Hannah Montana? (x-posted from Childhood) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 32 Old 09-11-2008, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I posted this in Childhood Years, but wanted to put it here too, as it is in part a Blended issue concerning different house rules/values and I'm stuck with what to do...

To go with this, DH sees no problem with it and put the awful show on before he left for work, so of course I couldn't turn it or else DSD would have a total meltdown! I am so agitated with DH because he KNOWS how I feel about this show and about it being watched in this house by small children. *sighs*


So what I posted in Childhood...


Should 4 year old really be watching Hannah Montana and be obsessed with her already?? :blink

Or am I totally over reacting?

I HATE HATE HATE this... like am utterly uncomfortable with it and won't be letting my daughter watch stuff like this at that early of an age...

It's basicaly a show for tweens... it's junior high! There is no way a 4 year old could understand it all, other than them goofing around and sneaking around.. I just don't think it sends a good message to a kid who doesn't know any better to start with because they are too young!!

DSD's Mom not only lets her watch it... but promotes it. She has bought her a Hannah Montana CD and other accessories including a watch! What does a 4 y/o need with a watch? :blink They cannot tell time!

I just think kids grow up too quickly as is... seeing a preschooler act like a tween is seriously creeping me out... DSD has even been picking up some of the tween slang and such and her newest phrase for everything is "Like, I know!!!" and rolls her eyes some...

I didn't think I'd have to deal with this type of attitude til at least 10 or 11!

So am I over reacting? I know I have no control over it at her Mom's house... but she now comes over with her H.M. watch, and purse and clothing and begs to watch her all the time. I'm just not comfortable with it.



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#2 of 32 Old 09-11-2008, 10:00 PM
 
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Probably not what you want to hear, but I think it will be a lot more damaging to your relationship with dsd trying to control a tv show that neither of her parents have an issue with, than just letting it be... It's one of those control things that are not worth arguing about. In things like this parents get a final say. I'm sure you will want to have a final say in whatever way your baby is raised, well it works the same way here... biological parents get to call the shots, and us judging it won't do us any good.

I am all for alternative ways of entertainment, and have a personal aversion to HM. Regardless, I don't think that every little girl in love with a show is hopeless, and selfish, and fascinated with sex and rock&roll, kwim?

I just believe in power of patience, setting good examples, and love much more than I believe in power of Hannah Montana.
Let it go, not worth it. Your dsd will be fine if she grows up in the family that loves her and doesn't blow up into arguments over tv shows, regardless of Hannah Montana.

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#3 of 32 Old 09-11-2008, 10:47 PM
 
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what about just having a house rule that either no tv is watched except special occasions and or movies or having a rule about what channels, types of shows are allowed? would your husband be at all open to restricting tv time? my kids have crappy behavior and fight with eachother way more when they watch tv. we do not watch any tv anymore on weekdays/nights and we might watch like 1 movie all weekend. but we got rid of cable tv and explained to the kids that we're just more into hanging out outside or making food or art and thta tv is not all that great for your brain. the kids, ages 5, 6, and 7, never ask to watch tv. my son gets to watch a good deal of tv at his dads house and my step sons get to watch a lot of tv at their moms house but they all seem to accept that at our hosue we just dont.

as far as hm and dsd's mom promoting it the thing is that its actually our corporate sponsored culture that promotes these things. you walk into target or wallmart and theres pictures and products of these shows everywhere. its just another way to get people to buy stuff they dont need.
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#4 of 32 Old 09-11-2008, 10:52 PM
 
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I am with Oriole, being a step mom for over 8 years, I know you are in a tough situation. My stepsons were allowed to watch what I considered inappropiate, but at there moms and nana's was allowable. had the usaul argument with husband, but just wasn't worth the fight after a while. Now I have the same problem, my kids are dd 12, ds 6 and step s 13 & 14. Now they watch shows that my 6 yr shouldn't and sometimes, I am not around to put a stop to it, but so far I can't see where the shows are teaching him anything that he hasn't learned already from the older ones so, I don't stress about it tomuch! Lets face facts, stepparents have very little say about anything. If you and her have a loving relationship it will be better not to stress to much over HM, My dd watches it and has both CD's, posters and is now taking guitar lessons. There are worse things than HM. I learned to pick my battles carefully where the dss are concerned, but if she goes home and complains to her mother, then the mother calls the father, then it may fall back to you. It happened to me every six months or so, and it was one big argument. My dh has finally stopped telling me exes gripes and we live in peace!!! I still manage most of the time not to let the bios watch inappropiate shows and movies. I hope this helps from one step to another.
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#5 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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I agree that this just is not a battle to fight if her parents do not mind it. It will do a lot more harm than good with your DH and DSD.

