What Would You Do???--VENT!!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 11-11-2005, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok...so maybe this is just my hormones talking, but I am peeved. I have been planning a homebirth and DH and I are very excited about it. I am not an ideal candidate for a homebirth in some people's opinions (I am diabetic), but dh and I have accepted our risks, assessed our knowledge base (we are both in nursing school), and found a midwife who was willing to be there with us for our birthing time (which was HARD to do). I also was hooked up with a woman who was a doula and apprenticed with my midwife. When I spoke to her she offered to be the primary midwife for the birth and work under my midwfie for my birth to count towards her certification births. I gladly accepted and I have spent a fair amount of time getting to know this woman...attending meetings at her home, taking her childbirth class...etc. She has always been my biggest supporter and has always reassured me not to worry that my baby would be born at home.

Well.....I went to a meeting at her house this week and all of the sudden she has her text books out on the table and she is drilling me and Dh about where we got our research to think it is safe to have this baby at home, when we would be willing to transfer, and all of these other questions.....which she topped off with: "Well I don't feel comfortable being your primary midwife anymore.". I was SHOCKED!!!!! Now I know other midwives in the area have been in her ear and telling her not to do it, but the midwife she was going to be working with at my birth is 100% comfortable with it.

So then on top of that she says to me....well I will be your doula, but you will have to pay me for that. I almost fell off my chair. She had advised me like 3 weeks ago to find a doula for the birth and I found someone I am very comfortable with. So her response to me was that she would only charge me $250, where my doula is charging me $450.....LIKE IT IS ABOUT THE MONEY!!! It was horribly stressful!!! Obviously I could not hire her as my doula since she has already broken my trust, and I don't want anyone who will not be comfortable and bring fear to my birth.

I am being openly talked about in the local homebirthing community and I cannot understand how there is no sense of confidentiality. Now on top of all of this I have been calling my doula all week with no response. She also is networked with a lot of these same people and I am worried she might be wavering on us also. I did get one brief vague e-mail from her this week after e-mailing her and calling numerous times and she commented that she was going to talk to my midwife and the previous primary who dropped me.....I WAS FURIOUS...why are people talking to everyone BUT me.

I am blessed because my midwife is holding strong and standing by DH and I, and I know she will be there for the birth, but I just cannot believe all of this and I truly cannot handle all of the stress. I cannot handle the negativity. I am busting my butt seeing an OB, a Perinatologist, and midwife in order to make sure we do this as safe as possible. I am diabetic and I know the risks, but I also know I have delivered 2 previous babies with diabetes also and we have NEVER had an issue...so I am really wanting to try to have this HB. I struggled with infertilty with this baby and my last 2 and this will possibly be my last shot and I want to make it all that I can. Why do people have to butt in where they don't belong and talk about my birth when they are not even part of my birthing team?

Sorry for the long vent. I am just so overwhelmed.
Alicia

PS...wow that felt good to get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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#2 of 3 Old 11-11-2005, 02:14 PM
 
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Wow. I would be really upset if I were you. Please, vent all you need to.
Can your doula just call your midwife and expect to get anywhere? Wouldn't you need to give her permission? I suppose your doula could call to ask about a "general case", but midwives can't speak about specific clients, using names and identifying features(like town lived in, etc). Most midwives are involved in some sort of peer review, and in Maine, I am pretty sure they discuss the most clinically interesting cases. So maybe, in the best case scenario, all these other midwives could learn something about having a healthy pregnancy/birth with diabetes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alicia9178
I am being openly talked about in the local homebirthing community and I cannot understand how there is no sense of confidentiality. Now on top of all of this I have been calling my doula all week with no response. She also is networked with a lot of these same people and I am worried she might be wavering on us also. I did get one brief vague e-mail from her this week after e-mailing her and calling numerous times and she commented that she was going to talk to my midwife and the previous primary who dropped me.....I WAS FURIOUS...why are people talking to everyone BUT me.
. I'm not sure I have any good advice, just support and s.

Abby
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#3 of 3 Old 11-11-2005, 08:16 PM
 
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Wow, that totally sucks. It's irritating enough to know you're being talked about but it's even worse that she is flaking out on you. Although, better now than in a month or two
when you'd be expecting even more from her!

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