If this is not your first, are you having a shower? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 11-10-2005, 04:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My friend was trying to get me to let her read my envelope that has the baby's sex written down on it from the U/S. I told her that I can't anyone knowing if I don't know and I can't know and keep it a secret and that would make DH mad. He didn't want to open it, so we are still having a surprise.

Anyway, she was complaining about how hard it is to buy clothes, stuff for the baby shower and I told her I didn't want a baby shower. I really didn't want one the first time, I hate all the attention, opening stuff in front of people, etc. I gave in because my best friend really wanted to throw me one and then the doctor I worked for's wife wanted to help. I was thankful to get gifts, but it was very hard to be the center of attention, etc.

This time, I would like to have a "Welcome Baby!" party instead, if I have to have something. My friend said she will throw it for me since I won't let her do a baby shower. We decided to have it at a restaurant or something. Then people will know what the baby is, if that bothered them.

Anyone else do that? How old was baby? I was thinking maybe after 2 weeks? It should be a nice small gathering as I don't have that many friends anyway.

We don't need any big stuff (except a car seat) and that wouldn't matter anyway, I didn't register for big stuff because I had no family coming or even here, and would never expect a friend to buy something like that.

So, second or more time mamas, what are your plans??
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#2 of 11 Old 11-10-2005, 04:55 PM
 
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For my second I was given a Mother Blessing. My girlfriends were there and we ate and hung out. I've given a few Mother Blessings before that and after and I like the focus on sisterhood instead of gifting. Often we meet at a restaurant, but we've also done potlucks. We do blessings for mom and babe, make necklaces or baby dreamcatchers, focus on our united bond as women and mothers. Other stuff too. For one of my good girlfriends we got a henna artist to paint her belly and our hands. I'm hoping for that for this time--I really want a big hennaed belly.

I like the idea of a "Welcome baby" party. Then everyone gets to meet the babe. Plus girlfriends can have mom there and figure out what she needs done since she's got the experience of being post baby--more food, a shopping trip, laundry, pp doula, bfing help, etc.
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#3 of 11 Old 11-10-2005, 04:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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that sounds nice, but my friends are so not like me. i can't see them doing that. they are great friends, but i am very different.
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#4 of 11 Old 11-10-2005, 10:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Nurse
that sounds nice, but my friends are so not like me. i can't see them doing that. they are great friends, but i am very different.

Yeah, same here. I have two sets of friends--the ones I've had since high school who are totally opposite from me in every conceivable way, and the ones I have more in common with now. The second set is having a Blessing Way for me and I'm looking forward to it immensely! I had such a bad birth experience the first time and am I really want to honor my decisions for the second baby.

I just went to a Blessing Way for a close friend this past weekend. It was wonderful. A woman hennaed the mama's belly and then everyone else's hands, we offered beads to the mama and made her a necklace and bracelet to wear for the remainder of the pregnancy and the birth, ate yummy food, drank wine (just a sip for me!), and laughed a lot. It was so great!

If you really and truly don't want to have a shower this time around, don't feel like you have to to satisfy your friends! Respectfully decline. If they really want to do something nice for you, have them organize a food circle for after the baby comes where everyone who would have come to the shower takes turns bringing a nutritious meal for you and your family. You'll need that so much more than another stuffed animal or cute onesie!
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#5 of 11 Old 11-10-2005, 10:49 PM
 
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Mama Nurse,
I TOTALLY hear you, I feel really silly opening gifts in front of people also!! I dunno if I am having a shower yet or not - will have to see if anyone throws one, LOL!! (This is bebe #4.)
Hehehe...tell your friend to be creative, clothes aren't the only thing the bebe needs!!

~Marie

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#6 of 11 Old 11-11-2005, 03:10 AM
 
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Just a caution on the Welcome Baby idea.

My sis did that with her first. She had a group of friends meet the baby. He was passed around the room at 18 days old. He ended up in the hospital extremely sick 3 days later. We can obviously never be sure where he ended up with the virus, but best guess is the party.

You can still probably do it safely, but I'd certainly make sure everyone present was healthy and washed their hands before touching babe.
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#7 of 11 Old 11-11-2005, 05:41 AM
 
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I have 2nd time mom friends who've had both blessingways and Welcome Baby parties, and the blessingways seem like the most fun for the moms, but both have worked well. I had two of my showers after my first son arrived and it worked really well for us (his gender was a surprise, too), but I understand the desire to avoid the shower situation.

I'll probably throw a welcome baby party this time around--my blessingway-type friends aren't close enough to offer to throw one for me. Actually, we'll probably host a lunch or something when the baby is baptised around the 3 week old mark and invite everybody to that.

Mama to Peter (3/8/04), Leo (3/12/06), Timothy (7/24/10), and boy #4 due on the summer solstice 2014
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#8 of 11 Old 11-11-2005, 03:31 PM
 
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I think I'll be declining this time. If my friends were closer geographically, I'd definitely say yes, but it's only dh's family around me and (this is horrible...) last time the shower was kinda lame/uncomfortable. I mean, it was nothing but kindness of them to throw one, but it's weird going to a shower where half the guests are uncles/cousins of your dh that HE hardly knows, much less me.

I do think small, intimate showers are great for non first-timers. I threw one for my SIL earlier this year, and she loved it-- We took her to her favorite sushi restaurant, had a private room with a sunken table, and it was just her closest friend, her MIL, and her SILs (also friends). Each setting at the table had a pretty plate with baby clothes "sushi", and the center of the table was filled with SILs favorite lilies....she got gifts and got to take the ceramicware and "sushi" home.

The funny thing is that, even though she *really* wanted the sunken table room, she had such a hard time getting up and down from it! We were all doubled-over laughing!

My own opinion about Welcome Baby parties...I'd be too paranoid about winter viruses to have one. Anyone with kids would know to stay away if they have a cold/virus, but some folks without kids are so oblivious to the fact that there's going to be a newborn in the room. When my babes were born, we had to turn a couple ill visitors away at the door. For some reason they thought "oh, it's just a cold--no big deal. I don't want to miss the party!" : I think if you have one, it would be vital to be very firm about illness instructions, and definately have everyone march straight to the bathroom to wash their hands!

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#9 of 11 Old 11-11-2005, 04:45 PM
 
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I'm having a shower. As a matter of fact I have three people wanting to throw me one. I've made it clear that I'm only attending ONE shower, so they will have to figure it out.

This is my second, but I have nothing from DD (I was done, but then got divorced and remarried) and this is a boy, so even if I did have things left from DD, I wouldn't be able to use alot of it.

My family is SO huge, basically if you don't have a shower, that baby doesn't exist or get celebrated. If I chose not to have a shower, I would probably get guilted into it, so I figure I'd better go along with it from the start. Plus I'm a Leo! I don't mind being the center of attention

Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!
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#10 of 11 Old 11-12-2005, 01:43 AM
 
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I don't think most people in my area have showers for subsequent children, unless there's a big gap in ages, or if it's the first child of a new marriage. It didn't occur to me that I'd have a shower this time around.

BUT, I'm really thinking about hinting to a friend about having a blessingway combined with a casserole party. The only things everyone brings is a blessing for the baby and mom, and a casserole I can freeze for when the baby gets here!

Melissa crochetsmilie.gif, wife to Tom geek.gif, mom to The Baron modifiedartist.gif, the Bean superhero.gif, Little Bear diaper.gif, and Baby Beaver babyboy.gif
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#11 of 11 Old 11-12-2005, 01:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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cool idea honeybee!!
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