I am NOT a fan of HM at all and do not allow my 4yo to watch. My DSD is 10yo and obsessed with her. My compromise has been that I allow the music when DDs are around, but I do not allow the show. DSD watches it when the younger ones are not around or asleep. While I disprove of the content (as I do most things on cable networks for children's programming), she is not my child. Her mother allows it, and DH has decided not to make it a battle with her because the content isn't that bad compared to many other things on tv.

This is definitely one of those "pick your battles" type situations.

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#6 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 12:43 AM
 
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I can't stand that show but I disagree with everything else. That show is geared to little girls and many of her fans are over her by 11. Thank goodness my dd got over her last year at 10. I don't find it offensive just annoying and far to "perky" for my tastes. Squeeling tweens is so not my cup of tea. My dd is on to a new and annoying celebrity passion and that will probably be followed by another new and annoying celebrity passion. I let her develop her own tastes and interests and hope that some of them appeal to me more so I can share. I know that you find this show awful and I sympathize but since both her parents are ok with it I think this is another pointless battle. Don't worry you will have much more input when your dd is born. Now if you want to play "fair" you could make your dh chaperone all HM shows personally- that may cure him of his ambivalence quick I would be in a strait jacket.
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#7 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 01:41 AM
 
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For what it's worth, my daughter started getting into the "tween" stuff when she was 4 or 5 too and is now immersed in HM, ICarly, etc. So much of this stuff is total crap. But my daughter, now 9, is also totally sweet, empathetic, generally well-mannered, likes to read and intelligent. She certainly can have the tween slang/attitude sometimes but she's also very much her own person and influenced my multiple things in her world. She's also capable of thinking through, reflecting on and developing a critical response to things b/c we've taught her to be independent and thoughtful. I'm not of the opinion that tv shows and pop culture ruins kids or that protecting them from it necessarily helps. This is the world they live in - I just try to help her critically engage with it.

Also, I generally agree about this not being a battle you want to pick. We have off and on tried to reduce tv watching time - that may be an easier goal.
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#8 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 07:08 AM
 
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If you can't get the show out of your life you can start having "teachable moments" where you discuss the things you object to.

I started doing this about TV commercials when the kids were tiny and pointing out the lies....helps to form critical thinkers.

Good luck.

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#9 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 08:32 AM
 
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I hate the celebrity obsession thing and think it's totally unhealthy, so at our house we have a rule about the kinds of tv we watch, the things dd can view on the computer and the kinds of magazines we read. If the tv's on, it's usually Animal Planet, Discovery Science or the History channel. Dd gets to watch ICarly and Zoey101 from time to time, but I watch with her and we talk about things that are different from the values that are important in our household.

Dd's stepmother, however is obsessed with all things celebrity and has always has a stack of those gossip magazines laying around. They do not monitor dd's tv watching and she has seen things that are completely inappropriate for anyone, let alone an eight year old (Tila Tequila? Really? For an eight year old?) Since I can't control what happens there, we talk about that stuff and why it's unhealthy for her.

You can't make an issue of something her mom and her dad allow, but I think discussing other values with her is a good idea, and let it be known that there are standards in your home for how children speak to adults, so rolling the eyes, saying whatever...all that's out.
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#10 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 09:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just really really don't want a house of separate rules. That would drive me completely bonkers and I feel would put a major split in the one family attitude we try to have.

And I certainly don't want to always get trumped on rules for my DD just because his DD can already do it... I get that bio parents have last say... but in my house, I'm a bio parent too, and it is my house, so I have a right to feel comfortable with what goes on in my house, no?

I don't think there should be a separate standard for DH's daughter vs our kids. kwim?

