So many of these posts make sense to me, resonate with me.
To whomever posted about the fact that material things shouldn't matter, that what people buy or don't buy shouldn't matter--of course. Babies don't really need all that much. I thought they did before ds was born but all he wanted was to be held in arms and nursed
I don't think in many cases that is what people are venting about. When you're pregnant, whether it's your first or your fifth, you just want the new life to feel cherished and welcomed. Also, you want a little "mama" nurturing. One of the past issues of Mothering had an essay by Peggy called "mothering the mothers." I thought it was great.
Here at MDC, it's good to have a place to come and share hurts or concerns, to clarify our feelings, and to get some of that nurturing that may be lacking out there.
Reading some of these posts were poignant because they brought up some of my own feelings. Ellas mama mentioned she was the second child and felt a lack of equity in how she was treated. I understand those feelings. I'm the youngest in a large family. Everyone thinks the youngest is the "spoiled" one but that's not always the case and it wasn't in my family. There aren't any baby photos of me; by the time my parents had me they were well on their way to being "finished" emotionally as parents. So for me to see how this latest grandchild (my unborn baby) is not acknowledged or even to see how my son is not given the same attention as other grandhildren is hurtful.
Unfortunately, when people do not express their emotions very well, sometimes external tangible things are the only markers of how they may feel. I think some posters are frustrated to see some family members being treated with favoritism. And yeah, it is a bummer when your sister's eldest child gets all sorts of attention and your beloved kid doesn't.
Sleepymama, that is so sad that you aren't/didn't get any offers of help from your mother when you were sick. I sympathize.
Boobiemama, that is just awful that you didn't get a congratulations card when your son was born. No excuse for that at all.
The only "congratulations, you're expecting" cards I've gotten in this second pregnancy have been from friends, not family. But I've also realized how grateful I am for THAT, for friends and my husband's co workers who are enthusiastic about this baby and who think to ask how I am doing. I realize who cares and who doesn't. I was looking over Christmas and holiday cards we've received today. We haven't gotten a single card from my immediate family, but we've received a ton from friends. IT's a good feeling to look at these cards and think of those friends.
I also realize the good fortune I do have and feel lucky to be expecting this child. Dh, ds and I are looking forward to the baby and that's all that matters.