DSD "spying" on us after bedtime! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
LionessMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,610
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
And she caught us DTD!
And then told her mom!

DH just told me last night that DSD1 told her mom last week that she was spying on us and caught ud DTD. she was supposed to be in bed. she had been in bed for 2 hours before we even went to bed. Both DSDs live with us full time. DSD 1 is not a bio child for either of us but DH thought he was until she was 2. i have been with DH since she was one.
i feel violated i guess. i confronted her this morning and found out that she routinely spies on us in the middle of the night. she gets up on purpose to spy on us. we usually leave the door open so that we can hear if they get up but apparently she is very quiet. so quiet that her sister sleeping in the bottom bunk doesnt even hear her. DSD2 thinks she is lying.
she def saw something though. Now DH is freaked out and wouldnt even touch me last night. i am afraid it will be months before we DTD again! aaack. i tried to explain to her how wrong it was to spy on us like that. we use the term "fences" for boundaries. i explained that that was the biggest fence she had ever crossed here and that DH and I were kinda upset about it.
yk i could have sworn i shut the door too. it was like at midnight. what do i have to do? lock her in her room? jk, i wouldnt do that. guess i will have to live without DTD. sigh.
would i feel like this if it had been a bio kid. yes. it is the whole deliberately spying thing. i feel kinda icky now too. help!

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
LionessMom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 02:35 PM
 
UberMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,328
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Delurking..

What about a baby monitor in or near their room, turn it on and then shut your door while you and DH have private time? Open your door again when you are done and going to sleep?

Not saying that the spying doesn't need addressed, because it does.. but the above may help DH feel more comfortable about DTD (though I understand his being freaked out).
UberMama is offline  
#3 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 02:43 PM
 
kangaroomum25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
put a good lock on your door
kangaroomum25 is offline  
#4 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 02:46 PM
 
acory23's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When my sisters were little, they were snoopy so my parents put one of those door chimes on their bedroom door and my sisters' so they knew when one was trying to sneak out. The first couple of times, it freaked them out and they never did it again. My mom was also paranoid about someone sneaking into the house nad kidnapping so thats the other reason she had it there. But now DH and I have a loft (with no door... ergh) so we have an electronic chime at the bottom of our stairs to alert us to spies. But my kids are totally disinterested in anything that goes on up there. DS (6) caught us DTD once. DH sat him down and started giving him the 6 year old version of the sex talk. As expected, he didnt have to get into much detail because he got as far as kissing and cuddling and DS bolted to his room.
acory23 is offline  
#5 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 02:49 PM
 
chfriend's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in a red state
Posts: 4,560
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is a six year old? Sounds like she's waking up needing nighttime parenting and not coming to you for company.

Anyway you can invite her to wake you up if she gets up at night, that you want her to know you're there for her day or night?

Have you talked with her about why she's having trouble sleeping?
chfriend is offline  
#6 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 02:54 PM
 
mommyto3girls's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,025
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If it is a need for nighttime reassurance maybe this would work. We have a tri-level, our girls are on the top floor and our bedroom is on the bottom. There is a babymonitor in their bathroom. If they are coming down to get in bed with us and it is still dark out they must first whisper into the monitor "I'm coming to your bed now." We started the rule because they would lay in bed and scream for someone to come get them and then wake each other up. in your situation it might help address the "spying" without coming across too negative to your dsd
mommyto3girls is offline  
#7 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 03:07 PM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,097
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Just get up and shut and lock your door when you're dtd and then unlock and open when all done. Not a big deal. Do you have an issue with her "spying" on you at other times if you're talking or sleeping or getting dressed or undressed? She probably just wants to connect with you, but I agree there need to be boundaries. A closed locked door is a very effective boundary.

Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is offline  
#8 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 03:20 PM
 
acory23's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Have you considered finding other times and places to DTD? I know that is easier said than done, DH and I both work 40 hrs a week have 3 kids so its hard but it definitely makes things more fun and interesting and less likely to attract spies... if its spontanious, DSD wont know when to spy!
acory23 is offline  
#9 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 03:34 PM
 
plunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 672
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by acory23 View Post
Have you considered finding other times and places to DTD? I know that is easier said than done, DH and I both work 40 hrs a week have 3 kids so its hard but it definitely makes things more fun and interesting and less likely to attract spies... if its spontanious, DSD wont know when to spy!
I think this is solving the wrong problem.