DH is a total TV junkie himself so getting him to tone down on TV is difficult... I'd blow it up if I could. He has to check sports scores and such all the time...

I have started a no TV before dinner rule and that has been going well at least. We play outside before dinner.

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#11 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 09:50 AM
 
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The "separate standard" is for older kids vs younger kids, not necessarily for step vs bio. Regardless of where their genetic material came from, there are things that are OK for a 9YO that are not OK for a 5YO.
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#12 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 10:35 AM
 
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Hmmmm, I may a voice of dissention here. A four yr old should not be watching the Hannah Montana TV show in my opinion. We just starting allowing it some and that is only for special occasions. My DSDs have been in the HM phase for a while though. They love her music and last year for DSD 10's birthday, we had a special day at Club Libby Lu. In fact they have decided for Halloween this year that DSD 10 is going as HM and DSD 9 is going as Miley. So my girls like her. That doesn't mean that the TV show needs to be watched.

It sounds like the TV watching is a bigger issue and one that you and DH need to sort out between yourselves. I don't think that both houses need to have the same exact rules but you and DH need to agree on what is ok in your own house. We definately have different TV viewing rules at our house vs what the kids have at their mom's house. At their mom's house, the TV is on just about the entire day. Their little sisters (the older one just turned 2 and the younger one is 7 months) are allowed and encouraged to watch TV all day (whole other rant for another day) and they watch TV on school nights. Their TV viewing seems to be rarely monitored and they have watched and continue to watch programs that are more mature than what they should be viewing.

At our house by contrast, TV viewing is a minor activity that is not engaged in on school nights. In fact we have a no screen time rule in our house for Sunday nights thru Thursday nights during the school year. That includes computers and video games. The TV in our house does not stay on all day and the shows that are watched are usually ones that have been recorded on the DVR and those include Authur, Fetch, Unwrapped and Magic School Bus. My stepkids understand that there are different rules at their mom's house and they readily accept it.

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#13 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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I just really really don't want a house of separate rules. That would drive me completely bonkers and I feel would put a major split in the one family attitude we try to have.

And I certainly don't want to always get trumped on rules for my DD just because his DD can already do it... I get that bio parents have last say... but in my house, I'm a bio parent too, and it is my house, so I have a right to feel comfortable with what goes on in my house, no?

I don't think there should be a separate standard for DH's daughter vs our kids. kwim?

DH is a total TV junkie himself so getting him to tone down on TV is difficult... I'd blow it up if I could. He has to check sports scores and such all the time...

I have started a no TV before dinner rule and that has been going well at least. We play outside before dinner.
i guess i just don't see it as harmful in anyway whatsoever to have different rules and activities in different homes. my husband's divorce papers specifically state that each parent, upon the official divorce, must recognize and respect that the other parent has a separate life and separate home. this is just reality. there's no pretending that our kids or stepkids live in one home or live in two homes that are identical. this doesnt help kids deal with the reality that they DO indeed live in two separate homes with different people who love them but have different ideas and actions. kids know how to adapt. when they are at school or in public they learn quickly what is acceptable behavior compared to what might be acceptable at home.

also i dont see tv or cable tv for that matter as being a normal part of early childhood life. i realize it has become this way in our culture but i dont neccessarily think thats a good thing. why do 4 year olds need to watch any tv at all? all kinds of studies have been done that show tv is not good for young children and is contributing to all sorts of probelms in our society including relationship violence, add and adhd, and childhood obesity and type 2 childhood diabetes.

i am not saying anyone who lets their child watch tv is somehow endagering their kids lives i am just pointing out that although the vast majority of americans watch tv and perhaps even cable tv, this doesnt HAVE to be the way it is in your home, and you arent a bad stepmom for having reservations about your young dsd watching tv of any kind, let alone hm.
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#14 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 10:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks arismama.


I guess that is what it boils down to, and actually DH does normally back me on tryign to get DSD to watch less TV when she is with us because we know that is all she does at Mom's.

