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Old 09-20-2005, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi guys, this is my first time on a message board. but I've been reading them for months First of all, curious what all these abbreviations you guys use mean. Secondly, this has been a crazy experience...I'm only 16 weeks pregnant, due March 11th, but I almost feel as though this wasn't ever meant to be. First, I found out I'm a carrier for cystic fibrosis and the baby's father doesn't have insurance or the money to get tested, so it's up in the air as to whether or not hte baby will be okay. Then, an abnormal pap smear follwed by two biopsies on my cervix from which I haven't heard the resultss yet. I also have been sick 97% of these last four months, and although my stomach is growing my weight has not changed at all. To top all of this off, the baby's father, who seemed excited and supportive before, now stays out all night, or comes home at 6 am as I'm leaving for work, and is never home even on his days off...leaving me to feel like his financial burden instead of his girlfriend. Don't understand the sudden change when he tells all of our friends how happy and excited he is about the baby. All in all this has been awful, not the beautiful miracle I'd heard it should be.....any advice would be welcome, I really just want this to be a happy memory not a bad one!
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Old 09-20-2005, 02:40 PM
 
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Welcome, Marchmommy! And congratulations on your pregnancy--sounds like it has been a tough one so far, but you will get through it. And you've got lots of support here to lean on when you need it!

First off, the abbreviations. You can find everything you need HERE: http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=2080

Secondly, the constant illness of early pregnancy . . . I feel your pain, mama! I am just starting week 13 today, and have been throwing up constantly for over a month. People keep asking me if I am starting to show yet, and I have to tell them that not only am I not gaining weight, I haven't even started gaining back the weight I've LOST since becoming pregnant! Don't worry--your baby will take what it needs from your body's stores. (Note: if you are getting dehydrated--your urine is dark and in small quantities, your skin is dry--or if you are feeling dizzy, talk to your midwife/doctor.)

As far as the cystic fibrosis gene goes, that must be a scary thing to deal with. It is tough that your partner doesn't have the insurance to get tested . . . maybe you can check into community health resources in your area and see if there is a sliding-scale clinic he can go to? And as for the abnormal pap smear . . . to you, mama. Here's hoping that no news is good news, and that your mind will be set as ease soon.

I don't really know what to tell you about your boyfriend's behavior; truly, the only one who can explain his reactions adequately would be him. I WILL say that every guy adapts to dramatic change in his own fashion, and perhaps for your guy that means doing some late-night carousing as he comes to terms with the new responsibilities and reduction of freedom that is coming in his future. However, if it is really upsetting you, I would suggest talking to him about it . . . pick a calm, quiet time when you are feeling emotionally steady, and sit him down for a little chat. You have every right to feel supported during this pregnancy and beyond, and hopefully hearing from you that his behavior is upsetting you will enable him to make some positive changes.

Let us know how it goes, and check back often; we're always here to listen/chat!
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Old 09-20-2005, 03:02 PM
 
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Hey Marchmommy!
I can relate to a lot of your post. Morning(all day!) sickness, health insurance woes, etc.
My boyfriend seemed kind of weird & disassociated at first too. It was so scary to feel like he wasn't as invested as me.
Now he & DD are obsessed with each other! They're so close that I feel a little left out when he gets home from work & I'm the odd man out .
I think he just dealt with the changes in his own way. & I'm sure he felt left out at times himself. It's just such a huge adjustment for all involved.Try not to worry too much.
My cousin had CF & yes it's an awful disease but I would think that the chances of your BF being a carrier as well are pretty remote. I didn't know that they screen people for that I'm kinda glad I didn't have that option during my pregnancy. I had plenty of diseases & birth defects to worry about on my own!
Good luck with your journey! This place was such a good resource for me, I'm sure you'll find lots of support here.
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Old 09-20-2005, 03:33 PM
 
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s, mama.

Don't worry about the weight gain or loss. At this point, the baby only weighs a few ounces. You'll gain more weight later when you start retaining fluids (normal!) and the baby starts putting on fat.

About your boyfriend. I think talking to him would be good. Has he come to any of your OB appointments? Sometimes that really helps dads feel involved. I know with our first pregnancy, my husband (abbreviation: dh) didn't feel _anything_ for a while. What helped was hearing the heartbeat at the dr.'s office (10 weeks on), and seeing the ultrasound (19 or 20 weeks is typical) and _especially_ feeling the first big kicks at 24-26 weeks. Once the baby is more real, your boyfriend (abbreviation: bf) might change his tune. Also, he might not know how to help you right now--when you're feeling so sick, it might be difficult for him to know how to be with you, how to spend time with someone that needs so much couch time. ( we all need couch time)

Have you read the Dr. Sears pregancy book? It's a lifesaver for first pregnancies, and it's good about addressing the emotional issues of being pregnant (a distant father, coping with stress, the possibilities of genetic disease). It's a very positive, very factual, very baby-friendly book.

About the CF: Hugs, Hugs, and more Hugs. My sons have a genetic disease, and I know what it's like to worry that something might be "wrong" with the baby you're carrying. Have you tried contacting the leading CF groups in the country? (www.cff.org)....often they have local offices and support groups that can help with the financial burdens of testing, etc. It might take some phone patience, but if you ask for help I'm sure someone is out there to assist you.

Good luck. I hope your talk with your boyfriend goes well.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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Old 09-20-2005, 03:57 PM
 
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Welcome, Hun! Big hugs for your situation - hang out here for lots of support and ideas.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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Old 09-20-2005, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much everyone, I'm kind of a worrier so it's nice to talk to those who have been there-or are there!! You guys are really sweet.
Red oak- no, he has had some excuse for missing both dr. sppointments (during the second one when he claimed to be "working" I found a Best Buy reciept timed the same minute as my ultrasound print out) and even when i had ultrasounds through a research clinic he wasn't around. My ob/gyn has been out on maternity leave and I haven't seen her in 6 weeks. but my next appointment is on Friday, and he has known since the last one. Hopefully he goes-we are scheduled to hear peanut's heartbeat (my goofy nickname since the last ultrasound: that's what it looked like! ) and to find out gender....
birth junky/junebug- it's great to hear that he isn't the only distant guy out there, and better to hear that it ends. I really hope it does, I've seen him with his nieces and nephews he will make an incredible father, I just wish he would go back to being an incredible bf too! He's not the talking type he is very good at it, kinda lawyer-like, making you express everything and then eat your words and apologize to him, so I'm not sure about the talking I guess I'll jst wait it out.

thanks again everybody i'm glad I have people to share this with now, hopefully will make this easier and happier for me
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Old 09-20-2005, 06:39 PM
 
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Sounds more like he *is* the talking type, but not the *listening* type.

ETA (edited to add): you might want to check out the Parents as Partners forum for advice and support as well.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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