Dad to DD 9/2008
plunky is offline  
#10 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 03:46 PM
 
Ms. Cellaneous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm no expert, having just stumbled in here from the main board, but just wanted to chime in & say I think this is pretty normal behaviour for a kid ... or at least I hope it is, as I myself did some covert espionage on my parents back in the day! Unless there's a pattern here I don't know about, I would be less inclined to see this as something sneaky and disturbing and more inclined to see it as natural curiousity. Maybe have a little talk with her about privacy, and then get a lock for your bedroom door.

Becca, mommy to my little pumpkin DS (10/09)
Ms. Cellaneous is offline  
#11 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 03:57 PM
 
acory23's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It solves one of them... solving one is a good first step. But if it is done that way, it opens that time in the evening for them to be able to focus on fulfilling the needs of the child. Perhaps the child gets snoopy because she doesnt like the fact that there is something going on that she isnt a part of. You cant tell me that when you were a kid you didnt want to go to bed ebcause you thought your parents had wild parties or lots of fun after you fell asleep. Its normal.

And not all kids who get up at night are doing so because they need more night time parenting. My DS is just nosey. I know this to be true. He has admited to it... he is just curious. Same reason he tries to sneak a peek down women's shirts every time he has a chance. Same reason my DD decided to go snooping through my bedroom. Same reason I tried to spy on my parents when I was a little kid.

Its such a secret taboo thing and kids feed on that.

I am not saying that its not a case of a tot needing some extra night time attention. I am just saying, freeing up that time would help to aleviate some tension. As foryour poor scarred DH, this will help him to recover from this experience
acory23 is offline  
#12 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 04:03 PM
 
acory23's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Cellaneous View Post
Maybe have a little talk with her about privacy, and then get a lock for your bedroom door.
(when we had a door) we had a lock... DSD who was 3 at the time would stand outside the door and knock and yell... "DAAAAAADDDYYYY!!! DADDY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU! DADDY! DADDY! I NEED TO COME IN THERE! ITS AN EMERGENCY! DADDY!..." Then when he would emerge, she would giggle and say "I just wanted to say love you and get a hug"
It was a classic case of a three year old wanting to let us know that she expects to be the center of attention. Finally, after talking to her until we were blue in the face, my 8 year old DD talked to her and explained to her that people need space. She "needs space, mommy needs space, daddy needs space. And when its bed time thats when grown ups get their own space." (actually I think this was more so that she would go back to bed and be quiet because the two girls shared a room)

sometimes its that easy though... lock the door but expect the knocking
acory23 is offline  
#13 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 04:54 PM
 
My*Scorpio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Troy, Michigan
Posts: 1,280
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post
Just get up and shut and lock your door when you're dtd and then unlock and open when all done. Not a big deal. Do you have an issue with her "spying" on you at other times if you're talking or sleeping or getting dressed or undressed? She probably just wants to connect with you, but I agree there need to be boundaries. A closed locked door is a very effective boundary.



My DSD did this too at that age. The lock on the door solved the problem.

Expecting a boy? Be sure to check out MDC's Case Against Circumcision!
My*Scorpio is offline  
#14 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 06:17 PM
 
littlemizflava's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: GTA,ontario,canada
Posts: 1,393
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i could have sworn i shut the door too.
could she of just heard it and not saw it?? she could of been listening at the door to hear if you are talking or or sleeping. i would say get a sliding lock on the top of your door so it dont seem like i am locking you out. i have one and use it :: works like a charm. when you get up to shut the door you just slide it and then unlock it when done and open the door back up. it really is not big deal.

my dd has caught me before more then once.

as to sneeking around some kids are just like that i was big time and i was quite had to be my mom i dubed when i was older the owl (looks like sleeping but was always awake in a second)
i would talk to her about why she is up (bad dream, needing comfort, had to pee, hungry/thursty, couldnt get back to sleep)
depending on the answer you could set up a plan. if she had a bad dream or just needed the comfort she could come in to your room and if the door is shut she should knock. if she needs a snack or a drink she could get something. if she cant get back to sleep maybe a toy or something she could do in bed.
littlemizflava is offline  
#15 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 09:41 PM
 
celtic_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: southern New Hampshire
Posts: 361
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think I could EVER relax enough to DTD without a lock on our door!!!

