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#1 of 22 Old 12-14-2005, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How are you handling sleeping arrangements with a new baby coming? Or, if this is your first, what kind of arrangements are you planning?

We just recently made changes. All 3 of us (dh, ds, and I) were sleeping on full-size and twin mattresses pushed together on the floor. We just bought a king-size bed and put it up on its frame. Then we put the twin mattress and box-spring on the floor next to the bed for ds. I'm sleeping on the side next to the twin. We're also going to set up a twin for ds in his room (as soon as the mattress we got from MIL airs out and stops smelling like cigarettes), with special new bedding. But, I doubt he's going to want to actually sleep there for a while!

So far our new arrangement is working out really well. I nurse ds to sleep as usual on his twin, and then move to the big bed. If ds wakes up at night, I'll lay down with him to help him back to sleep. Ds really seems to like having his "own" bed. One night I sleepily tried to get him to climb up into the big bed with me when he woke up, and he refused, saying "Mommy here!" and pointing to his bed.

I was dreading night weaning, but he slept through the night 2 nights running, so I'm hopeful. Last night he was up several times, though.

I'm just curious how everyone else negotiates sleeping arrangements!

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#2 of 22 Old 12-14-2005, 10:28 PM
 
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I'm glad you posted, because I had this question too. We just planned to put the mattress on the floor, and sleep down there with the baby. Is that totally weird? I think people are confused as to why I'm not buying a crib and bunch of baby room furniture (but to tell you the truth...if I told people half the things I'm going to do, they'd just try to talk me out of it, so I keep it to myself).
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#3 of 22 Old 12-14-2005, 10:36 PM
 
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We have a king size bed and a twin. The twin is against the wall on the long side, and the other wall on the short side... our king has its head-end up against the other long side of the twin, so it boxes him in on three sides. Our bed is also higher by about 12 cm, but his bed is not on the floor. This is working out great as DS is a flip-flopper who has night talkings and sleep crawls into the walls, heh. If we were to move into a bigger place where he could have his own room (well actually boys will share a bedroom and girls will share a bedroom and then they would have a playroom for when they are awake as I believe bedrooms are for sleeping only), then we would try to have a bed in there for him to move into whenever he felt ready.

We used to have the beds lined up all lengthwise, but this is much better now. WIth the new baby, she will probably sleep in between us for the first month and then I don't know. We may try the Amby Bed. ( http://www.ambybaby.com/ ) But really, it's all up to her and how she sleeps. My son was a "I have to feel your skin mama to sleep" kind of boy and woke up to night nurse every 2-4 hours until he was 17ish months old. So if she is different and likes to sleep through the night at 6 weeks or whatever (through the night being 4-6 hours in a row to me ) then I will not complain, ever. Tee hee. But I doubt it, considering how she seems to already wake every 2 hours in utero.

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#4 of 22 Old 12-14-2005, 10:59 PM
 
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We have a bassinet thingy that pushes up right next to our bed, and is about the same height as our bed. She's going to sleep in that, pushed up next to my side of the bed, so she's within my reach at all times, but I don't have to forgo my own grown-up fluffy bedding, or share my actual mattress space with some other bed hog who got half her bed-hogging genes from my dear DH. : I'll pull her over into our bed to nurse. Haven't really got a plan for when she outgrows the bassinet thingy. Maybe invest in a co-sleeper, maybe put her in our bed, maybe who knows. I think we will just have to see how it goes and be open to her needs and ours.
But we still have a sort-of nursery, even though she isn't going to be sleeping in it at night. And it has a crib in it, partially because my MIL gave us one, and partially because I feel like it will be good for naps because our bedroom always seems to be the wrong temperature, and hers is better (I'm going to pretend she won't mind the cold/hot when we're there with her at night). Her room is also our guest room, though, and has a full-size bed in it that holds guests when we have them. But the closet is all hers, and her toys and things will be in there. I love to go in there now and look through the closet and play with the tiny little gowns and things people have given us! And my mom just painted the walls this lovely shade of green that is so cheery and happy!

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#5 of 22 Old 12-14-2005, 11:41 PM
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I just posted a new thread about this in the Family Bed forum, though I haven't been over yet to check whether anyone's responded.

We have two queen futons pushed together on the floor. Meg has one, and DH has one. I float. Until last week, I'd put Meg to sleep absolutely every time she went to sleep (except in the car). Now, DH is taking my place beside her, and I'm lying down with them in the ajoining futon. She hates it, and complains bitterly. I'm really torn about what to do.

Our ideal for when the baby comes is to have Meg and DH together in one, and the baby and me together in the other. If DH wants to sneak in next to the baby, or Meg sneaks in next to me, or whatever, that will be fine, but I want everyone to feel comfortable in the first arrangement, in case that's what we need. It's safest and most convenient, I think.

