What do you call them? (s/o What do they call you?) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 10-27-2008, 03:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's a burning question that I've been wanting to ask a group of step-parents (I don't often get over here or to other forums these days...). What do you call your DSCs? DSD moved in with us when she was 12 and decided that she wanted me to call her my daughter. Fine with me...but wow have we generated rampant confusion all over! We actually look and sound a lot alike so people are totally stunned whenever DXW comes up in conversation. Most people assume that I'm bio-mom and DH is the step-dad .

What do you call your DCSs?
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#2 of 28 Old 10-27-2008, 05:44 PM
 
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People tend to assume that my three year old dss is my bioson even though we look nothing alike. But if i get get asked i say he is my stepson, I don't have any kids of my own yet ( first is due in dec) so i think that makes it a little harder for me to say son. Plus i kinda feel like i'm taking credit for something that i shouldn't, but thats just me. I think that might change when my biochild is born then they just both be "my kids".
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#3 of 28 Old 10-27-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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When asked I have 3 children .
I call him "my son" , he calls me "mom .

If it needs further explanation or if they know my son's mother I tell that person that I am blessed with the opportunity to share "mom" status with (blank) .
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#4 of 28 Old 10-27-2008, 10:01 PM
 
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I call her my bonus-daughter most of the time but step-daughter is in there for people that I don't know too well. DSD means so much to me in my heart that calling her my step-daughter just doesn't quite cut it for us. She calls me her bonus-mom, too.

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#5 of 28 Old 10-27-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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I call her "my stepdaughter" in front of her Mother (keeping the peace ), "my little girl" in general, and "my daughter" with my stepdaughter and with my friends and family (my stepdaughter's request and preference).

My son is technically my Hubby's stepson, but there is no other "Dad" in the picture, so my Hubby calls him his son.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#6 of 28 Old 10-27-2008, 10:37 PM
 
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They are usually my kids or my children or my guys. Occasionally, I will clarify that they are my stepkids. Otherwise, I just let it go. A lot of people have assumed that DSS 7 is mine and DH's and the other ones are my stepkids. Not sure why because he looks just like the rest of them!

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#7 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 03:28 AM
 
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were at the begining with two little ones who are a bit confused by it all so were easing into refering to them as his stepdaughters.
but both of us just call them by thier names.

Mother to Sandrel(oct 2003) and Liesl(mar 2006) and someone new coming February 2013

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#8 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 10:30 AM
 
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I call them all my daughters, my pumpkins, my girls, my princesses, etc

Sometimes, if the situations warrants we will say "We have three girls between us, almost 6, 3 and 3." But we rarely point out who is biologically who.
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#9 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 02:00 PM
 
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"My boys", frequently, or "my kids", "the boys" "the kids" or "my stepsons".
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#10 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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I call DSD my stepdaughter. If referring to DS and DSD, I'll say "the kids."

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#11 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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I switch back and forth a lot from owning the title "stepdaughter" to dropping it because I have this real mental block of the word "step"... it just sounds ugly to me... And DSD means more to me than "oh that's just the kid I got through marriage" you know?

Sometimes when introducing her I will just say her name and people can interpret who she is to me on their own... Though often if DH is there he says, "this is my daughter."

Which honestly sometimes does hurt me... like, okay... so what does that make her to me since you have to emphatically say she is your daughter?

But saying "our" daughter doesn't sound right and doesn't feel right to me, likely becuase "our bio" daughter is in my belly kicking my ribs. lol And I don't want to take away or downplay that she is my first blood daughter... this is huge huge thing in my life.

I just wish there was a better word than "step"... I like bonus and maybe I will feel more comfortable using that one.

Once DD is here, we will say "these are our kids" without distinction, unless it needs to be clarified for some reason or another...

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#12 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 07:20 PM
 
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I refer to my SD as my husband's daughter. We have a tense relationship and I don't consider her my child, especially because I didn't have any kids of my own when I married my DH.
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#13 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 09:47 PM
 
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I call dsd my stepdaughter-if both kids are there, I would just say our kids. Dsd actually gets quite a kick out of calling me her stepmother and herself my stepdaughter , so for us there is no negative connotation there.

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#14 of 28 Old 10-28-2008, 10:07 PM
 
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My daughter calls her step dad "daddy". She calls her bio dad by his name until he asks her to say daddy. She tells ppl she has two dads if it comes up.
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#15 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 01:36 AM
 
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My children. No steps here.
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#16 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 09:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
I switch back and forth a lot from owning the title "stepdaughter" to dropping it because I have this real mental block of the word "step"... it just sounds ugly to me... And DSD means more to me than "oh that's just the kid I got through marriage" you know?
JSMa, are you sure you're not my long lost twin?

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#17 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 10:14 AM
 
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lol

It just comes from my upbringing... step was never ever used in my family... everyone was family. period.

But at the same time, society and what not puts such a stigma on StepsParents claiming their stepkids without differentiating... many find it disrespectful to the bio parents... it's such a web and such a dance to try to now hurt feelings and protect feelings and all that jazz.

There has to be a simplier way. lol

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#18 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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Hmmm...

My "step daughter" is actually my former spouse's former stepdaughter.