And I agree.. we shouldn't just have to default to Mom's rules... and for the most part we don't. I think DH just doesn't get age appropriate things sometimes... he can be sort of clueless with some of it... like he expects DSD to sit perfectly still and eat her dinner without talking... lol Yeah, show me a 4 y/o that can do that... esepcially a really excited one that hasn't seen you all week and wants to share her week with you. He's getting a LOT better about it and understands... just some age appropriate things need to be pointed out to him. He usually gets it once it is.


But yeah... back to the TV issue... I just don't think it is healthy for DSD. She has been plunked in front of the TV for so many years already, and that is all she asks to do, so I have taken to coming up with other activities to do. She won't even play with her toys! She'd rather watch TV... if we try to get her to go play in her room with her kitchen set or some such she cries like she is being punished!

Her Mom uses movies and shows as rewards for good behavior at school, so perhpas this is why DSD thinks she is being punished because her Mom takes away TV if she is bad?

I just personally feel young kids should be playing... growing up we watched a couple hours of Saturday morning cartoons and that was it... the rest of the day we were running around the neighborhood or building a massive hide-away up in our rooms, or reading, or playing school... just a bunch of things that actually involved using the mind instead of staring blankly at a TV.

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#15 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 12:58 PM
 
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We DEFINITELY do not have the same rules with tv as DSD's mother. She watched things that DH and I find completely inappropriate for her age and tv has no time limit there. We are pretty strict on both those things in our home. We can not control what goes on there, though. DH used to use tv to babysit DSD when she was here. I talked to him a lot about it, and he eventually made the decision to cut almost all tv out of her life here as it is with our DDs, too. It was his decision, though, since she is his DD. I was just patient with him, and he came around to how I felt. I still don't think this is something to make a huge battle out of, but just something you can work to change over time. kwim

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#16 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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I agree that it's okay for children to have different rules in each home. Both my DCs and my DSCs have different rules when they're with their other parents.

The main issue here seems to be that you and DH come to an agreement on how much television is watched in your own home. It sounds like you have different values regarding how much TV is appropriate for young children to watch. I would encourage you to have a heart-to-heart with DH about how important this issue is to you and ask that the two of you come to a mutually agreeable compromise.

My DDs don't have a television at their father's house. We have one at our house and they're allowed to watch it, but I am very strict about what kinds of shows they're allowed to watch and for how long. My DH has different values about television and it took a lot of work for us to come to an agreement about how TV watching would work in our house. For example, before we all lived together, "The Family Guy" was a popular television show that DH and his kids enjoyed watching together. I *hate hate hate hate* that show. I hate it for adults, but I triple hate it for kids. In the end, DH wouldn't prohibit his kids from watching it and I would allow my kids to start watching it. So now, when DSD and DSS want to watch it, they have to do so when my kids aren't around and my kids know that they're not allowed to be in the room when it's on. As for my kids' bio-dad, he hates that I let our girls watch any TV at all, and I respect that, but it's something we've just agreed to disagree on. Thankfully, we do agree on what is and isn't appropriate content.

That said, I do not think that Hannah Montana is appropriate content for a 4 year old. However, if both DH and bio-mom think it's okay, you may have to take the backseat on this one.

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#17 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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I just wanted to say I'm all for different rules, but in order for that to work you AND your dh must have the same standards. If your dh shares a certain standard with your dsd's mom, then it's no longer differences in the two different households, it's the differences between biological parents and a stepparent's opinion.

DSD always followed slightly different rules at her mom's vs. our place, and as long as everyone is clear and consistent it seemed to have worked out fine. There were no R rates movies here (still none), vs. her mom's house. If there is some concern for PG13 stuff, we watched it before she did, and went on case by case basis. What I am saying, in your situation for your vision to come to life in your house, your husband, dsd's Dad, must see the situation the same way you do. So you should approach it with him, and get his support before moving on to setting it up as a "house rule". Otherwise you will only build resentment and distance with dsd, and there is nothing as important as communication in these situations, kwim?

Anyway... Certainly it IS your house, but your husband IS her father, and it is up to him to set certain standards. If he refuses, you will only end up fighting a battle a stepmom cant' win, regardless of how right you are, and how wonderful your intentions are.