Allison~~ Mommy to 4 amazing troublemakers Newlywed to David Throwing in the towel on Fertility treatments after TTC for 5+ yrs. Simplifying our life in anticipation of cross country move in 2011
celtic_angel is offline  
#16 of 37 Old 10-20-2008, 09:48 PM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,729
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I wouldn't even consider DTD without being behind locked doors! I don't think my son would come into our room in the middle of the night unless it was a true emergency, but my stepdaughter STILL has not learned that a closed door means knock before barging in. And she can't keep a secret to save her life- we know EVERYTHING that goes on at her Mother's house and her Mother knows EVERYTHING that goes on at our house. If she walked in on us DTD... all I can say is, OMG! :

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
#17 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 11:16 AM
 
plunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 672
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
I wouldn't even consider DTD without being behind locked doors! I don't think my son would come into our room in the middle of the night unless it was a true emergency, but my stepdaughter STILL has not learned that a closed door means knock before barging in. And she can't keep a secret to save her life- we know EVERYTHING that goes on at her Mother's house and her Mother knows EVERYTHING that goes on at our house. If she walked in on us DTD... all I can say is, OMG! :
I wonder if I'll think like this when my kid gets older. Interesting to think about. I've never had a problem DTD in relatives' houses, etc, though, so I'm inclined to think not. Everyone knows you have sex if you're married and especially if you have a kid. I really don't get why it's a problem for your kid to discover you're having sex. They'll tell on you for doing something that everyone knows you're doing?

Dad to DD 9/2008
plunky is offline  
#18 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 12:04 PM
 
berryblndgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 125
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by plunky View Post
I really don't get why it's a problem for your kid to discover you're having sex. They'll tell on you for doing something that everyone knows you're doing?
My mom had sex with her boyfriend at least a couple of times while I was in the same bed with them asleep. Once they did it while I was in their waterbed, so naturally I woke up. It was very disturbing to me. They also used to have sex in the middle of the afternoon and were very loud about it, even when I had friends over at the house. It was very embarrassing. I'm sure I experienced it differently because she wasn't my father and her boyfriend was an abusive alcoholic, but it really made me lose respect for my mom. I've thought of her basically as slutty my entire life based on these early childhood boyfriends, plus others she slept with throughout the years. I don't think I ever told any adults about it, but it was a very emotionally traumatic experience for me and something I never want my kids to experience. Based on my experience, I think it is a problem for your kids to discover you having sex and every precaution should be taken so they don't find you having sex.
berryblndgirl is offline  
#19 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 12:39 PM
 
plunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 672
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblndgirl View Post
My mom had sex with her boyfriend at least a couple of times while I was in the same bed with them asleep. Once they did it while I was in their waterbed, so naturally I woke up. It was very disturbing to me.
I don't think this was appropriate, if you were not an infant.

Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblndgirl View Post
They also used to have sex in the middle of the afternoon and were very loud about it, even when I had friends over at the house. It was very embarrassing.
I think this is fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblndgirl View Post
I'm sure I experienced it differently because she wasn't my father and her boyfriend was an abusive alcoholic, but it really made me lose respect for my mom. I've thought of her basically as slutty my entire life based on these early childhood boyfriends, plus others she slept with throughout the years. I don't think I ever told any adults about it, but it was a very emotionally traumatic experience for me and something I never want my kids to experience. Based on my experience, I think it is a problem for your kids to discover you having sex and every precaution should be taken so they don't find you having sex.
I'm sorry you went through all that. But, I don't want my daughter to think sex is shameful or to be hidden. Or to think that women who have sex and don't hide it are "slutty".