Anybody else dealing with transitioning a reluctant, soon-to-be elder sibling?

warmly,
Kam

HappyLeigh, I remember drying tiny clothes and diapers on the line when I was pregnant with Meg. What a lovely feeling it was to anticipate her arrival!! That first birth is so special.
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#6 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 12:51 AM
 
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We still co-sleep with our 3 year old dd. We bought a king sized bed a few months ago, hoping for more room for when the baby comes, but it seems that Kylie just takes up more room in a bigger bed! The saying "give her an inch and she'll take a mile" certainly pertains to our sleeping situation at this moment. I'm not quite sure what we'll do when the new baby comes.

We didn't start co-sleeping with Kylie until she was about 8 months old. She was always in our room, just not in our bed. We both love (about 99% of the time) having her in bed and don't really have a desire to move her. We've tried having a mattress on our floor for her or a nest in our room but she always ends up in our bed at some point. The problem with having her own space is that when she wakes and wants to be with us, it takes her quite a while to fall back asleep. We actually get more uninterrupted sleep but just keeping her in our bed.

I have a bassinet that I'm going to set up for the baby in case she decides she likes her own space. We're also planning on getting some bed rails so that we can all be in bed at once if we like with me and dh separating the kids. I'm REALLY trying not to stress out about it before the baby's here. I do think about it but there's really nothing I can do until she's here and lets us know her preference for sleeping arrangements. She'll be in our room no matter what. And we certainly won't be setting up the crib before she gets here.

Sweet dreams!
Jill
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#7 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 01:10 AM
 
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We have a full size mattress on the floor and a crib mattress next to it. Gabriel (3) is supposed to sleep on the crib mattress and Uriah (1) in the bed with DH and I, but we usually end up all squeezed on the full size. Good thing we're small people lol - 4'10" and 5'6". But since I am getting bigger and it's harder to sleep lately I end up curled up on the crib mattress, it's a lot more comfortable for me actually since I've been hotter that normal. I've asked DH what he wanted to do when the baby is born and he's volunteered to sleep on the couch, it is a really comfortable couch, but for some reason I don't like the idea. Maybe just that leaving seemed too easy of a decision for him to make? But not too many choices since we don't have $ for a new mattress.

Alicia + James = Gabriel (9), Uriah (7), Ayla (5), Noah (3), Azriel (1), and due Oct. 2011

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#8 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 01:46 AM
 
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Dh just started taking over my spot in bed beside dd. we have had her crib set up against our bed since she was 6 months. Before that she had a craddle right beside me which she didn't actually use that much because of the fact she was attached to my breasts all night! I got real good at sleeping and nursing at the same time...you kind of just find each other and there you are.( I love those memories).
Now we are preparing for baby in Jan. so we are doing a little rearanging. I get the other side of the bed now so 1. it's easier for me to get out to go to the bathroom in the night and 2. dd gets used to daddy attending to her in the night. It seems to be working well...she even sleeps better. Sometimes if I've had a long day and am not feeling well dd and dh will sleep in her bedroom(yes she has a bedroom but doesn't sleep there,) and leave me to a night with only my bladder and uterus to wake me up! Boy is that ever nice!
When baby comes he'll sleep right beside me or on me and I'll also have a craddle beside my bed for those moments when I must put him down. See.. I have it all worked out which usually means something wonky will happen to screw it all up...like dd will want to start nursing again

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#9 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 02:39 AM
 
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We have a queen size bed that we used to all fit in (and we are NOT small people by any means.) Now honestly DH sleeps on the couch with one baby and I sleep in the bed with the other b/c bedsharing is painful for me atm with my big baby belly and all. My 3yo has a 'bed' on the floor that is the mattress from the baby cradle we have that he'll start the night on. I wish we could afford a bigger bed b/c neither of the boys are ready for their very own bed yet ( or even to share yet) and with the new babe coming it's very crowded.
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#10 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 04:22 AM
 
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We feel pretty well set-up for co-sleeping; we have a California King mattress, so we should have plenty of room (at least while there is only one baby in the bed with us!). We are planning to acquire the Humanity Family Bed to place on my side of the bed, so that we can sleep baby-me-DH with a bolster on the edge of the bed so baby can't roll too far.
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#11 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 09:58 AM
 
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We did the mattresses together thing for awhile with DD. We gradually moved her into a bed in her own room and she loves it! She still crawls into bed with us in the morning, which is great cause we kinda miss her. (but not her bed hogging ways! lol) The new baby will be in a co-sleeper attatched to our bed. Once she outgrows that she'll prolly be in bed with us till she is ready for her own space.
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#12 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 10:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, it figures that as soon as I start a post about our wonderful new bed arrangement, things go kaplooey that very night, lol! Ds is sleeping great in his new bed once he falls asleep.... BUT it is taking FOREVER for him to fall asleep at night. I thought this would be a temporary thing, but after last night I'm not so sure.