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#18 of 32 Old 09-12-2008, 05:29 PM
 
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in our house my husband and i are completely on the same page about tv watching and appropriatness of shows. it is a mutual decision we make as the parents of our kids and stepkids in our home.
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#19 of 32 Old 09-13-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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I just really really don't want a house of separate rules. That would drive me completely bonkers and I feel would put a major split in the one family attitude we try to have.

And I certainly don't want to always get trumped on rules for my DD just because his DD can already do it... I get that bio parents have last say... but in my house, I'm a bio parent too, and it is my house, so I have a right to feel comfortable with what goes on in my house, no?

I don't think there should be a separate standard for DH's daughter vs our kids. kwim?
I agree that you shouldn't have different rules for different kids because of their genetics, but different rules for different kids is fine based on age. Our children are totally accepting of the idea that the older ones can eat things that the younger ones can't, but that they will be able to when they are older. They also understand that some tv shows or movies are okay for older kids and not for younger ones. But we NEVER say "Big Sister gets to do that because it's okay with her mom, but Little Brother can't because I'm in charge of him and it's not okay with me." We are also very careful not to give my step-daughter the message that her mom is making a bad choice ("I know you watch that at mom's house, but I don't think it is appropriate, so you can't watch it here"). We sometimes walk the line of the truth as we see it (like conversations regarding why we don't eat meat, which can be challenging to have without implying that her mom is doing something wrong by eating meat) but it is important enough that we are willing to put in the extra work.

All that said, you and your husband need to be on the same page in order to enforce any "house rules". If he is okay with Hannah Montana, it's probably his call right now... when there are more kids your opinion should have more weight at least when the baby is around. But for now you have to find a way to work it out with your husband... maybe general TV policies that you can both live with, and leave the specifics up to the parent who is making the decision at the time... It's good practice to work it out now before the next one arrives.

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#20 of 32 Old 09-13-2008, 04:45 PM
 
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I agree that you shouldn't have different rules for different kids because of their genetics, but different rules for different kids is fine based on age. Our children are totally accepting of the idea that the older ones can eat things that the younger ones can't, but that they will be able to when they are older. They also understand that some tv shows or movies are okay for older kids and not for younger ones. But we NEVER say "Big Sister gets to do that because it's okay with her mom, but Little Brother can't because I'm in charge of him and it's not okay with me." We are also very careful not to give my step-daughter the message that her mom is making a bad choice ("I know you watch that at mom's house, but I don't think it is appropriate, so you can't watch it here"). We sometimes walk the line of the truth as we see it (like conversations regarding why we don't eat meat, which can be challenging to have without implying that her mom is doing something wrong by eating meat) but it is important enough that we are willing to put in the extra work....
see i don't think it's wrong to state that you or dh has differing beliefs than biomom or biodad. this is just the truth of life; we are all individuals struggling to find and keep our ways of life, beliefs, ect. my kids mom doesn't really believe in god or angles or luck ect. and dh and i do so when the kids ask questions or make statements about how mom does or doesnt believe in this or that we just say "that's ok, everyone gets to have their own beliefs and we believe this.". same with meat eating or tv. the kids get to watch some r rated movies at thier moms and we really dont think this is ok so if they ask to watch it here we explain that we dont think its appropriate, but if their mom has different rules or beliefs thats ok because its her house and her life.
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#21 of 32 Old 09-13-2008, 10:56 PM
 
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This po's me too! I hate the marketing geared to young children, everything is has this logo or HSM logo on it. I despise HM and HSM so I accidently loose the clothing mil buys with this stuff on it. And if I come in the room to find it one I turn it off and site the rule no tv. Since we only have the kids for 48 hours every two weeks we don't do tv unless it is a preapproved movie night imo they watch WAY too much tv at their mom's house including things inappropriate for 8 yo ie horror movies that I wouldn't even watch
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#22 of 32 Old 09-13-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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I actually could not find clearance pajamas (aka stuff that's still lightweight--she needed a pair or two in August) at the mall store nearest my work, that did not have Hannah Montana on them. I suppose on one hand, that's reassuring--the HM stuff wasn't selling that well...but on the other hand.

I hear you. We've got a Pokemon obsession that Mom gladly feeds and we want nothing to do with. (SD even complained that we didn't get her any Pokemon for her birthday. Anyone else hate birthday entitlement? But I digress.) We also get the 'tween attitude, but I'm not entirely sure it's (mostly) media-driven.

