I'm confused as to why Labor Day being part of summer would mean you wouldn't have her. The way I read your post, your dh gets summers and every other long weekend. So even if Labor Day is during the summer you would get still get the long weekend.
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#5 of 11 Old 09-05-2008, 06:56 PM
 
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This sounds like good cause to go back to court to me. He might first send her a copy of court doc with the parts she is violating highlighted and let her know he is willing to take it back to court if she continues to obstruct.
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#6 of 11 Old 09-05-2008, 08:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by strangeduck View Post
I'm confused as to why Labor Day being part of summer would mean you wouldn't have her. The way I read your post, your dh gets summers and every other long weekend. So even if Labor Day is during the summer you would get still get the long weekend.
Well then, you could call the 4th of July a long weekend and dad had her then, so Labor Day would be mom's long weekend, right? It said every other long weekend.

I think the issue is that for whatever reason, mom is following the order as it is written. At least she is from what I read in the original post. If DSD has a long weekend every month, that still means the CO states that dad will see her every other month. I don't think that's right or moral but that's what it says. I really don't see where she's violating the order... aside from the intent and morality. But you can't write intent or morality in a CO.
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#7 of 11 Old 09-06-2008, 01:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sunflowers View Post
Well then, you could call the 4th of July a long weekend and dad had her then, so Labor Day would be mom's long weekend, right? It said every other long weekend.
I suspect that if they celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, they don't celebrate the 4th of July. Just a hunch.
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#8 of 11 Old 09-06-2008, 01:51 PM
 
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I suspect that if they celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, they don't celebrate the 4th of July. Just a hunch.
: OOPs! I suspect you're right! My bad
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#9 of 11 Old 09-08-2008, 01:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ah... Canadian calendar. There is a long weekend in July, which counted as ours even though it was within our month. There is also a long weekend in August. And then there is Labour Day.

However, we've agreed on the third weekend in September as an alternative. Phew.

I think the judge intended a minimum of every other month. I was in court and heard his explanation of the schedule he set... However, if we follow it exactly as it's written, sometimes there would be two whole months in between visits. This year we would see her for a week at Christmas (ending Jan 3rd) and then not until May. Followed by a month in July.

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#10 of 11 Old 09-08-2008, 04:01 PM
 
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i think u should go to court too...were going again for the millionth time in 2 years cuz DSS's mom wont pick him up from us on her days so were gonna go for full custody

Stacy: Mommy 2: S, N, F, and : edd 1/12/11 praying for : or maybe : if DH will come around!
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#11 of 11 Old 09-13-2008, 10:52 PM
 
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I would say go back to court if you can afford it. We are in canada too and biomom still has complete control and uses the order to her advantage whenever possible. She just removed summer visitation other than everyother weekend even tho it's bee this way for 5 years. But not stated specifically in the order because we can't afford to go back to court. We've spent over $50 000 in lawyers fees over the past 6 years and we are feeling defeated! only 10 more years for dh's kids with that witch! we kept them on labor day even tho she demanded them back on the sunday. She now says he is irresponsible and that there will be consequences. oh well whatever we are both tired of the fight and we dont' engage or respond to any of her emails.

I feel for you and your family but in the end Canadian courts are not dad friendly IME
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