I spent an hour nursing ds, and by the end of it he was more awake than he was when we started! I was so uncomfortable, tired, and frustrated. I finally told him he'd had milk for an hour, and I was done. I was going to sleep on my bed, and he could stay on his bed and fall asleep when he was ready.

This went over so welll... not. Although he'd only been marginally interested in nursing before, popping on and off, trying to play with his dinosaur, etc., as soon as I moved up to the big bed, he decided he really did want to settle down and have milk after all. Dh came up to help lay down with ds, and ds went balistic, screaming and crying. It started out as kind of a tantrum, but then he'd worked himself up and was really miserable. When he gets that worked up, he usually needs to nurse to help him bring everything back together.

I held out for a while, but then when I finally leaned over to hold his hand and help dh comfort him, he looked me in the eye and sobbed "mommy, mi-ilk!" so pitifully that I had to go back to nursing him again. It probably took another 45 min. to get him to sleep.

I need a plan for the next time he decides to fight going to sleep, but I'm not sure what it should entail. I don't mind continuing to nurse him to sleep (for the most part he sleeps through till morning once he's asleep), but I can't take nursing him for that long. Maybe I'll just have to leave him with dh after a certain point and go somewhere I can't hear him. I hate the idea, but I certainly won't be able to spend over an hour nursing him to sleep once the baby gets here. But, I also don't really want him crying himself to sleep, even if it is in dh's arms. Anyone have any suggestions?

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#13 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 12:18 PM
 
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Dp & I & my big belly share sleep with our two Dd's, ages almost 6 & almost 3 in a queen bed! We *just* got a full sized mattress last night to put next to the queen, phew! Poor daddy was hanging off of the edge. Dd2 still nurses at night & in the AM. I'm thinking of trying to get the girls to sleep in the full & Dp, the baby & I will have the queen - of course it will really just be one enormous bed & I will just float back & forth. My only concern is when Dd2 & the new baby want to nurse at the same time at the crack of dawn.

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#14 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 01:45 PM
 
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I think it is just transition time and he is unsure of what to expect now. That happened wtih my DS with this new bed thing. Now after 2.5 weeks, he usually just falls right asleep.. unless we were a bit late and scattered with starting the bed routine to get him in the mindset of time for bed.

I'd say, try to just do the same thing for the next 2 weeks and let him adjust to the new bed and everything before you start doing new things to get this to work. Takes time but he will get there, especially after doing it so well the first night!

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#15 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 02:45 PM
 
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I'm AMAZED by all this co-sleeping stuff? I feel like it's just ME on here who is an advocate of having a clear seperation between mommy's bed and child's bed. My daughter refuses to sleep in our bed because she like's her "big girl" bed. She is almost 3 and has never ONCE slept in our bed with us. Is there anyone else out there like this? Don't get me wrong, if you choose to sleep with your kids that's fine but I just don't get it? Are you trying to feel closer to them or something? If they sleep in their own bed are they not developing in the same manner as a child? Hum....
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#16 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 03:15 PM
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Hi Smilyllc,

You'll get lots of detailed and well-researched information about the benefits of cosleeping on the Family Bed and Nighttime Parenting board here at MDC. If you have risk factors (obesity, drug-use, smoking, sleep disorders, etc.), it may not be the best thing for you, however.

I think this thread was meant as a souce of support and information for those who do find it useful, or even essential. Probably not the best place for a debate about its merits. You could try a separate-sleeping advocacy thread and see how it goes, though!

warmly,
Kam, mamamama! to Meg
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#17 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 07:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybee
I held out for a while, but then when I finally leaned over to hold his hand and help dh comfort him, he looked me in the eye and sobbed "mommy, mi-ilk!" so pitifully that I had to go back to nursing him again. It probably took another 45 min. to get him to sleep.

I need a plan for the next time he decides to fight going to sleep, but I'm not sure what it should entail. I don't mind continuing to nurse him to sleep (for the most part he sleeps through till morning once he's asleep), but I can't take nursing him for that long. Maybe I'll just have to leave him with dh after a certain point and go somewhere I can't hear him. I hate the idea, but I certainly won't be able to spend over an hour nursing him to sleep once the baby gets here. But, I also don't really want him crying himself to sleep, even if it is in dh's arms. Anyone have any suggestions?
I've been there!! Its so frustrating and hard. Big hugs to you momma.