We just limit TV time, don't buy the stuff, don't really say much either way when it makes its way here (but make darn sure it makes its way back to Mom's). It's about all we can do.

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#23 of 32 Old 09-13-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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My 6 year old is into it too. I know it came from her dad's house (tween stepsister there) because we dont even do tv here at all. I hate consumerism in general but I guess hannah montana is better than bratz
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#24 of 32 Old 09-14-2008, 04:33 AM
 
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We had a very similar issue when I was pregnant (surprise, surprise ). I have always been very anti-TV. DF wasn't. I wanted our house default to be something other than TV. DSD watches *a lot* of TV/movies at her mom's house.

For years, any new life experience brought the comment, "Oh, this is just like [insert TV show/movie]." She placed everything in the context of cartoons. It still does happen, from time to time.

I really didn't want this to be DS's life experience.

Eventually, after me quietly making my case for almost a year, DF saw things my way. We wound up putting our TV in the closet for around six months - hauling it out only so DF could watch football on Sundays. And then American Idol. But by that time, we were out of the habit. After American Idol, the TV returned to its dormant state, only to be awakened months later for the Olympics and the two major party conventions. Considering the standard American TV diet, ours is pretty healthy. Now that the special events are over, we are back to no TV.

Now, don't get me wrong. It is easy to sit DSD in front of the TV. She'll sit there for hours, entranced. The perfect, angelic kid.

I've never thought TV was a great idea for DSD. Despite the fact that it would make my like SO much easier. Now, DF is finally seeing my point. However, she still watches a lot at her mom's (including The Family Guy - at six!). Hopefully, our next-to-no TV will combat the abundance of it when she is at her mom's.

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#25 of 32 Old 09-14-2008, 11:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The good news is DH gets it... I knew it was a clueless moment.. He figured since it was Dinsey it was fine. He actually watched some of it then saw DSD repeating phrases and such that he wasn't keen on.

Granted she will likely hear these phrases at school and pick it up anyway... but that doesn't mean we have to promote it in our house.

DH said he just doesn't know all the kid shows and didn't realize that some kids shows aren't really kid friendly... he figured everything on Disney was "safe"... poor man. lol

So I think DSD's days of watching HM at our house are over. Yay for trying to regain brain cells.


Quote:
I just wanted to say I'm all for different rules, but in order for that to work you AND your dh must have the same standards. If your dh shares a certain standard with your dsd's mom, then it's no longer differences in the two different households, it's the differences between biological parents and a stepparent's opinion.
I am still not keen on this line of thinking, and doubt I will ever back down on my opinion anytime soon... DH is MY parenting partner in this household. DSD's Mom is perfectly entitled to make decision in her house... but I am not going to sit back and be a third wheel to standard for the way we raise children in this house.

I completely understand that different ages will come with different rules/privilages... However, children do talk, and I have seen this in my own growing up... if all of a sudden parents change things up and what 2 children could not do at 5 years old, and then their last 5 year old is allowed to do it, it becomes this big, "well Mom and Dad let me do this and not you.. nah nah nah." Beleive me... it happens and kids don't forget. This happened some in my house growing up, though for the most part, as oldest I set the precedent... Mom figured out ages to allow certain things and kept with it... didn't change it up for my two younger sisters.

That is how I view my future... I'm setting standards now... I don't want our young children to be consumed by TV, and that precedent should start now... Why should things just instantly change in 3 months because then all of a sudden I'm a bio parent to one child in this house?

No... sorry, that doesn't sit well with me. DH and I parent together in this house, and things we don't agree on we discuss... and DSD's Mom's values/rules do not ever come into it... she has no say in how we parent in THIS house. It is not her household.

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#26 of 32 Old 09-14-2008, 03:26 PM
 
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I hate tv. My lil gal spends ONE night a week at her dads and is still hugely influenced by it. I dont allow any here at all b/c she just zombies out in front of it. I am pretty sure her dad just lets her watch non-stop and it drives me nuts.

"mama, on xyz show they did this and that" I hate that! lol, I always say, oh honey tv isn't real! I only talk about REAL people, what did you do with (real friends name) today? It works!!!

