Is anyone having difficult time with older DC? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 01-27-2006, 06:23 PM - Thread Starter
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My 3 year old DS has been really, really acting up lately. He has sensory problems and has always been extra high needs, high maintenance. But it is really reaching a fever pitch. He is such a barometer, he knows when something is up and gets even more anxious, so I know it is about the baby. We have been preparing him a lot and he is excited about the baby but his sensitive behaviors have gotten worse and we can rarely leave the house without a huge fit about something (usually clothing related). My DH has been sleeping with him since it is just too painful for me anymore (DS is a "barnacle"-sleeper) and poor DH is exhausted. DS has been waking up screaming several times a night and it is hard to get him back to sleep.

I will have 2 weeks with DH at home after the baby is born and then my mom will come up for a week or so, but I am so worried about how he will adjust. I can barely handle him now without losing it. How am I ever going to deal with his shoe tantrums with a newborn??

Anyone else really worried about older DC??

Sleepy mom of two (DS-11, DD-8). 4 lost: 9/2004, 3/2005, 3/2013, 8/2014. BFP! due 6/26/15- maybe ectopic, maybe not viable. Waiting.
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#2 of 11 Old 01-27-2006, 07:14 PM
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my 2 yo is the one who worries me. She has been super ultra mega OMG clingy lately and breaks down at the slightest thing. Her temper tantrums usually result in something being thrown or someone being hit/pushed/bit/ etc. Yesterday she was sitting between dh and me and dh said "are you my girl?" she said "no, mama girl" I said "are you daddy's girl?" she again said "no, mama girl" I said "are you mama's girl?" she said "uh huh" I'm afraid she's going to have a fit when she has to share mommy with a new baby. She talks about the baby, even puts her mouth to my belly button (has to be the belly button, it's like a direct line to the baby or something ) and will talk to the baby, she acts excited but I'm really worrying about her. Between her, the baby and a 4 yo, I don't think we'll be leaving the house much, not unless we absolutely have to anyway.
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#3 of 11 Old 01-27-2006, 11:43 PM
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Yep. Dd is almost 2.5 yrs, and things are pretty hard right now, and are only being exacerbated by my very pregnant cranky state. We had tears about everything today. I ended up letting dd eat a popsicle in the bathtub so I could have a few moments of relative peace, and then she was freaking out from the sugar the rest of the day. I feel like our house is not safe right now, and that dd has to be watched every second. If she is unsupervised for a second, she grabs a chair, pulls it up to the counter and proceeds to get into things. We have serious storage issues, so I can't clear everything off the counters, but every day something gets wasted or dumped on the floor. ugh. On a brighter note, dd also talks to the baby through the belly button. I think she does believe it is her own private line. Anyway, I just keep telling myself that things will get easier when we are adapting to our new lives, rather than hanging in this sort of anticipation space. That is my hope anyway.
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#4 of 11 Old 01-27-2006, 11:54 PM
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It's funny, I came online tonight to see if anyone else was going through this. Ds (33 months) who is usually a sweetie has been grumpy, having trouble with transitions (from home to school, school to home, when dh comes home, etc.) and waking up extra early. He just fell asleep at 9:30 and will get up at 6:30 these days. So unusual.
Today I picked him up at his preschool and was told that he had been pushing and even hitting the other kids a lot on this particular day. This is so unlike him. He is usually a cheerful guy and not aggressive (though he does periodically hit me or the dogs).
Monkeys, like your little girl, he seems enthusiastic about the baby, loves coming to doctor's appointments with me. (I had to laugh about your 2 year old using the belly button as a hotline).
But I also think ds's reactions could just be develomental (ds is really more energetic than he has ever been, and verbal, and maybe he is gearing up to potty training). He's been making huge cognitive shifts to more independent play and storytelling. Also, he has been eating more sugary things lately, his sleep hasn't been that good, and he hasn't been getting outside as much as I would like him to.
So I am going to work on his diet and get him outside for a 1/2 hour every day unless it is pouring or a blizzard.
I feel badly. I wonder what is going through his little mind. He is usually so goodnatured that to see these small acts of aggression makes me sad.
I wish I had some advice on the sensory issues. Ds was never diagnosed with sensory issues, though he does prefer a certain fleece jacket over a nylon covered one.
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#5 of 11 Old 01-28-2006, 12:52 AM
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My 2.5 y.o. has been having meltdowns - I'm not positive that it is baby-related other than I just don't have the energy for her that I wish I did. I can't always pick her up when she wants me to, it's hard for me to hold her in my lap comfortably, and I don't have the tolerance for her climbing on and poking me that I guess I used to.

Today she screamed and cried for an hour inconsolably. It reminded me of the days before we figured out her food allergies, but I know she didn't get anything contaminated. I tried everything I could to let her know I was there for her and console her, but she basically just had to get it out of her system. So frustrating!

I do know she's working on molars, too...but I've asked her if anything hurts, even if her teeth hurt and she says no. We've been having issues with getting out of the house. Any time it's time to go, she fights me on getting dressed, getting her shoes on, and often will say that she doesn't go to whatever place I've told her we're going, but then (if it's an optional trip) when I say "Okay, let's stay home then" she'll say she wants to go to the place. Back and forth.

It's hard not being able to fix it for her, and it's really hard not having the patience and energy I want to be the very best mommy all day long. I'm just praying that the VBAC works out and I don't end up having to deal with all this while welcoming a newborn AND recovering from a c-section!
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#6 of 11 Old 01-28-2006, 11:17 AM
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Count me in. DD will be 3 on Feb 20th and I trying to figure out if this is more baby related or age/developmental. Or a nasty combination of both.