What I did was let her nurse for a while, then I told her that "milk was empty" and gently unlatched her. In the beginning I tried to wait till I knew she was falling asleep and just suckling for comfort before I unlatched. I'm not going to kid you, it was a HUGE battle right from day one. I just stayed consistant and gradually reduced the amount of time I nursed her at night before I told her the milk was empty. I figured that at 26 months she was capable of understanding that I was there, and loved her, and was happy to cuddle, but no milk. I would hold out as long as I could. Then if I needed to I would nurse her a bit again after she calmed down. But I tried to never give in when she was hysterical. I just talked in a soothing voice and tried to cuddle her if I could.

She screamed everytime, if she is particularly sensitive she will still scream about it now. But she settles right back down. And the sad, sobbing "but I need it momma, miiiiiiilllllk" Is heartwrenching. DD will even try to bargain her way into having more milk. hehe "Just one momma?" she'll ask in the sweetest voice, followed by a "pleeeeeease". *sigh*

It took a couple of months. But she is now fallling asleep quicker, and will even let (and ask for!) DH to settle her in for the night. She very often has to double check though and ask him "you don't have any milk, right daddy?"

I'm hopeful that sometime before she goes to college she will go to bed without anything but her bedtime routine and a goodnight kiss.

Stay strong momma! it really does get easier.
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#18 of 22 Old 12-19-2005, 12:35 PM
 
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We have a queen, and a twin in our room, but not together. The boys (4 and 6) have a full in thier room. All on the floor. I slept so much better when we moved our mattresses to the floor years ago! They usually start in thier room and about half of the time one or both of them is on the twin in our room before morning, but they rarely wake me up anymore (and this from two boys who both nursed at night well past 3 years).

The baby will sleep with us- we don't have (and don't want) anywhere else for the little one, but if we need some where there are always laundry baskets

I am also planning on putting both of the twin mattresses we have next to our bed that first month or so, so we can all sleep together if the boys want to. I wonder if I am a little strange for planning on ways we can sleep together more after the baby not less.
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#19 of 22 Old 12-19-2005, 04:26 PM
 
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Hey Ladies,

I have to ask and if it's inappropriate, then remove the question, I won't be offended. I'm sure you know the question.

I've been co-sleeping with my daughter since she was one month old, she just turned 4 two weeks ago. I didn't get married and move in with my husband until this past August. Until then, it was just me and her. So, now that I'm married, I can't figure out how to have any intimacy with my husband. For the most part, my daughter is fine sleeping on the floor next to our bed. But still, there are some questions:

1. When do you break the co-sleeping? With everything else so far, I've done it based on when she seems ready and she's not ready so I'm not pushing her out. I think too she needs time to adjust to having a "daddy" and living in a new home. My husband and I have been together since she was 3 months old and he loves her like any other daddy I've ever seen and is not wanting to push her to her own bed either. But, are there steps we should we be taking?

2. If we're co-sleeping, how do we have time/energy for intimacy? Even with her on the floor, doing anything "naughty" seems inappropriate with her in the room.
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#20 of 22 Old 12-19-2005, 07:25 PM
 
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Probably get more answers asking this on the Family Bed and night time parenting board.

As for intimacy, that's what guest beds, couches, chairs, kitchen tables, floors, etc are there for..

Mum to DS (8yrs), DD (6yrs), and DS(3.5yrs). kid.gif

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#21 of 22 Old 12-19-2005, 07:33 PM
 
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We've been know to institute "movie nights" and allow the littles to sleep in the LR for the night and we sneak away once they're asleep. Or we just go elsewhere.

I thihk the appropriate time to end cosleeping is when it becomes an issue for one or all parties. We are just now transitioning DS 3 into his own space but it's for space issues. We are huge cosleeping advocates here but it can cause resentment if the arrangement causes issues. For this reason, we did not cosleep with DS #2 when he was a baby b/c he did not sleep well in a family bed. He slept in his own space in our room. Now he wants to cosleep and we do but when it wasn't working, we didn't.
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#22 of 22 Old 12-21-2005, 02:48 AM
 
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we have a king size and DD cosleeps still. she sleeps in between DH and i. i have an armsreach cosleeper from when she was a newborn and i am planning on using it again for awhile until babe is big enough to deal with sleeping next to a 3 year old! or i might just have the babe sleep on the co-sleeper side and leave it there to hold my water, cloth dipes, etc, like i did with DD.

DD has her own bed in her room, but she isn't ready yet and that is fine with us. we might be buying a house before our due date and then i guess we could push the bed up against the wall or get a twin to put next to it. who knows.
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