What a BEAUTIFUL site!! Thanks for sharing this.
My 3 Boys: I am feeling so at peace with this decision. It is soooo good for me to sit here and analyze WHY I'm feeling so at peace... What I'm coming up with is this:
I have chosen the place and people surrounding me for my birth, and now I can be completely free to do whatever I need to do while I'm in labor, while knowing that they are taking care of all of the things that need to be "thought" about. I don't feel like I am going to have to do any work during labor, other than LABOR itself. If I were in the hospital, I would still be doing work. I would be constantly monitoring what the nurse is doing to me, what the doctor is ordering for me, having to think and possibly argue...all WHILE I'm laboring. With the midwife I have chosen, and since we will not be under anyone else's roof or "protocols", I know that I am free to just BE in labor, that my midwife will guide me when I need it (and I trust her to do that...so I will not need to be second-guessing her advice).
I'm not sure of your exact birth plans... Like, I mean, if I was planning an unassisted birth I could see how I may be worried about being in complete control... But, what specifically are you imagining in your head? Like, is there a certain scene that plays out, where you have to make a decision that you imagine you wouldn't have to make in the hospital? What is that decision, and why don't you want to make it? This is the process I have been going through for myself, to really make sure that everything sits right within me. I have been playing out all of the scenarios, and figuring out why I am making the decision I'm making.
The other part of this that I hear you saying, is that you are worried about people blaming you for your decision to homebirth, if there was a bad outcome. Just to share my thoughts on this... I KNOW that being at home is the safest place for me. The key word is saf-EST... Birth is not "SAFE"... Life is not "SAFE"... I know that bad things happen in the hospital (although our culture chooses to ignore this). To make this decision to have a homebirth, and to truly play out the scenario of having a bad outcome, I had to REALLY sit with the fact that I am making the best decision possible for me and my baby, and something bad could still happen, but I accept that. When you go to the hospital to have a baby, you are accepting TONS of risks...you know? But, for some reason, our society does not make us responsible for those risks we assume when choosing a hospital birth. But, I KNOW in my heart, and in my mind, that I have a much higher chance of a safe, healthy, peaceful birth in my home, than in the hospital...and I'm not afraid to tell anyone that.
I do NOT want this post to come across like I'm on my soapbox... It is really like a journal entry for me...In fact, I'm thinking of printing it out and sticking it in my journal!!
It is SOOOO helpful to really understand why I'm making the decisions I'm making...and to have words to explain those decisions. It makes it a lot less scary to me, and my intention in sharing this is hopefully to make it less scary for someone else, too.
I CAN'T wait to hear all of your BEAUTIFUL homebirth stories!!!