I suppose this should go in "parents as partners" or something, but really wanted to post it here instead because I have got to know some of your names, and it IS related to pregnancy (seeing as every aspect of my life relates to pregnancy at this point!!).
I am going to try to shorten this, but it may end up being a bit long, since I'm feeling the need to just type it all out. Sorry for that.
My partner and I are not married, and this was an unplanned pregnancy. Although in the very beginning, it took us a while to get our heads wrapped around the idea, we are both VERY excited, and couldn't be more thrilled about our little guy that is almost here. DP has been super supportive the whole time, and I know he's going to be a fantastic dad. He will be really involved - I think he would even breastfeed if it were possible! I've been feeling happy in our relationship, and confident in us as a family up until this point.
As of last night I feel completely shattered and numb. DP mentioned something that would mean a possible change in what I envisioned our family life to be like, and I really never saw it coming. He currently works as a teacher, and loves it. He told me last night that he received an email from someone about an opportunity that would both take him away from his current job, as well as away from our family (for a period of time, anyways). This opportunity would be an absolute dream for him, as a musician, something he has wanted to do all his life. (So why did I not see it coming, you say? lol)
I don't know any details, and neither does he, but it could mean that he would be away, out of the country, for a few months at a time. It could also mean a lot of money, a lot more than his salary right now - we don't know those details either. He has friends who have lived or are living this life right now, and I hear about how much they miss their families, and how rough it is. We have one friend who toured with a very well known band for over a year - he had to watch his daughter's first birthday party on tape in his tour van, and he cried through the whole thing. It's stories like these that are upsetting me right now.
I am getting WAY ahead of myself. He was sent one email, and it is more likely that this will turn into nothing. What is bothering me is that DP told me that he sent the guy the first email, actually seeking this opportunity out, and that this email back was a response to it. The fact that we are weeks away from having a child, and he is looking for an opportunity that would take him away from us just doesn't make sense to me. On one hand I understand that it would be his dream to do this, but I just can't get passed this sadness that he doesn't want to be here, with his family. I personally can't imagine *choosing* to leave my partner and baby for an extended period.
I don't want to feel like this when the baby arrives. I don't want the baby to come now, because my confidence in DP and I as a couple feels shattered, and I am not confident in us as a family anymore. What awful timing, especially with my hormones all over anyways! I don't even know what, if anything, to say to DP, since he will just tell me that I am getting way ahead of myself, and that we'll deal with it when the time comes. I don't think hearing that will make me feel any better.
Any words of wisdom? I haven't slept at all tonight, because I can't stop worrying about this. Am I being unsupportive? Do I have a right to feel this way? What should I do to make myself feel better for this baby's arrival?
Mama to DS 02/15/06, and DD born 08/31/09!