Dad to DD 9/2008
plunky is offline  
#20 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 12:58 PM
 
chfriend's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in a red state
Posts: 4,560
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblndgirl View Post
My mom had sex with her boyfriend at least a couple of times while I was in the same bed with them asleep. Once they did it while I was in their waterbed, so naturally I woke up. It was very disturbing to me. They also used to have sex in the middle of the afternoon and were very loud about it, even when I had friends over at the house. It was very embarrassing. I'm sure I experienced it differently because she wasn't my father and her boyfriend was an abusive alcoholic, but it really made me lose respect for my mom. I've thought of her basically as slutty my entire life based on these early childhood boyfriends, plus others she slept with throughout the years. I don't think I ever told any adults about it, but it was a very emotionally traumatic experience for me and something I never want my kids to experience. Based on my experience, I think it is a problem for your kids to discover you having sex and every precaution should be taken so they don't find you having sex.
I'm really sorry that your mom was so disrespectful of *your* boundaries. Sex is something between the participants and no one else should be involuntarily involved.

What happened to you is really different from a little kid wandering in on her caregivers in the middle of the night. And really appalling.
chfriend is offline  
#21 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 01:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
LionessMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,610
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i really like the chime thing. i will put one on their door. i always close their door at night b/c the dog tries to sleep on the bottom bunk with DSD2 and she doesnt like it. so i can put a chime on their and then she will know tha ti know that she is up. she did tell me that she spies on purpose. that bothers me as i allow everyone to have privacy (to a safe extent) and that it is wrong to cross my fence like that. she did "see" it as she had a very good description to tell her mother. i am not worried about the catching us part. i have caught my parents before. however, she has been molested before. an older girl got her to submit to some exploration a while ago. she is in therapy and i have told her therapist about it. she has a habit of crossing peoples boundaries. i will get a door chime. i do have a lock on my door. i have used the lock. however sometimes we DTD on a spur of the moment, oh-my-goodness the baby rolled over to her own bed and we are still awake enough to want to times, kwim? the chime on her door might be enough to encourage her to sleep through the night too. she is always so tired in the morning and says she doesnt sleep at all. i know she sleeps b/c she is sleeping soundly when i go to bed, and sleeping soundly when i wake up. but apparently not in the middle of the night. she sees her therapist tomorrow morning so we will talk about the not sleeping thing and the boundaries again.

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
LionessMom is offline  
#22 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 01:41 PM
 
ma_vie_en_rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Houston
Posts: 853
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, to some extent I see the sneaking as normal kid behavior. I think the therapist can help shed some light on that for you. Given what you are stated about her history of molestation, I would be concerned about not creating a situation where she could be exposed to it. You have to be vigiliant about closing your door and locking it. I hope that and the addition of a chime help. GL

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
ma_vie_en_rose is offline  
#23 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 03:36 PM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,729
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by plunky View Post
I wonder if I'll think like this when my kid gets older. Interesting to think about. I've never had a problem DTD in relatives' houses, etc, though, so I'm inclined to think not. Everyone knows you have sex if you're married and especially if you have a kid. I really don't get why it's a problem for your kid to discover you're having sex. They'll tell on you for doing something that everyone knows you're doing?
Well, it would be awkward ofr my kids to see me and my Hubby DTD. But you don't know my stepdaughter like I do. It would be mortifying for my stepdaughter to see us DTD and them proceed to tell her Mother and everyone else she knows what she saw, in full detail, which she would because she wouldn't be able to contain herself. Know what I mean?

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
#24 of 37 Old 10-21-2008, 05:59 PM
 
ProtoLawyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,968
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
Well, it would be awkward ofr my kids to see me and my Hubby DTD. But you don't know my stepdaughter like I do. It would be mortifying for my stepdaughter to see us DTD and them proceed to tell her Mother and everyone else she knows what she saw, in full detail, which she would because she wouldn't be able to contain herself. Know what I mean?
I've imagined this very scenario:
"Mama, I saw Daddy and ProtoLawyer in bed like in my book, they were naked and making funny noises I think there was a penis and a vagina and a penis and I think they were trying to make a baby brother for me and he would have a penis too."