DD seems very excited about the baby, she talks about baby Caleb all the time, we've done the hospital tour and the sibling class and everything we can think of to get her ready. But the rest of her behavior is going downhill. I know a big part of it is that I'm tired and cranky a lot of the time and she's feeding off of it. The tantrums are worse, she's refusing to share toys and pushing at playgroup and mother's day out, and she's whining/crying over everything. It's a battle to go anywhere, but once we get there she doesn't want to leave. She's also getting too much sugar and tv time so her sleep is bad too. Some nights she sleeps through, but others she is up several times or for several hours at a time. There have also been times lately when I catch her up in the middle of the night doing things she isn't supposed to - climbing up onto the counters, stripping naked and covering herself in soap, etc. Some nights I've resorted to gating her in her room because I'm scared she's going to get into something and hurt herself. She's welcome to come back and sleep with me, but has refused to sleep anywhere except her room since she moved there (which she requested). She has a twin bed with bedrails and mommy just doesn't fit in with her right now.

She also tends to refuse dh for diaper changes, at bedtime, and when she gets up in the night. It has to be mommy. This is a drastic change because until two weeks ago she was a total daddy's girl. Would only let me do bedtime if he wasn't home. Now she is super clingy with me and I really worry about after the baby comes. DH gets a week off work and then I'm on my own. I think dd will love the baby, but I'm really worried how she is going to feel about me.

Mama to and
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#7 of 11 Old 01-28-2006, 02:22 PM
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Off and on. I think a lot of it is normal toddler behavior (you know- throwing herself on the floor and having a screaming/crying fit because I asked if she wants a cracker...).
Part of it is due to the fact that I'm very sore all over and can't move as well as I would like at the moment. She's FAST and I don't keep up very easily.
We are having our entire house painted (in hindsight, a cloud of VOCs was NOT what our family needed but it's a bit late to fix it).
Yesterday DD touched 3 wet walls.

Today we have spent the morning gated in the family room watching the Wiggles and Elmo.
I'm all about doing whatever to help DH DD and I stay happy and (mostly) sane right now. T.V. isn't the best for DD but it beats tantrums because she cannot roam about the house among the painters and construction mess.

DS 6 DD 8
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#8 of 11 Old 01-29-2006, 01:35 AM
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Originally Posted by ShellyK
I'm just praying that the VBAC works out and I don't end up having to deal with all this while welcoming a newborn AND recovering from a c-section!
Me too mama! If anything goes wrong with this VBAC I have no idea what we'll do. My husband is starting a new job in two weeks so he won't be able to even take off and help.

My daughter just turned 2 and she's been... nervy for the past few months. We talk alot about the baby, and how things will change when she arrives and she was cool with it for a long time but all of the sudden she's not so happy about it. She's had bunches of tantrums and meltdowns and I'm working on ways to handle them without just breaking down into tears. There's been lots of stress related to her favorite (ok, she has a slight obsession with him ) cousin and a custody battle too, and I think she senses that on top of everything else. Poor little sensitive one.

Mama to our nose-in-a-book Autumn (6) & our old soul Molly (4)
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#9 of 11 Old 01-29-2006, 06:53 AM
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My son (4 in May) has always had a hard time with life (which, as difficult as things get, has made us better parents). He's been a hitter since last May and has recently been biting DH and me (luckily, no children). We had 3 preschool families over tonight and it was okay (everyone seemed to have a good time), but one of us was always with him, which was stressful because we couldn't relax and we were always a little behind with only one of us doing the last few little things.

After tonight's dinner, I'm more worried about DH's sanity while I'm in the hospital. He took it really personally (which is hard not to when being bit).

Having the baby is the one thing that DS seems to be looking forward to. We went to a sibling class at the hospital last night, which went really well. He's been talking and singing to my belly since he's known his brother is in there. He's very gentle with his baby brother doll, too. We just hope that this extends to the real one.
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#10 of 11 Old 01-29-2006, 11:50 PM
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It sounds awful but somehow it makes me feel better knowing that there are others out there struggling with the same things!

We have our good days and our not good days, but lately it seems like there is more of the latter. I have been unsure if it is age related (she just turned 3), feelings about the upcoming baby, or in response to my changes in mood and ability to do things. I am sure it is some combo of all three.

I mostly just try and tell myself that yes it will be a hard transition, but we will get through it. Some days I believe it and other days I am not so sure!
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#11 of 11 Old 01-30-2006, 05:48 PM - Thread Starter
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Oh, I'm so glad it's not just us. DS has so many sensory/behavioral issues that it's hard to know when he's just being a "normal" toddler/preschooler! He's also starting to potty train (great timing, kid!) and seems to be weaning though I'm not sure he'll stay weaned after the baby is born. He only asks once every 4-5 days right now. Lots of stuff going on for him. He's having nightmares too which I'm sure are anxiety related. I did finally get a referral for occupational therapy for his sensory issues so hopefully that will help him get through the transition as well as make him happier with life in general! From what lots of people tell me the reality of having two (or three) is not quite as bad as they expected and they did manage. It's the waiting that stinks!

Sleepy mom of two (DS-11, DD-8). 4 lost: 9/2004, 3/2005, 3/2013, 8/2014. BFP! due 6/26/15- maybe ectopic, maybe not viable. Waiting.
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