I call her my daughter... when she introduces me and the rest of our family to new people.. she calls me her "other mother" and then the kids are her little brother and sister. She is 19. I have been in her life since she was 4 years old. Her mother and I have a better relationship than either one of us have with our common former spouse.


Her mother and I often joke that I am her father... that I have contributed more to her upbringing, education and finances than either her father or step fathers.
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#19 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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It depends on who I'm talking to. If it's someone like teachers who need to understand the various family dynamics I differentiate. But more and more we find ourselves lumping them all in as our children. Because there are four of them and large families are apparently a rare thing these days, I'm often asked "Are they all yours?!" when we are out in public. I always smile and say "Yep!"

I, too, hate the "step" label.
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#20 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 05:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
But saying "our" daughter doesn't sound right and doesn't feel right to me, likely becuase "our bio" daughter is in my belly kicking my ribs. lol And I don't want to take away or downplay that she is my first blood daughter... this is huge huge thing in my life.
ah yes sometimes we call them 'our' kids, sometimes they are 'my' kids
im not pregnant though, and they are both my bio daughters.

i think it really makes my fiance happy to call them our daughters. i think he even enjoys calling them his stepdaughters. he says he feels like a dad now and i want to support that so badly.

Mother to Sandrel(oct 2003) and Liesl(mar 2006) and someone new coming February 2013

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#21 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 08:22 PM
 
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I call her my daughter. If there is a true need for clarification (say, the midwife asking how many times I have given birth, or someone is confused because of something my step-daughter said to them) I will clarify that I am her step-mother, but I still call her my daughter. In fact, this board is the only place I can think of where I refer to her as my step-daughter.

Parenting four little monkeys (11, 8, 6, and 4) with the love of my life. Making it up as I go.
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#22 of 28 Old 10-29-2008, 11:02 PM
 
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She's my kid/child, but my stepdaughter/my partner's daughter.

It's interesting...I can claim her as my "kid," but "daughter" seems to signify a biological relationship.

My partner also sometimes says, deliberately, "my daughter," which I do notice--I'm not really hurt by it, it's more like a little fluttery jab...but PP's are right, it's weird. I mean, he said "my daughter" for a long time before it would have been at all appropriate to say anything else...hm...

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#23 of 28 Old 10-30-2008, 12:04 AM
 
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My DH is the stepdad. He calls DD his daughter, and she calls him Dad or Papa. Her biological father she calls Daddy.
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#24 of 28 Old 10-30-2008, 12:47 AM
 
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i am a stepmom to dh son, he is my son too, he is a stepdad to my kids, he calls them his kids.

they are all our children :

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#25 of 28 Old 10-30-2008, 08:31 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
She's my kid/child, but my stepdaughter/my partner's daughter.

It's interesting...I can claim her as my "kid," but "daughter" seems to signify a biological relationship.

My partner also sometimes says, deliberately, "my daughter," which I do notice--I'm not really hurt by it, it's more like a little fluttery jab...but PP's are right, it's weird. I mean, he said "my daughter" for a long time before it would have been at all appropriate to say anything else...hm...
OMG! You hit it right on the head of what I have been trying to formulate words to! That is precisely how I feel!

I can say DSD is my kid without any weird feeling and it feels perfectly right and normal... but I can't say my daughter without all kinds of anxiety from feeling like I'm overstepping or something... even though she is my stepDAUGHTER... weird how strong words can be.

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#26 of 28 Old 10-30-2008, 04:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
She's my kid/child, but my stepdaughter/my partner's daughter.
It's interesting...I can claim her as my "kid," but "daughter" seems to signify a biological relationship.

My partner also sometimes says, deliberately, "my daughter," which I do notice--I'm not really hurt by it, it's more like a little fluttery jab...but PP's are right, it's weird. I mean, he said "my daughter" for a long time before it would have been at all appropriate to say anything else...hm...
Yep! Thats exactly how i feel as well. I have a hard time saying "son" for the same reason. Even though i think of him as my son i feel like i am overstepping boundaries or making a false claim if i call him my son, for just that reason.
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#27 of 28 Old 10-31-2008, 12:02 AM
 
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My partner and I are not married, but we just say step family anyway. We talked about the whole concept of marriage, and we do not want to rush it, but since we have moved in together and integrated families, we still claim eachother. I normally call them what they seem comfortable with. It is a little different for his kids, because they were teenagers when we got together so they are much less attached to me, then my kids are to him, plus the fact that they are here a lot less of the time. So my boys will call my partner Dad when talking about him to others, but call him by his name when talking to him. They call their bio dad sometimes by his name and sometimes Dad or other dad. So I basically go by what the kids are comfortable with. Also I think it depends on if the bio parents are involved or not.
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#28 of 28 Old 10-31-2008, 08:11 AM
 
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All of the kids are our kids, we usually throw in 3 of his, 3 of mine make 6 of ours, almost like the brady bunch...........Most of the people around our town knows at least 1 of us, so we just add in the other 3 kiddos. I grew up in a household where none of my siblings were differentiated. I grew up with 5 half siblings, but they were always either my brother's or my sister period. My daughter is very proud to tell people that my SO is going to soon be her step-dad, and my boys are also. My 17 yr old. SS sometimes is unsure of what to call me I think when he is asked, but I'm good with whatever they are comfortable enough to call me by............
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