(SD is slightly obsessed with the word 'penis' these days, and wants, specifically, a baby brother.)

Adding to the potential for misery is the fact that SD's mom has a history of childhood abuse, and if SD came to her with a narrative like that...well...I know Mom has no expectation that her ex and I will abstain when SD is around (since she's often around for several nights in a row), but she would quite possibly assume we were at best negligent (plopping SD in front of the TV while we DTD with the door wide open?) or worse.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
ProtoLawyer is offline  
#25 of 37 Old 10-22-2008, 09:30 PM
 
Mulvah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,922
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Cellaneous View Post
I'm no expert, having just stumbled in here from the main board, but just wanted to chime in & say I think this is pretty normal behaviour for a kid ... or at least I hope it is, as I myself did some covert espionage on my parents back in the day! Unless there's a pattern here I don't know about, I would be less inclined to see this as something sneaky and disturbing and more inclined to see it as natural curiousity. Maybe have a little talk with her about privacy, and then get a lock for your bedroom door.
:

I could not have said it better.
Mulvah is offline  
#26 of 37 Old 10-23-2008, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
LionessMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,610
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DSD1 said that she likes to peak under the door. i didnt think you could see anything that way. the door has a 2 inch gap on the bottom so that the air can flow. it makes the furnace more efficient. so even i if i make sure the door is closed and locked she can still look under the door. i will be getting a chime. i told her i would be getting it too. i told her it wont be an alarm that would wake the whole house, just a chime that would only wake me. i told her that i understand why she wants to roam around at night by herself and that it is ok to feel that way but i cant let you be by yourself at night like that because it is not safe. i need to know when you are not in your room. it is more than just the "its not nice to spy" thing. she understood. she always does. i think she is gifted. she hasnt gotten out of bed for the last 2 nights and i havent even bought the chime thing yet.
she also thinks she knows more than everyone else. she is famous for the saying "you might be right if you were me". she kills me.
once again the mommas from mdc helped me to put stuff into perspective while i was in the middle of freaking out!

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
LionessMom is offline  
#27 of 37 Old 10-23-2008, 12:09 PM
 
LisainCalifornia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Northern California
Posts: 2,557
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A lock on your door sounds like the most sensible answer to this problem, and I am surprised you didn't just go for that first. I wouldn't worry about a chime.

Just act very matter of fact about it--that this is how loving parents express their love, but it is private and she is not to do that again. Forget about the fences or even boundaries--I hate that psycho babble. Just keep it simple.
LisainCalifornia is offline  
#28 of 37 Old 10-25-2008, 12:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
LionessMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,610
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
so i bought a chime. it works great. DSD1 even likes it. it is loud enough to wake me but not the entire house. and it is just a chime, not a siren. it just hangs on her bedroom door knob and if it is moved it makes a chime. i told her it was b/c i need to know if she is getting up at night so i can make sure everyone stays safe. i dont want her getting hurt and nobody would know b/c we were sleeping. also i want to know if she is invading my privacy. she seems happier this morning, like i took a weight off of her shoulders. i think she gets worried at night like a pp said. i reassurred her that i take very precaution to protect her and that the door chime would also warn her if anyone else opens her door.

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
LionessMom is offline  
#29 of 37 Old 10-26-2008, 10:20 PM
 
jjawm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,407
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd go crazy with a chime, since dss get up at least a couple of times a night to pee. But I guess in this case it's the lesser of two evils. It sounds like a good solution for you!
jjawm is offline  
#30 of 37 Old 10-26-2008, 10:30 PM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,039
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think this is normal behavior. It was about the same age that my friend's son announced he saw mommy and daddy wrestling naked at the Thanksgiving tabled.

He didn't "spy" he got up for another reason and saw them. They didn't know it until the announcement.

Part of his announcement was curious. He new what sex. New he saw something but really ignorant.

It is time to talk about boundries.

I also don't think in this type of a situation it is a big deal. It is something two people love each other do. (To the poster that talk about her mom and her boy friend that wasn't right. )
Marsupialmom is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off