When my sk's are here its no tv for them either. Same situation at their home tv on all the time. They survive =) We have a cabinet for the tv and the doors are almost always closed. I watch sometimes after the kdis are in bed (Monday nights I like to watch gossip girl!! lol)
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#27 of 32 Old 09-14-2008, 03:31 PM
 
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I have had ZERO issue with the other parents (I have stepkids, and my ex has stepkids, double whammy!) about the TV. I am sure they find it a little odd, but have never made a single comment about it. I'm sure they really don't care! All the kids in my home follow the same rules, only different by ages (like the 10 year old gets to stay up a little later kind of thing) it doesn't matter who birthed them if theyre in my home they're in my rules =)
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#28 of 32 Old 09-14-2008, 03:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
No... sorry, that doesn't sit well with me. DH and I parent together in this house, and things we don't agree on we discuss...
I'm not sure what you mean, since all I was saying it was important to be on the same page and then make a parenting decision together vs. just by yourself. I'm glad your DH has agreed with you on this subject. I was trying to make a point that it won't work unless both of you agree. Don't you think it wouldn't have worked if your DH stuck by "it's not a big deal, she can watch it"? Then you'd have a problem making a child change her habits. Obviously, it's not the case, and I"m happy for all involved. Communication is certainly the key to any successful relationship, and it's working for you. Who can argue that there are certainly much healthier things for a 5 y.o. to do than to watch HM. Glad it worked out!

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#29 of 32 Old 09-14-2008, 04:38 PM
 
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see i don't think it's wrong to state that you or dh has differing beliefs than biomom or biodad.
I don't have a problem talking about different peole believing different things... we are just careful not to attach judgment to it when it comes to differences between us and her mom. For example, SD is allowed to chew gum at her mom's and not at ours... we say simply that "it's okay with mom, but not with us, so you can do it when you are with mom and she says it is okay." However, we won't say "It's not safe to chew gum. If your mom wants to let you, that's her choice, but you can't do it here because it is not safe." While the first says that people have different opinions and different rules, the second implies that her mom is doing something that is unsafe for her.

We are all for promoting the legitimacy of choices and beliefs other than our own, we are just not willing to tell her something that implies her mother is making choices for her that are not safe, healthy, or moral. If we believe mom is making a harmful choice for my step-daughter, it is something for my husband to discuss with his ex, not for him to tell his daughter.

Sorry... hijack over...

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#30 of 32 Old 09-24-2008, 09:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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UPDATE:

I am so glad I stood my ground on this, regardless of some opinions that step parents should butt out...

Since this conversation with DH HM has not been viewed in our house and he backed me 100%.


Yesterday we got an email from his ex, totally proving my point even more though...

DSD learned the word looser from watching HM and called a boy a looser at school. DSD's Mom wrote to us to please not allow DSD to watch it this weekend at our house as she has grounded DSD from the show for a week.

DH called her and told her we had already determined the show to be totally not age appropriate for DSD that she is only 4 years old and can't comprehend what is right and wrong from watching the TV, she is simply going to mimic everything she sees.

So now his ex knows what we think of the show too...


Though this leads to something else I wish he had brought up with her, though I suppose we don't want to open the door of her trying to tell us how to discipline... but groudning a 4 year old? Seriously... a 4 year old is not going to grasp being grounded at all! Their minds don't work like that and needd a direct cause and effect scenario in the moment... not grounding for a week!

And the funny thing... if DSD's Mom is clued in to the fact now that DSD is learning things she'd rather her not from watching this show... why take it away for just a week? Why not until DSD is of an age where she can understand it?? A week is not going to change the content on the show nor the maturity of DSD's mind to suddenly grasp what the show is and what everything means in it...


But anyway... DH was rather impressed that I knew what I was talking about and my thoughtfulness in that DSD would likely pick up something that she does not need to be learning yet. I started being able to tell a little bit ago that DSD has entered the stage of total mimicing and is like a shadow puppet doing everything she sees around her right now... we are being very concious of that.


I just wanted to say... even though step parents aren't bio parents... we are STILL PARENTS, and if we have a major concern, I think we have every right to bring it up.

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